


Gregor's Game

by sglottalk



Series: Division [1]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book: The Vor Game, Gen, Hegen War, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 56
Words: 93,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6344524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sglottalk/pseuds/sglottalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ensign Miles Vorkosigan has successfully transferred to the <i>Prince Serg</i>!</p><p>Alas, ImpSec cannot find Emperor Gregor! Meanwhile, 'Greg Bleakman' is a contract-slave on his way to Aslund Station.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Been a Long Time, Elena

Ensign Miles Vorkosigan was currently an assistant of Captain Saretzky of Service Security, who specialized in electronic security for spaceships. Miles figured out on the first day that Saretzky was an expert.

"Why hasn't ImpSec hired you?" Miles had asked him on the second day.

"ImpSec did offer me a position - in Cockroach Central," Saretzky replied. "I prefer working on ships."

Every day, Miles was learning an incredible amount about shipboard security systems as he helped prepare the _Price Serg_ for its shakedown cruise.

He was on the _Prince Serg_ , the finest ship in Barrayar's fleet, yes yes yes! And he would be going with the ship, wherever it went, as long as he had this position.

Miles had had some trouble during his time on Kyril Island, and life on Lazkowski Base became even more chaotic after the commander, General Stanis Metzov, had died of alcohol poisoning. But Miles had managed to keep his nose clean enough, and Major Cecil had kept his promise.

 _Getting this posting was worth six months on Camp Permafrost_ , Miles thought to himself.

***

Lieutenant Oliver Jole had been waiting outside when Prime Minister Aral Vorkosigan left his top-secret meeting with Captain Simon Illyan.

Oliver had never, ever seen Aral in such a state of shock.

Aral said nothing as he tightly embraced Oliver. Oliver held him firmly in turn. They stood like that for a long time.

"Gregor is missing," Aral finally said. "I must tell Cordelia."

***

_Approximately a week later_.

Gregor was a contract-slave on a ship bound for Aslund. _One of the reports I read not too long ago said something significant about Aslund. What was it?_

As the 'something significant' about Aslund eluded him, Gregor's mind went back to what he had been thinking about again and again and again ever since that shocking revelation on Komarr: his father had not been a hero, but a monster. Simon and Aral and _Cordelia_ had known, yet never told him the truth. His father had been a monster. Did his father's evil come from the same genes as Yuri's madness? His father had been a monster. Were those genes in him? His father had been a monster. Those fantasies he had - were they signs that he was really just like his father? His father had been a monster.

Hearing his bunkmates aboard the ship discuss Aslund finally got Gregor to momentarily snap out of it, and think again about what he remembered about the planet. There had been reports about the rising military tensions in the Hegen Hub, and that Aslund was building a new station, but Gregor felt that there was something else important that was slipping his mind. It was something about the way the Aslunders were improving their defences ... they hired some mercenaries ...

Of course. How had Gregor forgotten? Aslund had hired a group of mercenaries related to the one Miles had dealt with four years ago. Or were they the same mercenaries? Gregor did not remember for sure.

But he was sure that Elena Bothari was still working as a mercenary - he would have remembered if ImpSec had reported otherwise. Was she working with these mercenaries? Might she be on Aslund Station?

Boy did he want to see Elena again. She was his foster-sister, Gregor was sure she had never deceived him, and she had escaped Barrayar herself. If he could talk about his father with anyone, it was with her. And, deep down, Gregor knew that he needed to talk to _somebody_ about his father.

Yes, if possible, he would try to make contact with Elena at Aslund Station.

***

"One of my men met this contract-slave who has a message for you," Sergeant Chodak said. "The message is that he wants you to remember the time a tank crashed into a stone barn, a boy defended his lord from the enemy with a sword, and that when the lord lowered the sword, the game was over."

Elena Bothari-Jesek knew immediately that this was a reference to the time that Miles, Ivan, Gregor, and herself had played "Dendarii and Cetagandans" as children with a tank they had found.

 _It's Miles_ , Elena thought. _He's returned to us at last!_

It was not at all too soon. Elena did not know how much longer they could hold out before Oser's grip on the fleet became absolute and complete. But if anyone could turn things around, it was Miles.

Elena worked out with Sergeant Chodak how she was going to get a private meeting with 'Greg Bleakman'.

***

Elena entered the cubicle of 'Bleakman, G.' and her jaw dropped.

It was not Miles who was here.

"Hello," Gregor said. "It's been a long time, Elena."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reference to the fic ["Dendarii and Cetagandans"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/855008) in this chapter.


	2. You Feel It Too

Elena could not believe it. It should not be possible for Emperor Gregor to appear here, unannounced and, apparently, alone. It should not be possible for him to be here, _period_. Yet she had no doubt that it was him. Her gut told her this was the real Gregor Vorbarra.

She immediately did a sweep for listening bugs, which, due to the small space, went quickly. Nobody really cared what the contract-slaves said in their private cubicles, but it was a habit for her to always check in an unfamiliar space. _What have I become in these past two years?_ she thought.

She was too stunned to ask important questions such as 'What the hell are you doing here?' so she asked a trivial question instead.

"Why are you speaking in that funny way?"

"I'm trying to speak with a Betan accent."

"Nobody who listens to you will think you're from Beta Colony."

"So being raised by a Betan woman is not enough to acquire a Betan accent," Gregor remarked. "Hmmmm."

"I can't get the Betan accent right either," Elena said. "Bel laughed at me when I tried. I'm not even sure Miles was able to do it properly before he spent that year on Beta Colony."

"Good point," Gregor replied. "Does it at least mask my Barrayaran accent?"

"Maybe. Have you managed to fool anyone into thinking that you're _not_ from Barrayar?"

"I think I did. But maybe they just weren't familiar with the High Vor accent."

Elena was starting to overcome her shock enough for her good sense to return. "Who are 'they'?" she pointedly asked.

Gregor told Elena about how he got from a balcony on Komarr to Aslund Station.

Elena took in a very deep breath. "I've never envied your position as emperor. And I understand wanting to leave Barrayar very, very well. But I think there is more to it than that. What aren't you telling me?"

"On Komarr, I..." Gregor went silent for a moment. "I found out what kind of man my father was. For real."

Elena's heart sank.

Gregor's eyes widened. "You knew," he said.

"Not before Tau Verde," she replied.

"Miles?" he asked.

"I think he knew before I did."

"Him too? He's known for at least _four years_ , and he never said a word..."

Elena had never really thought about just exactly how much Gregor knew about his father. But she recognized the feelings he was experiencing now. The horror. The betrayal. It was what she had felt four years ago.

"It was my mother who told me," Elena said.

"Your mother is dead," Gregor said. "Isn't she?"

"She is alive on Escobar. She volunteered for the Escobaran military. She was a prisoner of war. One of your father's prisoners."

Gregor looked at her in a way he had never looked at her before.

"Your m-mother..." he stammered, unable to keep his voice steady. "You-you are my _s-s-sister_..."

It took Elena a second to realize that he meant _biological_ sister. "No!" she cried. "You can see it in my face, in my body, that I am a Bothari." 

She could not bring herself to say the words 'Sergeant Bothari was my father'. 

"He was one of your father's ... servants. He helped your father ... torture victims. They all lied to me, I lied to myself, but the truth found me. This is how I was made, how I came to be. He did all that to her, and then, at Tau Verde, she killed him. They are both in me. I am them. The rapist and the murderess." Tears which she had been unable to shed four years before were coming out of her eyes now.

"You too," Gregor said. "You feel it too, in your flesh, in your being."

"I'm a mercenary. I kill people for money. I am their daughter."

"Your parents were victims. Both of them. Victims and monsters. Lesser monsters. My father was the greater monster ... I am here before you, his son."

They fell silent for a few long, long moments. Words would not have helped, nor were they necessary.

"We left Barrayar," Elena observed. She had finally stopped crying. "I have to ask..."

"... about what will happen to the Imperium without its emperor," Gregor finished.

Elena nodded.

"I'm a fake. I don't really help anybody," Gregor said. "The Prime Minister will think of something," he squeaked in a small voice. He did not sound convinced.

"So what now?" Elena asked.

"I don't know."

"I could find a position for you in our fleet..."

"You're not going to tell me to go back?" Gregor asked, incredulous.

"I, of all people, cannot tell you to return to Barrayar," Elena replied.

"ImpSec will find me sooner or later," Gregor said. "I'm surprised they haven't caught up with me yet."

"If they haven't found you yet, we might be able to keep them from finding you for a long time," Elena said. "And if they don't find you, and a civil war breaks out, the demand for mercenary forces might increase. It could be good for our bottom line. And if that happened we could really use some new recruits, especially recruits who have trained in a proper military academy. Recruits like yourself."

"Causing others to suffer and die for our own selfish benefit," Gregor said. "Just like our fathers."

"We have family traditions to uphold," Elena quipped.

They both laughed. The alternative was screaming.

Eventually, their laughter died back down into a dark, dark silence.

"So you know what's going on with me," Gregor said. "What about you? How are you doing?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish that Elena and Gregor talked about this together in canon...


	3. What Can I Do for You Now?

Elena finished explaining to Gregor how Oser had taken back control over the Dendarii Mercenaries.

"I read a little bit about all this in ImpSec's reports but ... I didn't know it was this bad," Gregor said. "I should have asked a lot more questions. I should have made Illyan tell me all about what was happening with you. I should have made Illyan treat you like members of Our service, which is exactly what you are. I am so sorry."

Elena did not say anything to that. That silence told Gregor volumes about how deeply betrayed she felt.

"The reports say a lot about rising tensions in the Hegen Hub," Gregor commented.

"You probably know what is going on in Pol better than we do," Elena said.

"I don't I know anything of strategic importance about Pol that isn't already obvious," Gregor replied. "Though my information is a little out of date."

"That in itself is a useful bit of intelligence," Elena replied. "What about Vervain?"

"We know less about Vervain," Gregor said. "I think they also hired a band of mercenaries."

"They did," Elena confirmed. "They are called Randall's Rangers. Do you happen to know anything about their new second-in-command?"

"No."

"Hmmmm. Their new second-in-command had been an officer in a formal planetary military until recently. He had been good enough to catch the attention of Ky Tung, who has been following his career for a while. Ky is nervous about ending up on the other side of a war from him."

"And you say that Ky is a brilliant military strategist?"

"Oh yes."

"Then we should be nervous as well," Gregor said. He shook his head. "What can I do for you now?"

"Do you want an honest answer?" Elena asked.

Gregor could see where this was going. "Yes."

"First, you would have to go back to Barrayar and be emperor again."

Gregor sighed. _Gregor_ was not much good for anything. Anything good he could do, he could only do due to the _random chance_ which had caused him to inherit the powers of an emperor.

"Then, you could send Miles back to us."

 _Of course_. Miles was a smarter and much better leader than Gregor. That's why Elena wanted _him_ , not Gregor.

"I'm not saying this because I think Miles is smarter or a better leader than you..." Elena said.

 _There is no point in you trying to protect my feelings like that_ , Gregor thought. _I know I'm not as good as Miles_.

"... but as far as the Dendarii are concerned, you are nobody."

 _That's why I left_ , Gregor thought. _I want to be nobody. Being nobody feels fantastic. I don't want to go back._

"But for them, Admiral Naismith is a legend," Elena said. "I have only been able to hold on to as much power as I have because his legendary reputation has rubbed off on me. He is exactly the kind of symbol we need to bring the fleet back together. It's like the way you are a symbol who unites Barrayar."

This reminded Gregor of all of the lectures he had received from Aral about What It Means to Be Emperor. _But Aral Vorkosigan is the real thing. Miles is the real thing. I am..._

"Are you sure that this is the best way?" Gregor timidly asked.

"Can you think of a better way to bring Miles back?" Elena countered.

 _Maybe I could find a way to unite the Dendarii without Miles..._ no, Gregor quashed that foolish, foolish thought. He _wished_ he was as competent as Miles, but he knew he was not. He had fallen for Count Vordrozda's flattery; he dared not fall for anyone's flattery again, least of all flattery from himself.

"Anything else I can do?" Gregor asked.

"It would be nice if you could prevent an interplanetary war from breaking out in the Hegen Hub," Elena replied. "I hope that we can fulfil our contract with Aslund without having to fight anyone. Especially Randall's Rangers. And I would like to point out that the emperor of Barrayar can do a lot more to stop an interplanetary war than Greg Bleakman."

 _You don't need to rub it in that I'm useless aside from the accident of my birth_ , Gregor thought. "I think the Prime Minister can stop that kind of war that better than I can."

"Then make the Prime Minister stop it."

Gregor sucked in his breath. "Alright, I'll go back. I suppose I should just go to the Barrayaran Consul..."

"Actually, that might not be the best way to do it," Elena said. "The consul here is just an outpost of the Barrayaran embassy on Pol. I think they only have two people on their staff. They definitely do not have their own fast courier, and I'm not sure they could get you out of here before Aslund's government discovers your presence."

"What do you suggest?" Gregor asked.

"Ky has discreet and informal relationships with various independent captain-owners who work in the Hegen Hub. We hire them to secretly transport our own agents during their scheduled freight runs. I think one of them is heading to Pol Six soon. It would be faster than anything the consul could arrange, and you would be much less likely to be detained by Aslund authorities."

Gregor nodded. "Thank you for your assistance."

"I haven't even gotten you out of slavery yet!" Elena said. She checked her chrono. "I need to leave soon. But I will try to get you to Pol Six as quickly and discreetly as possible."

***

Less than 25 hours later (the length of an Aslund day) Gregor found himself with a very attractive-looking young woman, who was going to be his fellow secret passenger during the trip to Pol Six.

"You're Greg, aren't you?" she said. "Elena said that you know Admiral Naismith _personally_."

If Elena had already told her, there was no need for Gregor to hide it. "Yes."

"I am very, very pleased to meet you," she said. "My name's Quinn. Elli Quinn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I re-read _The Vor Game_ , I wonder what Elli Quinn is doing...


	4. C'mon, HURT ME ALREADY!!!

"We're going to break orbit and head for Komarr in twenty hours," Captain Saretzky said.

"Of course we are," Ensign Miles Vorkosigan said as he continued to check the palm locks which were about to be installed. Then he processed what he had just heard. "Wait, what?"

"The official announcement will be made soon."

"We're not scheduled to break orbit for _weeks_!" Miles exclaimed. And he knew just how much work he had to do in those weeks. To try and compress all that into just _twenty hours_...

"We will of course continue to work on the security systems en route," Saretzky said.

"But there are a zillion other things which have to be done by people other than Service Security to make this ship ready for the shakedown cruise! And we're not behind schedule!" Miles knew very well that they were not behind - he was keeping very close track of other ensigns' progress in preparing the ship since many of them were competing to see who could finish doing their part first.

"When the Imperium places demands upon us, we do what we must."

"Why? Why are we breaking orbit so suddenly?" Miles asked.

"You will find out when you hear the official announcement." The corner of Saretzky's mouth went up. "Or maybe your father will explain it to you when he arrives. His shuttle from the surface is due to depart in about two hours."

 _Da is coming in person for the shakedown cruise!_ This thought so thoroughly occupied Miles' mind that he overlooked the fact that Saretzky had just taken a subtle dig at Vor nepotism.

***

Gregor could feel that being in close quarters with Elli Quinn was sexually arousing.

And that freaked him out.

He understood that sexual urges were normal. He had even _had_ sex. A few times. With ImpSec agents.

They had said they were volunteers, they said he was a sweet guy. But they were courtesans who doubled as ImpSec spies. Their profession was to have sex with horrible men for the good of the Imperium. How could he know he was not another one of those horrible men, and that they had not done it simply for the good of the Imperium?

Technically, Elli was also an ImpSec agent, but she did not know that, so it did not count. 

He was very aware that he was not under ImpSec surveillance now. And that, for once, he was with a woman who did _not_ know he was emperor. That made him more excited than he had been before around sexy women.

What was the difference between a normal sexual urge and ... whatever had driven his father?

How did Elena handle this? Oh right, Elena was a woman with a loving husband, she did not inherit _this_ problem from her father...

"Are you okay?" Elli asked.

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you!"

Elli laughed, and then rolled her eyes. "Sitting in this cabin is boring, so please explain to me how you're going to hurt me."

"I might touch you and, ummmm, defile your body..."

"Are all men from your corner of the Nexus like this?" Elli asked. "Actually, I don't know where you're from. You have a really funny accent. I'm tempted to say Barrayaran, but you don't really sound like any of the Barrayarans I know."

 _So much for having a plausibly Betan accent_ , Gregor thought.

"Since you are not explaining how you're going to hurt me, you're going to have to demonstrate. C'mon, HURT ME ALREADY!!!"

Gregor instinctively backed into the corner of the cabin.

"Are you going to hurt me with that?" Elli asked, as she pointed at a currently erect portion of Gregor's anatomy. Gregor blushed. "Nah, don't feel embarrassed. Men react to me that way all the time. I'm used to it."

She leaned back, and started clipping her nails.

Gregor tentatively left the corner. Then Elli suddenly lunged at him, and pinned him to a wall, with a hand at his throat.

"You're not going to hurt me unless I _let_ you to hurt me," Elli said. "So relax."

It occurred to Gregor that, if ImpSec were here, Elli would be stunned and imprisoned immediately. If not worse.

"I think I understand," Gregor said.

"Good," said Elli as she let him go. "So now tell me about Admiral Naismith."

***

They were in such a rush that the official launch ceremony took place on board the _Prince Serg_ after it already left orbit.

A portion of the crew who were not currently occupied with critical duties was standing in an audience chamber. Lieutenant Oliver Jole glanced over the audience, and then he saw _him_.

He had met Aral's son before. And Aral talked a lot about him. Aral had been so happy when Miles had transferred - how could it have slipped from his mind that Miles was _serving on this very ship?_

Oliver knew that Aral did not want to tell Miles about their personal relationship. But when all three of them were on the same ship, and with Miles posted to _Service Security_...

He was thinking about this too much. He and Aral were going to be discreet anyway, and if they could keep their personal relationship unknown to other crew members - including Service Security - they could keep unknown to Miles as well.

***

Gregor told Elli some heavily edited anecdotes about Miles. He did not lie outright, but he did neglect to mention things like _which planet_ these incidents had taken place. Elli could tell he was holding back a lot, and tried to prod him into revealing more. It was an interesting game for both of them.

Elli also told Gregor about various exciting exploits she had had among the mercenaries. A lot of her stories ended with the phrase Q.E.D - 'Quinn Excites Dismay.' She explained how many of her cleverest and most daring gambits had been inspired by trying to think about what Admiral Naismith would do.

Elli had known Miles for just a few months, and that was about four years earlier, yet she was clearly still obsessed with him. It was understandable, considering what he had done for her. She fawned over Miles yet was repulsed by Ivan - which was the opposite of how much young women in Vorbarr Sultana reacted to his two cousins.

Gregor did not know how intimate Elli and Miles really were, or even whether Miles requited her feelings, but there was no way he was going to make a move on Miles' potential lover.

To hear Elli tell it, she was not the only one who worshiped Admiral Naismith. Obviously her perspective was not objective, but Elena had also mentioned the hypnotic effect Miles had had on the mercenaries. At least Miles had earned it. What had Gregor ever done to earn the respect of another human being, let alone to earn being emperor?

Though Elli did not dwell on it, Gregor could also tell that the power struggles within the Dendarii Mercenaries had taken their toll on her. At least he could do something to help her when he returned. He was not just going to send them Miles - he was going to make Simon Illyan treat them with the respect due any of their forces from now on.

Playing emperor to help the people he cared about. It was not ideal, but it might be a way forward.

Speaking of returning, they had just docked at Pol Six. It was time for them to leave the cabin.

As soon as they got out the door, the captain fired the stunner at Elli, then at Gregor.

As the captain looked at their unconscious bodies, he murmured "I have a client who chooses so that all paths lead to victory. And when it comes to certain types of passengers, she chooses so that all paths lead to Vervain."


	5. To Be Alone

Ensign Miles Vorkosigan was busy keying palm locks for the sudden and unexpected influx of crew and personnel.

As he was working, he overheard some gossiping.

"...that Jole fellow is really quite handsome, don't you think?"

"That's how Vorkosigan likes them."

"Do you reckon they are, you know..."

"Why not? Vorkosigan likes boys, a Vorkosigan has the pick of the Imperium, and Vorkosigans don't have to follow the rules. He's not bringing his wife along for this trip, is he? And she is _not_ good-looking. _I_ would rather go to bed with Jole than her, and I don't even swing that way."

Miles had _finally_ learned that the best thing to do was to pretend not to hear such slander if one could plausibly not hear it.

But he was still screaming in his head _How DARE you question my father's honor like that! My father insisted on upgrading the military regulations to crack down on sexual harassment! He was the one who added rules banning sexual relationships between people in the same chain of command! There is no way in hell or double hell that he would break the rules he fought to put in place! There is especially no way he would sexually pursue anyone who is just a prole lieutenant and less than half his own age! And he is utterly devoted to my mother - he would never, ever betray her this way! And he also doesn't even swing that way._

Palm locks. Yes, he should focus on palm locks.

***

_This is bad_ , Miles thought as he looked at his father's face.

Miles had expected that his father would be Prime Minister all of the time, and that he would be Ensign all of the time. But he was very pleased when he father had communicated to him that, when they were both off-duty at the same time, and they were both in his personal quarters, he would be his Da. 

It was obvious that his father was going through some kind of political and personal hell right now.

"Part of me wishes that you were tucked away somewhere safe..." Aral started to say.

 _You have been wishing that for as long as I've been alive_ , Miles thought.

"... but to see you here, to have you with me, it's a relief."

"Da, what is going on? There are rumors that Gregor is sick or that there was an assassination attempt, but that makes no sense since, if that were true, you wouldn't have left Barrayar. It's the Hegen Hub, isn't it?"

"I will not disclose classified information."

"The fact that we are heading to _Pol_ makes it obvious that it's the Hegen Hub. And it's something bad enough to make _us_ freak out even though we aren't even in the hub."

Aral did not deny this.

"There is much which troubles me."

"I think everyone on this ship has figured that one out by now."

"This is not classified but ... I ask that you not share this outside of this cabin," Aral said.

Aral had Miles' full attention.

"There is this man. I reviewed his entire ImpSec file today. He is an excellent military leader."

A comment like that coming from _Aral Vorkosigan_ meant something. "And he's not on our side," Miles said.

"No. He is not. And that alone would be cause for concern. But that is not what disturbs me. It's that ... I see myself in him. And not just that he's a military leader."

Now Miles was intrigued.

"Everything we know about him indicates that he is an honorable man. And he may have been put in a position which ... there was a time, in my career, when I had to choose between what was honorable, and ... I had to..."

Miles was trying to figure out what incident his father was referring to. Was he referring to the aftermath of the Solstice Massacre?

"... anyway, Illyan and I agree that he is probably an agent of the Cetagandans."

"What!" Miles called out.

"If I were in his position ... I might work for the Cetagandans too."

"Even if it meant betraying Barrayar?!"

"He has no reason to serve Barrayar's interests. He has compelling reasons to serve the Cetagandans' interests."

"Fair point," Miles replied. "And he's in the Hegen Hub right now."

Aral did not respond to that.

"It is one thing to fight an enemy who you believe is a monster," Aral said. "To fight an enemy that you sympathize with ... is harder. But having sympathy for our enemies is one way to stop ourselves from becoming monsters."

"If you have so much sympathy for him, why not negotiate with him?" Miles asked. 

"There are two problems. First, the Imperium cannot offer what he wants. Anything we do for him could backfire, and he _knows_ it could backfire. Damn! Why couldn't she have just hired an ordinary military commander!"

Miles had no clue who 'she' was.

"Illyan says it's not her usual style to work with someone like him as her second-in-command. That's one reason Illyan is convinced that this is a Cetagandan setup. And the second problem is that, while he is useful to the Cetagandans, he is also disposable. Even if we swayed him, even if it were merely _possible_ that we had swayed him, the Cetagandans would just kill him."

"So it's not so much that he's of strategic importance," Miles said. "It's that he bothers you on a personal level."

"Yes, that's it," Aral said. 

That would explain why his father was discussing it with _him_ , rather than with the military high command. He was sure that if his mother were here, she would be the one hearing all of this. It also helped explain a little why his father was so psychologically frayed, though not enough - something _much_ bigger must be going on. This mystery man was probably just a lesser problem. The real problem must be beyond Miles' security clearance.

"It helps, to have you here," Aral said. "I mean it. Knowing that you are at my side is a comfort. I want to set all of these troubles aside for now. They are going to come back to eat me soon enough. While you're still here in my cabin, I'd just like to be your Da. I don't want to be alone."

***

Gregor believed he was on a spaceship, but beyond that, he did not know where he was, where he was going, or who was on this ship with him.

His small chamber had a tiny bathroom and a pile of ration bars. Would he still be here when the supply of ration bars ran out?

Was Elli on this ship? Was she a prisoner? Was she ... a collaborator? Was she alive?

There was no ImpSec.

Living as an emperor, he had sometimes believed he was alone, felt that nobody else went through what he experienced.

But this was the real thing. This time, he really was alone.

After he had jumped off that balcony, after he had run off, he had not been alone at all. To be alone was to be a single person. While he was trying to escape from himself, he had stopped thinking of himself as a person.

Now he was a person. Just one person.

At the very minimum, he wanted to help Elena. And Elli. And ... he knew that, when he finally saw the mess he had left in the wake of his departure from Komarr, he would want to fix that too.

Though he did not know what was happening, Gregor dreaded arriving at this ship's destination.

It was unlikely that anybody would rescue him. Unless he rescued himself.

 _I have kept on wishing I had a chance to earn my place, a chance to prove that I am worthy as myself. Not merely a placeholder for the emperor. Someone who can do things without Vorkosigan or Illyan's help_ , Gregor thought. _It seems my wish has been granted._

_Maybe I should have been more careful about what I wished for._


	6. It's Probably Just Fast-Penta

_Approximately a week later_

Miles had been busy as hell with his regular duties. Well, it was arguable that they were not regular duties at all, since it was not at all regular for a battleship to make an important diplomatic visit to a planet outside the Imperium while it was still _under construction_.

Fine. Miles had been busy as hell with his _assigned_ duties.

That did not stop him from furiously trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

Rumors were flying all around the ship; there was too much noise-to-signal for any reliable information about the big questions like _why is the Prime Minister in such a rush to visit Pol_ or _what is happening in the Hegen Hub_ to come from the grapevine, but that did not stop Miles from listening. It certainly provided fertilizer for his imagination.

He did remember that his father had mentioned Cetagandans, and had implied that Cetagandan interests were not aligned with Barrayaran interests in the Hegen Hub. Vervain had a wormhole jump to the Cetagandan Empire. Miles was sure that was not a coincidence, but it did not answer questions like _what are the Cetagandans doing?_

Miles had met with his father privately a few more times. Though his father seemed calm, collected, and stately whenever he was on duty, in private he looked like a wreck. His father asked him about his experiences as an ensign, but refused to say any more about the greater strategic picture with Miles.

As an electronics specialist in Service Security, he knew that there were tons of ultra-secure messages going through the communication channels. There were at least three different ways he could crack those messages and read them himself. He was sorely tempted to do just that. 

Unfortunately, he could not think of a single way to cover his tracks, and if he were caught breaking protocol in such a serious way, he would be in deep, deep shit. At a bare minimum, he would lose his posting in Service Security, and thus his place on the _Prince Serg_. A court-martial was not out of the question.

Having a stellar, brilliant military career was his life's dream. He was Lord Vorkosigan, and every Count Vorkosigan had provided distinguished military service. He wanted to prove to his grandfather's ghost that he was a worthy grandson. And most of all, he wanted to live up to his father's legacy.

Miles did not want to pursue politics the way his father had. One day - a day that Miles hoped was far, far into the future - he may become Count Vorkosigan, and it was possible that he might become a Count's deputy much sooner than that. But he had seen how bad being regent had been for Da, and had no desire to go down that path.

His father's military career, on the other hand, had left him in awe. Da was a hero, just like Vorthalia the bold! Miles had seen all his life the esteem Da had for good military officers. When he was older, his studies of military history only deepened his admiration of Da.

In his youth, before he could even walk, he had decided that becoming a great military hero would be the best way to prove that he was okay, that he was not some mutie who did not even deserve to live. Captain Koudelka was disabled too, and had been able to serve, he had even been one of the heroes who helped rescue him from Vordarian and end the pretendership, so why couldn't Miles be a hero? Why couldn't Miles become the next Admiral Vorkosigan?

That was all sufficient reason to refrain from doing anything which would cause him to his post on the _Prince Serg_. 

There was also a deeper reason not to crack into those ultra-secure messages.

All his life, his father had taught him about duty and honor. He had often discussed duty and honor with Miles, but his most effective lessons were by example. Miles knew that Da had made many difficult choices in his life, and that when his Da had to choose between what was easy and what was right, his Da had chosen what was right. His Da might be able to accept it if Miles left the military (though Miles himself would not accept it), but if Miles lost his honor...

No matter how many times his mother suggested it, Miles never even _considered_ moving to Beta Colony permanently. Yes, he would have an easier life there. Yes, he had a loving family there. Yes, he may even make greater use of his intellectual abilities there than on Barrayar. But Miles had sworn to serve the emperor as soon as he was mentally capable of making such a vow. He also had liege-people to care for, just like his father. He would follow the path of honor his father had laid before him. He would make Da feel proud. He would choose to do what was right.

Miles knew that breaking into those ultra-secure messages just to satisfy his own curiosity would not be honorable.

His curiosity still burned. There were plenty of secure-yet-not-ultra-secure documents moving around as well. Miles knew he could break into those _without_ getting caught. Those documents probably did not contain any real secrets - they had probably just been sent securely as a matter of procedure. And since when had Miles let mere procedure stand between him and information he wanted? They probably would not explain exactly what was going on, but they would be a much more reliable source than rumors.

At the time they got close to the final wormhole jump to Pol, Miles couldn't resist. He scanned through the documents - there were so many, he would never have time to read all of them - trying to find one which looked particularly juicy.

He found one.

It was a report about the Dendarii Mercenaries.

***

Gregor had been stunned again, and when he woke up, he was in a different chamber, most likely in a different ship. He had felt the wormhole jump.

Were they on their way to Jackson's Whole? Vervain? Aslund? Somehow, Gregor did not think they were going towards Pol.

Gregor was stunned a _third_ time, and he found himself in a third chamber. He had felt no more wormhole jumps, which tilted the odds slightly towards this being Vervain, but it was also possible that Gregor had been unconscious during additional wormhole jumps, or that they were stalled along the route to Jackson's Whole or Aslund.

Vervain was the place which had the mercenaries who worried Elena.

He searched his chamber for listening bugs and vid cameras, not because he cared, but because there simply was not much else to do. He found none, but that did not mean they were not there - he was no ImpSec agent.

Gregor had lost track of the passage of time long before people finally entered his chamber.

First, there were two men. They were in military uniform, and yes, their uniforms matched the description Elli had given of Randall's Rangers. The odds now strongly favored that he was now in Vervani space.

Then there was the woman. She was also in uniform, and based on her insignia and her physical description, Gregor was almost certain that she was Cavilo, commander of Randall's Rangers. Elli had told him about her.

She looked like a valkyrie. A livid valkyrie.

"NOW!" she screamed. "I can't wait to get my hands on that bitch!"

One of the men pressed a hypospray to Gregor. At first he thought it was poison, but then he relaxed. In fact, he was beginning to feel much better than he had in weeks. _It's not poison,_ he thought. _It's probably just fast-penta..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always found it incredible that Cavilio never uses fast-penta on Miles in _The Vor Game_.
> 
> I suspect the reason she never uses it is that _Brother of Arms_ claims that Miles had never been put under fast-penta before, and LMB did not want to retcon.


	7. Luck Is Insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The word 'metamour' is used in this chapter. It basically means the lover/spouse of one's own lover/spouse. For example, in canon, Elli Quinn and Taura are metamours. There is [more info on the word here](http://solopoly.net/2012/09/29/whats-a-metamour-on-my-terms/).
> 
> I'm tempted to write out Gregor and Cavilo seducing each other. The thing is, one could also do that in a missing-scenes-from-canon fic. This is an AU fic, and the whole point of writing AU is to write scenes which flat out do not happen in canon. Are there any good fic about Gregor/Cavilo which take place while Gregor is with Randall's Rangers, and is not just Gregor reflecting on it after the fact?

"What is she doing?" Cavilo asked.

"I don't know who you are talking about," Gregor replied. "I was taught that proper fast-penta interrogation technique is to start by asking the subject to count..."

"Stop! I'm talking about Elli Quinn! Where is she going?"

"I don't know," Gregor replied.

"What is her mission?"

"I don't know."

"What do you know about her?"

"She is a sexy woman. You are sexy yourself. I think I would enjoy having you..."

"Stop! What did she tell you about herself?"

"She told me that her face got burned off by plasma fire when..."

Gregor started recounting the anecdotes Elli had told him on the trip to Pol Six, and Cavilo kept on cutting him off.

"When did you first meet her?"

"When I got to the ship heading to Pol Six."

"Had you heard of her before."

"No."

"Why did you go to Pol Six with her?"

"Because she was on the same ship which offered me passage."

"Why was she going to Pol Six?"

"She's probably obeying orders from her boss."

"What orders?"

"I don't know. I see you you are recording a vid now. I suppose it's higher quality than whatever hidden camera you have installed in this room which I have yet to find..."

Cavilo's patience, which had started off thin, snapped as it became obvious that Gregor did not have any of the answers she was looking for.

"Did she give you an amnesia pill or something?!"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think she did. She's really gotten you riled up. Q.E.D. - Quinn Excites Dismay."

Cavilo growled with disgust. "You have already wasted enough of my time. Much as I'd like to shoot you right now, there is a small chance you could work as some kind of bait."

"I don't think I would be a good bait for her. As I already told you, she held a hand at my throat, and that means she almost certainly does not know that I am Gregor Vor-"

"SHUT UP!!!!" Cavilo exclaimed. "If you say one more word, I really will shoot you!"

Gregor was silent. Cavilo left in frustration, and the two men followed her.

They did not even administer the fast-penta antagonist, which left Gregor in a pleasant daze.

As the fast-penta was wearing off, he wondered what Elli had done to put Cavilo into such a rage. He also wondered where Elli was. It seems that she had escaped, though who knows how far she had gotten, or what her chances of evading re-capture were. They probably had not interrogated her before her escape.

He also realized just _how close_ he had come to revealing that he was the emperor of the Barrayaran Imperium. Maybe they would not investigate who 'Gregor Vor-' is. Or maybe they would.

 _My luck is insane_ , Gregor thought.

***

_I have betrayed my liege-people_ , Miles thought.

After reading about what Oser had done to the Dendarii Mercenaries, and how much danger his people were in _right now_ , he felt like there was a tight, heavy stone where his stomach normally was.

The last message he had received from any of the Dendarii had been a strictly private personal message from Elena Bothari-Jesek over a year ago. At first, he had gotten a few messages a year about the fleet's activities. He did notice that the messages had been getting less frequent, but he had assumed that everyone had been getting used to command. He himself had been busy enough with the academy, then Kyril Island, then...

All that time, Arde, Baz, and _Elena's_ lives had been on the line. What had he been doing that was so important that he was not there in their time of need? Passing exams? Issuing weather reports? Keying palm locks?

Why had he never bothered to ask anybody how the Dendarii were faring?

Up until now, getting ship duty on the _Prince Serg_ had been his dream post. Now, this assignment felt painfully insignificant.

And why had nobody asked _him_ about the Dendarii? They were in the service of the emperor, just like he was. They were even in the Hegen Hub now, where this mysterious drama was unfolding. Could he not do more to serve Barrayar with _them_ than as a mere ensign.

It was not too late.

Even the most recent reports indicated that Elena, Baz, Arde, Tung, Quinn, and Bel were all still alive and in the fleet. He could go there _now_. There were almost at Pol - he was closer to Aslund Station than Barrayar now. All he had to do was ask Admiral Aral Vorkosigan, whose job was to manage the Hegen Hub crisis on Barrayar's behalf, what the Dendarii could do to help, and then get leave to rejoin the Dendarii.

He checked his father's schedule. _He's off-duty now - I don't have to wait!_

He had not visited his father's cabin on the _Prince Serg_ uninvited before, but Miles was not worried about that. For as long as he could remember, his Da had always been ready to see Miles at any time he was not on-duty. He had even keyed the palm lock on his father's cabin, which meant he could open the entrance himself. His father might even enjoy a surprise appearance by his son.

***

About six months earlier, Cordelia had a long conversation with Jole about how to be Aral's lover during a crisis.

"There may be a time when Aral is in need, I am not there, but you are. It will best for all of us if you are prepared for that," Cordelia had said. "It is so nice to finally have a good metamour."

Cordelia had given Jole many examples of the level of intimacy she and Aral had shared during various difficult times. Though Jole knew much about the Vordarian Pretendership, he never imagined he would ever hear it explained in terms of what kind of sex the Regent was having with his wife at the time.

She had emphasized that there was no 'right' way to go about it - a lot of dealing with a crisis was adapting to the situation at hand - but that certain kinds of support often helped Aral. For example, there were times when something as simple as a caress was what was called for. Sometimes just looking in the eyes was best. And there were times when a full sexual release was _very_ helpful.

When Cordelia had been teaching Jole all of this, he had no idea that her theoretical situation would become reality so soon. He was immensely grateful for her instruction.

They were both entirely naked in the warm cabin, and on the bed. Aral and Jole had already had sex twice aboard the _Prince Serg_. This was the third time. It was good for not just Aral - Jole felt that getting laid also helped _him_ cope with the slow-motion disaster that was unfolding from the emperor's disappearance and the Hegen Hub crisis.

It was Jole's turn to be the bottom. Jole bit the pillow as Aral was riding on him.

Aral abruptly stopped moaning and moving.

Aral was an inventive sexual partner, but Jole felt that this was not just new, something was _different_. Jole's teeth let go of the pillow so he could turn his head and ask Aral what was going on.

It turned out that Jole did not need to ask.

When he turned his head, he saw that the doorway was open, and that Aral's son, Ensign Miles Vorkosigan, was standing there, staring at the two of them.


	8. Bonsoir

There was a moment when nobody knew what to say or do, so nothing was said. That moment felt like infinity.

Jole could not see Aral's face. He did not know how to describe the look on Miles' face.

The one to break the silence, of course, was Miles.

"Get off him," Miles said to his father.

Though Jole had never heard _Miles_ speak with that voice before, it was all too familar. It was the way Aral spoke when he was furious.

Aral rolled off him.

Miles looked Jole in the eye. "You may get dressed and leave." His voice was not quite the same. It was almost as if there were _softness_ mixed with the anger.

Jole got out bed and dressed quickly.

It made no sense. Jole could understand Miles being angry at him, if anything he expected Miles to be even angrier with _him_ than with his father. Why did it seem to be the reverse - that Miles was angrier with his father than with him? He was the outsider who had broken into the family, not Aral.

" _Bonsoir_ ," Aral murmured. Jole had never heard his voice sound so faint or weak.

He almost felt like a coward, abandoning Aral in this situation. But they were father and son. It was their relationship. Jole was just an interloper. No, he was not just an interloper, he was the _problem_.

He left quickly, returned to his own shoebox of a cabin, and took a shower.

He remembered being terrified of Cordelia discovering his relationship with Aral. It was the most shocking and amazing relief in his life to learn that she actually _approved_ of their romance. 

Miles was Cordelia's son. Even though Miles was angry now - just as Jole would be in his shoes - it might end up okay. The fact that Miles had shown a little - was it sympathy? Whatever it was, the fact that Miles had shown that even in the heat of the moment was a good sign.

Jole fervently hope it would end up okay. They did not need an immediate family crisis on top of everything else that was going on. And if it did not end up okay ... Jole did not even want to imagine how much that would hurt Aral.

If only Cordelia were here.

If only Jole had been a good aide to Aral, and suppressed his feelings instead of daring to turn his fantasy into reality...

When he got out of the shower, there was a message on his comconsole. Admiral Aral Vorkosigan wanted him to schedule a private meeting with Ensign Miles Vorkosigan as soon as possible after his sleep block. Jole checked the schedule. Of course this had to happen just before they were due to arrive at Pol, where Aral would be constantly busy. He had scheduled breaks for Aral. Normally he would never touch those - Aral needed rest - but he doubted Aral could rest without resolving this. He scheduled the meeting with Miles during a break which was set to happen in about ten hours.

Jole went to bed and fell asleep. It was a miracle that he had been able to fall asleep after that. Perhaps his body decided to show mercy on him and take his mind off what happened. He certainly needed all the sleep he could get these days. He even slept through the final wormhole jump to Pol.

When he woke up, they had already docked at the space station. Since the visit of the _Prince Serg_ had been cleared with Pol before their arrival, the crew had been able to dock with assistance from only the mid-level diplomatic personnel. It gave the diplomatic big-shots - like the Prime Minister - a little more time to settle down before they had to appear before the Polians.

He habitually went through the set of alerts on his comconsole which were always waiting for him whenever he emerged from bed.

There was an alert which said that Ensign Miles Vorkosigan had gone AWOL.

***

Gregor once again lost track of time. The ration bars on this ship did taste better, he had to admit, and he got regular deliveries rather than self-service from a pile, but he did not bother counting how many meals he ate.

Randall's Rangers. Gregor reviewed everything he knew about them. Elena seemed to think that their new second-in-command was important. He tried to think of people from ImpSec reports who might match her description, but it had been too general. He did not even know the guy's name. Elli had said nothing about him. Perhaps, because he had only recently became a mercenary, Elli knew a lot less about him than Cavilo.

If Elli had in fact escaped, that meant that escape was possible. Elli, of course, was a trained mercenary agent. Gregor was not. What did he have which could get him out of this imprisonment?

He could try to make contact with ImpSec. There must be ImpSec informants among Randall's Rangers. But Gregor had no idea who they were, or how he could contact them. If he was lucky, one of those informants might see the recording of his fast-penta interrogation...

And there are many other people who may see that recording, and figure out his real identity. He was suddenly and painfully aware that he was much closer to Cetagandan space that Barrayaran space now.

Was there anything he could do besides wait for a rescue which may never come?

He could try to break out of the room. Even if the attempt failed - which it probably would - it might get him seen by more people, including perhaps an ImpSec agent. Or a Cetagandan agent. Or, most likely, an agent of the Vervani, who might be more inclined hold him or even to hand him to the Cetagandans than return him to Barrayar.

Still, even with all of the risks, his chances of getting out of here were better if he made a breakout attempt.

As he was busy assessing the chamber, trying to come up with ideas, the door opened, and a man entered.

He was alone, but he held a stunner, and kept it pointed at Gregor.

By Barrayaran standards, this man looked like he was in his early thirties, but as a galactic it was really hard to judge his age.

" _Bonsoir_ ," the man said. " _Je suis le vice-commandant des Randall's Rangers_."

So this was the mysterious second-in-command of Randall's Rangers. It fit the insignia on his uniform.

" _Pardonnez-moi, je ne vous attendais pas_ ," Gregor replied. _Dammit!_ Gregor thought. _I've just given away that I understand French._

Barrayaran French was one of his native languages, and he was also fluent in Galactic Standard French. Even though he had replied in Galactic Standard, his Barrayaran accent must have come across very clearly. _So much for putting on a fake Betan accent ..._

For that matter, his Barrayaran accent must have also come through during the fast-penta intrrogation. 

Greg Bleakman did not speak French. He had never revealed to Elli that he knew French. There were many Barrayarans who could not speak French, so a mere Barrayaran accent was not enough to reveal that he was a francophone, and many Barrayaran French speakers had trouble understanding Galactic Standard French anyway.

" _De rien, vous ne m'aviez pas invité_ ," the man replied.

This man was almost certainly a native French speaker himself. He was not from Escobar - Gregor would have recognized that accent instantly. He remembered the face of a diplomat who had spoken with the same accent as this man before him, if only he could remember which planet that diplomat was from...

" _Je ne l'avais jamais imaginé que..._ " the man continued to say " _... je rencontrerais_ Gregor Vorbarra _, empereur de la_ Barrayar."

Gregor maintained a calm exterior, but inside he felt like he had plunged into a cold, deep, dark pool.

There was no point in denying that he was Gregor Vorbarra - this man had almost certainly seen the vid of the fast-penta interrogation, and he could have confirmed Gregor's identity by comparing it to vids of Gregor's public speeches.

" _Pardonnez-moi, je ne vous connais pas_ ," Gregor replied. " _S'il vous plaît, dites-moi comment vous vous appelez_."

Marilac.

That diplomat had been from Marilac.

This man before him was probably from Marilac.

Marilac was an ally of Cetaganda.

_Shit shit shit shit..._

" _Je m'appelle_ Guy Tremont," answered Vice Commander Guy Tremont.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I will not write any more dialogue in French for the rest of this fic. From now on, when characters speak in French, _I will write in English with italics, just like this_.
> 
> Second, if you are a native French speaker, and you have found mistakes in my French, please please please comment so that I can fix them.
> 
> Third, I did not want to write a totally original character to replace Metzov as Cavilo's second-in-command, and it was really hard to decide which canon character to put there (though I admit that Guy Tremont is only nominally a canon character).
> 
> Fourth ... why are there so few fanfic with Marilacan characters? There isn't even a single English-language Miles/Beatrice fic on AO3, and I think that's a rather obvious ship...


	9. Strengths and Weaknesses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: all dialogue in italics is dialogue spoken in French.

" _It is a pleasure to meet you_ ," Gregor replied, continuing to speak in Galactic Standard French.

 _Guy Tremont_ , Gregor thought. _That name is familiar. I must have read about him in ImpSec reports_.

" _I am most curious why you are here_ ," Guy Tremont said.

Though Gregor did not tell Tremont _why_ he left Komarr, he described a carefully edited version of the _how_ he got from Komarr to Vervain. It bought him time to think.

Tremont was alone with the stunner. With the element of surprise, it was just possible that Gregor might be able to grab it, stun him, and then leave. But it was unlikely that Gregor could take on Tremont before he got stunned himself. And he did not know what was on the other side of the door. The chances that he could get away were slim.

 _What would Elli do in this situation?_ Gregor wondered.

 _Admiral Naismith says you should not blunt yourself by attacking your enemy's strengths_ Elli's voice said in his head. _Find strategies which play to your own strengths_.

Okay, taking the stunner and trying to make a run for it was a strategy which played to Tremont's strengths, not his own. In fact, any strategy which involved the use of force probably played to Tremont's strengths.

He managed to think about this while continuing with the story - _I can think about strategy while telling a story_ , Gregor thought. _Is this a strength?_

As he listened to himself speak, he could feel years of experience behind how he told the tale - _using words, is this a strength of mine? Is it a strength or a weakness for Tremont?_

Gregor suddenly switched to Galactic Standard English, and spoke very rapidly. "My fellow contract-grubbers had the most scintillating chats on the relative merits of remaining within the Consortium's sphere of influence or going to the station of a boondocks dirtball full of farming hicks." 

" _Excuse me, I am a bit slow when it comes to English, could you repeat all that?_ " Tremont said.

" _Sorry, I am simply used to using English when speaking to galactics. I forgot myself_ ," Gregor replied. _Weakness identified_ , he thought. Tremont must speak English at some basic level - otherwise he could never be an officer in a mercenary fleet - but it was interesting that he was not enitrely fluent in English. Elena had said he only became a mercenary recently. Gregor would have to think about that.

Gregor finished by describing his arrival in Vervani space.

" _That is a most ridiculous story_ ," Tremont said. " _If it is true, then you have done your people a great service by removing an emperor as incompetent as yourself_."

How should Gregor respond to that? _Honestly_. Gregor had learned that honesty often disarmed people much better than carefully crafted tales. " _I agree. That is why I left_."

" _And what is happening on Barrayar now?_ " Tremont asked.

" _I think you would have more up-to-date information than myself. However, I am sure they will be fine_." Yes, let Tremont think that Gregor leaving was not such a big deal, or even perhaps that Barrayar was stronger without its weak emperor. Making Barrayar seem like a vulnerable target would be very bad.

" _Few who had attained such power would have given it up so easily,_ " Tremont said. " _You must think yourself an honorable man_."

Gregor knew it would be unwise to assume that Marilacan notions of honor were the same as Barrayaran ones, so he chose to steer clear of that right now.

" _What about you? How did you become vice commander of Randall's Rangers?_ " Gregor asked.

" _On Marilac, I was a general before I was demoted to colonel_ ," Tremont said.

That clicked in Gregor's memory. He had read about this in an ImpSec report. He should get Tremont to confirm what he remembered, or to add new details.

" _Why were you demoted?_ ," Gregor asked.

" _I pointed out that if Cetaganda ever wanted to expand into Zoave Twilight and beyond, it would not be enough to have Marilac as an ally - they would have to annex us. I tried to persuade certain people that we should improve our defences against the Cetagandans. When private talking did not work, I talked in public. Some people thought that was bad for Marilac's relationship with Cetaganda_."

Yes, this was consistent with the ImpSec report. ImpSec was not sure whether the Cetagandans had directly requested that General Tremont be demoted, or whether the Marilacan government had done so pre-emptively before the Cetagandans became too offended. Maybe Tremont did not know either. The Cetagandan angle was why the incident had been mentioned in a report for the emperor.

" _And how did that lead you to Randall's Rangers?_ " Gregor asked.

Tremont was quiet for a moment. Gregor realized that he had hit something important. " _I was frustrated_ ," Tremont said.

 _I bet you were_ , Gregor thought, _but there is a lot more to it than you are saying right now_. " _You claim to care about protecting Marilac, yet as soon as things get a little tough and they stop appreciating you, you run away with your tail behind your legs and sell yourself to a mercenary outift_ ," Gregor said.

Anger flared in Tremont's face. " _It is not like that at all_ ," he said.

" _Then please explain_ ," Gregor said cordially.

" _I would not hesistate to give my life for Marilac. All I do, I do for Marilac!_ " Tremont said.

Gregor noted that either Tremont was a really good actor, or he had just told the truth. " _What are you doing for Marilac now?_ " Gregor asked.

" _For Marilac, I have foresaken my honor, so that ..._ " Tremont froze.

Gregor waited for him to go on.

" _Randall's Rangers work for Vervain, and Vervain also needs to defend itself from Cetaganda,_ " Tremont said.

 _Weakness identified_ , Gregor thought. _Guy Tremont is a bad actor_. Tremont was _not_ here to protect Vervain, and he was really bad at telling convincing lies of omission.

Also, it was very interesting that Tremont said that Vervain needs to defend itself from _Cetaganda_. ImpSec had reported that Cetaganda had been interfering a lot with Marilacan politics, which implied that Cetaganda might be preparing for an annexation. The reports had _not_ indicated that level of interference on Vervain. The Vervani had hired Randall's Rangers to defend itself from entities in the Hegen Hub, not Cetaganda. Might Tremont know something that ImpSec does not...

This whole situation smelled of Cetagandans.

" _I am sure you also do not mind spending so much time with a woman as attractive as Commander Cavilo_ ," Gregor said. 

" _I despise that vile -_ " Tremont said something which Gregor guessed was a very colorful Marilacan swear word. " _I would not work with her if not for ... if it were not necessary_." 

_Weakness identified: Vice Commander Tremont does not get along with Commander Cavilo_. That really raised the question of why they were working together. _Necessary for what?_

" _Then we do not need to talk about her_ ," Gregor said. 

What did Gregor need now? It seemed his chances were best if he could get people to talk to him, since talking played to Gregor's strengths. 

He also needed Tremont to reveal to as few people as possible that the emperor of Barrayar was here. Gregor did not know how many people already knew, but that was beyond his control now. What Gregor could do was... 

" _I admire the way you are handling the situation. I see you are playing this in the exact way which is best for Marilac's interests_." 

" _What are you talking about?_ " Tremont asked. 

" _You are holding a stunner_ ," Gregor said. " _Not a nerve disruptor_." 

" _Of course, I do not want to kill you_ ," Tremont says. 

" _Of course. You could have also arranged another fast-penta interrogation, but you cannot do one by yourself, and you are too careful to bring in additional people. Well done._ " 

Actually, an additional fast-penta interrogation might not be the worst thing for Gregor. Nothing Gregor knew was nearly as important to the Imperium as the emperor's own person, and an interrogation would get Gregor exposed to more people, possibly including ImpSec informants. But it was best to avoid it if possible. 

Gregor put himself in Good Emperor mode. Actually, he had never called it 'Good Emperor' mode before, but he realized that there had been times when he had subconsciously presented himself as a particularly understanding ruler to subtly pull people. 

" _You understand that, by having me, you have an additional degree of power_." Gregor almost said 'Us' instead of 'me' but decided that prisoners should not use imperial pronouns. " _A degree of power over Cavilo, over the Vervani, and over the Cetagandans. Should they learn that I am here, you would lose that degree of power. And if you lose that degree of power, Marilac loses that degree of power._

" _ImpSec has written reports about you. They say you are very good. I now see that those reports were accurate_." 

" _You flatter me_ ," Tremont said. Yes, that was exactly what Gregor was doing. Count Vordrozda had taught Gregor just how effective flattery could be. Not that Gregor depended on the flattery right now - what was going to clinch the deal was the fact that, as far as Gregor knew, what he suggested was in fact in Marilac's best interests.

It was nice to see that Gregor could pull off Good Emperor mode even under these circumstances. 

_Weakness identified: Guy Tremont does not have much experience with playing tricky social games_. Had their positions been reversed, Gregor would not have let Tremont get as much out of him as he had gotten out of Tremont right now. Tremont was sharp and perceptive, but not experienced. Gregor supposed this might be one reason why Guy Tremont had been unable to persuade the key players in the Marilacan government that the Cetagandans were a serious threat. 

Tremont glanced at his chrono. " _I must leave soon_ ," he said. 

" _I enjoyed your company_ ," Gregor said. " _I invite you to return to this cabin when it is convenient for you._ " 

Gregor could see that Tremont was making some kind of calculation in his mind.

" _I can even offer you some food_." Gregor pointed at an unopened ration bar.

" _Is that what you are eating?_ " Tremont asked. 

" _It's nutritious_ ," Gregor said. 

" _When I come back, I will bring real food_." 

Gregor noted that Tremont said 'when' and not 'if'. 

" _I look forward to sharing a meal with you_." 

" _Until I see you again_." 

" _Until I see you again_." 

Tremont left. 

Gregor had made progress. In particular, he had more information to work with, and if Tremont really did return there may be additional opportunities. 

But Gregor was no fool. Though he thought Tremont intended _now_ to keep Gregor's identity a secret, and to come back for another meeting, Tremont could easily change his mind. Gregor had no doubt that Tremont was intelligent, and he knew it would be difficult to manipulate Tremont on any matter Tremont had a lot of time to think about. And in the long run, Tremont was going to do what he believed was in Marilac's best interests, no matter what words Gregor used. 

_I have a lot to think about ..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I planned to title whichever chapter contained this scene "Gregor Channels His Inner Miles" and Gregor was going to imitate Miles' manipulation skills. Then I realized that Gregor does not need to grow into Miles, he needs to grow into _Gregor_. And Gregor's own manipulation skills are better than Miles' for these circumstances anyway.


	10. Bridges on Fire

For the next couple of days, Oliver Jole lived like a robot. He had duties, so he performed them. He had bodily functions, so he took care of them. What was necessary, was done. Otherwise, he was lifeless.

There was no shortage of duties to fill his time. High-level negotiations had already started with the Polians.

Jole's duties were so intertwined with the duties of Prime Minister Aral Vorkosigan that he still saw much of him. When not on duty, Jole did not see Aral. It was a proper, professional relationship.

No, Jole's life was not entirely lifeless after all. When with the Polians, Aral was, as always, the great statesman. Aral showed none of the torments he was living through in public. He still dazzled. In spite of everything, Jole could not help but perpetually fall in love with him, like falling into a bottomless pit.

Jole wished he really could become a robot. Then it would stop hurting.

When they returned to Barrayar, Jole planned to resign. And he would knew that, though he did not deserve to ever be in her presence again, Cordelia would insist on seeing him anyway...

Cordelia.

What would he say to _her_? 'Milady, I've lost your son?'

 _I did not entrust you with my son_ , he heard her say in his head. _I entrusted you with my husband_.

Cordelia had never, ever asked him to do anything for Miles. She had made it very clear that she expected Jole to care for Aral, especially when she was not there. And avoiding Aral during the time of his greatest pain was most certainly not the way she intended Jole to care for him.

If she knew what was happening on the _Prince Serg_ ... Jole knew that she would drag himself and Aral into the same room and make them _talk to each other_. She was Betan, she did not understand that there were some things that one simply could not talk about.

 _Barrayarans!_ he heard her say in his head. And then he imagined that she would make some quip like _Barrayarans think they are so brave and tough, yet the prospect of using words instead of artillery is enough to send them running_.

Jole had no idea what he could say to Aral now, but he knew that if he at least _tried_ , it would make his inevitable meeting with Cordelia a little easier.

Jole sent a note to Aral saying that, when they were off-duty, he wanted a private conversation.

***

Seeing Aral at the meeting just half-an-hour earlier, and seeing Aral now, was like the difference between day and night. Mere days earlier, Jole had thought that, between Gregor's disappearance and the brewing Hegen Hub crisis, Aral had already been at his lowest point. Compared to the dejected and dispirited man before him, the Aral from a few days ago had been practically cheerful.

Aral could not even look Jole in the eyes.

Jole realized that, if talk was going to happen, he was going to have to start it. _If Cordelia were here, she would be able to start this talking instead of me..._

"After I left, with you and Miles here, what happened?" Jole asked.

"Not much," Aral replied. His expression and his voice indicated otherwise.

The ice had been broken, but it was not exactly leading to a dialogue. They just sat there.

 _Say something more_ , Jole could hear Cordelia saying in his head.

"I - I," Jole stammered. "I don't know how to apologize. I am so, so sorry."

Aral finally looked up at him. "No," Aral said. "You should apologize for nothing."

"But I am the one who -"

"It was not your responsibility," Aral said. "It was mine. I did wrong."

"No!" said Jole. "You didn't-"

"What Miles said to me," Aral interjected, "was 'How could Jole consent to this?'"

At first, Jole did not understand what this meant. Then he thought back to his first interview with Cordelia, when she asked some very probing questions about whether he felt he had to submit to Aral for the sake of his career, whether he felt safe to end his personal relationship with Aral at any time, whether he sincerely wanted to have a romance with Aral ... _oh_.

Suddenly, the softness Miles had shown him made chilling sense. Miles had been showing pity towards a victim.

It had not even occurred to Jole that Miles would interpret the scene that way. Jole had assumed that Miles would be angry because Jole had taken his father, or had taken it as an insult against his mother, but not _that_. It had seemed so self-evident to Jole that Aral would never, ever pressure someone into sex that way that he assumed it would have been self-evident to Miles as well. But thinking back to what Miles had seen, and all of the things which Miles did not know about their relationship ... Jole could understand how Miles could have come to the conclusion that Aral had been engaging in sexual coercion.

Just when Jole thought that this situation could not get any worse, it had.

"If I had known he thought - I should have told him right away that it's okay, that it's not like that!" Jole exclaimed.

"It's not?" Aral asked glumly.

Did Aral himself believe that ... "Of course not! I'm the one who started this, not you!"

"I'm the one who gave you the liquor," Aral said.

"You just wanted me to relax a little, surely you did not expect that when I got tipsy that I would, you know." Even now, Jole could not bring himself to talk about what he had done on that most unusual and embarrassing night.

"Is it possible for a lieutenant to consent to getting in bed with an admiral over twice his age..."

"I'm an adult, Aral, not a child! I _can_ consent to going to bed with the man I love. Just because I love someone who is older and far more powerful than me, does that mean it is wrong for me to have him? I would want you even if I were the bloody emperor of Cetaganda!"

The smallest shadow of a smile passed over Aral's lips.

"If Cordelia were here, would she let you mope about _this_?" Jole asked.

Aral was silent for a moment. "Cordelia knows. If she thought this was wrong, she would have stopped it. But it's possible that she..."

"No, Cordelia is not like whatever you are about to say! And no matter what she thinks, I love you, Aral. I love you. I love you so much."

Jole saw that Aral relaxed just a tiny bit, and a faint ray of light had penetrated that deep darkness. _Thank you thank you thank you thank you Cordelia_ , Jole thought in his head. _If you had not beaten into my thick Barrayaran skull that people should talk to each other, Aral would have been left thinking that..._

"Miles," Aral said. "What has my son done?"

"You - you already know he's gone AWOL..."

"I know my son. He must have done more than that."

And here was another awful conversation that Jole did not want to have with Aral.

"He messed with duty logs and scrambled tracking systems to delay the discovery of his disappearance. He swapped himself with another ensign so he could get a place with the first shuttle which docked at the station. He took an untraceable credit chit, and put a large sum of Betan dollars on it."

"Service Security should have caught that instantly!"

"Your son _was_ Service Security, and nobody figured out that he had stolen all that until five hours after his departure."

"Have we traced him?" Aral asked.

"Not yet," Jole said. "We would ask Pol for assistance, but considering that he is a Vorkosigan and the delicate nature of the negotiations ... we decided not bring this matter to the attention of the Polian authorities. As far as we know, he could still be in Polian territory, he could be heading towards the Hegen Hub, or he could be going back to Komarr."

"He is not going back to Komarr," Aral said.

"Normally, ImpSec agents would be set on Miles' trail, but all ImpSec agents in the area are busy gathering intelligence about the situation in the Hegen Hub or looking for the emperor. They have been alerted about Miles, but..."

"Finding Miles is a lower priority." Aral said. "I understand."

"Speaking of ImpSec, I should also tell you that ... Miles cracked into some top-secret messages."

Aral sucked in his breath. "He knows about Gregor then."

They went silent. They did not need to say it, because they both knew that, with all of these offences on top of going AWOL - though thankfully it was going AWOLD in the heat of diplomacy and not in the heat of battle - Miles would have a big and nasty court martial awaiting him when he returned to Barrayar. Miles would never be able to return to regular military service, and nothing less than a pardon from the emperor himself could spare Miles severe punishment.

Miles had not burned down his bridges, but he had certainly set them on fire.


	11. That Empty Feeling

Gregor wished he had a comconsole, or even pen and paper, to help him organize his thoughts. But maybe it was for the best that there would be no written record.

Why did Tremont decide to work for Randall's Rangers? Also, why had Cavilo hired him?

Somehow, Gregor was sure, Tremont was convinced that this was in Marilac's interests. The only common thread between Marilac and Vervain's interests was being neighbors of the Cetagandans. Therefore, the Cetagandans were most likely somewhere in this puzzle.

In spite of the apparently unfair demotion, Tremont still seemed dedicated to his home, and Gregor had not gotten the impression that Tremont felt betrayed. Perhaps Tremont was secretly an agent of the Marilacan government, and the demotion was merely a cover...

No, _ImpSec_ would never hire someone like Tremont to be a covert agent, therefore it was unlikely that Marilac was using him the same way.

Gregor went to the other end - why would Randall's Rangers want Tremont? Given the limitations of Tremont's English, he must have something Randall's Rangers - or at least Cavilo - really wanted for him to be hired. It could not be connections to the Marilacan government, since Tremont's relationship with the Marilacan government was in bad shape. They might want his familiarity with the region around Zoave Twilight and Vega Station, but they could get that without making him second-in-command. 

And Tremont had been a _general_ and a _colonel_ , which implied that his expertise was in ground combat, not space-based operations. Randall's Rangers were a space-based mercenary force, and any combat they might get into during their contract with Vervain would be in space. The only planet they were going to even get near was Vervain itself...

Vervain.

They wanted someone with extensive experience in ground combat high in their chain of command, and they rushed him into the high command before he became seasoned in the ways of space mercenaries, because they expected ground-fighting on _Vervain_.

Why?

If things got so bad that an invader reached Vervain's surface, would it not be better for Randall's Rangers to break their contract and flee? And the Vervani surface forces would be more effective anyway. It was their planet, they knew the terrain, they would be more motivated.

Unless Randall's Rangers did not expect the Vervani surface forces to cooperate.

But why wouldn't the Vervani forces cooperate? They would be defending their own home.

_Because Randall's Rangers will be on the side of the invaders, not the defenders._

Tremont had indicated that Vervani need to defend themselves from the Cetagandans. And the Cetagandans were the common thread which tied everything together.

The best way to take a system like Vervain would be to take both of the wormholes at once. The Cetagandans could take one wormhole easily; Randall's Rangers were there to take the other.

That still did not explain why Randall's Rangers needed ground combat expertise. It was not like Randall's Rangers would be able to beat the Vervani on their own turf. 

That meant meant that Randall's Rangers did _not_ need to beat the Vervani; they merely needed to provoke them.

And that meant that the Cetagandans would have a pretext to assist the Vervani, and could even take the wormhole to the Hegen Hub themselves in an effort to 'drive out' Randall's Rangers without looking like conquerers, at least not on the surface. It was a common Cetagandan tactic to induce two non-Cetagandan entities to battle each other before the Cetagandan military stepped in. In fact, the Cetagandans may very well have done something to incite the latest war between Marilac and Zoave Twilight.

And the vice commander of Randall's Rangers was known for publicly airing his views that Cetaganda was dangerous, aggressive, and untrustworthy - few would suspect him of being their collaborator. At the same time, the Cetagandans removed one of the biggest thorns in their side on their neighbor Marilac.

What did not make sense was why Tremont would go along with all of this. Did he not know about this plan? No, he had to know - otherwise he could not lead a ground assault. Was his claims that Marilac needed to guard itself against Cetaganda a ploy to make himself seem anti-Cetagandan - no, Gregor could not imagine him pulling off a lie like that, and the Cetagandans would not want to spread such views if it were avoidable.

Maybe Gregor was going about this all wrong. The evidence was thin - perhaps he had led his imagination get the better of him.

Or maybe the Cetagandans had gotten some kind of hold on Tremont. A hold which could drive him this far must involve the fate of Marilac.

Perhaps the Cetagandans had told Tremont that, if Cetaganda did not get Vervain, it would take Marilac instead. And Marilac was not prepared.

Gregor did not have enough information to draw this conclusion, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt that this scenario explained the things he knew about the situation in the Hegen Hub better than any other.

It was something he should try to confirm or deny during his next meeting with Tremont.

Simon Illyan must have nearly all of this information by now. He probably had more, possibly better information. Would he have drawn the same conclusion? And if so, what were Illyan and the Prime Minister doing now? Gregor's best guess was that they would try to convince the Polians to allow passage of Barrayaran vessels into the Hegen Hub. Gregor also knew that, unless the evidence of an imminent Cetagandan invasion was very strong, the Polians were highly unlikely to cooperate.

If this was true ... where did that leave Gregor? How did the presence of the emperor of Barrayar change things? And how would Tremont use him?

Gregor felt empty.

***

Aboard the _Manuel Garcia_ , a civilian passenger vessel bound for Pol Six, Miles worked furiously on cracking the codes on the ultra-secret messages he had copied just before his departure from the _Prince Serg_.

 _If I had access to the computers on the_ Prince Serg _, I would have cracked this long before now_. Of course, he had left the _Prince Serg_ in a hurry, and did not have time to crack into ultra-coded messages, which is why he had made this copy. He had also managed to grab the encryption keys, without which any attempt to crack the messages would have been hopeless.

The price of this berth on the _Manuel Garcia_ had been a total ripoff, even for a rushed deal. Well, that's why Miles had given himself plenty of untraceable Betan dollars - he needed speed, even if it was extremely overpriced. _There ain't no such thing as a free lunch._ No wonder Vorkosigans had so much difficulty making a profit.

Miles had been so busy covering his tracks and making it has hard as possible for anyone to find him, while moving as fast as he could at the same time, that he had not had time or energy to try cracking the messages before reaching Pol Station Two.

From then on, frustrating as trying to crack the messages was, it at least gave Miles something to think about that was not his father.

He really, really, really did not want to think about his father, or what he had seen.

 _Not thinking_ about it did not stop him from feeling totally hollow inside. If someone tapped him on the shoulder, he was afraid they would accidently poke a hole and reveal the emptiness inside.

And how could he think about it anyway? When up had become down, when right became left, when white had become black ... how was it even possible to think?

Miles had become so wrapped up in his not-thinking that it took him several minutes to notice that he had finally cracked through, and that one of the messages was finally readable.

Miles gobbled the first paragraph voraciously. By the third paragraph, he had dropped the comconsole on the floor.

It made no sense.

It was a message about how Emperor Gregor had been on Jackson Whole's Consortium Station in the Hegen Hub. What would Gregor be doing there? Some strange kind of state visit like that would be all over the media. Except it would not happen in the first place, because Simon Illyan would sooner swallow horned hoppers than let that security nightmare go through.

Was 'Emperor Gregor' just a code name for someone else? But using 'emperor' as a codename for anybody was surely something no Barrayaran would do - it could too easily be misunderstood as a sign of disloyalty.

He had to keep reading. 

He read all of that message three times. He cracked the other messages, and read them too.

Yep. Emperor Gregor had gone missing himself, though there were still some questions about what degree of coercion had been involved in his departure.

 _Oh shit_.

Aside from Ivan, Gregor was the closest thing Miles had to a brother.

_Shit!_

If Gregor was gone and did not come back healthy and sane ... he did not have an official heir, or even an obvious heir. There could very well be a civil war.

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

And suddenly a lot of things Miles had observed in the past few weeks made a scary amount of sense.

The Consortium station was the last known location of Gregor. But that was already over a week ago. Miles had originally been planning to get to the Dendarii, but if Gregor was also in the Hegen Hub...

... A Hegen Hub which ... the Admiral (Miles really was not comfortable about thinking about him as _my father_ ) believed that the Cetagandans were interfering with.

No, ImpSec was already throwing all if its resources into looking for Gregor. Miles knew he could not do that better than ImpSec. But ImpSec had already let down the Dendarii Mercenaries. If Miles did not go to the Dendarii, then nobody would save them.


	12. Images of the Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: In this chapter, Gregor recalls some of the horrible things he learned about his father, Prince Serg, in graphic detail. Some readers may prefer to skip this chapter.
> 
> Also, reminder: dialogue in italics indicates dialogue which is spoken in French.

Vice Commander Guy Tremont entered Gregor's chamber, with two trays of food. Gregor saw that he did not hold a stunner in his hand this time, but there was a stunner in a holster which Tremont could easily reach. Even though Tremont's hands were full with the trays, Gregor knew that trying to grab the stunner would be a bad idea.

When Gregor had been tired of thinking about serious - and frightening - matters, he had pondered what kind of food Tremont might bring. He had wondered if Tremont would bring some lavish feast for Gregor, to flatter him or simply out of respect for his status as emperor.

Instead, Gregor saw that Tremont had brought very simple food - specifically, rice, beans, and collard greens. There was not even any kind of sauce, as far as Gregor could tell. It was much, much plainer than anything which would be served the emperor in Vorbarr Sultana, but considering how long Gregor had been living on ration bars, it seemed like a gourmet meal to him.

" _Unlike Commander Cavilo_ ," Tremont said, " _I insist on eating the same food which trainees are served. People who want luxury do not belong in the military._ "

Gregor noted the indirect criticism of Cavilo. 

Should Gregor say out loud what he really thought about the food? Why not? It was harmless information, and exposing one's personal feelings was a useful tactic for gaining influence. " _I'm glad you brought me regular soldiers' rations. One of the very few things I liked about my year of ship duty was the fact that I ate the same food that all of the other ensigns ate. In most ways, I was coddled, and a bother for other people simply because I was the emperor and I was there. But when it came to food, I received equal treatment, and was no more a burden than any other ensign._ "

" _So you do not consider this to be an insult?_ " Tremont asked.

" _Not at all_ ," Gregor replied. He wondered if Tremont were using the food as some kind of test. Maybe Tremont just wanted to send the message that he was not going to treat Gregor like an emperor.

" _So_ ," Gregor asked. " _What is going to happen to me?_ "

" _That is to be determined_ ," Tremont replied. " _I do not need Barrayar's forces landing on our ass, but you represent ... a special situation_."

Gregor wondered whether he could make a case that Barrayar's military would be so determined to take revenge on Randall's Rangers that it would be best for them to quietly hand them back their emperor. No, Randall's Rangers could simply give Gregor to the Cetagandans in exchange for all of the protection they would need, and more.

" _Selling you is an obvious option_ ," Tremont said.

Could Gregor make a case that he should be sent to Marilac to be held as hostage for ransom? Too risky - that would take him further from Barrayar, it would be very difficult for Barrayar to send a ransom, and considering the state of politics on Marilac, they may very well end up selling him to the Cetagandans before the Imperium could make a proper response.

Could he get away with promising aid and an alliance with Marilac should he be returned to Barrayar? No, it would still be very difficult for Barrayar to provide meaningful aid to such a distant planet, it could provoke the Cetagandans into making a strike, and Gregor suspected that the word of a Vor lord would not be sufficient guarantee for Tremont.

" _But one must be careful before selling an emperor. Long-term consequences must be considered._ ," Tremont continued.

Gregor needed to prod Tremont into giving out more information. He did not want to reveal that he had theory about a Cetagandan invasion of Vervain, so he decided to use an indirect approach.

" _How do you and Commander Cavilo work together?_ ," Gregor asked.

Tremont's cordial demeanor dropped like a stone.

" _Someone like her should never be in command_ ," Tremont growled. " _On Marilac, she would have been court-martialed long ago_."

" _I take it that it is an issue other than incompetence_ ," Gregor remarked.

Tremont's voice became cold and quiet. " _She uses sex as a weapon. She twists people with it. I don't know about your planet, but on Marilac, we have military laws to prevent that kind of abuse_." 

Gregor had a very sick feeling about where this conversation was going. Images of his father came to mind. He wanted to turn away - he did not want to dwell more on what he had learned about his father - he did not want to _revel_ in the details of whatever Tremont might reveal... 

Gregor needed more information from Tremont. He pressed on.

" _Is she sexually abusing people under her command?_ " Gregor asked.

" _Oh yes, and not just myself_ ," Tremont said. 

Gregor had to swallow. " _Not just you?_ "

" _Some of the things she does to other men is worse. She just makes me go to her bed. I refused, but resistance just excites her. She treats me like a conquest. She tells me that I am a 'refreshing challenge'. I stopped resisting. I stopped being a man of honor the moment I agreed to join Randall's Rangers. What she does with my body is of little importance_."

That last line triggered Gregor's memory of the most disturbing vid he had seen that day he had jumped off the balcony on Komarr.

It was vid recording from a ship during Barrayar's invasion of Escobar. Admiral Vorhalas, Simon Illyan, a naked man, Admiral Vorkosigan, Admiral Vorrutyer, and his own father, Prince Serg, were all in the room.

"We all know that Admiral Vorkosigan is an even more of a slut than any of those Escobaran women," Admiral Vorrutyer said.

Admiral Vorrutyer backed Admiral Vorkosigan against the wall. His father, Prince Serg, laughed. Vorrutyer kissed Vorkosigan, full on the mouth. Vorhalas lunged at Vorrutyer, but Vorkosigan reached out with his arm and blocked him.

"Don't ... don't get involved with this," Vorkosigan said to Vorhalas.

At first Vorrutyer had seemed disappointed by Vorkosigan's reaction to the kiss. But now both Vorrutyer and his father laughed. "See, Ges is right, Vorkosigan _is_ a slut," his father said. "He _wants_ this."

"Illyan is going to report this, you know!" Vorhalas screamed.

"Let him," his father said. "My father already knows about Vorkosigan's perversions."

Simon Illyan was standing there. Though he did nothing, the look of horror on his face was clear. Gregor had grown up with the idea that Illyan was practically a demi-god, that nothing could shake him. To see a young Illyan look so clearly helpless ... it scared Gregor.

"As your commanding officer," Vorrutyer said in a smarmy voice, "I order you to take off all of your clothes."

Vorkosigan took off all of his clothes. His father chuckled.

"Now lie down on the floor, on your stomach," Vorrutyer commanded.

Vorkosigan obeyed the order.

"Sergeant," Vorrutyer said. "Rape me this man."

The naked man moved forward - it was Elena's father! Why had Gregor not recognized him when he first saw the vid? There were not many people who looked like Armsman Bothari.

"No," Vorkosigan said. It was the first sign of resistance he had shown during the entire scene.

"What, is my batman too ugly for your tastes?" Vorrutyer taunted.

Vorhalas could not contain himself any longer, so he punched the naked man. The naked man fought back, and eventually knocked Vorhalas to the floor.

"That's enough playtime," his father said with a grin on his face. "We don't want to damage our Admiral Vorhalas too much."

Simon Illyan's face was almost entirely white.

"So, Aral," Vorrutyer said. "Who would you prefer, my batman, or myself?"

"You," Vorkosigan replied.

"I knew it," Vorrutyer said. "You still love me, don't you?"

His father laughed.

"Sergeant, go back to your quarters and rape your wife," Vorrutyer ordered.

The naked man put some clothes back on, and left the room. The 'wife' ... was that Elena's mother? Was this how Elena was conceived? Gregor had not thought about _that_ angle before.

Simon Illyan could not help but choke. _Why didn't he do anything! This is Illyan, there must have been something he could have done!_ Gregor thought in despair.

"Now," Vorrutyer said. "It is time for me to satisfy your slutty desires."

Vorrutyer dropped his pants, and then ... Gregor wished he could block out that image from his mind forever, but it was seared into his memory.

It was clear from his father's face that he had taken great delight in this scene and ... Gregor felt something stir in himself as well. 

When Vorrutyer was done, he got up, and ordered Vorkosigan to stand up as well. That his when his father took a shock-stick into his hand, and brought it to Vorkosigan's ...

For most of his life, Gregor had been under Aral Vorkosigan's care and control. He had felt confined in Vorkosigan's shadow. When he had reached his majority, he had dared to spread his wings, to move out of Vorkosigan's shadow ... and he had fallen into Count Vordrozda's trap. Since then, Gregor had felt more boxed in by Prime Minister Vorkosigan and Captain Simon Illyan more than every before, as if it were inevitable that they would always be the real powers behind the throne. To see Vorkosigan forced to take it, to see him forced to submit to his father's superior power ... something in Gregor _responded_ to that.

That convinced Gregor that he was indeed his father's son.

After his father was done, he left with Admiral Vorrutyer.

As soon as they were gone, Simon Illyan rushed to Vorkosigan's side. "What can I do for you?" Illyan asked in a small voice unlike any Gregor had ever heard from him.

Vorkosigan put his clothes back on. "We should help Admiral Vorhalas."

Vorhalas, though down, had remained conscious this entire time. "I never imagined that they would ... they should never ... they _dared_..."

"It is better that they do this to me than to the prisoners," Vorkosigan said. "The prisoners are innocent."

"But you're a count's heir, a Vorkosigan, the Hero of Komarr!" Vohalas called out.

"You know nothing," Vorkosigan said. "I lost my honor the moment I agreed to come here. That they do this to me is not important."

All the time that Vorrutyer and his father had been present, the only time Vorkosigan had shown even the slightest hint of dismay was when they suggested that Elena's father rape him. Strangely, it was the attitude Gregor would have expected of the legendary Aral Vorkosigan - nothing could tear him down. But in that moment, Vorkosigan was exposed. He _had_ been torn down. His spirit had been broken.

That Vorkosigan could be brought to this ... that disturbed Gregor almost as much as learning about his father's true nature. If anyone could be a proper emperor, it was Vorkosigan. If even his will could be broken, then what chance did Gregor have of stepping into his place?

" _This seems to disturb you_ ," Tremont observed. Gregor snapped back to the present moment.

" _I - I have seen the face of another man who had lost his honor_ ," Gregor said, his voice trembling. " _It looked a little like your face_."

Gregor desperately wanted to end the conversation immediately.

But if he ended the conversation right now, he probably would never again get this kind of chance to get what he needed from Tremont. And without that, his chances of returning to Barrayar alive were slim, and the chances of a disastrous war in the Hegen Hub were very high.

Gregor took a deep breath.

" _What makes you think that you are no longer a man of honor?_ " Gregor asked.


	13. At Least Twenty Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: dialogue in italics is dialogue which is spoken in French.

" _I had to make a choice_ ," Tremont replied. " _I had to choose what was right for Marilac_."

" _But isn't doing what is right for Marilac the honorable choice?_ " Gregor asked.

" _Helping the Cetagandans do their dirty work is not honorable_ ," Tremont spat out.

All of this seemed to support Gregor's theory.

" _How are you doing the Cetagandans' dirty work?_ " Gregor asked.

Tremont gave Gregor a look. " _That is none of your business!_ "

Gregor saw that Tremont was starting to clamp down. To stop Tremont from closing himself off, Gregor would have to...

" _Are you referring to the ground attack on Vervain?_ " Gregor asked.

Tremont was alarmed. " _You know_ ," he said. " _I knew you had learned too much for it to be safe to send you to the Barrayaran embassy on Vervain_."

Had that been Tremont's plan? Had Gregor just botched his own rescue. _No, it did not make sense for Tremont to let go of Gregor so easily - Gregor would not do so in Tremont's position_. 

" _What I don't understand_ ," Gregor said, " _is why you would want to make the Cetagandans stronger. Will it not be harder to defend Marilac after Cetaganda commands the resources of yet another planet?_ "

" _Not necessarily_ ," Tremont replied.

" _Has Cetaganda promised to leave Marilac alone if you give them Vervain?_ " Gregor asked.

" _Yes_ ," Tremont replied.

" _You trust them to keep their word?_ "

" _I do not trust the Cetagandans as far as I can throw Fletchir Giaja_ " Tremont said. " _I do have some trust in history_."

Gregor did not expect the second part of that response. " _What does history have to do with it?_ " he asked.

" _What was more difficult for Barrayar - taking Komarr, or keeping Komarr?_ " Tremont asked.

" _Keeping Komarr_." It was an obvious answer.

" _Cetaganda understands that keeping a newly conquered planet takes far more resources than taking it in the first place_ ," Tremont said.

 _My people certainly rubbed that lesson in for the Cetagandans_ , Gregor thought.

" _Taking Vervain is the easy part. They must also prepare for the difficult part. Cetaganda has never annexed by force an additional planet while they are still in the earlier stages of pacifying a previous conquest - trying to hold two rebellious planets at the same time would strain even their resources. That is why, in the entire history of Cetaganda, they have always waited at least twenty years after a previous successful conquest before they attempt another. I believe that, should Cetaganda gain Vervain, that would buy Marilac at least twenty years. Much can be done in that time_."

" _Has Marilac tried to form alliances with neighboring planets?_ "

" _We have. We are 'allies' with Cetaganda,_ " Tremont replied with bitter irony.

" _What of other neighbors?_ "

" _We have bad blood with Zoave Twilight. All of my combat experience has been in the Twilight wars. I never realized it at the time, but now that I have seen the Cetagandans' dirty work from the inside, when I think back to those times, I can see all of those little signs of Cetagandan interference. Inflaming the wars in such ways that we would be most inclined to seek Cetagandan aid ... while making it more and more difficult for us to restore diplomatic relations with Zoave Twilight ..._ "

" _So you are inflicting that on Vervain just to get Marilac a twenty year reprieve?_ "

" _The Cetagandans have also promised that, should I betray them here, the invasion fleet they have prepared for Vervain will turn around, and not just take Marilac, but also treat our people very punitively. That is a promise I trust them to keep_."

" _And the Vervani?_ "

" _I expect them to surrender quickly. If they do, the Cetagandans will be ... much less cruel than they are with planets which resist._ "

" _The Vervani have never wronged you, have they?_ "

There was a small but noticeable tremor in Tremont's face. _I have hit a nerve_ , Gregor thought. _Tremont does not want to go through with this. He is only doing it because he believes the alternative is disaster for his home_

" _I did not say it was honorable_ ," Tremont said. " _But given a choice between saving Vervain and saving Marilac, I must choose Marilac._ "

There was silence.

That confirmed what that Gregor's theory was correct. Now what?

" _I do appreciate being able to confide in someone who is not utterly despicable_ ," Tremont said. " _Since you already know, I might as well get this use out of you_."

Tremont got up to leave. Gregor wanted to make him stay - who knew when he would return, and whether it would be too late to stop the strike on Vervain? Tremont certainly was not going to let anybody else get near Gregor after this conversation, and if nobody came to Gregor, then he would be powerless.

What could Gregor say? The weight of what had been said had snapped the thread of conversation. A desperate attempt to keep Tremont in the room, to keep him talking, might be worse than saying nothing, Gregor realized. Manipulating with words alone could only go so far, especially on a matter which struck the very core of Tremont's spirit.

They had eaten only half of the food, which Tremont left behind. They had both lost their appetites during their talking. _At least it is something other than ration bars that I can eat later_.

Gregor pondered what Tremont's next move might be.

 _He's keeping Us in reserve_ , Gregor realized. _We are his trump card. If Our military gets involved, he can use Us to make them back off. He will not give Us to the Cetagandans outright - he does not want to make things easy for them, and he only trusts them to keep their bargains when their part of the bargain is something they would have done anyway. But he does not want to return Us to Barrayar unless circumstances force it. If the Imperium is in disarray, that will distract the Cetagandans, and reduce the pressure on Marilac even further._

Somehow, when Gregor had been considering all of the things that Tremont might do with him, it had not occurred to him that Tremont may simply keep him in the brig indefinitely. Surely an emperor would be _used_ , and not abandoned to gather dust in some forgotten corner. _And to think I wanted to be abandoned and forgotten by the world_ , Gregor thought.

Cetaganda would take Vervain. Hopefully, Tremont would take Gregor with him when Randall's Rangers left Vervain, but that would only extend Gregor's imprisonment. The Cetagandans would then have a solid foothold in the Hegen Hub. And that was sure to bring out the Barrayaran military, even during a time of domestic turmoil, even if they did not get permission from Pol. And if a civil war really did break out in the Imperium, then the Cetagandans might...

No, until it happened, there may still be a way to prevent it. Tremont did not want to deliver Vervain to the Cetagandans; he only did it because he thought that Marilac had no better option. If only Gregor could point out another way, and make Tremont believe it was possible...


	14. The Admiral Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a reference to ["Slumming It"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/445046) by zinjadu. It's not necessary to read that fic, but it would help the beginning of this chapter make more sense.
> 
> Also, some of the sentences and dialogue in this chapter are pulled straight from Chapter Eleven of _The Vor Game_ (for once, this fic is intersecting with canon rather than diverging farther away).

Chodak approached Elena Bothari-Jesek.

"There is a man who, ah, wishes to apologize for using your curiosity and fear for his safety to manipulate you into going to a location that had a bad reputation," Chodak reported.

"I am not sure what you are talking about," Elena replied.

"He mentioned that his idiot cousin was also there."

As soon as Chodak said 'idiot cousin', Elena knew he was talking about Miles and Ivan.

"Is it someone that we've met before?" Elena asked.

Chodak could not help grinning. "Yes."

Elena wished Chodak could say outright whether or not it was Admiral Naismith, but she understood his caution about saying anything which would make Miles' identity obvious to people who might overhear.

"He is going to join the Dendarii, after we resolve some recruitment mix-ups."

Elena took that to mean that Chodak was going to make sure that he was going to keep Miles out of sight of anyone who may be loyal to Oser until Miles could be put into a strategic position. She nodded.

 _Is it really Miles?_ After the previous time, Elena was a little more hesitant to conclude that Miles had really come back. _That was awfully fast, but maybe Miles was already on Komarr, and Gregor sent an order by tightbeam from Pol. That would mean that Gregor had also reached Pol safely._ Elena had been worried about what had happened to Gregor after Elli Quinn had failed to send any messages from Pol Six, but there were a number of non-bad reasons why Elli might not have sent any messages yet.

***

It _really was_ Miles this time. Though she had awaited this moment for so long, Elena could hardly believe that it was finally happening. Elena saw in his face that, even after all these years, he still cared about her. More than that, he still loved her. Elena decided to interpret it as brotherly love.

While dealing with Oser's coup, Elena had fantasized that, if only Miles were to return, Oser's grip on power would crumble instantly, and things would go back to being the way they were during the first year. Now that Miles was actually here, it was obvious that things were not going to be that easy.

Elena recalled the time when she believed that Ky Tung, who was a legend himself, could never fail (except when Miles was involved, because Miles could trip up _anybody_ ). Oser's coup had shattered that illusion. She still had not forgiven Tung, not just for screwing up badly, but for proving that it was _possible_ for him to screw up badly. She did not think she could have made it through her first year with the Dendarii without the illusion of Tung's infallibility, and she could never fall back on that again for support.

Would Miles fail to live up to her expectations, just as Tung had?

Nonetheless, Elena found herself feeling a lot more hopeful than she had in a long time.

"Hello, son." Ky Tung's smile was far more ironic than cheerful. "Welcome back. You took your sweet time." Tung, arms folded, did not salute.

"Hello, Ky." Miles nodded to the Eurasian.

Arde Mayhew's swift hands activated hatch seal controls, aimed attitude jets. Some hissing and clanks, and the shuttle popped away from the _Estraven_ , the ship which had picked up Miles from Aslund station, and started on its trajectory. Mayhew killed the comm and breathed a long sigh of relief. "Safe. For now."

"I hope you're right," said Miles, "but what makes you think so?"

"He means, safe to talk," said Elena. "Not safe in any cosmic sense. This is a routine scheduled run, except for us unlisted passengers. "

"I think I have a pretty good handle on what has been happening to the Dendarii - including Oser's takeover - as of a few weeks ago," Miles said.

Elena's guess was that Miles must have gotten that information from Gregor or ImpSec. If ImpSec had _known_ all this time, and still refused to help, Elena was going to be royally pissed.

"Has anything changed since three weeks ago?" Miles asked.

"Nothing essential," Elena replied.

"If only you'd stuck with me, son, between us we could've ..." Tung said. "Or maybe you are simply a supreme opportunist. In which case I direct your attention to the opportunity now before you to retake the Dendarii Mercenaries. I can put over a hundred loyal officers and non-coms at your back at a word. Four ships."

"Why not at your own back?"

"If I could, I would have already. But I'm not going to tear the fleet apart unless I can be certain of putting it back together again. All of it. But with you as leader, with your reputation - which has grown in the retelling -"

"Leader? Or figurehead?" 

Tung's hands opened noncommittally. "As you wish. The bulk of the officer cadre will go for the winning side. That means we must appear to be winning quickly, if we move at all. Oser has about another hundred personally loyal to himself, who we're going to have to physically overpower if he insists on holding out - which suggests to my mind that a well-timed assassination could save a lot of lives."

"Do you have any ideas for pulling that off?" Miles asked.

Tung gritted his teeth. "Only ones which put the assassins' lives at high risk."

"You mean a suicide mission?" Miles asked.

"I still think it would save a lot of lives."

Tung and Miles started discussing how an assassination might be carried out.

So far, none of the Dendarii had actually tried to _kill_ each other. Hearing talking about assassination and suicide missions disturbed Elena. She also understood how things had come to this point, and she was at a loss to suggest a less violent solution.

Elena could see subtle signs that Miles was also not entirely comfortable with sending somebody on a kamikaze-assassination mission.

Baz had been dispirited by failing his liege lord (never mind that his liege lord had failed him first), yet he had managed to stay above all this, and remain a good, uncorrupted man in spite of everything. Though he was useless in countering Oser's machinations, he had been Elena's rock all these years. If she had not had him, and his goodness, beside herself, she may very well have become a monster like her father by now.

Instead, she was just somewhat like a monster. And she might have to become a little bit more of a monster now.

"We just have two more minutes before we dock with the _Triumph_ ," Mayhew said.

"Acknowledged," Elena said.

"It's a pity there is no way to make Oser's death seem like an accident," Miles said.

"If I knew how to do that, I might have done it already," Tung said. "If we are going to kill him, we are going to choose between speed and stealth, and speed is critical. However, if we are going to kill him openly, it would be best to do it after he has already shown himself to the fleet that he is disloyal to you. But if you declare you presence first, he'll be on guard, which will make it harder for an assassin to get through."

"My lord, may I have a quick word?" Arde asked.

"Of course," Miles said.

"Are you back, for real, my lord? No more disappearances?"

"Yes," Miles said firmly. "No more disappearances, unless it's done against my will."

"I'm just a shuttle pilot now, but I'll do my best to be a good liege-man, my lord," Arde said.

"You already are a good liege-man," Miles replied.

They docked with the _Triumph_. Elena got out first. She had a very uneasy feeling. Maybe it was just the result of all of the experiences she had had in the past two years, or maybe it was just hearing all of the talk of assassination on the shuttle, but she could not help but think that that niche in the wall before them would be the perfect place for someone to wait for them to kill them all...

Was it just paranoia, or did she see the tip of something poking out of that niche?

Elena did not think - she dived down, saw legs inside that niche, grabbed them, and pulled the owner of those legs down. She heard the sound of a nerve disruptor being fired. She leaped onto their chest, and then struck at his throat.

Elena was one of the best at hand-to-hand combat in the entire fleet. When she got up, she was relieved to see that nobody had been hit by nerve disruptor fire.

"That's one of Oser's men!" Tung whispered. "Oser knows!"


	15. It Was Time to Push That Luck

Gregor was thinking and thinking about how he find some way in which it would be in Marilac's interests for Tremont to betray the Cetagandans and save Vervain when the door opened, and then closed again.

This time, it was not Tremont.

"So it's you," Elli Quinn said. She was wearing a Randall's Rangers uniform, and she had done something to make her face unrecognizable - makeup and a wig, a temporary facemod, something - but Gregor recognized the voice. "I was wondering who the only prisoner with the special tripwire was."

"Tripwire?" Gregor asked.

"It's jargon - basically, not only are the commander and vice commander the only ones who have the authority to open this cell, if anyone else even _tries_ to open the cell door, the vice commander - and interestingly, _not_ the commander - is automatically notified."

"Have you, ah, tripped the..."

"Nope, I temporarily disabled the tripwire," Elli replied. "Also, the only listening bug in this cell has been malfunctioning for a while, and nobody bothered to fix it yet, which means that somebody does _not_ want it to be fixed. We have a little time, and I definitely want to know why you're getting this special treatment."

"The Cetagandans plan to invade Vervain," Gregor said. "Randall's Rangers are working with the Cetagandans. They are going to launch a ground attack to distract the Vervani, and then the Cetagandans are going to come in and chase out the 'bad' Randall's Rangers, and get both wormholes."

"And how do you know this?" Elli asked.

"I figured it out, and then Vice Commander Tremont confirmed it himself," Gregor said.

Elli whistled. "Some of the odd things I've observed during this splendid opportunity to gather intelligence on Randall's Rangers now makes a heck of a lot more sense. That explains the tripwire - but why alert only Tremont and not Cavilo?"

Gregor decided it was safer not to tell Elli the _other_ reason the 'tripwire' might have been put in place. "Tremont and Cavilo do not get along very well."

"I guessed as much. Anything else you know?" Elli asked.

"The Cetagandans have threatened to invade Marilac if they fail to get Vervain - that is what convinced Tremont to go along with this," Gregor said. "Tremont is reluctant, but because it's his home planet ... I think you can understand. You know, Commander Cavilo seemed really upset with you the one time I saw her," Gregor said.

"I bet she was," Elli said.

"Ahhh, may I ask..."

"While I was busy escaping, I didn't have time to go to the bathroom. I then found myself in Commander Cavilo's quarters where she has all of these _personal_ items. My bladder was so full at that point that I couldn't stop myself from knocking them all down onto the floor and kicking them into a single pile, and then I had no choice but to pull down my pants and relieve..."

Gregor's face turned red. "Ahhh, you're a woman, your body's plumbing..."

"Oh, I didn't mind making a mess," Elli replied. "Especially since I used her bedsheets to clean myself up." She was grinning.

"If I think of anything else you should know, I'll tell you on the way back to the Hegen Hub," Gregor said.

Elli stopped smiling. "Who said we were going back to the Hegen Hub?"

"We're not?" Gregor said.

"Well, _I_ am," Elli said. "But unless you can break out of here on your own and rendezvous with me before the outbound ship departs, you aren't joining me."

"You aren't rescuing me."

"Elena did informally ask me to keep on eye on you, but rescuing you is not part of my mission."

"So you won't rescue Admiral Naismith's friend."

Gregor had her. He could see it in her eyes. She was now calculating a way she could make rescuing Gregor a part of her mission. _If only I could have seduced Commander Cavilo the same way Admiral Naismith seems to have seduced Elli Quinn. Dealing with this Vervain mess would be so much easier if I had that kind of hold over the commander of Randall's Rangers. Maybe I should have told Cavilo that I am the emperor of Barrayar, and that I would marry her and make her empress - I certainly could not seduce her as a mere Greg_.

"No, I'm sorry Greg," Elli said. "I am confident I can get myself out but ... I don't think I could get you out through the same channels. Even trying to get you out of this brig would increase my risk of re-capture. Trying to rescue you could get both of us killed. Given that Randall's Rangers apparently want to keep you alive, you're probably safer here than joining me." Gregor reminded himself that Elli did not know his true identity. Elli continued speaking. "And if what you said about a Cetagandan invasion is true, I really need to get back to the Hegen Hub as soon as possible."

Gregor slowly nodded. He agreed that getting the message about the upcoming Cetagandan invasion to the Hegen Hub was critical. "Will you only report to your mercenaries?" he asked.

"Why report to anyone else?" Elli asked.

Elena might pass the message on to others, but that would take more time ... "You should also try to get the message to the Polians," Gregor said. "I'm not sure, but I think the Barrayarans might be trying to negotiate passage through Pol right now, and that would be a lot easier if the Polians knew about the invasion. And if they know the intelligence came from your people, they might be grateful. If the Cetagandans do get into the Hegen Hub, your mercenaries will definitely want to have the Barrayaran and Polian navies as your allies."

"I'll consider that," Elli said.

"Can you also send a message for me?" Gregor asked.

"Maybe," Elli said.

"First, do you have a vid recorder?" Gregor asked.

"Of course," Elli said as she tapped her wristcom.

"Can you send a secure vid recording to the Barrayaran embassy on Vervain?"

Elli raised her eyebrows. "So you are a Barrayaran after all!"

"Can you?"

"I cannot guarantee that the Vervani intelligence agency won't tap in and, uh, create their own copy."

"Do you think you could at least prevent foreign spies from accessing it, especially the Cetagandans?"

"If the security on the Barrayaran end is decent, then yes, I think I can."

"And ... where exactly are we?"

"Cell number fourteen, Block B, the brig of _The Hundredth Idiot_."

"What?"

" _The Hundredth Idiot_. It's the name of this vessel."

"Are you joking."

"The late Commander Randall is the one who was joking," Elli said. "He was noted for selecting wacky names for his ships. He named the first ship he ever owned the _It's My Party And I'll Sing If I Want_."

"You would have thought that Commander Cavilo would have changed the name."

"She did rename the ship formerly known as the _Now, Turning to Reason, & Its Just Sweetness_. It's now her flagship, _Kurin's Hand_."

Gregor decided he did not need to know more about the late Commander Randall's eccentric ways. "Very well. You may start recording the message."

Gregor saw the light blinking on Elli's wristcom, and started speaking.

"Greetings. I am being held prisoner by _Randall's Rangers_. I am currently in the brig of _The Hundredth Idiot_..." Gregor was sure that, without his extensive experience with public speaking, he would be sounding like the hundred-and-first idiot right now, "... Block B, cell fourteen. I request that you get me out of her as quickly and discreetly as possible." He signalled Elli, and then she stopped the recording.

"That's all? You didn't even say your name."

"I'd rather my name were not in the recording."

Gregor had to think fast. Even if the ImpSec agents in Vervani space could rescue him, it might not be in time to prevent the Cetagandan invasion - or even to get Gregor out before the invasion. He felt he had to do something more.

Could he send an order to Elena to bring the Dendarii into Vervani space and defend the wormhole? No, the Dendarii mercenaries were already divided, it would be unlikely that Elena would be able to make them comply with such an order out of the blue, and even if she did bring some ships, the disarray among the officers would make them so ineffective that Randall's Rangers or the Cetagandans would quickly slaughter them while hardly slowing down the invasion at all...

Then Gregor saw the way. It might not work - much depended on factors beyond Gregor's control. But if it worked, then Vervain might be saved.

The fact that Elli had shown up meant that Gregor had some luck. It was time to push that luck.

"Elli, I'd like you to record one more message," Gregor said.


	16. Stunner Nausea

"This is a message for Elena, but ... do you think you could also arrange for Randall's Rangers to get a copy?" Gregor asked. "Without it looking like you intended to give them a copy?"

"Leak it in a way which seems like an accident?" Elli smiled. "I think I can pull that off. Depending on what you put in the message, it might even distract them and put them further off my trail. Okay, I can start recording as soon as you give me the signal."

Gregor did the hand signal, and then began speaking very slowly and clearly: 

"Commander Elena Bothari-Jesek, there is a Cetagandan fleet which might turn around and invade Marilac. We request and require that you and the Dendarii head to Marilac and do what you can to prevent or delay this invasion." 

Using the imperial 'We' was a risk - and a risk Gregor had not taken with his message for the embassy - but he felt that this increased his chances of success. And he had to admit, being able to take a personal risk like that without anybody around to tell him that it was too risky was very satisfying.

Gregor continued.

"We suggest that you create a wormhole blockade. Information about Cetaganda's invasion plans should be forthcoming via tightbeam as you are en route towards Marilac; this might be enough to persuade Marilac's government to offer you a contract to guard their wormhole route to Xi Ceta. Should that fail, evaluate your other options for slowing down a Cetagandan invasion of Marilac, and choose the best one.

"Offer the governments of Illyrica, Zoave Twilight, and Tau Ceti all evidence you may collect of a Cetagandan invasion attempt on Marilac or any other planet, and point out to them that, if they do not offer military assistance to Marilac, the Cetagandans may arrive on their doorstep. 

"You and your confusing appearance of having a power struggle has worked so well that hardly anyone is aware that you are in fact Our troops. You should not face the impediments which would prevent Our regular forces from reaching Marilac speedily, nor would there be anywhere close to the same level of diplomatic risk. That is why We are sending you.

"As always, should your services be satisfactory, We shall provide the monetary compensation you are due."

Gregor signalled that Elli could end the recording.

"Who are you, and why do you think Elena will listen to you?" Elli asked.

"You just need to deliver this message to Elena - and leak a copy to Randall's Rangers," Gregor said. "Then Elena can do what she wants. If you want to know who We are, you may ask her."

Gregor could see that Elli was on he verge of demanding that he reveal his true identity right there and then, but she restrained herself, and merely said "Oh yes indeed, I am going to ask Elena about you."

"We greatly appreciate your services," Gregor said. "We wish you a safe journey back to the Dendarii."

***

Admiral Naismith was on his way to a meeting with some representatives from Aslund's government.

Tung knew the _Triumph_ intimately, and knew who to trust, which allowed the to evade additional would-be assailants after that man who greeted them with a nerve disruptor. They swiftly made their way to Captain Auson, Admiral Naismith scared the hell out of him, and he pledged himself to Naismith. With Auson tentatively on their side, and with the assistance of Tung, they quickly secured control of the _Triumph_ and made a fleetwide announcement of Admiral Naismith's return. Three ship captains who were Tung loyalists, as well as Bel Thorne from the _Ariel_ , immediately welcomed back their admiral, as well as a few other ships of less certain loyalty. Oser, as well as a few ship captains, asserted that he was the legitimate leader of the 'Oseran' Mercernaries. All of the other ships were, for the moment, remaining neutral.

Tung was remaining behind on the _Triumph_ , which had re-docked with the station to make it harder for Oser to launch an unprovoked attack, as Elena and a few other Dendarii accompanied Miles to the meeting.

"You're sure it's really the Aslunders?" Miles asked.

"Our people - as well as Oser's people - could not fake those credential codes," Elena said. "Maybe a spook from one of the major planetary intelligence services could, or a specialist from Jackson's Whole, but how could they react so quickly, and why would they bother?"

Miles nodded. So far, the conflict the Dendarii and the Oserans had not reached the level of violence (that man with the nerve disruptor nonwithstanding), and it would be better for it not to go there. If they could persuade the Aslunders that Admiral Naismith was the legitimate leader of the Dendarii Mercenaries, that might shift the tide in their favor.

"You've worked with them. Do you have any advice?" Miles asked.

"Remember that, above all, the Aslunders are scared," Elena said. "Make them believe that you can save them all - and that you can protect them better than Oser - and they will follow you alright."

"And how do I do that?"

"You're the expert on getting people to believe what you want them to believe," Elena said.

Miles took a breath. "Right. They wish to have a confidential meeting with me, alone. Is that safe?"

"I don't think the Aslunders would try any kind of dirty trick at this meeting," Elena said. "But it's good procedure to be cautious. I've prepared this panic signal for the left side of your mouth. Our people will be just outside, and if you think you are in danger, just bite on it. Since the station is still in mid-construction, security is not as good as it will be in a few months, and we should be able to break in within seconds."

As Elena put the panic signal inside Miles' mouth, he could not help but wish that instead of her hand she were putting her tongue ... no, he should not go there. Elena was _married_ , and _not_ to himself, he did not want to become just like ... Miles diverted himself from that train of thought.

They got into the station, and a big Aslunder - he certainly looked like a bodyguard - was there to greet them. 

"Sergeant Yalli?"

He did not say anything, he merely nodded at them to follow him.

It took only about ten minutes for them to reach the office where Admiral Naismith was due to have a confidential meeting with an Aslund admiral.

The door shut behind Miles.

"Greetings, Admiral Naismith," Admiral Kizam said. "I have heard much about you, and it is a pleasure to meet you at last. Please sit down."

Miles sat down.

As soon as Miles saw from the corner of his eye that Sergeant Yalli was pulling out a weapon, he bit the panic signal inside his mouth, and then lost consciousness.

***

When Miles awoke, there was a Dendarii medtech hovering over him, who immediately dosed him with synergine, as well as Chodak.

"You're on the _Triumph_ now," Chodak said. "We caught them. That 'admiral' got away, but we caught the 'sergeant' and we're ready to interrogate him. We were just waiting for you to come to."

"Yes," said Miles. Between the nausea, the muscle spasms, and the migraine - even though the synergine was kicking in - he did not feel he could say anything much more intelligent than that. They must have hit him with a _heavy_ stunner.

Miles somehow managed to walk with Chodak out without looking like an idiot. He was grateful that they did not have to walk far to their destination, since it was just another part of the same sickbay.

Tung, Elena, and about a dozen other people - Miles guessed that Tung had picked them - were all gathered around the large Sergeant Yalli. Miles nodded to Tung and Elena, and then Tung signalled for another person to administer the fast-penta.

After the preliminaries to ensure the fast-penta had taken effect, Tung asked "What is your name?"

"Felix Overholt."

 _That guy speaks with a Barrayaran accent_ , Miles thought. He was still too nauseated to try to figure out the implications of that.

"What is the name of the man who was in the office you escorted Admiral Naismith into?"

"Vadim Ungari."

"Why did you stun Admiral Naismith?"

"To kidnap him. There was a second door in the office, we were going to take him out there quietly."

"Where were you planning to take Admiral Naismith."

"Barrayar."

Miles could tell that there was something seriously wrong with this picture, but due to the damn nausea, migraine, and muscle spasms, he could not put it together. Had that medtech given him too little synergine on account of his size?

"Why did you want to kidnap Admiral Naismith and take him to Barrayar?"

"When we found out that Lord Vorkosigan was here and was trying to take over the mercenaries, Captain Ungari decided to try to grab him before he could make more trouble."

Elena's face froze. Through the haze of stunner-nausea, it took Miles a moment to register that Overholt had referred to him as _Lord Vorkosigan_...

Tung's eyebrows shot up as he pressed on. "Who do you mean by 'Lord Vorkosigan'?"

Overholt pointed at Miles. "Him. He's Lord Miles Vorkosigan, son of Admiral Aral Vorkosigan, and he's wanted by Imperial Security for committing military crimes."

Everyone turned to stare at Miles.

The migraine and the nausea did not stop Miles' brain from going _oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit..._


	17. Feed the Legend

"Are you in fact the son of Aral Vorkosigan?" Tung asked.

"Yes, yes I am," Miles said. The nausea and the migraine were fading - apparently the synergine was taking effect after all - but he still was in no state to invent stories. It was all he could do to make that statement affirmatively, as if he did not mind revealing that information.

He realized that he should end this fast-penta interrogation now, before any other dangerous knowledge leaked out. "We now know who he works for, and why he did it. He does not have a fast-penta allergy, which means Barrayaran Imperial Security won't let him know anything particularly important anyway. We should stop wasting our time and administer the antagonist."

Miles could not help but notice that the fifteen or so people there continued to stare at him.

"I should have known!" one of the people - Miles did not know his name - piped up. "I looked up where the name 'Dendarii' comes from once, and I found it was the name of some mountains where Admiral Vorkosigan is from, but I thought it was just a coincidence!"

"I knew that Admiral Vorkosigan has a wife named Naismith," another man whose name Miles did not remember mentioned. "But I just assumed that 'Naismith' was a common name on Beta Colony."

Tung's jaw was still dropped. "My boy," he said. "This ... this is amazing! Hot damn, if you have even half of your father's genius..."

"Yeah, Admiral Naismith!" another person - this time a woman - cheered. 

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Tung asked.

"If I had told you during our first meeting, would you have believed me?" Miles replied. "Ah ... you all seemed to be pleased about this."

"Of course! Our admiral is the son of one of the most brilliant military strategists who ever lived! That you are his son ... it makes complete sense!" exclaimed one of the men. "We've all studied the Komarr Report!"

"I made it required reading for all officers in the fleet," Tung said smugly.

"And what do the fleet officers make of the report?" Miles asked.

"We have a fleetwide discussion and analysis of it every year," one of the women said. "I've learned so much from it ... I learn something new from it every year."

"Is it just some officers who..." Miles began.

"Oh most of the officers in the fleet admire Admiral Vorkogisan," another man said. "Not just us - Oser's officers find it inspiring too."

Not too long ago, Miles would have been proud of being Aral Vorkosigan's son under these circumstances. He was also a bit stung that even the Dendarii mercenaries - just about the only people who had ever expressed high regard of Miles without even knowing about his family - were now also looking up to him as tge Great Man's son rather than as _Miles_. Now, with what he had seen about his father ... there was a new kind of pain to seeing his father praised thus.

But Miles did not have time to dwell on that now. 

Miles tried to think if there was any way he could keep this secret under wraps. Even though all of these people were presumably loyal to himself and Tung, ensuring none of them leaked this to Oser's people would be very difficult, not to mention that this interrogation had been recorded. Heck, they were so excited about this, Miles would not put it past them to brag about Admiral Naismith's parentage...

It was probably inevitable that his cover would have gotten blown sooner or later anyway - he had chosen the name 'Dendarii', he had called himself 'Naismith', and his physical appearance completely matched that of 'Lord Vorkosigan' and nearly nobody else in the galaxy. He might as well take full advantage of his cover being blown now.

"I want the recording of this interrogation broadcast to all ships in the fleet," Miles said. "And I am going to make my own announcement."

***

Elena, Tung, and a few other officers were there as he prepared the announcement. Tung was still beaming.

Miles took a deep breath. He reminded himself that four years ago he had brought the Dendarii together himself - okay, with a lot of help from Baz, Elena, Sergeant Bothari, and especially Tung - without any kind of assistance from his father, not even his father's name. He was _not_ going to need his father's reputation in the long term. He was just taking a problem and turning it into an opportunity.

And if he was going to take back the Dendarii quickly with little bloodshed, he needed to take advantage of his opportunities.

"As clearly proven by this hostile interrogation done under fast-penta," Miles announced in Admiral Naismith style, "my sire is none other than the dread Admiral Aral Vorkosigan, the one who took Komarr.

"I have received a lot of questions about where I have been these past few years, and you all deserve an explanation. My sire was not at all happy about me having my own fleet, and he said that I should be - and I quoting his exact words - 'confined to an institution, where he would be forced to labor all day long under many watchful eyes.' And he arranged exactly that."

Miles was not going to explain now that the 'institution' was the Imperial Service Academy.

"However, even he could not keep me there forever, and I escaped from his clutches! Naturally, the Barrayaran military does like people disobeying its admirals, hence the charges against me. However, I have been away from the Dendarii far, far too long, and I will see to it that I will never have such a long separation again, regardless of how _he_ feels about it.

"I emphasize that I am done listening to him. When you follow me, you will be following _me_ , not him. You don't have to obey anything he says.

"I shall point out that I have not just inherited his genes - I have also gotten personal tutoring for him. He groomed me to be his heir, after all. You all are familiar with the Komarr Report. I know you understand just how much that means."

Miles reviewed the message once before sending it out to all of the ships. He hoped to feed the legend of Admiral Naismith, and to sway neutral or Oseran officers who also happened to be admirers of Admiral Vorkosigan. It probably would not be enough, but hopefully it would make a difference in their favor.

Miles was also aware that he had committed treason under Vorloupulous's Law - again - and that this time it would not be so easily swept under the carpet. Or not swept under the carpet at all. It was as if he had been connected to a ship by a tether, and that tether had been severed, freeing him from the ship, freeing him to drift away in the great beyond...

When Miles was finished, Elena said "We need to talk alone."

Miles nodded. More than anyone else, she deserved an explanation.

***

"Why the hell is ImpSec trying to kidnap you?" Elena asked fiercely.

"Well, I went AWOL, and I took a lot of Betan dollars without the proper authorization, and I scrambled a lot of security..."

"Why?"

"I had to, to come back to the Dendarii."

"But didn't Gregor send you?"

Miles had not quite expected Elena to say that. "Ahhh, the thing about Gregor, it's highly classified, ummm, no, he did not send me."

"Where is Gregor?"

"I don't know," Miles replied honestly.

"I sent him back to Pol Six."

That made Miles blink. "You saw Gregor?!"

"About two weeks ago, he was here at Aslund Station. He had come from Jackson's Whole."

Miles gulped. "You saw Gregor. Ummm. What do you mean, you sent him to Pol Six."

"I arranged for his covert passage to Pol Six, along with Elli Quinn. I know they departed Aslund, and I know their ship arrived safely at Pol Six, but I have not heard at all from Elli."

Miles had to gulp again. "Maybe Gregor reached Pol Six, but ... I don't think Gregor made it to Pol itself. Or if he did, ImpSec does not know about it."

They both feel silent, and saw the horror on each other's faces.

"I had asked Gregor to send you back," Elena said. "I assumed that was why you were here. If you have not been in contact with Gregor..."

"This was not authorized at all," Miles said. "I'm now a deserter too, like Baz."

Elena's eyes widened even more. "Why..."

"I broke into some files, and I found out what was happening with the Dendarii! I couldn't believe it! Nobody ever told me anything! I couldn't know about Oser taking back the fleet and do nothing!"

Tears started to form in Elena's eyes. "I always hoped you were return, that maybe you would be forced to quit the Academy, but this, for us..."

"There is more to it that that," Miles admitted. "There is also my father..."


	18. You Don't Even Seem Surprised!

Miles knew if he was going to say it, he would have to spit it out quickly. "I saw my father screwing a junior officer. As in, the lieutenant kind of officer. As in, I think he's twenty-seven years old kind of junior."

"He's older than us," Elena noted.

Miles eyes went large. " _That_ is all you have to say."

"Go on," Elena prompted.

"Well, that - that's what I saw," Miles stammered.

"And..." Elena said.

"It's all kinds of wrong!" Miles said in exasperation. "My father extremely outranks him! Their _ages_! And what about my _mother_! I never even knew he swung that way! It's messed up no matter how you look at it! It's wrong!"

"Did you father force this lieutenant..."

"How could the lieutenant _refuse_ my father?!"

"Ah yes, refusal might be difficult." Elena finally looked worried. "Did he want to refuse your father?"

Miles could not answer that. He ... actually did not know. That a _young man_ could possibly want _his father_ that way ... it creeped Miles out.

Miles still could not believe that Elena was taking this so _calmly_. "You don't even seem surprised!"

"What's surprising?" Elena asked.

"My father. Breaking regulations which he created himself. Screwing a _lieutenant_ young enough to be his own son - heck, almost young enough to be his grandson. And cheating on my _mother_."

"Your mother probably knows," Elena said. "She's Betan. Betan marriages are a lot more flexible than Barrayaran ones."

"I know about Betan marriage," Miles said curtly. "My grandmother introduced me to two of her metamours when I was fifteen you know - both of them were married to her boyfriends, and yes, she had two boyfriends then, though I've heard she only has one now. However, I don't see how my mother could accept my father doing this because - it's that - she _is_ Betan. _I_ have an even harder time accepting this as a Betan than as a Barrayaran, you know?"

Elena raised her eyebrows at _that_.

"I had a very thorough sex education class during that year on Beta Colony. There was a _lot_ of discussion about consent. They emphasized again and again that it is wrong for people in the same chain of command to have sex, and that it is wrong for people who have too great a social power disparity to have sex. They had _multiple_ examples drawn from the military. 

"And the ages - they taught us this formula, you see? Take someone's age, cut it in half, and add seven years. That is the guideline for how great an age difference is acceptable in a sexual relationship. My dad is sixty-six, so half of that is thirty-three, and add seven years to get forty. _That_ is the minimum age for anyone he can have sex with and be accepted on Beta Colony. Okay, it might not be a big deal if the ages are off the formula by a year or two, but there is _no way_ that that kind of, you know, relationship would be accepted on Beta Colony _just because of the age difference alone_.

"How could my mother accept something that's not even accepted on _Beta Colony_? That's why I think she probably does not know - I'm sure she would freak out if she found out. When I saw this ... we were two _planets_ away from her."

"If your mother does not know, then it really is infidelity ..." Elena said. "I agree that it's wrong for your father to do what he did with the lieutenant. Shame on him. If this lieutenant does not want sex with your father ... then your father deserves to go to some kind of hell, and I hope this lieutenant gets out of the situation safely, and gets the healing he needs."

Even though Elena was _agreeing_ with him about his father's action ... Miles still got the sense that she was not agreeing with him in some other way, a way he cared deeply about.

 _Her image of Aral Vorkosigan had not been shattered_.

It was only then that Miles realized that he had been hoping that she would be shocked that _Aral Vorkosigan_ had done this, so she could share his pain in finding out that _Aral Vorkosigan_ could do this. But she was showing no interest in sharing _this pain_ with Miles.

"Elena," Miles said. "Is that all you have to say about this?"

"I wasn't there, Miles," Elena said. "And I have no intention of returning."

"It's bad!"

"Yes, it's bad, but I've lost count of how many things I've witnessed in the past four years which are even _worse_."

"But ... but it's my father!"

"Miles," Elena said. "Your father knew about _my_ father's crimes and sheltered him anyway for over ten years."

Miles did not know how to respond to that.

"Your father was also Ges Vorrutyer's lover," Elena added.

"He was not Ges Vorrutyer's lover!" Miles said reflexively. It was his automatic response whenever anyone brought that old rumor to his attention. But ... during his journey to Aslund, he had _wondered_ if that persistent rumor about his father and Ges Vorrutyer was true after all. Or the rumor that his father had been Prince Serg's lover ... Miles shuddered. Miles knew what Ges Vorrutyer and Prince Serg had been like, and if his father had...

"It's well documented that your father and Ges Vorrutyer were lovers. They sometimes had sex in public with _witnesses_ present. Prince Xav mentions their relationship in the last interview he had with the Betan media for crying out loud," Elena said.

Miles had read his great-grandfather Prince Xav's surviving letters, but he had never even occurred to him to look for interviews Prince Xav gave the Betan media.

"Besides, you knew about _my father_ ," Elena said. "You did not seem surprised when my, my m-mother made her accusations."

"Your father was, you know," Miles began to say. "We always knew that he was not entirely right in the head. I never expected him to be a particularly _moral_ person."

"He was still ... he was still my hero," Elena said quietly. Tears were returning to her eyes.

Oh hell. Why had Miles not seen this coming? He had just reopened Elena's great emotionally wound from four years ago - a wound which Miles had helped cause in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Miles said. He knew it was not enough, but he had to say it anyway.

"Maybe now you have a _little_ idea of _how much that hurt_!" Elena said in anger as she continued to sob. "Maybe now you understand why I never want to go back to Barrayar! You saw your father screw a young lieutenant! Big deal! Powerful men cheat on their wives and screw young people all the time! At least your father is not going to make a rape-baby!"

Put that way, it did make Miles look very insensitive for making such a big fuss about this in front of Elena. But it _was_ a huge freaking deal to Miles. He knew better than to say it to Elena right now, but his father ... it would have been impossible for the Da he knew to have done _that_.

Which meant that the Da he knew did not, in fact, exist.

Just as the idealized father Elena once thought was hers had not, in fact, existed.

Oh hell.

Miles shut up while Elena got her sobs under control.

Miles was still hurting, and when Elena got herself together again, he could not help by try to share his pain again.

"My father put in the regulations against sexual relationships within the same chain-of-command himself? How can he break _the laws he created_?!"

"He's prime minister, isn't he? That's a civilian post. It's a great power disparity, and it's wrong, but I don't think a lieutenant would exactly be in his chain of command."

"He's my father's _aide_. Just being boss-and-subordinate automatically makes their relationship wrong by Betan standards, even among civilians."

"You asked for my hand in marriage four years ago."

Miles sputtered for a moment before he stammered out "That - that was different." He then paused to regain his earlier train of thought. "You know, my grandmother told me about this guy called Rosemont? When he was on leave, he visited my grandmother and confessed that he was in love with my mother. However, he was directly under her command, and he did not even _think_ about having that kind of relationship with her while she was his boss because he knew it was wrong. He just wanted to ask my grandmother if she thought, when one of them got transferred, if there was any hope for him if he made a move later."

"Did he ever make a move later?" Elena asked.

"Ah, no. He died." Miles could tell that this would be a really bad time to tell Elena that her father had been with the men who killed Rosemont. "And now that my father is an admiral again, he directly above the lieutenant in the very same military chain-of-command."

"So your father is a hypocrite," Elena said. "Wait, you said that your father is an admiral again? How?"

"He thinks the Cetagandans might be doing something in the Hegen Hub, and he's in Pol now trying to get them to agree to let Barrayaran forces pass through their territory. He's an admiral to, you know, if they get permission, to lead the fleet."

"If your father is on Pol, and Gregor never made it back, then on Barrayar..."

"They have some fake emperor running around, covering Gregor's absence. It's Simon Illyan's doing," Miles said. "My information is out of date and, well, I have no idea what is going on now."

"Gregor..." Elena said. "It's my fault he did not get to Pol. I should have been more careful in how I sent him there. I hope he's still alive. And I hope he gets back to Barrayar, somehow. I hate Barrayar, but if Gregor does not get back ..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As one might have guessed based on this chapter and Chapter 10, I really wish LMB had devoted more than two sentences to discussing certain things which are mentioned in _Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen_ (the two sentences I am referring to are from Chapter Six of GJatRQ - "Betans generally wouldn’t have blinked at the gender thing, but the age and rank disparity would have made them choke sand. She’d been pretty alarmed herself, at first.")


	19. Into a Pitch-Dark Cavern

Gregor had been tense for the entire fifteen minutes that someone had been on the other side of the door to his cell. What were they doing? Most likely trying to get in. Almost certainly not Tremont, Elli, or even Cavilo - they would not need to invest so much time just to open the door.

Maybe it was ImpSec. Or maybe it was a Vervani agent. Or maybe it was a Cetagandan agent.

Eventually, the door opened.

A woman in a Randall's Rangers uniform was there. "Hello. I'm Lieutenant Tivonel Tyree. You can call me Tiv. I'll be escorting you out of here."

Gregor was going to pray that Tiv was an ImpSec agent. It was not like Gregor could do much about it at this point.

"Did you disable the tripwire?" Gregor asked.

"The what?" Tiv said.

"It's ah, something which sends out alerts whenever anybody tries to open this cell without authorization."

Tiv looked at the lock on the door in horror. "They put one of those on here? I should have thought of - LET'S RUN!"

It felt very strange to Gregor, after all this time, to finally leave the cell - to leave any chamber under his own power again. Running out made it even stranger.

And there in the corridor, with a stunner out, was Vice Commander Tremont.

"HANDS UP NOW, OR I WILL SHOOT" Tremont said. Even with his strong accent, his words were slow and deliberate enough that they were easy to understand.

Both Tiv and Gregor stopped, and threw their hands up.

"Lieutenant Tyree," Tremont said. "Explain."

"I received orders," Tiv said. "From the commander herself. You can see for yourself if you check the comconsole."

Gregor wondered whether Cavilo was behind this after all. No. If Tiv really had orders from Cavilo, she would not have had to break in. She either was bluffing, or had fake orders put through.

"I will check with her in person," Tremont replied. He continued to speak in a slow and deliberate style. "You two will walk back. Slowly. With your arms in the air."

They complied, and Tremont kept his stunner aimed at them.

Gregor wanted to mention that message which was supposedly for Elena. But he could not bring it up without revealing that Tremont had been the intended audience all along. Had Elli managed to 'leak' it? Had Tremont seen it?

Tremont backed them both into Gregor's cell. Gregor supposed that he could only point his stunner in one direction at a time, which is why he made Tiv back into the cell too. Perhaps now Tremont would ask Tiv to come out of the cell and lock the door...

Gregor did not have time to think.

"What is this all about?" Gregor asked. He decided that looking at Tiv would be safer. "You - you intercepted the message, didn't you?" Gregor did not know whether Tiv knew who Gregor was - even if she were employed by ImpSec, she might not have been told Gregor's true identity - but Gregor was going to give her an order anyway. "Tell me."

Gregor could tell by the look in Tiv's eyes that she knew _something_. Tremont saw the look too. "Tell me," Tremont said.

Tiv looked between them, trying to calculate what to do. "Ah, yes, we did intercept a message - I can't say that I understand it. It - it - it seems to be about your planet," Tiv said as she gestured towards Tremont.

Inwardly, Gregor was relieved. That _was_ the message that he had hoped that Tiv would bring up. Gregor's gut told him that Tiv had come to Gregor's cell because of the message for the Barrayaran embassy, not the message for Elena, but the latter did make a useful red herring.

"Can you access this message on your wristcom?" Tremont asked.

Tiv nodded.

"Keep your hands away from your weapons, and play this message for me," Tremont commanded.

Tiv obeyed the order. Tremont could not see the video very well from his vantage point, but they could all hear it very clearly, and that was what mattered. Gregor watched Tremont as he heard the recording of Gregor ordering the Dendarii to prevent the Cetagandan invasion of Marilac. Tremont was surprised, but Gregor could not tell more than that from his face.

"Greg," Tremont said. "Stay here. Lieutenant Tyree, you will come out with me, hands in the air."

Tremont walked backwards into the corridor, keeping his stunner aimed at Tiv. Tiv left with her hands in the air, and the door locked behind her.

Gregor wondered whether Tremont would let Tiv go free, or lock her up. This was a brig after all.

Tremont returned, stunner aimed at Gregor.

" _What was that?_ " Tremont asked in French.

" _It is not in Our interests for the Cetagandan empire to expand - anywhere_ ," Gregor said. " _Since We have reason to believe that a Cetagandan invasion of Marilac is imminent, We are doing what We can to stop that_."

" _I've read reports about the Oseran Mercenaries_ ," Tremont said. " _Their leadership is too weak to pose any kind of obstacle to the Cetagandans_."

" _It is very good for Us that they appear so_ ," Gregor replied. " _If it became known that they are actually Our forces, it would be much harder for them to travel, and thus they would be less useful. It is also useful that they are underestimated_."

" _Why should I believe that they are your forces at all?_ " Tremont asked.

" _They are known as the _Dendarii_ Mercenaries, after a mountain range on Barrayar. Alas, that connection is too obvious, so the name had to be changed back to the Oseran Mercenaries. Their legendary leader - Admiral Naismith - is none other than the son of Admiral Aral Vorkosigan. We are sure you have heard of him. If you doubt Us, look up the maiden name of Aral Vorkosigan's wife._ "

" _But you know that it is the invasion of Vervain, not the invasion of Marilac, which is imminent_ ," Tremont said. " _Vervain is much closer to Barrayar, and now you are held prisoner in Vervani, not Marilacan, space. Why not order your mercenaries come here_?"

" _We do not need them here,_ " Gregor replied. " _Have you not received intelligence that Our forces are currently negotiating passage through Pol?_ "

" _I have_ ," Tremont replied.

Gregor was relieved to hear that. He had guessed that Barrayar's fleet would be trying to get permission to go through Pol, but until Tremont had confirmed it, he had not _known_.

" _Once the Polians learn that Cetaganda is trying to get a foothold in the Hegen Hub, they will grant permission,_ " Gregor said.

" _But it will be too late_ ," Tremont said.

" _Not at all_ ," Gregor said. " _I am sure that Randall's Rangers and the Vervani forces together can protect the wormhole jump to the Hegen Hub long enough for the Polian fleet and Our fleet to come through_."

" _But-_ " Tremont fell silent for a moment. " _Even if what you say is true, your mercenaries will not be enough to stop Cetaganda from taking Marilac_."

" _Of course not_ ," Gregor replied. " _However, if the Cetagandan fleet is lured to Vervain, and suffers a disastrous defeat, they will be that much weaker. We are confident that the Dendarii Mercenaries can hold off a weakened Cetagandan force long enough for your own government, Illyrica, Tau Ceti, and even Zoave Twlight to understand the dangers of a Cetagandan invasion. And We are sure that news from Vervain will greatly influence their perspectives. Key intelligence about Cetagandan invasion plans leaked by an insider could do more to influence them._ "

Tremont's lips trembled. Gregor could see that Tremont wanted to believe, but dared not to.

" _I am not the commander. Cavilo is_ ," Tremont said.

" _How did Cavilo replace Commander Randall?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _She arranged for a fatal - I cannot do that. I have only been with this fleet for a short time. I would not be accepted as a commander._ "

" _We understand that Cavilo had not been with Randall's Rangers for long before she found herself at the top. Are We mistaken_?"

" _She had merged her own, smaller mercenary force with Randall's Rangers before..._ " Tremont began to say before his thoughts changed their direction. " _Commodore Xiang Wentian. He's the last of Randall's inner circle. Randall's Rangers would follow him if he were the commander. Cavilo believes that she is controlling him through his lust, but I suspect that Commodore Xiang is just waiting for the right opportunity to take over_."

" _And if you paved the way, he might owe you a very big favor._ " It occurred to Gregor that Cavilo may have picked Tremont has her second-in-command partially because he was an outsider to whom the mercenaries would feel no more loyalty than to Cavilo herself, greatly reducing the temptation of launching a coup. On the other hand, she might have to keep this Commodore Xiang Wentian around precisely because some of the loyalty which the mercenaries had for the late commander Randall had transferred to him. Hopefully, it had never occurred to her that the newcomer Tremont and the veteran commodore would ever choose to make common cause against her.

Perhaps infighting of the kind the Dendarii were experiencing was common among space mercenaries. Common or not, Gregor was more than willing to exploit any cracks within the leadership of Randall's Rangers.

" _Commodore Xiang will not backstab the Cetagandans. Not because of loyalty, but because of fear_."

" _Scapegoat Cavilo. If the Cetagandans can get their revenge on the commander, they are unlikely to expend excessive effort hunting down a band of mercenaries. If the Cetagandans are successfully repelled, We shall see to it that Commodore Xiang is rewarded, and We believe the Vervani will reward him as well. It's a better deal than fleeing through the Hegen Hub only to get slaughtered by Our forces. And if Randall's Rangers flee through the wormhole to Mu Ceta - well, that would make it obvious to everyone that Randall's Rangers were working for Cetaganda all along, and the Cetagandans would probably eliminate anyone who made it so transparent that they initiated a war in the Hegen Hub_."

" _And what am I to do with you?_ "

" _We could do the most good if We could communicate directly with the Vervani government. Especially if We were in Our own embassy and not the Vervani's prisoner. You deal with Commander Cavilo and Commodore Xiang; We shall persuade the Vervani to cooperate._ " Gregor gave Tremont the sharpest look he could muster. " _Do you want to do the Cetagandans' dirty work? Or do you want to save Vervain and Marilac?_ "

Never, in all of Gregor's brief acquaintance of Guy Tremont, had he seen the vice commander express the feeling that was coming from his face and body. It was as if someone had brought into a pitch-dark cavern a torch radiating light.


	20. A Well-Timed Assassination

"Don't believe Admiral Naismith's lies," Admiral Oser said in the vid recording. "He just picked the name 'Naismith' and 'Dendarii' to bamboozle people into believing that he is Admiral Vorkosigan's son. That fast-penta interrogation is a fake. He's not even Barrayaran, let alone a Vorkosigan. He's just a con man, as he always has been."

 _The irony is killing me_ , Miles thought. If it were not such a deadly serious matter, the announcement Admiral Oser had made two hours ago to the entire fleet would have had Miles laughing his head off.

"Comments?" Miles asked the officers assembled in the room.

"I know better to think that some of the wild stories being swapped about you among the crew are entirely true," Chodak said. "But the revelation that you are Admiral Aral Vorkosigan's son has definitely fired up their imaginations."

"I think we're treading water, boy," Tung said. "More than half of the fleet is still undecided, but the fact that they are staying undecided this long is a loss for Oser, not us. I feel we need one more grand push, and then the Dendarii are ours."

"Except for Oser's loyalists," Miles said. "And taking care of them will be bloody."

"Also, Oser may also only need one grand push to take the fleet too," Elena said.

Indeed, this had turned into a giant game of chicken. Miles hesitated to initiate open violence since that could backfire and lose the hearts of the independent captain-owners, and more importantly, cause needless deaths; Oser most likely hesitated for the same reasons (or at least the first reason).

"I still think gaining the support of Aslund's military is our best option," Elena said. "They are our employer, after all."

"They still haven't responded to the last message I sent them," Miles grumbled in frustration. Miles would really like to know what was going on in the heads of the Aslund high military command - the real ones, not the ones who were actually covert ImpSec agents (though it would also be good for Miles to know what was going on in _their_ heads too). The Aslunders probably likewise wished they knew what was going on with their mercenaries.

"Oser is a great administrator," said Captain Gus Call of the _Woodrow McCrae_. "I would not put it past him to try to sue us in an Aslund court."

"Bring the law down on us, eh?" Miles said. Actually, that was a good thought - Miles would not put something like that past Oser. Unfortunately, Oser, as the great administrator, probably had a better understanding of Aslund's legal system at this point than anyone aboard the _Triumph_.

And while Miles was dealing with this mess, Gregor was still missing, and Miles could not afford to expend any resources looking for him. _Damn it! If only we could get a report from Elli Quinn, or even better, have Gregor himself return to Aslund unannounced, just like the first time_.

A sergeant burst into the conference room. "The _Ariel_ is attacking the _Peregrine_!"

"WHAT!" Miles stood up. "That can't be possible! We never gave orders! Bel wouldn't do something like that on its own!"

"We only know what the monitors and communications are telling us, sir."

"Put it on the screen."

Indeed, they could all see, based on the monitors and communications coming through, that the _Ariel_ had opened fire on the _Peregrine_.

"Open a communication channel to Captain Bel Thorne, now!"

The _Ariel_ refused to respond.

"It's a false flag attack," Miles said. That was the only explanation that made sense. "Somehow, they got control of the _Ariel_. It's well known that the captain is fanatically devoted to me, so everyone thinks that I ordered this."

Miles immediately prepared to make another fleetwide announcement.

"This is Admiral Naismith. The _Ariel_ is to cease fire immediately. I did not order this attack. I also demand to know immediately about the current whereabouts and condition of Captain Bel Thorne. It does not even make sense for a ship like the _Ariel_ to take on the _Peregrine_. Clearly, there has been some kind of sabotage. Naismith out."

"Most of the people who manage to become captain-owners are smart enough to see through this," Tung said. "As you said, this kind of attack makes no sense otherwise. But if, in their hearts, they really prefer working under Oser, this might give them the push they have been craving."

"I am still astonished that Oser chose for his own ship to be targeted," Elena said.

"Plausibility," Miles said. "Because people would not expect Oser to sacrifice his own ship, it makes his scenario look a little more plausible."

"Or maybe he could not get any other ship to volunteer. The _Peregrine_ can withstand even a pathetic attack like this better than most of the others in the fleet," Captain Gus Call said.

They spent another half-hour discussing how they should respond, all the while nervously monitoring for updates. It seemed the _Peregrine_ was only slapping the _Ariel_ on the wrist - possibly because they did not want to injure Oser's agents on board. Miles became increasingly nervous about what had happened to Bel.

Then the sergeant returned. An expression of breathless astonishment covered his red face.

"Admiral Oser is dead!"

This time everyone in the room leaped up.

"He was on a shuttle, and the shuttle pilot, he had a small needler, and he simply shot Admiral Oser. Oser's people killed the pilot with a nerve disruptor almost immediately after. They requested a cryo-chamber for Oser straight away, but the pilot had made his move when the shuttle was as far away from any ship as possible, and none of the people left alive were skilled shuttle pilots. By the time they docked, it was too late to do the cryo-prep."

"How long ago did this happen?" Miles asked.

"Oser was killed about forty-five minutes ago. We got a message about it only minutes ago from one of the medtechs who had readied the cryochamber."

"So this whole attack," Miles waved at the screen "started after Oser was already dead." A zombie conspiracy which had limbered on after the conspirator was gone. 

"This is excellent news!" Tung exclaimed. "Hot damn, a well-timed assassination, even though we didn't plan it. Boy, I'd have you as my admiral just to get your luck to rub off on me."

Miles thought about the last time he had talked about a 'well-timed assassination' - and who had overheard that conversation. Even as all of the other officers, except Elena and Baz, burst into cheers, Miles had a sinking feeling.

"Who was the shuttle pilot?" Miles asked.

"We don't know, sir."

***

It had been Arde Mayhew.

It turned out that Bel Thorne had been taken hostage, and sent to the _Peregrine_ , while Oser's agents had taken control of the _Ariel_. Oser had had a couple agents aboard the _Ariel_ for a long time, which is how they managed to take over communications before Bel even knew what was going on.

Though Oser had carefully monitored all of the rest of Admiral Naismith's inner circle, as a wormhole jump pilot who could not longer jump wormholes, Arde Mayhew had flown under Oser's radar. Shuttle pilots were generally beneath the notice of Admiral Oser, but Arde Mayhew had been friendly with some of them, and had managed to talk one of them into giving Arde his shift just before Oser made his exit from the _Peregrine_ before the false flag incident.

Oser had not even dared stay on the _Peregrine_ through that pathetic attack. What a coward.

While Miles and Tung had been discussing assassination on that shuttle flight, Miles had not even thought about what Arde was making all of it. It had never occurred to him that it could inspire Arde that way.

With Oser gone, and his plot exposed, uniting the Dendarii had been a straightforward matter. Even those who would rather not follow Admiral Naismith realized that they had no leader to rally around who could challenge him. The 'well-timed assassination' was as effective as Tung had hoped.

But Arde had been Miles' liegeman, and Miles had been responsible for his protection. A responsibility which Miles had failed to fulfil. Though liegemen were of course obligated to serve their liegelords, Miles felt that he had not come anywhere close to deserving this _sacrifice_. If, four years ago, Miles had known things would end up like this when he had first sworn Arde Mayhew as his Armsman simple...

Elena and Baz came up to Miles.

"I feel bad too," Elena said. "I admit, after those first few months, I stopped paying attention to Arde, even though he had been with us with the beginning. I had it in the back of my mind that we could keep an eye our for another one of those ships he could take through a wormhole jump, but I did not ask him how he was doing. I never imagined..."

"Admiral Naismith is just a shell!" Miles exclaimed. "Oser got it right - I am a con man. Arde was the first one I managed to sweep up with my fast-talking, and look at what good it did him! First, he loses the one ship he can take through wormwhole jumps, and now this!"

"He reclaimed his honor," Baz said. Miles and Elena turned to him. "Like Elena, I haven't talked to him much in this past couple of years, but without wormhole jumps, serving his liege-lord was the only thing which made his life meaningful. Even if all he could do was offer his service as a humble shuttle pilot. But then he was given a chance to offer his liege-lord a great service."

"For what? Admiral Naismith? Admiral Naismith couldn't even manage to take Oser down! The Dendarii Mercenaries? It's all an illusion, just as much as ever. Even the honor of the Vor is just a damn illusion to fool people." Miles was shocked to hear those last words tumble out of his mouth. He would have never had a _thought_ like that, let alone said anything like that aloud, before he had learned that his own father had...

"That illusion was exactly what Arde needed, that he was serving a greater cause. I think he needed it even more than he needed to experience another wormhole jump. I know I need it more than I need life itself," Baz said.

"Sometimes I wish I were fighting for Barrayar," Elena said. "I hate Barrayar, but better to serve Barrayar than nothing. At least Barrayar is something greater than ourselves."

Miles shook his head. He still felt empty, that this was wrong...

"Gregor has had people die for him," Elena commented. "He did not talk too much about it, but I think he also feels that he is not worthy of the service which people offer him."

Yes, Gregor. At least now Miles could move forward and try to do something about Gregor now. Arde had bought that much with his life.

Elena's wristcom lit up. She looked at it and gasped. "There is a message from Elli Quinn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arde Mayhew was not even supposed to appear in this story at all per the original plotline, and now he does this.


	21. The View from the Tower

"The Cetagandans are planning to invade Vervain," Elli Quinn said in the recorded message. "Randall's Rangers are secretly working with the Cetagandans, and will help them get both wormholes. I've gathered a lot of supporting intelligence, which is in the files attached to this message."

Elena, Miles, and Baz all looked at each other.

"This was confirmed by Greg Bleakman, who says he heard it from Vice Commander Guy Tremont himself."

Their eyes were glued back to the screen.

"When I last saw him, Greg was in the brig of the _Hundredth Idiot_ , a vessel owned by Randall's Rangers, Block B, Cell Fourteen. They seem to be treating him okay for a prisoner. Something is up with that guy, and when I rendezvous with the fleet I hope I'll get a damn explanation of what his deal is. I have a message from him, which is also attached. I recorded it myself, and I found no signs that he was coerced to say what he says. It's a weird message alright. By his request, I also leaked a copy to Randall's Rangers. He also asked me to send a secure message to the Barrayaran embassy on Vervain, which I did. He did not ask me to send that message to anyone else, but I attached a copy to the files I'm sending anyway.

"I'm heading to the Consortium now to continue with my mission. I have attached the identity and contact information I will use there. Elli Quinn out."

"Why the hell did she leave Greg in that brig!" Miles exclaimed. "She was able to break in to record a message, why not take him out!"

"Perhaps it was not possible to get him out," Baz said, biting his lip.

"But he will be straight in the path of the Cetagandan invasion! That is not acceptable!"

"It seems that Randall's Rangers will not be fighting the Cetagandans," Elena said, clearly uncomfortable. "Though maybe they will just sell him. If they know who he is."

"If Elli still does not know who he is, hopefully Randall's Rangers do not either," Baz said tentatively.

"We have to go to Vervain," Miles said. "We have to get Gregor out ourselves, and block the invasion long enough for Barrayaran and Polian forces to arrive."

"Let's see the emperor's message," Elena said. "Starting with the one he sent to the embassy on Vervain."

It was a short message.

"At least the Barrayaran embassy knows where he is," Elena said. "ImpSec must know too."

They then all watched the message in which Gregor orders the Dendarii Mercenaries to go to Marilac.

"Well, that means we are going to Marilac," Elena said.

"Are you nuts!" Miles exclaimed. "We can't leave Gregor in such danger!"

"This seems to be a direct order from the emperor," Elena said. "Elli said the order was not coerced. And since she is going to the Consortium, we can pick her up on the way to Jackson's Whole."

"But Gregor!"

"I feel the same way, but he gave a direct order."

"He says that the Dendarii seem divided," Baz pointed out. "He probably did not know that Admiral Naismith has returned at the time he sent the message."

"That's right!" Miles said. "Gregor was working on the assumption that the Dendarii was still dealing with Oser's crap."

"But why Marilac?" Baz asked. "And why did Gregor want a copy of this message to be leaked to Randall's Rangers?"

"Vice Commander Guy Tremont is Marilacan," Elena noted. "And he was the one who told Gregor that Randall's Rangers was cooperating with a Cetagandan invasion of Vervain."

"Maybe this was an elaborate ruse to confuse the Vice Commander!" Miles said. "Maybe Gregor even wants to convince him that the Cetagandans are going to invade Marilac to throw him off!"

"It seems likely that the vice commander was an intended audience if Gregor asked Elli to leak the message," Elena admitted. "However, he could have done that without issuing a direct imperial order. I think Gregor really does mean for us to go to Marilac."

"Shit, the vice commander must know that Gregor is the emperor!" Miles exclaimed. "The odds are incredibly high he will end up in Cetagandan hands! Maybe the Cetagandans engineered all this!"

"Miles, I am _requested and required_ to take the Dendarii to Marilac," Elena said. "I am not going to disobey him. I may have left Barrayar, but I still consider myself sworn to Gregor. Furthermore, Gregor knows some things we don't. I believe that he has a reason for this. I would sooner disobey you than this direct order from the emperor."

"But Gregor is in danger..."

"Miles, if necessary, I will start a mutiny just to get as many ships as I can going to Marilac," Elena said firmly. "I do not believe I can prevail in a fight against you, and I am utterly sick of Dendarii infighting, but if it is what I have to do to comply with this imperial order, I will do it."

Miles was stunned.

"Furthermore, interfering with a Barrayaran subject's compliance with a direct imperial order is treason," Elena said with an edge in her voice.

"I ... I'm already guilty of treason, one way or another," Miles said glumly.

"That is no excuse for committing treason again," Elena said.

"Elena's right," Baz said. "I am a deserter, but I am not going to let that make me betray Barrayar again. This order does not make much sense to me either, but the emperor might know what he's doing, and he is the emperor. I stand with Elena."

Miles' eyes darted between Elena and Baz. "We have to get word to ImpSec about Gregor's location," he finally said. "We can't assume that the embassy on Vervain has managed to get the word out to ImpSec agents outside of Vervani space."

"Of course," Elena said. "ImpSec is probably more capable of rescuing him than we are. An entire mercenary fleet is not exactly subtle."

"And we have to make sure that ImpSec and the Polians know about upcoming Cetagandan invasion of Vervain."

Elena and Baz nodded their heads.

Miles took a deep breath. "Okay, how to we explain to our people that we're going to Marilac?"

***

Gregor felt the shift from artificial to natural gravity as the shuttle entered Vervain's atmosphere. Come to think of it, this would be his first time on a planet where he was _not_ the emperor.

Gregor had had two sessions with Tremont discussing their strategy. They most likely would not get a chance to communicate with each other in private again. 

Tremont reported that Commodore Xiang Wentian was willing to participate with a coup against Cavilo and to help the Vervani blockade the wormhole to the Hegen Hub on conditon that he would become commander of Randall's Rangers when they left Vervani space. The fact that Commodore Xiang had held out so long after Commander Randall's demise implied that he was crafty enough to manage such a coup - Gregor certainly hoped so, since he did not think Tremont could pull it off on his own.

Lieutenant Tivonel Tyree was at Gregor's side on the shuttle. Gregor had not asked her whether or not Tremont had thrown her in the brig. It was not that important.

The shuttle landed, and ten minutes later Gregor walked out. 

Among the small gathering of people waiting outside, Gregor immediately recognized Petya Vorbretten, an acknowledged-bastard son of the current Count Vorbretten, and Barrayar's current ambassador to Vervain. Gregor approached him, and the ambassador bowed.

"I am greatly relieved to see your safe arrival, sire. It is a great honor to be first to greet you, sire."

Gregor gestured for him to rise, and then Vorbretten introduced Cmell Jestocost, Vervain's Minister of Foreign Affairs. Though it was subtle, Gregor could tell, based on the looks that Vorbretten and Tiv exchanged, that Tiv was indeed an ImpSec agent.

"We have a sonic seaship ready, sire," Vorbretten told Gregor.

"Seaship?" Gregor asked. Gregor had never travelled by sea before. On Barrayar, even for travel between the North and South Continents, air was favored over sea for passenger transport.

Vorbretten apparently read his mind. "Things work differently on Vervain, sire. The ship can reach the capital in forty minutes."

Strange, Gregor had assumed that he was going directly to the capital. He had been so busy considering so many other things it had not occurred to him to ask where exactly on Vervain he was being dropped off. "And where are we now?" Gregor asked, who put enough authority into his voice to cover up his ignorance.

"This is Tanega military spaceport. I have never been here before - foreigners generally never come here unless they have a contract with Vervain's military - but this is a special situation," Vorbretten said.

"If you wish, we can take you up to the tower so you can get a view of the entire island," Cmell Jestocost offered.

"I would like that. Thank you," Gregor said.

From the top of the tower, Gregor got his first real look at Vervain. The first thing he noticed, of course, was that there was a lavender colored sea on one side of the island, and a dark purple ocean on the other side. Gregor guessed that this island was sitting on the edge of a continental shelf, with very deep water on one side. There was most likely an underwater dock hidden below the island. Gregor saw the military spaceport before him, and what he guessed were other military facilities, and then a town. Beyond, there were low hills covered with purple vegetation. It was a cloudy day, and even the grey clouds had a lavender tinge.

"Is this strictly a military zone?" Gregor asked.

"Legally, yes. However, there are more civilians than uniformed people on Tanega Island. There are the families, the civilian support staff, and the civilians who work in service economy. The total permanent population is about ten thousand people," Cmell Jestocost said.

Gregor took a closer look at the town. He pointed out a building. "What is that place where those people in colorful clothing are moving around on the roof?" Gregor asked.

"That is a school for children. It must be their break time," Cmell Jestocost replied.

Gregor took another moment to appreciate his first taste of Vervain. Though it was not Barrayar, it was still a planet with a breathable atmosphere. After having spent weeks in space ships and on space stations, Gregor appreciated the sensation of being on a planet again.

"Thank you for bringing me up here," Gregor said. "We all have much work to do in the capital."

While aboard the sonic ship, Gregor took a quick nap. Once he arrived in the capital, he doubted he would have much time for rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY, GREGOR IS NO LONGER STUCK IN SOME SMALL CHAMBER ON A SPACESHIP!!! I was getting tired of that. Not that Vervain is a safe place for him to be, but at least it's a lot more interesting.
> 
> Yes, I got the name 'Tanega' from [Tanegashima](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanegashima_Space_Center) on Earth. I've never been to Tanegashima, but I have visited several highly militarized islands, and I was thinking about them as I wrote this chapter.
> 
> I decided to name the Barrayaran ambassador 'Petya' at the last minute as a nod to the [_Petya Vorkosigan_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/115001) AU fics. This Petya, however, is a Vorbretten, not a Vorkosigan.


	22. We Are Speaking with You as Allies

Gregor breathed a sigh of relief when he entered the grounds of the Barrayaran Embassy. Not too long ago, he would have regarded it as yet another prison, surrounded by people who handled him like a delicate piece of glass and confined his freedom. However, after all of the time he spent being a _real_ prisoner, it was nice to be in a place where he could issue orders and expect them to be obeyed.

Not that the embassy was truly safe. The Vervani were treating him as a guest of honor now because they had nothing to lose by doing so; there was little the embassy could do to protect Gregor if the Vervani had hostile intent. Ambassador Vorbretten had tried to explain to Gregor that Vervain had a constitution which put legal limits on what the government could do to Gregor against his will, but Gregor did not trust such guarantees.

Much as Gregor wanted to savor being in the embassy, there was much to do, and time was limited.

He had a private meeting with Ambassador Vorbretten and the Captain Romak, the senior military attaché. They gave him the most up-to-date information they had about the negotiations with Pol and their most useful intelligence. ImpSec had relayed Simon Illyan's analysis that a Cetagandan invasion was likely, and that Guy Tremont was likely a Cetagandan agent, but ImpSec had yet to confirm any of it before Gregor's arrival.

"Do you think the Vervani know all this?" Gregor asked.

"Unlikely, considering their behavior," Ambassador Vorbretten said. "Vervani citizens do not like investing too much money in their spies - it has something to do with their notions about governments and privacy - so their budgets, and thus abilities, are much more limited than ImpSec's. They most likely have not been tracking internal movements of military ships in Cetagandan territory as closely as we have. They have been relying a lot on military intelligence provided by Randall's Rangers, which, for obvious reasons, is not reliable."

"I have reason to believe that Vervani just received intelligence which will confirm that Cetaganda intends to invade," Gregor said.

"Sire, my recommendation is that we try to get you to Pol as fast as possible," Ambassador Vorbretten said. "Having you here just before the Cetagandans launch an invasion is far too dangerous."

"I agree, sire" Captain Romak said.

"Your recommendation is noted," Gregor said. "We are going to stay here to negotiate with the Vervani directly. We will not leave until the Vervani situation had been addressed to Our satisfaction."

Gregor asked Vorbretten to arrange activities which would allow Gregor to get a bit of a feel for Vervani social customs in between the times he was dealing with Vervani officials. There was no way that Gregor could reach Vorbretten's level of expertise on Vervani society within hours, but even a little bit might make a crucial difference. Vorbretten said he would see what he could do.

Gregor only told them what they needed to know to perform their duties. Though Gregor trusted them, it was entirely possible that Vervani spies - or worse, Cetagandan spies - had penetrated the embassy. The flow of information needed to be managed delicately.

***

Gregor, Ambassador Vorbretten, and Captain Romak were meeting with Cmell Jestocost, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Khufu Daimoni, Minister of Defence, and Admiral Rod Redlady of Vervain's space military.

"First of all, we would like to know why the emperor of Barrayar is here," Daimoni said.

Ambassador Vorbretten warned Gregor that Vervani could be very direct at times, and said that it should not be interpreted as rudeness.

"We were kidnapped," Gregor said.

"Who was with you when you were kidnapped?" the admiral asked.

"We are referring to Ourselves," Gregor replied.

"Emperor Gregor says 'We' when he is referring to himself as the head of the Imperium, and may not be referring to any other person," Vorbretten explained to the Vervani.

"Galactics!" Daimoni muttered. It took a second for Gregor to realize that he was referring to _Barrayarans_ as galactics. Well, Barraryarans _were_ 'galactics' from the Vervani perspective.

"For security reasons, We will not explain how the kidnapping happened," Gregor said.

"I assure you, right now, that our government had nothing to do with your kidnapping," Jestocost said. "We found out only yesterday morning that you were even in our territory."

"We never believed that your government was behind the kidnapping," Gregor replied. "We also do not hold your government responsible for actions taken by Randall's Rangers which fall outside the scope of their contract with your military."

Gregor saw that Jestocost became a little less tense.

"Was it Randall's Rangers that kidnapped you?" the admiral asked.

"We prefer not to disclose that," Gregor replied. "We are grateful for your assistance and hospitality."

"So far, you have not requested a ride home. Instead, you requested a meeting with our military leadership," Jestocost noted. "I take this to mean that, before your departure, you wish to negotiate some matters regarding the Hegen Hub."

"Very perceptive," Gregor remarked. "You have taken things correctly. Or almost correctly. Our intelligence agents tell Us that the Cetagandans will launch an invasion of your planet, and that they are due to arrive on your side of the wormhole to Mu Ceta in less than two days' time."

At that, Jestocost, Daimoni, and the admiral all leaped out of their chairs.

"How did you know?" the Daimoni hissed. "We only got news of that two hours ago!"

"What news did you receive?" Gregor asked.

"That is secret."

"Very well, We will share what We know," Gregor said. "Commander Cavilo planned all along to betray you, and pave the way for the Cetagandans." Gregor saw the faces of the admiral and the general flinch. "She sent the signal to the Cetagandans earlier today, which is what you intercepted." Captain Romak, whose people had been instructed to look for the signal, had told Gregor as soon as it was sent. Tremont had set it up so that the Vervani would intercept it, and ensured that the Vervani had enough information to understand what they had intercepted.

"Your new space fleet is not ready," Gregor continued. "That means that the Cetagandans are hitting when you defences are weakest." He saw the faces of all of the Vervani were entirely white now. Ambassador Vorbretten and Captain Romak were not looking much better. "However, with Our assistance, the Cetagandans will not be able to take your planet."

The three Vervani sat down again.

"We know that your forces are trying to get permission to pass through Pol," the general said. "But the Polians will not grant permission before it is confirmed that there is a Cetagandan invasion."

"We are sending them that confirmation," Gregor replied. "We believe they will grant permission very soon."

"It's not enough time!" the Daimoni exclaimed. "Even if your fleet and the Polians move now, by the time they reach the Hegen Hub, the Cetagandans will already be there! They'll already have both wormholes!"

"You can slow the Cetagandans down," Gregor replied.

"How?! With Randall's Rangers turning on us, we can't hope to hold the wormhole -"

"You may still have Randall's Rangers," Gregor replied.

Daimoni and the admiral stared at him.

"But it's obvious, based on Cavilo's message -"

" _Cavilo's_ message. She is but one person. Our intelligence reports that certain people in the highest circle of Randall's Rangers are stabbing her in the back as we speak," Gregor answered. Gregor hoped that Tremont and Xiang's coup was working - at this point, hope was all Gregor could do about it. "Most of the mercenaries do not even know that they are in the Cetagandans' employ. She was going to throw them to the wolves - who would ever employ a mercenary fleet who was known to have betrayed their employer this way? Cavilo had no intention of sharing her spoils with them either. We are tracking what is happening in Randall's Rangers, and I am sure you are too. We will know whether Cavilo will stay in command within about six hours."

Gregor paused for a moment to gauge the reaction of the Vervani. They were hanging on his every word.

"Vice Commander Tremont is the one who helped Us escape captivity and come here. Should he prevail, he intends to fulfil his fleet's contract with Vervain, and defend it."

"And what do you suggest?" Daimoni asked cautiously.

"Move all of your military spacecraft to defend the wormhole to the Hegen Hub, to ensure that allied forces will be able to enter Vervani space," Gregor replied.

"That would be a mistake!" the admiral exclaimed.

"Our analysts report that, even with Randall's Rangers, you can only defend one wormhole adequately from a full invasion force," Gregor remarked.

"And that wormhole should be the one to Mu Ceta," Daimoni replied. "That way, we can keep the Cetagandans out of our space. If we defend the wormhole to the hub, we would be leaving our world open to Cetagandan attack."

"Ah, but if you leave the wormhole to the Hegen Hub undefended ..." Gregor said. "We can ensure that Our fleet does not attack your planet. But We have no power over the Polians, Aslunders, or Jacksonian pirates. And the fact that most of your forces are on the Hegen side now indicates that you do fear them."

"Jacksonian pirates wouldn't dare..." the admiral said.

"If our forces were tied up dealing with the Cetagandans? They might," Daimoni conceded.

"Could you ask your forces to keep the Polians, Aslunders, and Jacksonians in check, while we keep the Cetagandans bottled up at the Mu Ceta wormhole?" Jestocost asked.

Why had Gregor not thought of _that_ angle? He had to use his other tactic for persuading the Vervani to dedicate their ships to the Hegen wormhole. "It will take time for all of your ships on the Hegen side to go to the Mu Ceta side, and by the time they show up, very little time will be left. Furthermore, Our intelligence indicates that Cavilo has left some _surprises_ at the Mu Ceta wormhole. If We were sure what they were, We would tell you. Even if the coup against Cavilo succeeds, they probably will not be able to reverse the sabotage in time. However, Cavilo has not done anything to sabotage the defences at the Hegen wormhole. Vice Commander Tremont himself has said that he thinks he can defend the Hegen wormhole, but not the Mu Ceta one."

Gregor watched the Vervani chew on that one. Most of what he had just said was true. But not all of it.

"I don't trust Vice Commander Tremont," the admiral said.

"Do you have a choice?" Gregor said. "Can you hold either wormhole long enough to make a difference without any assistance from Randall's Rangers?"

It was clear that the Vervani knew the answer to that question, and that they did not like it.

"There is something you're not telling us straight," Daimoni said.

"We Barrayarans are less accustomed to straight speech than you Vervani," Vorbretten added helpfully. "This is simply the way Our Emperor speaks when carrying out official duties."

"Damn! If you were trying to attack Vervain yourself, I'd expect you to tell us to throw everything at the Mu Ceta wormhole!" Daimoni said. "I don't see what you get out of telling us to throw everything at the Hegen wormhole."

"We are speaking with you as allies," Gregor said. "Our interests align with Vervani interests. You do not wish to be annexed by the Cetagandans, We do not wish to see the Cetagandans gain access to the Hegen Hub. We recommend defending the Hegen wormhole because We believe that is the best way to prevent annexation."

The Vervani looked at each other.

"We thank you for your information and your advice," Jestocost said. "We need to discuss these matters privately before we consult with you further."

"We thank you for listening to Our counsel, and thank you again for your warm welcome to your world," Gregor said. Gregor, Vorbretten, and Captain Romak left the chamber.


	23. Bathing before the Storm

At the Barrayaran embassy, Ambassador Vorbretten checked his personal messages and then met with Gregor again.

"I asked my wife about social activities for you, sire," Vorbretten said. "I have not told her who you really are, just that you are an important visitor from Barrayar. She ... she has a suggestion."

"Is your wife Vervani?" Gregor asked.

"Yes." Vorbretten blushed a little. "She invites you to - you have to understand, sire, than for the Vervani this is ordinary. I will understand if you choose to decline the invitation, but, ah, please do not take any offense, sire."

"And what is this invitation?" Gregor asked.

"She invites you to come to a public bathhouse with us," Vorbretten said. "Of course, just the two of us could go to a bathhouse together, but I am not Vervani, and you did say you want to understand the Vervani better, sire. Ah, people are not allowed to wear any clothes when they enter the communal baths, and, ah, there is no segregation by gender. If you prefer, we could also just eat dinner with my family, but, ah, I have to admit that my wife is right, you would learn more about Vervani society at a bathhouse."

Gregor, having been raised by Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan, had some appreciation of just how different cultural norms could be in different societies. Nonetheless, he was uncomfortable with idea of going to the bathhouse - being around strangers, and especially Vorbretten's wife, while _naked_ would be very awkward. Yet part of him relished the idea of mixing with the masses where nobody - except Vorbretten and the bodyguards - would know he was an emperor.

"Might Vervani officials invite me to bathe with them, during negotiations?" Gregor asked.

"Possibly," Vorbretten said. "And it would be bathing in the nude, and some Vervani officials are female." 

In that case, Gregor should take up this offer. It was better to have his first time in a Vervani bathhouse with Vorbretten's family than with high government officials.

"Just to be clear, Vervani do not consider nudity in a bathhouse to be sexual. In fact, sexual behavior is prohibited in bathhouses. Ah, unauthorized salutes from, ahem, nether parts would not offend anybody, but, ah, it's best not to flirt with anybody, sire."

That was ... actually a relief for Gregor. If the Vervani enforced strict codes of behavior, it was unlikely that any tendencies Gregor may have inherited from his father would come out. "What time does your wife suggest?" Gregor asked.

"We can go now, I would just need about ten minutes to summon bodyguards and a groundcar driver, and then we could depart," Vorbretten replied.

It would probably be at least three hours before he would need to speak with anyone in the Vervani government again, and one of the guards could alert them if a meeting was requested earlier. Yet another benefit of going to the bathhouse is that it might take Gregor's mind off what was going on - he had spent many lonely hours thinking about the military situation ever since his first meeting with Tremont, and thinking too much more about it before new information came in would be counterproductive. "Thank you. I accept your family's invitation. Let's see what happens."

***

At the lobby of the bathhouse, Vorbretten introduced his wife, Deirdre Maltzer. When Gregor saw Deirdre, he inwardly shuddered. She was plump and curvy, with full red lips - just his type. And that _smile_ she had on her face ... _of all the problems I could have on Vervain, I never anticipated that the ambassador would be seeing me naked with his hot wife_ Gregor thought.

Then Vorbretten introduced his co-husband, Leander Jeevan. _That_ was shock for Gregor.

"Polygamy is legal on Vervain," Vorbretten explained. His cheeks were pink.

Yes, Cordelia had told him that polygamy was practiced on Beta Colony and some other planets. Gregor had accepted it intellectually, but this was the first time he had met a Vor man, or any other Barrayaran, who had entered this kind of marriage. A number of questions immediately appeared in Gregor's mind, and all of them were too personal to ask.

"We know that Barrayar does not have polygamous marriage," Leander said. "However, all three of us," Leander gave Vorbretten a sharp look, "believe in being honest about our relationship, even with Barrayarans, when we are on Vervain." Vorbretten's cheeks were entirely red now.

Gregor nodded. As long as Vorbretten could perform his duties, Gregor did not have a right to judge how he managed his personal life.

Vorbretten walked Gregor through the etiquette of entering the bathhouse. When it came time for Gregor to take off his clothes, Gregor's cheeks were as red as Vorbretten's. Deirdre giggled.

The baths were all under a giant, transparent, glass-like structure. On one side, there was a very clear view of Vervain's purple ocean. It was almost sunset, and the tint of the transparent walls was constantly adjusting itself to offer the most beautiful view while preventing any damage the star's rays might cause to the viewers' eyes.

There were over a hundred different baths. Vorbretten first took them to the "Crane Bath" which had the same chemical composition as a famous hot spring on Earth. Gregor was relieved to see that the milky-blue water was opaque, and that no body parts under the water line would be visible. He was even more relieved to see Deirdre enter the water all the way up to her shoulders. One of the bodyguards also entered the water, while another stood above. There were about ten other people soaking in the same bath when they got in.

"Your planet is beautiful," Deirdre said to Gregor. "I keep telling Petya that he should take me back there."

"You've been to Barrayar?" Gregor asked.

"Mostly just Vorbretten district. Are you from Vorbretten district?"

"No, I'm from Vorbarra Sultana," Gregor replied.

"What a lovely city!" Deirdre exclaimed. "I only stayed there two days because Petya really wanted to show me his home district - which was the right thing to do - but I would like to have a longer stay in Vorbarra Sultana next time," Deirdre said.

"The architecture of Vorbarra Sultana is fascinating," Leander said.

"You've been to Barrayar too?" Gregor asked.

"Of course, we all went together," Deirdre replied.

Gregor suspected that Vorbretten may have wanted to keep his wife and co-husband out of Vorbarra Sultana to avoid the attention of High Vor gossipers. He wondered what old Count Vorbretten made of this marriage. The fact that Petya Vorbretten was born a bastard and not an heir probably made it easier for the old man to accept. Actually ... Gregor had heard that Countess Vorbretten and Count Vorbretten's prole mistress, Petya's mother, had an amicable relationship. Perhaps a polygamous marriage was not so hard for Petya's parents to accept after all.

"I think you're taking this very well," Leander said. "Most Barrayaran guests have more trouble accepting our bathhouses the first time. Petya says the embassy occasionally deals with Barrayaran men who got kicked out for indecent behavior."

"Yes, well, there is a Betan woman I know well."

"Beta Colony! What a horrible place," Deirdre said. "I had to spend a few months there. You can never go outside and get a breath of fresh air. They say they are oh so tolerant, but whenever anyone falls outside their comfortable little categories, they are threatened with a referral to their mental health board. Involuntary therapy is inhumane - we Vervani would never stand for that. There's pornography everywhere, and they have sex in _public_. It's obscene! You Barrayarans have a better sense of decency."

Gregor found it amusing that a woman with two husbands who was naked among a bunch of strangers, including men, was calling the Betans 'obscene'. Vorbretten said in a sotto voce tone "Remember, the Vervani do not consider nude bathing to be sexual." Returning to his normal voice, he added "My friends at the Betan embassy tell me Betans experience a lot of culture shock on Vervain too. And they have a _lot_ of problems with Betans getting kicked out of bathhouses." Vorbretten seemed smug about Barrayarans behaving better than Betans by Vervani standards.

"Most of the Barrayarans I've met are nice, but there are a few who think that, just because I have two husbands, I would accept sexual advances from people who are not my spouse," Deirdre said. "I'm glad you are not in that minority."

The thought had crossed Gregor's mind that Deirdre might be open that way ... but he had been wise enough not to air it.

They talked for a little more before they moved on to another bath, a seawater bath mixed with a mineral from Vervain's West Continent. The water was purple. Gregor managed to not-look at any of the other bathers, especially Deirdre.

"Another opaque bath, just as Petya always does for Barrayaran guests," Leander said with a smirk.

"Don't say it like that, there is nothing wrong with bodily shyness. You know that it's part of Barrayaran culture," Deirdre said.

Gregor could not help but snort.

"This is not so bad," Gregor remarked as he settled into the bath. "I admit, I'm not used to being exposed like this, but, ah, everyone is equally exposed. It's fair, in a way."

"Yes, that is one of the things which makes the bathhouse the quintessential Vervani institution," Vorbretten said. "All citizens have access to the bathhouse, and can associate with one another. Nobody is wearing their clothes, which emphasizes Vervani egalitarianism. Not that the Vervani are entirely equal with each other." Vorbretten looked at Deirdre and Leander.

"All citizens are equal," Deirdre retorted.

"Then why do the rich not come to bathhouses like this?" Vorbretten asked.

Deirdre and Leander made no response to that. Gregor made note of their silence concerning Vervain's upper class.

They visited a couple more baths - which were, yes, opaque - as well as a salt sauna, an ice room, and a steam room. Gregor was newly nervous in the rooms where there was no opaque water to cover his - or Deirdre's - body. Towels were permitted, but since he saw nobody else covering up their nether regions, he felt too self-conscious to cover up his. He managed to pull through it without incident, which he considered to be an achievement. He was not sure he could have managed if he had not been raised by Cordelia. At least his embarrassment had not cancelled out his satisfaction with being an ordinary, anonymous person, at least for the space of an hour and a half.

On the way back to the embassy, Leander said to Gregor "I appreciate you not asking nosy questions so much that I will answer some of them. Yes, I sometimes do feel jealous. I'm glad Deirdre and I were monogamous for our first five years. However, Petya makes her happy, and when she's happy, I'm happy. Petya is a good friend. Sometimes, when Deirdre has problems and I cannot help her, Petya can. Bringing Petya into our marriage has made all of our lives, including mine, better."

"I told Petya's parents that I love both of my husbands," Deirdre said. "Just as a woman can love more than one of her children, a woman can love more than one of her spouses. No two loves are ever the same, but both Leander and Petya are my true loves."

***

"My loyalty to the Imperium is as strong as ever," Vorbretten said after his wife and co-husband left. "But I'm afraid that Vervain has had a bad influence on me, sire."

"How so?" Gregor asked.

"Even five years ago ... I would not have _dared_ invite the emperor to a Vervani bathhouse. Let alone with my wife and co-husband. I'm afraid ... I'm afraid I'm going native, sire."

"As long as you are loyal to Us, going native can only improve your ability to serve as Our ambassador," Gregor said. "We thank you for your service, and I thank you for the gift your family gave me." 

Vorbretten caught Gregor's change of pronouns.

"You really do love this planet," Gregor said.

"Yes, sire," Vorbretten said. "The Cetagandans, they terrify me, not just because you are here, but because Deirdre and Leander are here, and ... Vervain is here."

"Have you asked Deirdre and Leander to leave?" Gregor asked.

"I cannot tell them, per your orders, about the invasion, and if they do not know, they will not want to leave," Vorbretten said. "I do not mean to criticise your decisions, I trust that your judgement is the correct one, sire. But, just strictly speaking about my own emotions, I would feel better if the defence fleet was concentrated at the Mu Ceta wormhole. I understand that it is not the most strategic decision, sire, but I would feel better if I believed that the Cetagandans could not even get into Vervani space."

Gregor's stomach knotted up. The truth was, focusing defences on the Mu Ceta wormhole _was_ the best way to defend Vervain from the Cetagandans. The reason that Gregor was pushing the Vervani to defend the Hegen wormhole instead was to tie up and hopefully seriously damage the Cetagandan fleet before they could move on Marilac. But that did create the risk that the Cetagandans would strike Vervain itself ...

 _I am here on Vervain now, and bear the same risks as other people on Vervain_ , Gregor told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Crane Bath" is based on [Tsuru-no-yu](http://www.tsurunoyu.com/english.html) (literally 'The Crane's Bath'), a famous hot spring in Japan, which has a mixed-gender public bath. The bathhouse was also inspired by [Spa Land](http://cityawesome.com/busan1/2011/08/spaland/) in Busan, South Korea, as well as the book [_Sutro's Glass Palace_](http://store.parksconservancy.org/product-p/b-49460.htm).


	24. A Much More Dangerous Game

"We have received a message from Commander Tremont," Captain Romak said.

The title 'Commander' and not 'Vice Commander' told Gregor right away that the coup was successful.

"What of Commander Cavilo?" Gregor asked.

"Commander Tremont says that she is dead," Captain Romak said.

Something must have gone wrong. The plan had been to keep Cavilo alive so that she could be sent to appease Cetagandan wrath. It was better that she was dead and Tremont and Xiang had control over Randall's Rangers than for the coup to completely fail, but ...

Gregor had assurances sent to Commodore Xiang that, should he side with the Vervani, he would be able to secure a safe harbor against the Cetagandan retaliation, even if he could not offer them Cavilo. That may have been enough for Commodore Xiang.

Or maybe Commodore Xiang would betray Commander Tremont in order to avoid being targeted by the Cetagandan vengeance.

Though Tremont was officially commander, his expertise lay in ground combat, not space combat. Xiang was the one who had deep experience with space battles over wormholes, and he, not Tremont, would be make most of the major tactical decisions for Randall's Rangers once the battle began...

Gregor had not dared directly communicate with Commodore Xiang - he must be Vice Commander Xiang now - while he was still held by Randall's Rangers. Now that he was at the Barrayaran embassy, he could reveal to Xiang his true identity and make a more concrete offer of protection from the Cetagandans. Hopefully, that would be enough to ensure that Xiang would side with Tremont and Vervain, and not the Cetagandans.

***

As far as the Vervani military command was concerned, there were two reasons to include Gregor in their strategy discussions. The first reason was that, through Gregor, they could access ImpSec knowledge, and they had figured out that ImpSec had better intelligence than their own spy network. Some of that 'ImpSec' intelligence actually came from Tremont, but Gregor did not tell them that. The second reason was that they knew that, without assistance from Barrayar and hopefully other planets, they had no hope of repelling the Cetagandan invasion, and Gregor was their best guarantee of Barrayaran assistance.

The Vervani government declared a state of emergency, and used emergency powers to restrict communications which passed through both of the wormholes. Official reports about a Randall's Rangers ground piracy raid on Vervain were passed through the Mu Ceta wormhole, even though the piracy raid had only happened in a tac computer simulation. Cetagandan spies in Vervani space knew that the raid had not really happened, but the temporary censorship of wormhole communications hopefully would stop their intelligence from reaching Mu Ceta in time.

The Vervani media and public were thrown into a panic by the declaration of a state of emergency in the face of a yet-to-be revealed threat. Considering how long tensions had been rising in the Hegen Hub, the people had already been primed for such a turn of events.

Between Tremont and Gregor, the Vervani military command grudgingly agreed that that the bulk of Randall's Rangers' and Vervain's combined forces would be placed at the Hegen wormhole.

The Vervani were going to keep a basic blockade at the Mu Ceta wormhole. A small number of ships in a proper blockade formation aimed at ships exiting the wormhole to Mu Ceta could significantly slow down the Cetagandans, yet would be unlikely to persuade the Cetagandans to call off the invasion altogether; Tremont endorsed this move. Only Vervani vessels, not Randall's Rangers, would be in the Mu Ceta blockade. Gregor wondered if their lack of trust in Randall's Rangers, and thus the lack of ships they could rely on not to break the blockade formation, had been the critical factor in their decision to throw most of their fleet at the Hegen wormhole.

There was still the question of how many ships to allocate to the defence of the planet itself. Vervain had high orbital defence systems which severely limited the Cetagandans' ability to strike at the planet. In the tac computer simulation of Randall's Rangers' hypothetical pirate raid, they had been able to get inside the high orbital defences only because they had been marked as 'friendly' by the Vervani military, and advantage that the Cetagandans, thankfully, would not have. The problem was that the high orbitals themselves were obsolete, and thus, without assistance from mobile ships to cover their vulnerable spots, could easily be destroyed by the types of ships the Cetagandans were sending.

Assign too many ships to defend the high orbitals, and the forces defending the Hegen wormhole might not last long enough for Barrayaran and Polian forces to come through. Assign too few ships to defend the high orbitals, and the Cetagandans might destroy them and then bombard the planet.

Gregor pushed for putting as many ships as possible at the Hegen wormhole. He knew very well from Barrayaran history that, in the beginning of the occupation, the Cetgandans had been _relatively_ gentle with the Barrayaran population, and only got increasingly vicious when it became clear that the Barrayarans were not going to submit. The Cetagandans' goal was to rule, not destroy, Vervain, and a direct strike on the planet now could make Vervain harder to govern later. Gregor hoped that a very small force defending the planet would be enough to deter a direct strike.

On the other hand - as Admiral Rod Redlady pointed out - the Cetagandans might directly attack the planet to scare the government into quick surrender.

"If even one of these high orbitals goes out, the Cetagandans will be able to use flying squirrel bombardment," Admiral Redlady had said. "Flying squirrel bombardment messes with sensor readings so badly that it's not possible to know the target within a range of over a thousand kilometers until seconds before impact. Our surface anti-missile systems are nearly useless against the latest Cetagandan technology; only our high orbitals and ships in space can block them. Tens of millions of people could be expecting to be dead in minutes, and it could happen over and over again. It's very effective for instilling maximum fear with fewer bombings, just what the Cetagandans want."

Everyone in the Vervani military command, as well as Gregor, found it very frustrating that there were not more military ships available. If this invasion had been delayed by even a few weeks, some of Vervain's new fleet would have already been ready for combat, and this decision would have been much easier. That, of course, was why the Cetagandans were attacking _now_.

Eventually, the military command decided to follow Gregor's suggestions, and put the majority of the available ships at the Hegen wormhole. The high government officials resolved not to surrender easily, even in the face of a direct attack on the planet, and without keeping the Hegen wormhole open to allied forces, there was no hope of preventing annexation.

Between all of the meetings, reports from Captain Romak, and strategizing based on new information, Gregor never managed to get more than two hours of sleep in a row ever since he received the news that Tremont and Xiang had taken over Randall's Rangers.

Gregor had started by playing the game of escaping from captivity alive and minimally harmed. Somehow, that changed into a game of saving Vervain and Marilac from the Cetagandans. When Gregor had first given Tremont the idea of luring the Cetagandans into Vervain in order to hammer them so badly that they could not take Vervain or Marilac, it had seemed so simple. Gregor had to believe at the time that it would work, because if he had not believed at that moment, he would not have been able to sway Tremont. Now that he was immersed in Vervain's strategic situation, and had the costs of all choices weighing on his mind, Gregor understood better than before that this was a much more dangerous game.

"Sire!" Captain Romak called out. "The first Cetagandan warship has jumped into Vervani space."


	25. The Volunteer

"If all of this information is accurate ... oh my," Elena said.

"What Simon Illyan would give to get his hands on this..." Miles said. "It's his lucky day - we'll send it to him for free."

"ImpSec might already have this, but we should make sure they get a copy," Elena said. "And we definitely want to pass this on to the governments Marilac, Zoave Twilight, Illyrica, and Tau Ceti."

The Dendarii Mercenaries were at the Consortium Station in the Hegen Hub, where in addition to picking up some of their agents, including Elli Quinn, they found that a set of documents about the Cetagandan military, as well as a vid message from Vice Commander Tremont for the Marilac government, had been waiting for them. A message also noted that Gregor was on his way to the Barrayaran embassy on Vervain.

Before this, Miles had been really unsure about there being any kind of Cetagandan invasion of Marilac. With these documents, Miles was a lot more willing to believe that sending the Dendarii to Marilac might actually be necessary.

Miles had already rounded up all of the Dendarii personnel from Marilac, Zoave Twilight, Illyrica, and Tau Ceti, and put them into group dicussions about how to approach the governments of their native planets.

The first thing Miles had learned was that Marilacans and Twilighters did not get along with each other at all. Some of them were veterans of the last war between Marilac and Zoave Twilight, and had bitter memories. The Marilacans said that the Twilighters could not be trusted, and the Twilighters said that Marilac deserved to be invaded by the Cetagandans. Miles hoped that convincing the Marilacan and Twilighter Dendarii that their home worlds needed to work together in order to remain independent from Cetaganda would be good practice for dealing with their governments.

The second thing that Miles learned was that Illyricans and Tau Ceteans did not give a shit about Marilac, and felt that as long as the Cetagandans did not control Zoave Twilight, their own worlds were safe. Changing their minds was also good practice.

***

Because Elli had been with Gregor, only Miles, Elena, and Baz were present at her debriefing.

Miles' grandmother had sent him pictures of what Elli's new face looked like, but it still took his breath away when he first saw that face in the flesh. It had been an amazing job. The way her face lit up when she saw him enter the room only increased the effect...

"It's really true!" Elli said. "You're back! You're back!" She made no attempt to hold back the glee in her voice. She might have been holding back more physical expressions of glee.

Miles had been getting used to that reaction, but Elli's was especially enthusiastic. He coughed. She took on a more professional demeanor, yet continued to glow.

Elli began to describe her trip to Pol Six with 'Greg'. When she was describing his rather embarassing reaction to her, Baz had to bite his lips to prevent himself from laughing. Miles let himself chuckle. Elena did not find it funny.

".. so then, I pinned him to the wall, and put a hand to his throat," Elli said.

Baz, Elena, and Mile's jaws dropped. "You WHAT?!" Baz exclaimed.

"It's not like I hurt him," Elli said.

The three of them were still stunned.

"What is so special about him?!" Elli asked in frustration. "He's one of those Barrayaran Vor types, isn't he?"

At that, the three of them could not help but burst into laughter.

"Elli," Elena said when she caught her breath. "That is an _understatement_."

"So, what, don't tell me he's the emperor or something." Elli then saw their reactions. "Wait ... he IS the emperor? You can't be serious! Him, an _emperor_?! What the in the seven hells of space was he doing..."

***

They jumped into Jackson's Whole space. At that point, the _Ariel_ and the _Jayhawk_ went ahead to obtain clearances for the Dendarii fleet and, when they reached Marilac, to start bargaining with the government. Elena, having years of relevant experience, went with the _Ariel_. Miles wanted to go with her, but he knew that, as the recently returned Admiral Naismith, he had to stay with the majority of the troops to solidify his command of the fleet. The more perceptive Marilacans, Twilighters, Illyricans, and Tau Ceteans went with Elena; Miles kept the more stubborn ones for additional practice.

If Miles did not keep himself busy, he knew the weight of Arde's death would bring him down. He threw himself into studying the intelligence treasure trove they had received about the Cetagandan military fleet and re-establishing his relationships within the Dendarii.

One of those relationships took a surprising turn.

A couple hours after the _Ariel_ and _Jayhawk_ split from the main fleet, Miles granted Elli Quinn's request for a private meeting. Frustrating as it was that she managed to lose and then not rescue Gregor, if she had not escaped and then risked going back to him and delivering his messages, things could have turned out much worse. She had certainly earned some favors.

"Greg and I talked a lot about you," Elli said.

"Yes, I know from the debriefing," Miles said. Miles had never seen Elli nervous this way before. Had Gregor said something which bothered her?

"Those stories he told all took place on Barrayar, huh. And you're Lord Vorkosigan."

"You've heard that by now."

"It was all over the media at the Consortium station even before you arrived."

Right. Miles' cover had taken a wormhole jump to hell.

"I don't really know what it means to be Vor or a Lord," Elli admitted. "But it makes so much sense that you have brilliant parents! I do want to make it clear that I was interested in you even before I knew about you being Admiral Vorkosigan's son. You can ask Elena when we get back in contact with you - she must have noticed."

"Er, noticed what?" Miles asked.

"That I am in love with you."

 _That_ was not what Miles was expecting.

"You haven't seen me for four years..."

"On Beta Colony, when you left, I knew I was in love with you then! Your grandmother was careful about what she told me about you - I suppose you told her not to reveal that you're Lord Vorkosigan - but what she did tell me was _fascinating_. And I could tell, even through Greg's stories, that it's not just my imagination, you _are_ the man I love. Yet his stories also gave me a sense of you as a person, someone who is _real_. And, I noticed that Greg never mentioned you having a _girlfriend_ in any of his stories."

Oh dear. How was Miles supposed to respond to this?

"That is because I do not have a girlfriend," Miles finally said.

"Neither your grandmother nor Greg ever said which way you swing..."

"I'm heterosexual!" Miles quickly said. "That's - that's not why I don't have a girlfriend."

Elli smiled. "Well, _I_ am volunteering."

"Er, thank you," Miles said. "I think I need to think about your, er, offer."

Elli kept on smiling.

"Is ... is that why you wanted to talk to me?"

Elli nodded. She was still smiling.

"Ah, yes. I, ah, have things to do."

"Of course you do, Admiral Naismith," Elli said.

As soon as Elli left the room, Miles rubbed his face with his hands. Yes, he had cursed many times the lack of sex and romance in his life, especially since Elena - _no, stop there. Elena is married. Not to me. Stop that._

There was no denying that Elli was intelligent. And gorgeous. And brave. And ... and if Miles ever found her in his bed, he probably would not chase her out.

 _She is my subordinate_ , Miles told himself. _She is in my chain of command. I can't..._.

Of course he could. His father had, had he not?

 _At least the age difference is not a problem - heck, she's older than me,_ a voice said inside his head. _And I don't even have a girlfriend, let alone a wife, to cheat on..._

 _Stop that_ , another voice said. _I am not going to be like that! Exploiting a subordinate is still exploiting a subordinate!_

_Says the man who propositioned his armsman's daughter._

_Which was fine, since she was more like a sister than a subordinate all along..._

_This conversation in my head is bad enough without implying incest._

_Elli initiated it. And she was not really my subordinate for these past four years..._

_It's wrong!_

_This isn't Beta Colony. Elli obviously was not coerced, and if Betan standards were held up on Barrayar, Gregor would never get laid_.

That last thought boggled Miles' mind. For all he knew, Gregor might still be a virgin. _Like Mother would have let that happen..._

Urk.

He was thinking about his mother. And Betan standards of sexual consent. And Barrayar. And his father.

_I badly need to review some Cetagandan ship specs._

***

"You're saying that Elli Quin propositioned you?" Tung asked.

"She didn't just proposition me, she says she wants to be my girlfriend," Miles replied.

"Well, this kind of thing does happen," Tung said.

 _Has it happened to you?_ Miles wondered.

"Your answer, of course, should be no," Tung said. "The tricky part is figuring out how to reject her offer. And you are rejecting her _offer_ , not her _person_. You should make it clear that it is a professional, not a personal, decision on your part."

"Right," Miles replied. "Ah, what is your general opinion of officers who have sexual relationships with those below them in the same chain of command?"

"They are shitty officers," Tung replied. "The ethical considerations are considerable, but even setting those aside, it usually just causes trouble. It's bad for morale. For example, if the subordinate in the relationship ever gets promoted, others may believe that the promotion was obtained by sexual favor rather than merit. Which means they may not trust that subordinate to be a good soldier or officer, even if the promotion was properly earned. Furthermore, if it is believed that promotions are based on sexual favors rather than merit, people will feel that their efforts aren't appreciated. Good officers, regardless of their ethics, would not enter such relationships simply because of the damage they do to military effectiveness."

"Er, Admiral Vorkosigan -" Miles could not bring himself to say _my father_ even though Tung already knew "- has done it. With a subordinate."

Tung's eyebrows leaped and his eyes bulged. "I thought there were no women in the Barrayaran military."

"It was with a man. Not much older than me."

"He is such a brilliant strategist," Tung said. "It is very disappointing to learn that he lets that kind of vice interfere with his duty."

Miles felt like someone had just hit him with a hammer. "Is - is that all? I mean, you yourself said it was unethical-"

"It _is_ unethical, but I have always admired Admiral Vorkosigan for his _strategies_ , not his ethics. And he is brilliant, however low his ethical standards are."

It was like it had been when he had told Elena about the lieutenant all over again, to hear Tung take so casually a discovery which had completely shaken Miles' view of the world.

"Er, what are the official Dendarii regulations?" Miles asked.

"They are a mess, _because you did not come back_ , but as soon as we have a chance to do a proper overhaul, I highly recommend explicitly forbidding sexual relationships between two people in the same chain of command, in addition to other restrictions on fraternization," Tung said.

"What about Baz and Elena?" Miles asked.

"Whether they are in the same of chain of command is open to debate, once again thanks to _the mess you left us in_ ," Tung said. "Some fleets do have exceptions for married officers, though married officers are rarely placed in the same chain of command in the first place. That can work well enough - in fact, Baz and Elena are an example of a couple who make it work. Perhaps we should put in that exception for their sake..."


	26. A Battle for Time

The _Prince Serg_ , along with the Barrayaran-Polian Joint Fleet, was between Pol Two and Pol Three.

Admiral Aral Vorkosigan spent most of his waking hours pouring over the data on the Cetagandan fleet which had come from that incredible set of messages, cross-referencing it with ImpSec's information and analyses as well as Polian sources, and crafting military strategies. Several times a day he held conferences with Barrayaran and Polian military officers.

Jole remembered Aral's reaction when the word first came through that Gregor was in Vervani space. First, there had been relief as the old terror of _not_ knowing had been dispelled. Second, there had been hope. Third, when in sank in just where Gregor was, and that he straight in the path of a Cetagandan invasion, there was the new terror of _knowing_.

Then there had been the news that Admiral Naismith had taken back the Dendarii Mercenaries, and openly declared that he was Lord Vorkosigan.

To those who did not know that the Dendarii were already officially Imperial troops, this was an open violation of Vorloupulous's Law, and thus treason. To those who did know about the Dendarii Mercenaries' secret status, the situation was less clear, but it still looked a lot like treason. Miles' chances of avoiding a charge of treason, on top of his other charges, had reached zero. Avoiding a conviction of treason...

On the surface, Aral and Jole had maintained a cool professional relationship. The recent activity made maintaining the coolness more effortless than ever. 

Neither of them were fooled. They understood that, beneath their cool fronts, their feelings for each other still burned.

It was clear to Jole than, more than ever before, Aral needed the care of someone who loved him. Yet their intimacy was still tainted by knowing that it was why Miles had exiled himself. It hurt Jole that he could not offer the level of intimacy that Aral needed, and it hurt him that he knew that, even if he offered it, Aral would reject it.

 _When sex is not appropriate_ , Jole heard Cordelia's voice say in his mind, _hold each other. Or look into each other's eyes. Do what you can._

Jole and Aral still looked into each other's eyes. In spite of their relationship being the trigger for Miles' departure, it would still be harder to go on if the other were not there.

***

It was essentially a battle for time. The longer the Vervani and Randall's Rangers could hold out, the more likely that the Barrayaran and Polian forces would arrive before the Cetagandans seized the wormhole to the Hegen Hub.

It took seven hours for the Cetagandans to break the blockade at the Mu Ceta wormhole.

In spite of being overpowered, because the blockade formation held, the Vervani managed to destroy a few Cetagandan ships, and damaged more so badly that they jumped back to Mu Ceta.

The Mu Ceta blockade had only two auxiliary ships. At first, they simply helped the ships in the blockade formation damage Cetagandan ships faster. When the first Vervani ship was too badly impaired to continue fighting, an auxiliary ship took its place while the second auxiliary ship evacuated the crew of the unfortunate ship. When the first Vervani ship was completely destroyed, the second auxiliary ship took its place. When the second Vervani ship was too badly damaged to continue fighting, and there was no third auxiliary ship to take its place, all of the other Vervani ships broke out of the formation. Without a ship in every essential position, the blockade could not hold. 

With the blockade broken, the Cetagandans were finally able to create a sunwall. The sunwall finished off the damaged Vervani ship which could not run, but the other Vervani ships managed to get away. Clearly, the Cetagandans had expected the Vervani ships to stay around longer. The Cetagandan ship which created the sunwall also managed to destroy itself, a very high cost for just destroying an already-damaged ship.

It all looked so abstract on the electronic screens, and it was all happening very far away, yet Gregor _knew_ that people were dying out there. A small, irrational voice in his head wished that he was there too, in the heat of battle, where he would not have to deal with the guilt of a useless coward.

The Cetagandans must already know that things were not going according to their plan, since they had intended to have some Randall's Rangers ships 'guarding' the Mu Ceta wormhole in order to sabotage the blockade.

Five hours later, the Vervani ships which had survived the breaking of the blockade reached Vervain's orbit, where they augmented the force defending the high orbitals. They were sorely needed.

Just an hour later, the first wave of Cetagandans came towards the planet - and completely bypassed it, running towards the Hegen Hub wormhole. Tremont and the Vervani military command had agreed that this would be the most likely move for the first wave. They wanted to take the Hegen Hub wormhole quickly and leave the planet for later.

An hour after that, the second wave of Cetagandan ships came ... and bypassed the planet.

The next hour, the third wave bypassed the planet. Then a forth wave. A fifth wave.

That was around the time the first wave began engaging with the ships defending the Hegen wormhole.

Gregor and the military high command saw that concentrating ships at the Hegen wormhole rather than the planet had been the correct strategic choice. The Cetagandans had clearly made capturing it their top priority. In the beginning, there would be the advantage of Randall's Rangers' surprising loyalty to the Vervani. Of course, that was assuming that Vice Commander Xiang was in fact siding with Vervain.

There was a sixth wave of Cetagandan ships. It was smaller than previous waves, but it turned from the course towards the Hegen Hub wormhole, and headed straight for the planet.

At first, the Cetagandan ships around the planet played a game of cat-and-mouse. They would pretend to target a high orbital, and then break off before the Vervani ships could counterattack. Gregor and Captain Romak guessed that the Cetagandans were trying to lure some of the ships guarding the Hegen Hub back to the planet.

About four hours after the Cetagandan force had arrived at the planet, they made their first serious attack. The Vervani ships and high orbital stations managed to take out two Cetagandan ships. One of the orbital defence stations took significant damage, but continued to be operational. The surviving Cetagandan ships retreated.

An hour later, the Cetagandan ships which had retreated came back - along with a new wave of Cetagandan ships.

Now, the Cetagandan ships attacked the high orbital stations much more fiercely. As the defenders, and with the high orbital stations, the Vervani could use their firepower more efficiently than the Cetagandans, but the Cetagandans were relentless. Within two hours, Orbital Defence Station Eleven was destroyed. When the waves of debris from Station Eleven reached the other orbital stations, they would have to put up anti-Kessler shields, which would temporarily reduce their operational capacity as well.

The protective net of the high orbital stations now had a large hole.

The Vervani had to choose between ordering all of the ships to try to cover that hole, which would expose the weak points of the other high orbital stations, or to continue protecting the other stations and leave the hole open.

They chose to continue covering the other high orbital stations.

Even that one hole in the protective net opened up about a fourth of the planet's surface to flying squirrel bombardment. And that fourth of the planet included the capital. The Cetagandans had not chosen their targets randomly.

The Cetagandan ships continued to hammer away at ships and other high orbitals. Two of their ships got into position to bombard the planet. When two high orbitals had their anti-Kessler shields up, the Cetagandans make their first flying squirrel strike.

Gregor, Vorbretten, and Captain Romak were completely still and silent as they waited for the flying squirrel to land. They knew, intellectually, that the Cetagandans were unlikely to choose the capital as their first target, but they could not know until it happened.

"It's not us, sire," Captain Romak said as he watched the latest reports on the screen. A few seconds later, it was reported that the strike had simply been a small rock, and it had landed in Vervain's uninhabited North Desert.

Over the next three hours there were five more flying squirrel strikes. All of them were either small rocks or small bombs, and all landed in areas with no human population. Even though the capital was unlikely to be the target, it was always possible that a Cetagandan officer would decide that hitting the capital was the way to a speedy surrender. At the very least, if the Cetagandans kept up the flying squirrel attacks, they would probably up the ante.

The Cetagandans sent multiple demands for surrender, threatening to target cities if they did not yield the Hegen Hub wormhole.

The Vervani ships and remaining high orbitals continued to pick away at the Cetagandan ships around the planet, and no new Cetagandan ships were arriving. Since they could already launch flying squirrel attacks, the Cetagandans sent all new ships coming from Mu Ceta to the battle over the Hegen Hub wormhole. As their ships around the planet became fewer, the Cetagandans were getting fewer opportunities to launch the flying squirrel attacks, but they could still do it, and they could still destroy entire cities. The only think holding them back was the knowledge that annexing Vervain with its infrastructure intact and very few civilian casualties would be much better for their long-term goals.

There were two more flying squirrel strikes in the following three hours. The targets were still unpopulated areas, but now the weapons were nuclear warheads. The tension inside the embassy grew even higher.

If only three more Cetagandan ships could be disabled or destroyed - and if no more Cetagandan ships came to the planet as reinforcements - then the Cetagandans would lose the ability to send the flying squirrel strikes. Unfortunately, this narrowing window of opportunity gave the Cetgandans motivation to make a bolder move.

"Flying squirrel!" Captain Romak called out.

Would this be the time that the Cetagandans targeted a town?

Might they, in their desperation, target the capital?

The repetition of being attacked again and again, of never knowing until the last few seconds, was fraying on the nerves. It was a good tactic for pushing somebody into giving up.

"It's not us," Captain Romak said. There was a brief sense of relief before the dread of the next time overtook them.

A few seconds later, Romak's face went entirely grim, which told Gregor and Vorbretten that something had been different about the latest attack.

Captain Romak made a public announcement for everyone inside the embassy - "Everyone, leave the building and go to Milo Tori-Nikki High Plaza immediately. Repeat, go to Milo Tori-Nikki High Plaza immediately. A tsunami is due in one hour."

Captain Romak stood up. "Sire, we must leave now."

"What happened?" Gregor asked.

"Tanega Island," Captain Romak said. "They hit Tanega Island. The island - the island is gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have new respect for writers of military science fiction. Writing about space battles is hard.


	27. Tsunami

"Tsunamis occur naturally on Vervain," Vorbretten babbled. "That's why every coastal city has a number of high plazas. Most people in this city go through a tsunami drill at least once a year. I remember, my first year on Vervain, a tsunami hit the two largest cities on the West Continent, and nobody died. These buildings and streets are also designed to withstand temporary inundation by seawater..."

Even with all of the people pouring into the street, it only took about seven minutes to walk from the Barrayaran embassy to Milo Tori-Nikki High Plaza. During that time, Vorbretten was making calls with his wristcom non-stop. People were ascending the wide staircases and boarding the funiculars in a surprisingly orderly manner. Obviously, they had been drills. Yet the terror in the air was still palpable.

 _The Cetagandans expected this_ , Gregor realized. _They know that the city will remain intact and casualties in the city will be few, yet they still have launched a powerful physical and symbolic attack on the capital. And they will claim that they have not violated Interstellar Judiciary Commission rules because Tanega Island was a military target._

"Did anyone on Tanega Island survive?" Gregor asked Captain Romak.

"I don't know, sire, but it's unlikely that there are more than a handful of survivors," Captain Romak replied.

"Had there been a civilian evacuation before the strike?" Gregor asked.

"I honestly do not know, sire," Captain Romak replied.

Gregor had been on Tanega Island just days earlier. It had been his first glimpse of Vervain. He thought of the schoolchildren he had seen at play there. Were they still alive?

At Milo Tori-Nikki High Plaza, there were already disaster service workers directing people. Vorbretten and Captain Romak took Gregor straight to the warden who was responsible for the high plaza. "Minister Jestocost requested that you be here," Vorbretten said.

There was a large screen over the plaza - perhaps this place was used for public holovid screenings in less disastrous times. Right now, a message from Prime Minister Atile'i Wayo was being broadcast, urging all citizens to evacuate safely and remain calm. _On Barrayar, Count Vorkosigan or myself would be making that speech right now_ , Gregor reflected. 

He looked at the crowd, and understood that it was not the tsunami itself which frightened them. It was, after all, a threat that they grew up with. It was the _Cetagandans_ who frightened them. And Prime Minister Atile'i Wayo was not mentioning the Cetagandans or invasion at all. Gregor felt that was a mistake.

The Prime Minister's address ended. He no doubt had many other pressing matters.

"Vorbretten," Gregor said. "Would it be possible for me to publicly address the people gathered here?"

"I don't know, sire," Vorbretten replied. "I can ask Minister Jestocost."

Vorbretten sent a message. A few minutes later, he got a reply.

"Yes, you may address them for a few minutes. It will be recorded, and the minister will decide whether to broadcast it elsewhere."

Gregor spent a few minutes thinking about what to say before the warden's assistant told him that they were ready.

There was a podium permanently built into the plaza - apparently it was a place designed for public speeches as well - and that is where they led Gregor. There was a vid camera pointed at him.

"Greetings, citizens of Vervain," Gregor said. "I am Emperor Gregor Vorbarra of the Barrayaran Imperium." He did not use 'We' - Gregor did not want to risk confusing his audience. "I am here to negotiate a defence treaty with your government. 

"As you may know, the Cetagandans spent twenty years trying to take our planet. In the beginning, we did not have nearly as much advanced technology, and our military was far weaker than Vervain's. But we did not give up. My own grandfather, Ezar Vorbarra, was one of the generals who fought the Cetagandans. We persevered. We were victorious against the Cetagandans."

Gregor was not used to giving such unplanned speeches, and was unsure about whether he was saying the right things, especially to such a foreign audience. However, he had lots of practice, and projected confidence without even consciously thinking about it.

"Your people stood by ours in our time of need. You sent us aid." The Vervani had sent Barrayar some humanitarian aid during the First Cetagandan War, but it had not been nearly as helpful to the resistance as the military aid certain other planets had supplied. But it this was not the time to mention such details. "Now, in your time of need, we are ready to stand by you.

"Our government's fighting fleet has almost reached the Hegen Hub, and from there they will jump into Vervain. Together, we will drive the Cetagandans back, just as my ancestors drove the Cetagandans from our home. We will win, and we will never need to submit to Cetaganda!"

Gregor was measuring the audience the whole time. He felt the shift in the mood well before the first person erupted into a loud cheer. Then another person cheered, and the cheering spread throughout the crowd.

_They want to believe this. They crave hope. I gave it to them._

"Well done, sire," Vorbretten said as Gregor left the podium.

For all that Gregor knew that someone had to give the people at least the illusion of hope, he felt hollow. If there had been a full blockade of the Mu Ceta wormhole - the strategy which Gregor had worked hard to quash - this tsunami would not be happening, Tanega Island would still be there, and the people there would still be alive.

***

Gregor was surprised that they broadcast footage of the tsunami slamming into the city on the screen over the plaza. Of course the people knew what was happening, but why _show_ it to them?

It was, at least, an acknowledgement of reality. And the footage did show that the streets were empty of people as the purple water surged forth, and that all of the buildings remained intact.

Like the other people in the plaza, Gregor's eyes were transfixed.

***

Two hours after the tsunami hit, it was announced that people may leave high ground. There were reported casualties, but no reported deaths, _aside from the people who died at Tanega Island_ , Gregor thought. The island had _not_ been evacuated; not all deaths were confirmed, but the death toll was likely to be above 10,000.

"Sire, it may not be a good idea for you to return to the embassy," Captain Romak said. "Everyone now knows that you are in Vervain, and if an assassin..."

Ah yes, Gregor had not considered _that_ angle.

"What do you recommend," Gregor asked.

"Cmell Jestocost has invited us to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs," Vorbretten said. "It is probably as secure as anywhere."

Gregor nodded.

They reached the ministry. Gregor could hardly tell that the building had just been slammed by fast-moving seawater. Vervani engineering was truly remarkable.

Ten minutes later, Cmell Jestocost came to see them. "My dear emperor, thank you for that speech," Jestocost said. "I honestly do not know how we would be holding up if we did not know that your forces were on their way."

Every time Gregor heard this kind of praise, he felt another stab of guilt on account of opposing the full blockade at the Mu Ceta wormhole.

"I am not going to be available for a while, but if you need anything, feel free to tell my people," Jestocost said.

Someone led Gregor, Vorbretten, Captain Romak, and their bodyguards to a private conference chamber. They set up a comlink for Captain Romak so that he could follow the current status of the battle in space.

"The Cetagandans still do not have control of the Hegen Hub wormhole," Captain Romak said

 _That_ was good news.

"There are no more Cetagandan ships in the planet's orbit, sire."

That was more good news.

"All of the ships which had been orbit around the planet left to chase some ship."

That was surprising. Why would so many Cetagandan vessels leave the planet just to pursue a single ship? "What ship?" Gregor asked.

"It's the _Black Jack Geary_. A Randall's Rangers' vessel."

That was even more surprising. Nearly all of the Randall's Rangers ships were at the Hegen Hub wormhole. Gregor had not even been aware that any of them had been defending the planet.

Captain Romak clearly was trying to find an explanation as he examined the information offered by the comconsole. "Sire, Commander Guy Tremont is on the _Black Jack Geary_."

Why was Tremont near the planet? He was supposed to be leading the defence of the Hegen Hub wormhole.

"Sire, if the Cetagandans wanted to destroy the _Black Jack Geary_ , they could have already done so," Captain Romak said. "They seem to be trying to capture the ship with its crew alive. Based on their current positions ... I don't think the ship can escape, sire."


	28. Inflection Point

Gregor and Captain Romak tried to figure out how Tremont had gotten in that position. Some time after the Cetagandans had started hitting the Vervani-Randall's Rangers fleet at the Hegen Hub wormhole, the _Black Jack Geary_ had slipped away. The Cetagandans had not been too concerned with the ship at first, but at some point some of the Cetagandans reinforcements diverted to follow the _Black Jack Geary_ instead of continue to the Hegen Hub wormhole. Gregor guessed that was shortly after the Cetagandans realized that Tremont was on board. 

The _Black Jack Geary_ had taken a course which came close to the planet, which meant the Cetagandan force there was actually closer than the pursuit. All of the Cetagandan forces which had been attacking the orbitals and the planet then departed to follow the ship. At that point, without reinforcements, it was only a matter of time before they would have lost the ability to bombard the planet anyway, and even sending a couple ships in pursuit limited the ability of any other Cetagandan ships to do much to further their goals in the planet's orbit.

Clearly, the Cetagandans did not want Tremont to get away. That was why they were dedicated so much force to a small ship like the _Black Jack Geary_.

Why had Tremont split from the force defending the Hegen Hub wormhole like this? Why was he not leading the battle?

 _No, he never intended to lead the battle at the Hegen Hub wormhole_ , Gregor realized. _He had always planned to stand aside and let Xiang and the tac computer do their jobs._

Vice Commander Xiang wanted to become Commander Xiang when this battle was over. And he no longer had a living Cavilo to offer to the Cetagandans.

Gregor now had a horrific understanding of the kind of bargain Tremont and Xiang must have struck.

And with his sacrifice, Tremont was taking precious Cetagandan ships away from the hottest front, and stopped the bombardment of the planet. In a battle for time like this one, removing those Cetagandan ships from action could make a critical difference.

The _Black Jack Geary_ was not easy to capture. Its maneuvers kept the Cetagandans moving further and further away from both the planet and the Hegen Hub wormhole. Gregor suspected that none of the Cetagandan ships were giving up the chase because all of the Ghem on board wanted the honor of participating in Tremont's capture. The time between when Gregor and Captain Romak had started watching, and the time when the Cetagandans had finally managed to capture the ship was about four hours.

At this point, Tremont's best hope was to have committed suicide before capture. He would have had to do it at the last minute, to keep the Cetagandans interested in the pursuit. However, given the high level of care and delicacy the Cetagandans had shown in the capture operation, it was likely that they had quickly flooded the ship's air system with knockout gas. And Gregor feared that Tremont had promised Xiang not to commit suicide.

The Cetagandans were going to make Tremont _pay_.

"Sire, we have more information about Tanega island," Captain Romak said.

"Yes," said Gregor.

"There had been a large subterranean dock under the island. It had been there for about a hundred and fifty years, and had not been designed to withstand the type of bombardment the Cetagandans used. When the dock collapsed, the island went down with it.

"There had been no evacuation. The current confirmed number of deaths is 10,738."

That was greater than the entire death toll of the Third Cetagandan War.

 _This would not have happened if there had been a large blockade at the Mu Ceta wormhole_ , Gregor thought.

Of course, he had to tell Tremont that they were going to let the Cetagandans come into Vervain. Otherwise, Gregor would not have gotten away, and the Vervani would not have been warned in time. 

But once Gregor had gotten to Vervain, should he have told the Vervani everything? Tried to communicate directly with Xiang, and cut some deal where Randall's Rangers would have defended the Mu Ceta wormhole? They would have had to get rid of Tremont but ... but they could have at least arranged a fate for Tremont better than live capture by the Cetagandans. Unless Xiang would not have settled for anything less. Even then, Tremont had gotten captured by the Cetagandans anyway...

There was still Marilac. But would the Cetagandans really have turned around and invaded Marilac if they had been stopped at the Mu Ceta wormhole? And maybe Marilac was doomed no matter what. Maybe, in a few years, the Cetagandans would take Marilac anyway. Why should all of those Vervani died for that?

Gregor was haunted by his memories of what he saw of Tanega Island

Meanwhile, the battle at the Hegen Wormhole raged on. Gregor followed the updates closely.

"The Vervani and Randall's Rangers are fighting remarkably well," Gregor observed.

"It's because of the intelligence Tremont had on the Cetagandan fleet, sire," Captain Romak replied. "Having those Cetagandan ship specs improved the quality of the tac computers' outputs, no doubt."

It was also clear that the Cetagandans had initially been confused by Randall's Rangers' behavior, and that had allowed the Vervani forces to take a critical early advantage.

However, even though Randall's Rangers and the Vervani had a much better tactical position, the Cetagandans still had superiority of numbers. The Vervani and Randall's Rangers were getting whittled down.

No more Cetagandans came to attack the planet. Apparently, they felt that they had made their point. This gave the Vervani time to rearrange the surviving high orbital stations. They could not cover the entire planet any more, but they could at least cover the most populated areas, including the capital.

About twenty-four hours after the tsunami had hit, all of the ships defending the planet were sent to the Hegen Hub wormhole. The wormhole defenders sorely needed additional ships to make up for losses. They had to risk leaving the high orbital stations entirely exposed.

Everyone was anxious as more and more ships were destroyed. By the time the planet defence force reached the Hegen Hub wormhole, they were essentially all which remained of Vervain's own space fleet. Randall's Rangers were holding up better, but their losses were also heavy. Tanega Island was already an overwhelmingly painful wound in Gregor's heart - he dared not look at the casualty lists for the forces at the Hegen Hub wormhole.

More hours went by. Randall's Rangers' losses kept increasing. They were approaching the inflection point at which the blockade formation would no longer be able to sustain itself. Once that point was passed, the battle would be over very quickly.

"Sire," Captain Romak said. "We must prepare to take you into hiding."

Gregor nodded. The Cetagandans now knew he was on Vervain, and would be looking for him as soon as they secured control over the Hegen Hub wormhole.

"I recommend taking you to the West Continent," Vorbretten said. "My wife has friends there. I think the Cetagandans will have a harder time finding you there than anywhere else."

"There are only three shuttleports on the West Continent," Captain Romak said. "The Cetagandans will be watching them closely."

"They will be watching all of the shuttleports closely," Vorbretten replied. "They make look at those three shuttleports less closely than others. There are also two more shuttleports on islands near the West Continent. And the sooner we move, the better we can hide."

Gregor remembered the last time he saw his mother, and that fateful flight he had taken with Captain Negri to Vorkosigan Surleau. History was not repeating itself, but it was rhyming. "Yes, let's move," he said solemnly.

Gregor had failed. He should have fled Vervain when he had the chance, just like Vorbretten and Captain Romak had recommended.

Vorbretten was making arrangements for discreetly obtaining a lightflyer while Captain Romak continued to monitor updates.

"SIRE!" Captain Romak yelled. "THE _PRINCE SERG_ HAS JUMPED INTO VERVANI SPACE!!!"


	29. Adieu

As the Barrayaran and Polian ships poured through the wormhole, the battle raged on.

Gregor immediately authorized Captain Romak to send their pre-recorded message. It was essentially an order to clear Vervani space of Cetagandan military vessels, but not to pursue any Cetagandan ships which jumped back to Mu Ceta.

A few hours after the arrival of the _Prince Serg_ , Gregor received a vid message from Randall's Rangers. He opened it, and saw Tremont's face.

" _When the Cetagandans first showed me those documents, I did not trust them_ ," Tremont began. " _They needed to impress me with their technical superiority. They even needed me to have a general understanding of their abilities so I could do their dirty work. But they knew I was not genuinely loyal to them, and I did not trust them to give me accurate details about their fleet_. 

" _I always had it in the back of my mind that, if the opportunity presented itself, I would send those documents back to Marilac. But I did not want to send poisoned knowledge. The more I analysed those documents, the more certain I was that they had put in falsehoods which would screw over anybody who relied on them for developing a strategy against the Cetagandans._

" _I found the some of the falsehoods on my own. I drew on Randall's Rangers and Vervani intelligence to spot more falsehoods. And finally, I had ways of drawing out from the Cetagandans more information than they intended to reveal to me._

" _I had to make many educated guesses, and I threw out the documents about which I was most uncertain. However, seeing how the battle is happening, it seems I was almost entirely correct in sifting the truth from the deceptions. That is an immense relief._

" _The Cetagandans will never let me go. Even if we had Cavilo to offer them, they could never let me get away with what I have done. I have no choice but to submit to the inevitable. I have chosen to use the inevitable in the service of Randall's Rangers, Vervain, and Marilac. I will be a lure to distract the Cetagandans as best as I can._

" _When I came to Vervain, my honor was forsaken. Then you came. You gave me a way to pass on those documents. You gave me a way to save Marilac without giving Vervain to the Cetagandans. You gave me a way to redeem my honor. For that, my gratitude knows no bounds._

"Adieu, Gregor Vorbarra de Barrayar."

After seeing the message, Gregor had to excuse himself, go to a small room, and sit alone for half an hour.

***

Gregor made a number of joint speeches with Prime Minister Atile'i Wayo and other government officials.

Instilling hope in the Vervani people was important, and Gregor knew that, as the emperor who had the loyalty of the fleet that the Vervani people were relying upon, he was now their best symbol of hope. The fleet really was there fighting the Cetagandans, which meant that Gregor was even bringing true hope, not false hope.

Nonetheless, whenever the Vervani cheered for Gregor, he felt a new stab of guilt on account of all of the Vervani who had died so far. Especially the Vervani who had died at Tanega Island.

One of the Vervani with whom Gregor had had high level discussions about military strategy, Admiral Rod Redlady, was absent. He had led the planet defense force, and was with them when the ships moved to the Hegen Hub wormhole. He had died shortly before the arrival of the _Prince Serg_.

Ambassador Vorbretten also had a personal loss.

"What is it?" Gregor asked him when he saw the change in Vorbretten's mood.

"These ships which were recently destroyed, sire," Vorbretten said. "My half-brother, Commodore Lord Vorbretten, was on one of those ships. His name is on the list of the confirmed dead."

"My condolences," Gregor said. It was not just the Vervani who were dying. His own people, people who had sworn themselves into Barrayar's service, were also dying.

"My brother and I were never close," Vorbretten said. "When I first came to Vervain, I only expected to stay here a couple years. That was more than ten years ago. I told myself back then, when I was done with this assignment, I would go back, and finally get to know him better. And get to know his children. I've only met his eldest son, René, about five times. Now I will never get the chance."

"Surely you can still get to know his children," Gregor said.

Vorbretten shook his head. "I will always be loyal to Barrayar, but Vervain is now the home of my heart. If I really were going to become close to my family on Barrayar again, I would have already done it. But to know that I will never again have a chance to say some things I should have said to my brother long ago ... it's too late, sire."

***

About fifty hours after the _Prince Serg_ had jumped into Vervani space, all of the surviving Cetagandan ships with intact Necklin rods had jumped back to Mu Ceta, and arrangements were being made for the disabled Cetagandan ships.

There was a huge public celebration, and Gregor was in the middle of it. Days later, the funerals and memorial services began. Gregor was there too. He attended the special memorial for the fall of Tanega Island. Being there was very difficult.

He spent a lot of time negotiating various treaties with the Vervani. It was an interesting situation. On the one hand, he was their hostage, though even the infamously direct Vervani did not phrase it that way. On the other hand, their space fleet had been practically wiped out, and the majority of the military ships around their planet were Barrayaran. It created a weird kind of balance.

Gregor had ordered his people not to tell him about anything that was happening outside of Vervani space unless it was relevant to the situation on Vervain or it was an urgent emergency. He knew that he must have left a nightmarish mess in the wake of his departure from Komarr, and he knew he would have to clean it up. He did not think he could cope with that and deal with the Vervani at the same time. He would have the entire journey back to Komarr to think about what to do about domestic affairs.

The Vervani lavished him with hospitality. Vorbretten's instruction about dealing with Vervani communal baths turned out to be very useful. Yes, he had to bathe with various important people in Vervani society, including women. They took him to an outdoor natural hot spring a few hours away from the capital. It was in a gorge which had been carved out of marble by a river that was crystal pink like rose quartz. The hot water streamed straight out of the marble rock, and lower-temperature pools were created by mixing the hot spring water with the river water. Gregor was also taken to many of the finest baths in the capital - whatever was in the water, it caressed his skin with a relaxed kind of pleasure, like a divine massage. The fact that these baths could relax him at all, in spite of all which weighed on his mind and heart, was a miracle.

Vervain was saved. But Gregor knew that Vervain could have been saved at a much lower cost. As the Vervani raised the pedestal upon which they had placed Gregor higher and higher, the more and more Gregor felt his personal honor wither.

***

About a week and a half after the end of the battle, the shuttle lifted off. Gregor was heading to the _Prince Serg_ , and then back to Barrayar.

He had of course been in contact with Aral Vorkosigan, but while Gregor had remained on Vervain's surface, all of their communication had been strictly between Emperor and Prime Minister / Admiral.

Now, he was going to meet with Aral, for the first time since he had found out what his father had been, and what his father had done to Aral. And he was going to do it on a ship which bore his father's name.

It was wrong. How could Aral serve Prince Serg's son? How could he face Aral after running away from Komarr? How could face Aral knowing what had been done to him?

No matter. It was happening. He was going to see Aral aboard the _Prince Serg_. Even thinking about the name of the ship put a bitter taste in Gregor's mouth.

The shuttle docked. The hatch opened. Gregor walked out. Aral was there.

 _Is it just me_ , Gregor thought, _or did he age twenty years since I last saw him?_

They made eye contact. Aral's eyes brightened. Five years of aging seemed to slide off his face in that instant.

Aral opened his arms. Gregor could tell that he craved to touch him, to feel that Gregor was really there, alive and unharmed.

Gregor could not deny him that. He swiftly moved into Aral's arms. They embraced.

***

"... And now I'm here," Gregor concluded.

Gregor could not bring himself to mention his father, or the vids he had seen, or even the conversation he had had with Elena, but he had told Aral everything else about what had happened between the time he had jumped off the balcony in Komarr and the present.

Gregor tensed up. Now it was time for Aral to chew him out for all of the horrible decisions he had made...

"I'm proud of you," Aral said.

Gregor blinked. "But - but I -"

"You gained Barrayar a new ally and saved at least one planet from invasion by the Cetagandans while you managed to get yourself rescued from hostile captivity," Aral said.

"It wasn't me," Gregor said. "You saved Vervain. Elli Quinn and Tremont rescued me."

"You were the one who sent us all moving in the right directions," Aral replied. 

"The Vervani ... I helped sabotage them. They should have put the main blockade at Mu Ceta, not the Hegen Hub. If the timing had been just a little different, Vervain would have lost. And there would have been far fewer deaths..."

"I understood that putting the blockade at Hegen Hub was necessary for getting Tremont on your side," Aral replied. "And for saving Marilac."

"I could have gotten Randall's Rangers on my side _and_ the main blockade at the Mu Ceta wormhole..." Gregor said.

"Perhaps you could have. You may even eventually think of a way you could have had yourself rescued, the main blockade placed at the Mu Ceta wormhole, saved Tremont, and prevented the Cetagandan fleet from going to Marilac unscathed. But you were the man on the ground at the time, or more accurately, the man locked up in the brig. I try not to second-guess my field commanders."

"It's not just that. The Vervani - they idolize me. They see me as their savior. The more they praise me, the sicker I feel about all of those pointless deaths..."

"Ah. You feel that your honor has been shattered at your feet while your soaring public reputation wraps you in rewards."

"That is one way to say it."

"I know this feeling." Aral took a deep breath. "Gregor. You deserve to know the truth about the invasion of Escobar."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hot spring in the marble gorge is inspired by Wenshan Hot Spring (which looks more beautiful in real life than in videos - not to mention that in real life, you can actually soak in the water!)


	30. Like Grandfather, Like Grandson

"What do you know about your father?" Aral asked.

"I know that he-" Gregor began to say. "I - I don't want to talk about him."

It was bad enough that Gregor knew what his father had done - had seen vids of his father doing those horrible things to people, including the man before him. To have Aral tell him about it - it would be too much.

"Then you are aware that your father had some problems?" Aral said.

"Yes," Gregor said in a small voice.

"Then that is all we need to say about him."

Gregor had not expected that reprieve. Was that really all Aral had to say?

"It was not just your father, and not just Vorrutyer. The biggest problem was Grishnov and his war party."

Gregor was aware of Grishnov and the riots which had brought him down. He nodded.

"Your grandfather, Emperor Ezar, thought that the only way to take down the war party while he still lived was to have your father die in a disastrous defeat at Escobar."

Gregor froze.

"Before the invasion, I was in a secret meeting with your grandfather and Captain Negri. They showed me plans for the plasma mirrors. My true mission at Escobar ... was to see to it that things happened as your grandfather wished."

The pieces fell together like dominos in Gregor's mind. He could not stop them.

Of course any prince who personally humiliated and tortured a count's heir without cause did not have enough political sense to rule as emperor - unless, of course, someone else kept him under control. Someone like Grishnov.

His grandfather knew that the Escobarans had the plasma mirrors, and that their invasion force could not beat them, and he sent his son to die at Escobar anyway. No, he sent his son to Escobar because he _knew_ he would die there.

Aral's behavior in that vid Gregor had seen, and especially that look which had been on Aral's face at the end of the ordeal, took on a newly horrible meaning. Gregor had not thought that was even possible.

"When I came back from Escobar, I was welcomed like a war hero. Nobody understood why I resigned, or why I took to drinking. And then, after all that, I was appointed regent. My honor was finished. If Cordelia had not..."

"But it was no stain on your honor!" Gregor said. "It was not your plan! You were just following orders!"

"Following orders is always a _choice_ ," Aral said. "I _chose_ to betray the thousands of people who died during the Escobar invasion."

Gregor turned his chair around and faced away from Aral. He was not going to chase him out of the room, but he needed a little distance from him now.

His grandfather saw his enemies making a mistake, and then made sure that they followed through with the mistake, and that the consequences of that mistake furthered his own goals. Gregor could not help but admire the elegance of the plan.

And his admiration of that elegance sickened him.

He had figured that out during his long imprisonment that he was _not_ his father. Going through his memories, he had looked for times he had tried to do anything like what his father had done - and could not think of any examples. Whatever his fantasies were, in real life, he had never been tempted to follow in his father's footsteps.

But his grandfather ... Gregor himself had just done something like that. He had manipulated and deceived others, put a planet in peril of annexation, and had thrown thousands of innocent people to their untimely deaths, in order to achieve his goals. Even if the ends justified the means, it did not change the means.

Could he send his own son to his death? _If my son were just like my father, yes, yes I could_.

Ah yes, even though Gregor himself had not turned out like his own father, his own sons might still become their like their grandfather. Just as Gregor had become like his own grandfather.

His own actions in Vervain proved that he was, in _deed_ , his grandfather's grandson.

Gregor turned his chair back around.

"Who knows?" he asked.

"Myself. And Cordelia."

That was a short list. "Simon?" Gregor inquired.

"He might have figured it out."

"Miles?"

Aral's face immediately became as grim as Gregor had ever seen it. "No," he said.

 _Something terrible has happened_ , Gregor thought. "What happened to Miles?"

Aral opened his mouth, and then choked.

"Is Miles dead?" Gregor asked, dreading the answer. Was he yet another casualty of this battle? _Surely I would have been informed..._

"No," Aral said. "Miles ... Miles saw me and Jole in bed."

Gregor's eyebrows leaped up. "Jole? Surely this is not the same Jole as your military secretary, Senior Lieutenant Oliver Jole."

"The same." Gregor had never heard his voice tremble that way before.

"And - and what was he doing in bed with you?" Gregor asked, refusing to believe the most obvious answer.

Aral could no longer look Gregor in the eye. "We - we are lovers," Aral replied. His voice broke off abruptly.

It was incredible. He would have never, ever imagined Aral having an affair with a subordinate who was hardly older than Gregor himself. Yes, when Miles found out, he must have reacted badly. Gregor himself had no idea how to react to this.

He was going to have to learn what happened to Miles, and he was going to have to find out very soon, but Gregor did not think he could stand learning one more horrible truth right now.

"You are excused. You may leave the room," Gregor said. He knew that there must be something better he could say, but what?

"I must know," Aral said with fear in his eyes. "Will you hurt yourself?"

Yes, Gregor had told Aral about going off the balcony, even though he had not explained _why_ he had done it. Gregor had not outright said that it was a suicide attempt, but Aral must at least suspect it. "I swear, on my word as a Vorbarra, that I will not physically harm myself on account of anything we have just said," Gregor said.

Aral bowed his head. "That is a great relief. I shall take my leave." He exited the room.

Gregor knew perfectly well, aside from the general concerns with sexual relationships between a bosses and subordinates, for two people in the same chain of command to have that kind of relationship was a clear violation of military regulations Aral had himself put in place. And Gregor knew that Aral had painful personal experience with why those regulations were necessary. How could he, of all people, break that rule?

Growing up, Gregor had also seen Aral and Cordelia as the ideal couple, the model for what he hoped he might have when, inevitably, he would have to marry. How could _Aral_ , of all people, betray his wife this way?

And he was going to have to ask Jole for his side of the story. That was a task he did not look forward to - 'I hear that my foster-father, who is your boss and almost old enough to be our grandfather, is bedding you. Details please.' Yet it was necessary, because he could not act without knowing to what degree Jole was a willing participant in this relationship.

For a long time, Gregor sat there, stewing in his shock.

How could Aral?

How could Aral?

How could Aral?

Then the answer came to his mind - _Aral is not perfect. He's a screwed up person, just like everyone else_.

Even before seeing those _vids_ , Gregor had known the rumors about Aral Vorkosigan and Ges Vorrutyer, and subconsciously he had even recognized them as the kind of rumors which were likely to contain a grain of truth. There was no way that Aral had consented to what Gregor had seen, but was it possible that, at some other time, under some other circumstances, Aral _had_ consented. Gregor now had solid evidence that Aral was bisexual at least.

Gregor had originally interpreted Aral's reaction to Vorrutyer's and his father's torture as superhuman stoicism, but maybe it had not been that. Maybe it had simply been a human craving for self-destruction in the wake of broken honor. That was scarily easy to understand - Gregor harboured some fantasies about humiliation and self-punishment himself and, after all that happened at Vervain, they seemed particularly appealing now.

Perhaps Aral did not want reassurance that Gregor was not going to hurt himself because of what Gregor did at the balcony. Perhaps Aral was worried because he knew from personal experience what someone with shattered honor might do.

 _My grandfather sending Aral to Escobar destroyed his spirit. Shit_. That realization had not sunk into Gregor before this moment.

_For almost all my life, Aral has been my guardian angel. As a child, I needed to believe in a guardian angel. Even when I let Count Vordrozda lead me astray, I never questioned Aral's superhuman status - I simply believed him to be an angel who had turned on me. But I am a child no more. He is no more an angel than I am the great hero that the Vervani people believe me to be._

Angels did not exist. People existed.

Until very recently, Gregor himself had thought of his father as the great war hero, and that he himself could never live up to his example. After seeing the vids, Gregor concluded that his father was a monster. But monsters also do not exist. There was no doubt that his father had been evil, but he had also been human.

Though seeing those vids of his father had triggered Gregor's flight from Komarr, it had not been the deeper cause. Gregor knew all his life that he was merely a fallible human. How could he ever take the place of the legendary Prince Serg or Regent Aral Vorkosigan? Because he knew he would always be human, and never superhuman. When he ran away, he had convinced himself that he could not be a real emperor anyway, and he could not be responsible for what he literally could not do.

Now Gregor knew that everybody - his grandfather, his father, and Aral Vorkosigan - were all _people_ , and had flaws as deep, or even deeper, than his own. If a broken man, like the Aral Vorkosigan who returned from Escobar, could become a regent, then a flawed person like Gregor could also be an emperor - not a mere figurehead, but the wielder of imperial power.

After all that had happened in Vervain, Gregor knew he could be emperor. He could be emperor for the rest of his life. He was going to make mistakes. Those mistakes would all have a price. Sometimes the price would be innocent lives. He would become better with more experience. Sometimes he would even do dishonorable things for the sake of the Imperium. But every emperor who had ever ruled Barrayar had made mistakes and done dishonorable things. If Gregor did not make those choices himself, whoever was in his place would make them.

_I will not run away. Never again. I can rule. And if not me, who?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONGRATULATIONS GREGOR!
> 
> You have escaped from the Space Opera!
> 
> Your prize is:
> 
> Being thrown into the Vorkosigan Soap Opera!
> 
> HAVE FUN GREGOR!!!!!


	31. Sire, You Have Too Much Information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a line of dialogue in this chapter which I had to write in French because I wanted to use a verb which has no direct translation into English. I think the context makes the meaning clear enough to readers who do not understand French. French dialogue which is actually written in English is in italics, and dialogue which is written directly in French is not in italics.

Gregor did not want to put Aral through the torment of describing whatever happened to Miles. Instead, he read a report from ImpSec.

Miles had committed a number of military crimes in the wake of his abrupt departure. Then he had taken back control of the Dendarii Mercenaries without permission from the emperor, an emperor's voice, or ImpSec, which was treason. Finally, Miles had announced to the Nexus that he was in fact Lord Vorkosigan, which meant that covering up the matter was impossible.

As someone who had run away himself when he learned the truth about his own father, Gregor could not blame Miles. Gregor had been able to make his getaway without committing any crimes only because of the differences in their respective circumstances.

All of the other charges could be disposed of by imperial fiat, but the treason charge ... that could not be waved away. Gregor knew that, in his heart, Miles had no intention of betraying the Imperium. In fact, he was currently helping Elena take the Dendarii to Marilac, by Gregor's order. With 'Admiral Naismith' back, the Dendarii were more effective than Gregor had dared to hope for when he had created that message for Elena. Convicting Miles of treason would be unjust.

And yet, if Gregor used some twisted legal logic to get Miles off the hook, it would look like he put the well-being of the Vorkosigans above the well-being of the Imperium. _That_ would have grave political consequences. That is, unless Gregor made public the whole story about the Dendarii from the time they became Imperial forces to their mission to Marilac - and that would create a hornet's nest of problems in its own right.

If Miles were lost ... what would that do to Aral?

What would that do to _himself_?

He had not seen Miles since ... wow. Had it really been two years since he had had a personal conversation with Miles? He had seen Miles of course during the Birthday Review and Winterfair since then, but Gregor had been busy with his official duties, and Miles had been busy with ... Gregor did not even know what Miles had been busy with. Miles had spent years in the Academy, and he had spent most of his leave time at Vorkosigan Surleau. After that, he was at Kyril Island for six months, and then transferred to the _Prince Serg_. Gregor could not remember the last time he had sent or received a personal message from Miles.

How had Gregor let Miles slip away from him like this?

Gregor thought of Petya Vorbretten, and the things he had never said to his half-brother Lord Vorbretten.

***

To say that Jole was dreading this meeting with the emperor would be an understatement.

 _He knows_ , Jole thought. Even if Jole could not read Aral's body language, Jole knew that the emperor would not have had any other reason to request a private meeting with him.

When Jole entered the chamber, Gregor was already seated there.

"Bonjour, Lieutenant Jole," Gregor said as he gestured for Jole to sit down. That was much less formal that the way the emperor spoke in public. "Français est votre langue maternelle, n'est-ce pas?"

Jole was surprised that Gregor had chosen to speak in Barrayaran French. It was one of Barrayar's official languages, but Gregor usually used Russian or, less often, English when dealing with the military. "Oui, c'est ma langue maternelle."

"Très bien." Gregor continued to speak in Barrayaran French. " _Would you please describe your relationship with Aral Vorkosigan?_ "

That was a question which was so loaded it was practically about to explode. " _You don't mean our professional relationship, sire?_ "

" _You decide how you wish to describe the relationship, not me_ ," Gregor replied.

What could Jole say to _that_? " _He often speaks in French with me_ ," Jole said. 

" _In private, how do you address each other in French?_ " 

"Nous nous tutoyons," Jole confessed.

" _That is an unusually intimate way for someone of your rank to address a count_ ," Gregor observed.

" _Excellent as his French is," Jole said, "I can hear that Russian really is his native language. It's not like your French, sire, your French is perfect. It's endearing, that he speaks French with me_."

When Jole did not continue speaking, Gregor said " _What you describe seems to be some kind of language partner. Is practicing French a large part of Aral Vorkosigan's relationship with you?_ "

" _Sire, you know it is a lot more than that,_ " Jole said. If he were speaking to anyone _but_ the emperor, he would have let a lot more of his frustration come out in his voice.

" _Please tell me about it in your own words _," Gregor said.__

" _You already know that we ... we ... we ... you know_." Gregor was not letting him off the hook. Jole was going to have to go ahead and use _words_ , just like the emperor requested. 

_Yes, use words_ , Cordelia said in Jole's head. 

" _We have sex_ ," Jole finally said. 

Gregor's face was so neutral that it was practically unreadable. Jole really wished he knew how Gregor was taking all this, giving him some _clue_ of what he was going to do or say next. 

" _Please tell me how that began_ ," Gregor said. 

Oh no. Jole never, ever wanted to tell a living soul about that. But this was the _emperor_. If Jole refused to talk about it, Gregor could _order_ him to spill it. 

" _We were drinking that evening_ ," Jole said. 

Gregor gestured for him to continue. 

" _I, ah, I started singing_ ," Jole said. Hopefully, Gregor would not ask any questions about that... 

" _What were you singing?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _I was singing the imperial anthem_ ," Jole said. Surely that was a safe answer. Or it would be a safe answer if his cheeks were not turning bright red. 

" _Can you sing the imperial anthem for me now?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _Sire, I cannot sing on key to save my life,_ " Jole said. 

" _I am forewarned. Sing it just like you did that evening._ " 

" _With the same lyrics?_ " 

" _You did not use the standard lyrics_?" 

" _I made up some new lyrics. I was drunk, sire_." 

" _Then please sing with your lyrics_." 

" _They don't even match the rhythm of the song. And I don't remember all of them..._ " 

" _Remember as best as you can._ " 

Jole was in for it now. 

" _We shall shed our blood,_  
_To defend the jewel of our honor,_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_We owe our lives and our duty_  
_To that which nourished us_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_Our vigilant dicks stand upright_  
_Ready to serve and enter_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_That glorious ass,_  
_That glorious ass._ " 

This would be a _little_ less embarrassing if Jole were at least good at coming up with filthy lyrics. But when he was drunk, after a day of being fixated on Aral's ass, he mainly wanted to keep singing 'that glorious ass' over and over again. 

" _How did Aral respond?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _He said that ImpSec should hire me to see if my singing could be turned into an offensive weapon_ ," Jole said. 

" _And?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _I started singing a different song. An old French song._ " 

" _Please sing that, with the lyrics you used on that night_ ," Gregor said. 

Jole was certain he was doomed to die of embarrassment right now.

" _That glorious ass, it's thine,_  
_Your ass is the apple of my heart,_  
_To be able to enter the shrine of your ass,_  
_Would be sweeter than the hope of paradise._ " 

Jole stopped singing. He really hoped that just one stanza would be enough for Gregor. 

Arrrghh, even Jole could hear how awful he singing was when he was sober. Listening to himself was torture enough. And the _emperor_ was listening to it. Could he be arrested for criminally grating on the emperor's ears? 

" _Would it be accurate to say that you are sexually attracted to Aral Vorkosigan?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _Of course. All about him, he has this -_ " Jole stopped abruptly. Gregor was not Cordelia. Gushing to him about all of Aral's sexy features would be a really bad idea. 

_" _Is drunk singing all you did that evening?_ " Gregor asked._

" _No_." Jole had really been hoping that he would not have had to mention the next part. " _Aral started drinking more. Sire, I think it was because of my singing. So I started singing another tune._ " 

Gregor nodded. Jole was going to have to sing _that_ one as well. If only he had already died of shame, then he would not have to go on.

" _You better stop drinking,_  
_Or else I'll kiss you,_  
_Kiss you, Kiss you._  
_You better stop drinking,_  
_Or else I'll kiss you,_  
_I'll kiss you in the ass._ " 

" _And?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _He kept drinking. And he said 'Kiss me if that's what it takes for you to stop that hellish singing.' So, ah, sire, I followed through with my threat. But I kissed him in the mouth, at first. I did not kiss him in the ass until he lay face down on the couch, and he pulled his pants down a little, and I ... sire, do you require me to explain all this?_

" _No, I have a enough information about that night_ ," Gregor said. 

_Sire, you have too much information about that night_. Never in his most awkward nightmares had Jole imagined that he would have to sing all of that before the emperor. 

" _How do you feel about Aral Vorkosigan?_ " Gregor asked. 

" _Aral is - I've never felt this way about anyone before. He draws me like a magnet which always points north. When I see him, and he's happy, I'm happy. I want to be with him all of the time. I had never dreamed that anyone could be so marvelous._ " 

" _In short, you're infatuated with him_ ," Gregor said. 

" _Yes, sire_." 

"Admiral Vorkosigan has been put on leave, which will last until we return to Komarr," Gregor said. He was now speaking Russian, not French. "After his exemplary service in the past month, he has more than earned it. I will continue to seek his advice, and he may be needed in an emergency, but otherwise I expect him to rest and relax." 

"Suffice to say, he will not be needing a secretary for a while. Effective immediately, you no longer his aide. Furthermore, you shall never work directly under Count Vorkosigan again in any capacity." 

And the ax was coming down. It was no surprise at all that the emperor would punish him for his improper relationship with Aral, even before Jole had subjected him to the torment of his horrible singing. If he was lucky, the emperor would do nothing worse than fire him. 

"Our secretary, on the other hand, is in Vorbarr Sultana. Very inconvenient. We request and require that you become Our military secretary in the mean time. If you perform your duty well, this might become a permanent assignment." 

Gregor was _hiring him!_ That was not at all what Jole had expected. 

"We are also grateful for your service in the past month, and We shall ensure that you get adequate time for rest and relaxation as well," Gregor said. 

Was ... was Gregor granting Jole tacit permission to continue his intimacies with Aral? Jole could scarcely believe his ears. 

"That is all," Gregor said. "We expect you to begin working for Us tomorrow. You are dismissed for now." 


	32. But You Can Be My ...

"I'm now working for the emperor," Jole said. "I'm no longer your subordinate."

"Yes, I know," Aral replied.

Jole had been aware, as soon as he got over the hangover after their first night of drunken sex, that having that kind of relationship with his boss was not at all appropriate. If Aral had told him to transfer, he would have done so immediately. But he never wanted to transfer because ... Aral was a busy man, and Jole would probably be busy in any assignment within Vorbarr Sultana. It would have been very difficult to make time to see each other. And if Jole had been assigned to a post outiside of Vorbarr Sultana, that would making seeing Aral nearly impossible. Jole had been afraid that, if he stopped working as Aral's aide, Aral would stop thinking about him, would not put in the effort to maintain their relationship, and they would drift apart. Jole desperately had not wanted that outcome.

Now Gregor had taken matters into his own hand. It was inevitable anyway. Jole would have been promoted away from Aral eventually, and he could not see Aral blocking his promotion just to keep him close.

"Did - did Gregor say anything about the intimacy between us?" Aral asked.

"He noted that we are lovers, but he never said what he thought about it."

Aral exhaled. "I wish I knew what he thought about it. Or maybe I would rather not know. But if he intended to interfere with our _personal_ ... I think he would have already done so. This ... this is not as bad as what I had feared."

"So. What does this mean for us?" Jole asked.

They were both silent.

 _Well, this is not helping anybody_ , Cordelia's voice said in Jole's head. _Tell him what you want_.

 _I can't!_ Jole thought. 

_Yes you can_ , Cordelia replied. _A young person like yourself, however Barrayaran you are, ought to be able to make sensible communication a habit_.

_But I don't know what I want!_

_Are you still in love with Aral?_

_Yes._

_Do you want to have sex with Aral?_

_How can you ask that?!_

_Do you?_

_Yes._

_Given a choice between continuing your romance with Aral, and breaking up, which would you choose?_

_Dammit ... I would continue_.

 _Now you know what you want_ , Cordelia's voice concluded. Jole saw her face smiling in his mind.

"I love you," Jole said.

"I love you too," Aral replied.

 _I can't ask him for sex!_ Jole thought. _Miles!_

Even Cordelia's voice in his head was silent for a moment. No doubt the real Cordelia on Barrayar already knew about what Miles had done. Jole knew she was friends with Alys Vorpatril. He hoped that Alys was doing something to help Cordelia. He definitely would not want Cordelia to be alone now.

 _What would be worse for Aral?_ Cordelia's voice finally asked him. _Losing Miles, or losing Miles_ and _you?_

_I don't know. I think I might already be lost to him. How can he get in bed with me again knowing what Miles did when he saw us?_

_Then you should ask him about it. This is what words are for._

_Of course. You always want people to use words._

"I - I don't know what you want," Jole said. "Do you want me to stay with you, or do you want to - want to end this."

"Stay," Aral said.

"Would you - would you ever want to make love with me again?" Jole asked. "I want to." Saying those words were painful - what if Aral was hurt by the suggestion that, after all this, Jole still wanted sex? What if he the very fact that Jole said something so crass would cause him to lose all esteem in Aral's eyes.

 _If Aral ever acts like such a twit over open, honest communication, send him to me_ , Cordelia's voice said in Jole's head. _I will set him straight_.

"But if you don't want to do it again, I understand," Jole said.

"I want you," Aral said. "But..."

"If Cordelia were here, what do you think she would say?" Jole asked.

Jole had seen that he had pierced Aral in the heart. _Now he's thinking about how heartbroken Cordelia is going to be about Miles if we don't get him back_ , Jole realized.

After a long silence, Aral finally said "She never lets me wallow in my sorrows. I think she would say something like 'do not let past and future griefs eat the happiness in front of you.'" 

Jole nodded and gingerly approached him. He trembled as he reached out to touch Aral. Slowly, he leaned in for the kiss, not knowing if it was right, not knowing if it was right to hold back. 

It had been their first kiss since Miles' departure.

***

"What are your thoughts on what to do about Miles?" Gregor asked Aral.

"I don't know what to do," Aral said. "I know he can never return to regular military service. Yet I also know he's not a traitor, not at heart. As a father, this is ... he's my son. If you can bring Miles back to Barrayar and have him not convicted of treason, I beg you to do it. If Miles is convicted - if he does not come back - I don't know how I would go on. I'm begging you. Save my son."

***

The _Triumph_ had just jumped into Zoave Twilight. Miles was busy reviewing the messages Elena had sent from Marilac.

 _Yes!_ Miles thought. _We have a contract with Marilac!_

The Marilacans originally had resisted the idea of hiring the Dendarii to set up a wormhole blockade, even though Elena had brought Tremont's own message to the government with her. They changed their tunes when news of the Cetagandan invasion of Vervain arrived. Even so, they only agreed after Elena had pointed out that the Dendarii, as a mobile force, could boost their defences against both Cetaganda _and_ Zoave Twilight. 

Of course, when the Dendarii were obtaining clearances to pass through Zoave Twilight, they only mentioned their intention to help Marilac defend the wormhole to Xi Ceta. They had also passed on some of their documents about the Cetagandan invasion fleet to the Zoave Twilight government as a 'gesture of good will'. They had made the same 'gesture of good will' when they passed through Tau Ceti. Elena had even found a way to talk the Escobarans into granting the Dendarii passage, in spite of the fact that their leader was the son of Admiral Vorkosigan.

 _Elena, you're brilliant!_ Miles thought. He could not help but kiss the screen.

Miles of course was relieved that Gregor was all right. He did feel sore about not being on the _Prince Serg_ during the Battle of Vervain - _yeah, as if keying palm locks would have made a critical difference_ Miles thought bitterly.

It was still possible that the Cetagandans would move on Marilac very soon, and Marilac's own military was possibly compromised. The Dendarii were needed there. Hopefully, their mere presence would be enough to deter the battered Cetagandan fleet, at least for a while. A wormhole defence gig would be the perfect time for Miles to solidify his command over the fleet. And once they were settled in Marilac space, they could dedicate more attention to their long-term mission of forging an alliance between Marilaca and Zoave Twilight, Illyrica, and/or Tau Ceti to handle future invasion attempts by the Cetagandans.

Now it was time for Miles to talk to Elli.

He had talked to her in the past couple of weeks, but mostly about business. He acknowledged her offer to be his girlfriend, but deflected further discussion about it because he _still_ had not figured out how to say it to her. Yet he recognized that he could not put this off much longer. It was time to bite the bullet.

Elli was smiling when she came in, but there was a nervous edge to it. _Crap, this is going to be hard_ , Miles thought.

"First of all, I want to say that you are an incredibly sexy woman," Miles said. "Any guy would be super lucky to be your boyfriend."

Elli stopped smiling. She was already interpreting this as a prelude to a rejection. _No, no, no!_ Miles screamed in his head. _I don't want to hurt your feelings!_

"Ummm, I know that it's not really clear what the Dendarii regulations say about fraternization within the same chain of command right now, but that's going to have to change," Miles said. "And when a superior officer and a subordinate officer have that kind of thing going on ... it can cause serious problems." 

"I often work as a solo agent or in small teams," Elli said. "If I were on the bridge of the _Triumph_ all of the time, of course but - but I don't think we would cause that kind of trouble if we were a couple."

"I'm not saying you would cause those problems if, er, we were an item, but - but it's best if we put in regulations against this kind of relationship," Miles said. "And, um, it would be bad for me to break regulations like that."

"Do - do you think I was unprofessional when I offered to be your - your girlfriend?" Elli asked. "Sir."

That 'sir' struck Miles like a barb.

"No, not at all," Miles said. "I can hardly blame you for doing that when even I don't know how to interpret the current regulations. I was - I was really happy that you made that offer, actually."

"But you're not going to date me," Elli said. "For professional reasons."

"Because of the regulations which are going to be put into place, you can't be my girlfriend," Miles said. "But you can be my ... wife."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossed the 50K word mark - YIKES! When I started writing this, I only expected this to be about 30K words long. It's a good thing I did not know it was going to be this long - if I knew I was writing a novel-length fanfic, I think I would have been too intimidated to start.


	33. Admiral Naismith Never Has a Broken Heart!

"Are - are you asking me to marry you?" Elli asked.

"Ummm, you don't have to marry me," Miled replied. "I want to marry you, though."

Elli stared at Miles in amazement. "I was bracing myself for a rejection but ... wow. Wow."

"I don't expect you to give me an answer right away," Miles babbled. "After all, it took me a couple weeks for me to respond to your proposition. And this is a much bigger deal. 

"You see, Elena and Baz are married, and depending on how you look at it, they might be in the same chain of command, and, well, married officers cause fewer of the morale problems of fraternization. Since it's out in the open, and it's an obviously committed relationship, not some mere fling or affair, people are less worried about sexual harassment, about special secret favors, about lack of transparency. We were already planning to put in an exception for married officers - it would be unfair to make Elena and Baz divorce or give up command because of this - so why can't other people use the exception?"

"Are you going to stay with the Dendarii? As in, stay with the Dendarii most of the time?"

"Of course!" Miles said. "I - I'm really sorry about abandoning you all for four years. I can't let that happen again. And Arde - I can't leave. Not after what Arde did for me. Did for the Dendarii. I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I let his sacrifice go to waste."

"So I would be marrying Admiral Naismith? Not Lord Vorkosigan?"

"Ah, Lord Vorkosigan." Miles took in a deep breath. "I - I deserted, to come back to the Dendarii. I did some other stuff too. If I tried to go back to Barrayar now there would be problems. Technically, you would become Lady Vorkosigan, but by the time that might matter ... well, I might not be Lord Vorkosigan any more."

"Would someone else become Lord Vorkosigan?" Elli asked.

"Probably my cousin Ivan," Miles replied.

"Is that the idiot cousin of yours I met?" Elli asked.

"The very same."

"They would make _him_ a lord."

"Actually, he already is Lord Vorpatril. Though not a Count's heir."

"Whatever, if we're not going to Barrayar, I don't need to understand it," Elli said.

Miles winced. He knew he was going to be in deep shit when he went to back to Barrayar, and he knew he had to stay with the Dendarii. Still, he had yet to think that he would _never_ go back to Barrayar...

"I have to tell you, Elli," Miles said. "When I deserted, it was not just because of the Dendarii. I also - the last time I saw my father - something bad happened. I'm not - I'm not ready to see him again. I don't know when I would be ready to see him."

"That's fine," Elli said. "The important thing is that you did come back to us. It's okay if you had some reason other than just for the Dendarii's sake."

"No, that's not where I am going," Miles said. "I saw my father screwing an officer who was far below him in the same chain of command. That officer isn't much older than me. It, um, it made things more awkward when you proposed to me."

"Goodness," Elli said. "I had no idea."

"That's right - you had no idea. I don't blame you for it. But what I'm trying to say is that it made it more complicated for me to sort out where the two of us stand.

"You have to understand, I grew up with the legend that is my father. He was the Hero of Komarr, the Hero of Escobar, the head of state for _three planets_. It was not just that he was famous and powerful. He was also my Da. I spent a lot of time in hospitals - I've spent a lot of time in hospitals all my life - and a lot of it was painful. Da was the one who gave me the strength to bear it. Even though he was a busy and important person, Da always set aside time for me. 

"Most of all, my father taught me what honor is. He set down the regulations against sexual fraternization within the same chain of command in Barrayar's military. And - can a young person of such a dramatically lower social rank really consent to intimacies with his _boss_? I thought that was the kind of thing my parents were teaching me _not_ to do."

"I can't claim to understand all that, but what I do understand makes sense," Elli said. "Wherever you got your sense of 'honor' from, I'm glad you have it. I think - I think I _knew_ when you agreed to replace my face. I'm not sure if I was romantically attached to you then, but you already had some kind of hold on me."

"Of course I had to do that for you, your face had gotten burned off while you were working on our behalf. It wasn't anything special!"

"Not - not everyone thinks that way. I became a mercenary knowing that scary stuff would happen, and that mercenary commanders sometimes don't care for their own people when it gets too expensive. I was resigned to that reality. Hazard of the trade and all. But then you were not like that at all. I - I don't think I could work for that other kind of mercenary commander now."

"Well, I have not always been honorable myself," Miles said. "A lot of the things I did when I first whipped up the Dendarii were not honorable at all."

"A lot of things about being a mercenary aren't 'honorable'," Elli agreed. "But from what I've seen of you, you do what's right when it matters."

"Feh, doing what's right." Miles paused for a brief moment of thought. "You know, creating the Dendarii Mercenaries in the first place was an act of treason? I was guilty, but I got out of it. You see, my father had set it up so that-"

Horror washed over Miles' face.

"My father. My father totally twisted the legal and political system to see to it that I would not be charged for a crime I had _actually committed_.

"Why haven't I connected these dots before! I was guilty of treason, and I was saved by my father's political tricks! I flunked out of the academy fair and square, but my father got me in anyway! I've gained from my father's favoritism, from his bending of the rules, all along. I - I thought I deserved it. It was unfair enough that I was born with this body, why not take advantage of my father's power and influence. But - but maybe that's the same thinking which made him feel entitled to fucking his aide. After all of the rules - _like failing to enforce a law against treason_ \- he broke for his son's sake, why would he care about an inconvenient little anti-fraternization regulation, or cheating on his wife!"

"Miles - um, is there anything I can do to help calm you down?" Elli asked.

"Don't you see? Of course you don't see, you're not Barrayaran. I've committed treason again - I've deserted my post and taken over the Dendarii without leave from the military or the emperor. And this time I've told everyone my true identity. Whatever my father would have to do to get me off the hook now, it would be even more shady - way more shady - than what he did four years ago. 

"I - I don't think I could live with myself if I let him do that for me again. I can't let myself benefit from the same thinking which lets him take advantage of that lieutenant. If he pulls off some conniving sleight of hand to get me off treason _again_ , even if I can safely return to Barrayar, I'll refuse to go back. Now that I _know_ , I - I don't think my honor would let me accept that kind of reprieve."

"But you already said that you want to stay with the Dendarii," Elli said. "How does this change things?"

"It means I can't even _visit_ Barrayar again," Miles said. "If I'm convicted, they would have to arrest me immediately. The punishment is exposure - being forced to sit in public without food or water until I die. Even if they do not send anyone outside the Imperium to capture me, I wouldn't be able to go to Barrayar, Komarr, or Sergyar."

"And there are people you care about on Barrayar," Elli said. "Like Greg."

"Gregor. My mother. Ivan. Aunt Alys. Kou. Even Simon." Miles sat there in stunned silence. "It's not just that I can't visit them. They can't visit me. If they contact me - well, except Gregor, and maybe Simon - they would be guilty of being accessory to treason. I - I would not want them to do that for me. I might never see any of them again."

Miles' head slumped into his hands.

"Miles," Elli said. "The Dendarii will stand with you. You still have Elena and Baz. You can still visit your grandmother on Beta Colony, can't you?"

"Yes, I'll still be able to see Grandma Naismith," Miles said. It seemed to be small comfort.

"Miles, I can't say I know what it means to lose a home - I don't know how I would feel if I could never return to Kline station," Elli said. "But I'm willing to try to help you create a new home."

"No - you shouldn't answer me now," Miles said. "You should think about it first."

"Miles," Elli said. "When you were away for all those years, I never even dreamed of being your lover. Okay, I did _dream_ about it, but I never expected to make those dreams real. It was only when I was talking to Greg about you that I realized - you're a person too. And that you might be approachable."

"Yeah, well, I'm not really the legendary Admiral Naismith now, am I?" Miles said. "Admiral Naismith does not have personal breakdowns due to family drama. Admiral Naismith never has a broken heart!"

"Miles," Elli said. "I would adore the invincible Admiral Naismith, but I don't think I could marry him."

"So seeing me in pain makes you fall in love with me?" Miles exclaimed.

"No. You were there for me at my darkest hour. I want to be here for you now."

Miles buried his head in her breasts. Elli put one hand on the back of his head, and ruffled his hair with her other hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bit about anybody who has contact with a traitor being guilty of being accessory to treason was something I pulled from the fic ["In Search of Common Ground"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5270684) \- it's another AU fic centered on Gregor, Miles, and treason.


	34. Not Only Broken, But Utterly Destroyed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic "[Evasive Maneuvers](http://archiveofourown.org/works/478079)" inspired the first scene in this chapter.

"For years, our emperor was this meek, quiet ruler who never did anything the least bit interesting," Donna Vorrutyer said. "Then - BAM! He gets kidnapped! And he stops a Cetagandan invasion while escaping! I never imagined he had it in him."

"And here I'd been hoping that you would be the one person in Vorbarr Sultana who wouldn't be talking about Gregor all the time," Ivan grumbled.

"You got the wrong Vorrutyer, Ivan. I'm sure my cousin By would be happy accompany you without saying a single word about the emperor."

"No, he wouldn't," Ivan said. "He'd refuse to shut up about it."

"Well, the way you react to makes it really hard to resist," Donna said teasingly. "Of course, this tale would be even more interesting the emperor had run away of his own initiative and _chose_ to go on this wild adventure."

"Have Gregor turn into another Miles? No thanks," Ivan replied.

"Yes - what _is_ your take on Lord Vorkosigan?" Donna asked curiously. "Deserting and taking over a group of mercenaries was a most _daring_ move. _Will_ the prime minister let him be convicted of treason?"

"I am NOT discussing that one. Period," Ivan said.

"But surely you know something that isn't in the public grapevine."

"No! I know nothing!"

"The lord doth protest too much."

"Donna, do you have the slightest idea what I was doing at Vorkosigan Surleau," Ivan said, exasperated.

"No," Donna said. "But it sounds intriguing. Do tell."

"I am supremely grateful to the powers that be that Gregor is alive and on his way back to Barrayar," Ivan said. " _Do you have any idea what would have happened if Gregor was not coming back?_ My mother was telling me that if he didn't ... no, no, I am not telling you this."

"If Gregor was not coming back, his heir - but he does not have an official heir..." Donna looked at Ivan's face, and then it clicked in her mind. "Oh dear. Are you saying I might have turned into an imperial mistress?"

"Donna, this is not amusing," Ivan said flatly.

"Ivan. I have never seen this side of you before. Are you actually _angry_ , not just flustered? It seems the everyone in your family has their hidden depths."

"Donna," Ivan said, with an entirely un-Ivan-like steel in his voice.

"Oh my," Donna said. "You know, you should be like this more often. It's sexy." 

"I am not -" Ivan began to say before his brain caught up with what Donna was saying. "Really?"

She giggled. "You're cute." She sat next to Ivan, leaned into him, and started nuzzling him. "Mmmmmm. I'm done with talking for now."

***

Gregor hated drumming up his own heroism towards his subjects, but he knew it was necessary. He had created the mother of all political crises when he had run away. Hell, there had been a desperate plan to put Ivan of all people on the camp stool if the worst happened and Gregor permanently disappeared. To repair part of the damage which had been done, he had to depict the emperor - who happened to be himself - in the best possible light. In this case, that meant presenting the emperor as the daring savior of the Vervani and the Hegen Hub. At the very least, when he was speaking directly, he permitted himself to downplay his role in resolving the Hegen Hub crisis. Humility was a quality which went well with gallantry.

Barrayarans, of course, had idolized the institution of the emperor for generations, but for the first time large numbers of people were idolizing Emperor Gregor specifically. Gregor knew it had little to do with how he good he was as a person - his own vile father was a "hero" after all. Nonetheless, it was bizarre - and a little distressing - to finally find himself in a position a little like his legendary ancestors Dorca and Ezar Vorbarra, not to mention Aral Vorkosigan. Gregor could not help but wonder whether his own children - and yes, he _was_ going to have to have children - would also worship the legend of Emperor Gregor, and whether they would ever learn to see through the façade.

All of Gregor's work to try to restore stability during his journey back to Barrayar was made easier by the fact that Lieutenant Jole was, in fact, a very competent secretary. Gregor knew he was going to keep him in one capacity or another. He even wondered if the real reason Aral had never done the sensible thing and arranged a transfer for Jole was that he was loath to let go of the services of such a capable man. Nonetheless, Gregor thought that Aral should have decided early on whether he wanted Jole as a secretary or as a lover, and not combined the two.

Hmmm. Just a couple months ago, Gregor would have had trouble judging Aral Vorkosigan's actions that way. Now it was simply natural to him that Aral Vorkosigan's behavior, like the behavior of anyone else, was open to critique, and that Aral Vorkosigan doing something inappropriate was not the end of the world.

And yes, Gregor had also confirmed that Cordelia knew about Aral and Jole's relationship. The implications for Aral and Cordelia's marriage had concerned him, but given that she was not in the dark, he trusted her to take care of herself.

Gregor also emphatically congratulated Admiral Vorkosigan's for his heroic actions, and made it as clear as possible that all would have been lost without his brilliant leadership. There were already nasty rumors afoot that Count Vorkosigan had arranged a conspiracy to kidnap Gregor and place his own son in charge of the Dendarii Mercenaries as a part of a coup. There was no way to completely eradicate such whisperings, but Gregor hoped to at least quash them so thoroughly that nobody with significant influence would take them seriously.

And then there was the quagmire which was Miles and his mercenaries. Gregor sent orders for the media to focus on his own and Count Vorkosigan's actions, and to downplay Lord Vorkosigan's behavior. Nonetheless, the genie was already out of the bottle.

One possibility was to claim that Gregor had sent secret orders to Lord Vorkosigan to take over the Dendarii Mercenaries, and thus exonerate him. It was a claim which even had a grain of truth to it. However, while the situation was unstable in Marilac, Gregor dared not try this. It was bad enough that the Nexus knew that the Dendarii Mercenaries were run by Barrayaran renegades. Their mission would become even more difficult if it were known that they were officially endorsed by the Imperium. Furthermore, it would be the end of the Dendarii - if it were publicly known that they were Imperial troops, they would never get an outside contract again, and without their covert status, they were useless to the Imperium.

Gregor was monitoring developments in the situation of the Dendarii Mercenaries' and Marilac closely. In addition to regular intelligence, he also got occasional reports from Elena sent via ImpSec. He was also examining ImpSec's files on Lord Vorkosigan closely, seeing if he could find some clue which would help him figure out what to do.

There was a new message waiting for Gregor on his screen. ImpSec had obtained vid recordings of Guy Tremont's torture sessions.

Gregor felt very cold. On the one hand, he felt it was his duty to watch. On the other hand, he was afraid that, if he watched a torture session, something of his father might come out. He now trusted himself not to _act_ on any sadistic impulses he may have inherited from his father, but he still feared that he might _enjoy_ watching it, and that to take any pleasure from what the Cetagandans were doing to Tremont would be beyond perverse.

He started at the beginning. After about an hour, he stopped. He went straight to the end of what was in the recordings - which by no means was end of what Tremont was enduring, ImpSec only had recordings of the early sessions. Until Gregor looked very, very closely, Tremont's body was not even recognizable. And the look in the man's eyes - whoever lay behind them, it was not the Tremont that Gregor had known.

To see so clearly that the spirit of a man such as Tremont could not only be broken, but utterly destroyed, chilled Gregor to the bone.


	35. This Conversation Never Happened!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a reference to the fic "[Three Conversations Donna Vorrutyer Had about Bisexuality](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5287115)."

Gregor's first day back on Barrayar was an exhausting circus.

On the second day, he finally had a long, private conversation with Simon Illyan.

There was a time when Gregor thought that, the first time he was with Illyan again, he would chew out the captain for not fully informing him about how the Dendarii Mercenaries had been nearly re-taken by Commander Oser. Illyan still deserved it, but Gregor knew that this was not the time.

Though Illyan had had time to recover after the news of Gregor safely boarding the _Prince Serg_ arrived, Gregor could still see traces of what the great crisis had done to him. He felt a pang of guilt. Leaping off that balcony on Komarr truly had been a selfish move.

This was also Gregor's first meeting with Illyan one-on-one since he saw that vid. Young Illyan had been so helpless during that horrible scene with Aral, Admiral Vorrutyer, and his father. At the time he was watching the vid, Gregor could not believe it. Now he better understood that anyone will fail under certain circumstances, and Illyan was no exception. More than that, he understood that the legendary Simon Illyan was just that, a legend. Before him now was a real man, as much a person as anyone else.

"How are you doing?" Gregor asked.

"I got a new accessory for this office," Simon replied.

Gregor looked around him, and spotted a box he had not seen before. He walked over there, and looked inside.

"It looks like it is full of very small pebbles." Gregor did not know what to make of it. "Do you now keep a cat in the office?"

"Not at all, sire," Simon replied. "I put that there so I don't have to leave the room to stick my head in sand."

Gregor knew that that was as much of the anguish of the past couple of months that Illyan was going to intentionally reveal. He walked back to the chair and sat down.

"My congratulations, sire, on how you handled the Vervain situation," Illyan said.

"Without ImpSec's assistance, We would have accomplished nothing," Gregor replied.

"I must also apologize, on the behalf of ImpSec, for revealing Admiral Naismith's true identiy," Illyan said solemnly. "Given that Sergeant Overholt does not have the fast-penta allergy, he never should have been informed that the man he was ordered to help capture was Lord Vorkosigan."

Gregor nodded. "Apology accepted. We all make such mistakes. And what are your thoughts regarding Lord Vorkosigan."

Illyan turned his chair around. "Damn that boy!" he exclaimed. "Trust him to foul up - Vorkosigans!" He turned back around. "Sire, I _highly_ approve of your decision to transfer Senior Lieutenant Jole. I gave Count Vorkosigan a piece of my mind when the whole affair started. Told him it would lead to trouble. _I_ would have transferred Senior Lieutenant Jole if I had the authority to do so."

"Alas, it seems the transfer happened a little too late," Gregor said. "It might have happened sooner if We had been aware of the situation."

"That is another thing for which I must apologize, sire," Illyan said. "I justified witholding it from you by telling myself it was none of your business. However, the true reason I did not inform you at the beginning was that I was ... concerned about the consequences."

In other words, Simon had been worried that Gregor would have reacted in an irresponsible way.

"I now understand that that was a misjudgement. I have earned your reprimand. I shall not make that kind of mistake again, sire."

Gregor knew that it may not have been a misjudgement after all. He was not sure how he would have reacted to Aral and Jole's affair as recently as three months ago. However, had he known earlier, his course of action most likely would not have been as wise as a discreet transfer.

"And now, what do you recommend we do about Lord Vorkosigan?" Gregor asked.

Illyan walked over to the sandbox and put his hands on the corners. "With regards to _your_ escapade, sire, all of the long-term problems have been tidily solved by your return." He stared down into the box. "Lord Vorkosigan's situation does not have any solution which is nearly as good."

"What solutions are there?" Gregor asked.

"There are essentially only two options, though both come in many variations," Illyan said. "First, you claim that Lord Vorkosigan had been following your secret orders all along. Second, you convict Lord Vorkosigan of treason."

"What about not taking any action?" Gregor asked. "Not acquitting him, but not convicting him either."

"That is just a variation of option two," Illyan replied. "Even if he is not convicted in a court of law, he would still be convicted in the court of public opinion."

"Of these two options," Gregor asked slowly, "which do you recommend?"

Illyan gritted his teeth. "I don't know," he admitted. "I want the boy to come back safe and sound. I fear greatly for the prime minister if his son does not back as a free man."

"But..." Gregor prompted.

"We went through this four years ago," Illyan said. "Then, we stuck him in the academy. That got him off our backs for years. But we can't put him in the academy _again_. I considered making him an ImpSec analyst, so he would always be where we could watch him closely, but after what he did in Service Security, I don't want to grant him _any_ insider access. I have this terrible feeling that, if he were to return to Barrayar, he would create some yet greater fiasco. And I am not confident that we could contain him."

"So you would convict him?" Gregor asked.

"I don't want to convict him," Illyan said. "But, legally, he did commit treason, and this time he can't plead ignorance. And, aside from the effect it would have on the prime minister, and the serious problems it would create with the succession of the Vorkosigan line, convicting him would be better politics."

"Might it reduce the prime minister's influence?" Gregor asked.

"I think not," Illyan said. "Look at how much influence Count Vorhalas has after what happened with his boys." Illyan shook his head. "It's a decision I cannot make, sire."

"How much time do you think We have?" Gregor asked.

"Weeks. Maybe even a month or two," Illyan said. "Your return is going to keep people distracted for a while. But they will not ignore Lord Vorkosigan's circumstances forever. If you wait too long, then you have chosen the second option by default."

***

Gregor had almost delegated this duty to Alys Vorpatril. However, he ultimately concluded that it would be best if he were the one who told Ivan.

"You seem unusually cheerful," Gregor observed.

"Of course I am!" Ivan said. "I have proof before my very eyes that _you are back_. It's fantastic!"

Ivan's experiences in the past couple of months had not been as hellish as Gregor's, but they clearly had been bad enough.

"Ivan," Gregor said. "I need to tell you about Miles."

"By that, you mean that Miles is also coming back, and he's going to be cleared of these crazy charges," Ivan said. "If you say anything else, I'm going to stop being cheerful."

"Actually, I have not made a decision about that yet," Gregor said.

The cheer immediately drained out of Ivan's face. "What do you mean, you haven't made a decision? Isn't it obvious? Just do whatever you did the last time Miles got mixed up with those mercenaries!"

"Ivan, it's not that simple."

"No. No," Ivan said. "Miles is coming back. Because there is no way whatsoever that I am going to be Lord Vorkosigan."

"Ivan, that's not what I came here to talk about," Gregor said. "I'm here to explain what prompted Miles to leave his post on the _Prince Serg_."

"Because he's Miles," Ivan said. "I'm the last person who needs an explanation to understand _that_."

"There's more to it than that," Gregor said.

"Then I definitely do not need to know about it," Ivan said.

It occurred to Gregor that Ivan might have some danger-sense which told him which truths he wanted avoid knowing. If so, it was working well.

"Ivan, do you know Senior Lieutenant Oliver Jole?" Gregor said.

"Hmmm, the name sounds familiar."

"Until recently, he was Count Vorkosigan's aide."

"Oh, _him_. I want to make sure to keep Donna away from him. She generally only goes out with Vor, but with a prole who looks like _that_ , yeah, I could see her going for it. And if he's working for Uncle Aral, he must be pretty smart. Donna _loves_ smart men."

"Ivan - you're jealous?" Gregor asked incredulously.

"Of course! With a guy like that, you have to watch out. He could steal all the girls' attention!"

"How can I put this? Ivan, I think Lieutenant Jole is already spoken for."

"Really? Thank goodness!" Ivan said in relief.

"In fact, given the gender of, ah, Jole's sweetheart, it is quite likely that he is homosexual," Gregor said.

"Even better!" Ivan said. "Wait a minute. He's seen me a few times. Do you think he's looking at _me_ that way?"

"As I said, he already has someone."

"Oh, right. Still, that is something _else_ you have to watch out for among guys."

"Ivan. Lieutenant Jole's 'someone' is Uncle Aral."

Ivan blinked. "You mean that in a married-to-work kind of way, right?"

"I mean that in a they-go-to-bed-together kind of way."

Ivan's jaw dropped. "B-but Aunt Cor-Cordelia..." he finally stammered.

"She knows."

"My mother must know too," Ivan said in horror.

"She does. And Miles knows. He found the two of them in bed. Shortly afterwards, he went AWOL."

"Holy crap!" Ivan called out.

"Indeed," Gregor said.

"Gregor, _I did not need to know this_ ," Ivan said.

"Ivan, you grew up with Miles. You went with him to the academy. You are going to get dragged into this mess sooner or later. You should know what happened before he ran off with the mercenaries. Again."

"Not when it means knowing _that_ about _Uncle Aral_. I still can't believe it. _Uncle Aral_. That shouldn't be possible. You know, a couple of old men have made these _suggestions_ to me. Am I going to have to watch out for _Uncle Aral_ making those suggestions too now?" Ivan shivered.

That wrinkle had never occurred to Gregor. But it was not completely surprising. Gregor remembered when Alys Vorpatril had, ironically, made _Ivan_ stop swiving the servant girls because it creating problems with managing the household. Even though Ivan had only actually touched the servant girls who welcomed his advances, the mere fact that he was flirting with all of the young female servants was making the ones who were not open to his advances feel very uncomfortable, and Alys' two favorite servants quit. Shortly afterwards, Alys had given Gregor a lecture on why it would be a very bad idea for the emperor to flirt with or make passes at people employed by the Imperial Household. So far, Alys had avoided making direct references to Aral's relationship to Jole, but Gregor got the sense that she was relieved that Jole was no longer Aral's subordinate.

"No, We would not let him treat you that way," Gregor assured Ivan. "Nor would your mother. Besides, it was Lieutenant Jole who made the first move."

That bit of information temporarily broke Ivan's mind. "But why? With a body like that, he has a lot of options, why choose - is it - is it some kind of seduction for political power?" 

"No. I think he loves him."

" _Loves_ Uncle Aral. Uggghhh. What next, is Simon Illyan going to hop into bed with my mother or something? No, do NOT answer that question. Argghh. I am still going to have to keep Donna away from this fellow - she told me that she really likes it when two guys, you know-" Ivan made a gesture with his index fingers "- and if she knew that this lieutenant did that, she would be all over him. Good grief, is _that_ why Aunt Cordelia lets this happen?"

"Perhaps."

"Still, _Uncle Aral_." Ivan whistled. "No wonder Miles ran off."

"It's best if you do not repeat this information."

"Oh hell no. I'm telling nobody about this! I am going to walk out that door and pretend that this conversation never happened!"

***

About a week after returning to Barrayar, Gregor received a message. It said that Admiral Naismith had married Elli Quinn.


	36. In the Green Silk Room

As he was sitting in the green silk room, Gregor wished he could freeze time, to stop himself from doing what he was going to do next. Yet this was what an emperor would do, and after his return from Vervain, he had vowed never to shirk from his duties again.

He put on his neutral imperial face. "We have come here to discuss the matter of Lord Vorkosigan," he said.

"Yes, sire," Aral Vorkosigan said. He understood he was speaking to the emperor and not Gregor.

"As Prime Minister, what way of handling Lord Vorkosigan do you think would best serve the Imperium?"

Aral Vorkosigan was silent.

"We shall ask a more specific question. If We ensured that Lord Vorkosigan would not be convicted of treason, what would happen next?"

"He ... he would come home," Aral said.

"Would he serve in the military again?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what would he do?"

"There is much work to be done in Vorkosigan District. It's been neglected. My son handled a difficult problem in a Dendarii Mountain village remarkably well."

"So you are saying his primary occupation would be to serve as a Count's Voice in the district?"

"Yes."

"Is he uniquely capable of serving as a Count's voice?"

"He is Lord Vorkosigan."

"Are there others who could serve in that capacity equally well?"

"There are others who can manage Vorkosigan District's affairs, but it's not the same if they are not the Count's heir."

"That is true. And do you think he would choose serving in Vorkosigan District this over being Admiral Naismith?"

"Yes - yes, sire. Barrayar is his home, and he is attached to the memory of his grandfather and our family's legacy. I also don't think the Dendarii Mercenaries will last much longer anyway, now that his heritage is public. Their connection to Barrayar is too obvious."

"We hope they will last long enough to complete their Marilac mission."

"Yes, of course, sire. I hope so too."

"Would he be content with being a Count's Voice?"

"He is Vor. He will serve, regardless of his private feelings."

"How well did he serve aboard the _Prince Serg_? How much did his private feelings affect his service?"

"He - he did not serve well. He let his private feelings interfere with his duty."

"What effect would clearing Lord Vorkosigan's name have on Our other subjects?"

"It would help maintain the morale of the people of Vorkosigan District."

"What effect would it have on subjects who are not your liege-people?"

"It would not have much effect, sire. If you say that Lord Vorkosigan is innocent, most people will believe you." 

"So you do not think it would lead subjects into believing that We are practicing favoritism on the behalf of your family?"

"There are always people who will insist on believing in that kind of interpretation, no matter what you do."

"Unfortunately true." The emperor paused. "What would happen if We did convict Lord Vorkosigan of treason?"

"He might go into exile. He might also return, and let himself be exposed and starved."

"You think he would return even if he had the option of life in exile?"

"He is Vor. He returned after the last time he had been with the mercenaries."

"Last time he had hope of avoiding conviction. Would he have returned if he had already been convicted?"

"I - I do not know, sire."

"Do you think he would leave the Dendarii Mercenaries before the Marilac mission has ended, either in success or failure?"

"No sire."

"How would convicting Lord Vorkosigan affect the Marilac mission?"

"It is hard to know, sire. It - it would make it more plausible to others that the Dendarii Mercenaries are independent, and not an extension of the imperial military. That - that would help more than harm the mission."

"How it would affect the long-term prospects of the Dendarii Mercenaries?"

"It is conceivable that an Admiral Naismith who is an exile and convicted traitor on Barrayar could continue to lead the Dendarii Mercenaries."

"How would convicting Lord Vorkosigan affect Our subjects?"

"It would be a great blow to our liege-people."

"Indeed. And other subjects?"

"It would confirm that our family does not receive special imperial favors not available to others. That the emperor is fair. And that the emperor will punish traitors."

"That is so. Speaking of fairness, has Lord Vorkosigan committed treason?"

"Legally, he has. But not with his heart."

"Is this the first time?"

"No, he had also committed treason four years ago."

"So there is a pattern. What does this say about Lord Vorkosigan's behavior?"

"The circumstances were unusual, both times. And I am convinced that he had no intention of betraying the Imperium."

"So you believe that, when he left the _Prince Serg_ , he had no intention of committing actions which legally qualify as treason?"

"I have to admit sire, he probably did have such intentions at that time. But that is not the same as betraying the Imperium. He had not attempted to go against the will of the emperor."

"Oh. We know that you have read the reports from Commander Elena Bothari-Jesek. What do you make of his reaction to the order to go to Marilac?"

"He agreed to help Commander Bothari-Jesek obey the order."

"It seems that he only did so because Commander Bothari-Jesek threatened to turn some mercenaries against him."

"He was not sure that that order was a true reflection of your will."

"And what if she had not made that threat? What if she had yielded to his pressure? What would have happened?"

"The Dendarii would have gone to Vervain. It is not possible to know what would have happened, sire. It is possible that that would have prompted Randall's Rangers to turn on the Vervani and on you. And if Randall's Rangers had chosen to side with the Cetagandans after all, it is very possible that the Cetagandan invasion would have succeeded, and that you would have been captured, sire."

"There are good reasons why wilfully obstructing a subject from obeying an Imperial order is treason in itself. Furthermore, we have carefully reviewed his records from the Academy. It seems that he has a persistent problem with interpreting orders the way he wants them to be interpreted rather than actually doing what he is ordered to do. He had been given second chances before. Has he used those second chances well?"

"Sire, I - I m-must say that he has not."

"We have concluded that there is more substance to Lord Vorkosigan's treason that mere legal technicalities."

"Given my son's history that - that is a reasonable conclusion, sire. However, if he throws his energy into Vorkosigan District, I hope that will not be so much of a problem in the future."

"You 'hope'. You do not 'know', you do not 'think', you 'hope'."

"Yes, sire."

"We are afraid that Lord Vorkosigan's behavior became so extreme because he had been shielded from the consequences of his actions in the past."

"That is possibly true. I claim that as my failure as a father. I would prefer you to punish me, rather than my son."

"Once again, as Prime Minister, what way of handling Lord Vorkosigan do you think would best serve the Imperium?"

"I - I - I h-have to ad-admit, convicting m-my s-son would better s-serve your w-will."

Gregor had to muster all of the iron in his heart to continue as he saw the hope in Aral Vorkosigan's eyes completely extinguished.

"We have concluded that, to aid the Dendarii Mercenaries in their mission, to keep an unreliable and dangerous man away from a position of power within the Imperium, to maintain the appearance of Our impartiality, and to uphold the rule of law, it is in the Imperium's best interests to proceed with a trial. We understand the problems this will create with regards to your family and your district, and We are willing to grant you the Imperial Order you would need to choose another heir. Lord Vorkosigan's trial shall happen tomorrow. Given the strength of the evidence, We expect that the verdict will be guilty."

Aral Vorkosigan took this in like a man who had not only been defeated, but lost his will to fight.

Gregor felt like a horrible hypocrite, doing this when he had so recently recklessly abandoned his own duties. However, he was no longer going to tolerate that kind of disregard for the well-being of the Imperium in himself. And he could no longer tolerate such blatant insubordination from Miles Vorkosigan when he had such an influential position on Barrayar, and when he had, in direct contradiction to Gregor's order to Elena, almost wrecked his plan for saving Vervain.

Most of all, the emperor could not show favoritism towards the Vorkosigans in particular - and Gregor had no doubt that, even if it was not perceived that way, it would in truth be favoritism to falsely claim that Miles Vorkosigan had been following secret orders. Gregor would not do that for a Vorrutyer or a Vorhalas who found themselves in Miles' position.

 _Even when it makes me a hypocrite, I must do what is right for the Imperium_.

Gregor felt the cold blood of Ezar Vorbarra flowing through his veins.

Up to this point, Gregor had protected himself with the armor of the emperor's persona. Now, it was time for the hardest part - to do what he could only do while unmasked, exposed, and vulnerable.

"I am no longer speaking as emperor," Gregor said. "And I am no longer speaking to the prime minister or Count Vorkosigan. I am now speaking as Gregor Vorbarra, to Aral Vorkosigan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some readers have already commented that I've included references to _Norstrillia_ by Cordwainer Smith, _Lonesome Dove_ by Larry McMurtry, and _The Lost Fleet_ by Jack Campbell in this fic. Other non-LMB novel(la)s I've shouted out to in this fic so far are:
> 
>  _The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress_ \- by Robert Heinlein  
>  _The Left Hand of Darkness_ \- by Ursula K. LeGuin  
>  _Matter_ \- by Iain M. Banks  
>  _Up the Walls of the World_ \- by James Tiptree Jr.  
>  _The Smiling, Proud Wanderer_ \- by Jin Yong  
>  "No Woman Born" - by C.L. Moore  
>  _Station Eleven_ \- by Emily St. John Mandel  
>  _Quicksilver_ \- by R.J. Anderson  
>  _The Man with Compound Eyes_ \- by Wu Ming-yi
> 
> There may or may not more shout-outs to non-Vorkosiverse fiction in future chapters. We'll see.


	37. Trigger and Cause

"Why do you think Miles deserted?" Gregor asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Aral said, dejected.

"No," said Gregor.

"He - he saw me with a lieutenant who was directly under my command and decades my junior. He saw me violate Barrayar's military code. He saw what he might have believed was a violation of my vows to his mother. He now knows that I like men. He - he must think that I am a man empty of honor."

"Perhaps. But is that why he deserted?"

"Why else?"

"When did Miles find out that the Dendarii were in Aslund?"

Aral looked a little puzzled by this turn. "I do not know. My best guess is that he found out from the Polian media."

"Due to Miles' talents for throwing off Service Security and ImpSec, it took them a while to figure out exactly what he did when he first arrived at the station where the _Prince Serg_ docked. However, they eventually found that he tried to get passage all the way to Aslund Station almost immediately after going AWOL. It is conceivable that he did find out about the Dendarii from the Polian media, but it was hardly headline news. Unless he had already been looking specifically for that information, it would be incredible if he found out that quickly. Or else he had some other reason for trying to book passage to Aslund."

"I cannot think of any other reason he would try to go to Aslund," Aral said.

"Indeed. I think he knew about the Dendarii before he left the _Prince Serg_."

"He never said anything. If that had been on his mind, I would have expected him to beg me for leave to go back to them - oh." Aral's eyes went wide. "Is - is _that_ why he had burst into my cabin so suddenly?"

"I do not know," Gregor admitted. "But I find that theory plausible. I do think he most likely found out about the condition of the Dendarii while he was in Service Security. He could have broken into medium-classification documents without leaving traces."

"The condition of the Dendarii ... I myself did not realize how much trouble Elena was in until I started examining the Hegen Hub crisis in depth, and I always had some more urgent problem to attend to..."

"I blame ImpSec, not you, for failing to pay the Dendarii Mercenaries the attention they were due. They should have briefed about their situation. When I was on that ship going from Aslund Station to Pol Six, I had been planning to order Miles to return to the Dendarii. If I had not been kidnapped by Cavilo, I might have even sent the order before Miles took off."

Aral weakly shook his head. "Damn the timing," he said under his breath.

Gregor braced himself before he leaped into very painful territory.

"Aral, why do you think I jumped off that balcony on Komarr?"

"I - I know your life is a very difficult one..."

"But why do think I chose that time?"

"Opportunity?" he asked weakly.

"Do you know what ImpSec files I looked at that evening?"

"Four years ago, you ordered ImpSec to stop keeping records of which files you access. That order had not been countermanded."

Gregor's heart raced as he said "I saw vids of my father. With his victims."

He was not going to say _which_ vids or _which_ victims. As long as it was not necessary to talk to Aral about _that_ scene, Gregor did not think he would ever bring it up.

"Oh, my poor boy," Aral said. "Was that how you learned about what kind of man your father was?"

Gregor nodded.

"I - we," Aral began to say. "Cordelia and I talked about it, how we should tell you. At first, we planned to tell you shortly after you reached your majority, but then there was Count Vordrozda, and after that ... we kept on putting off a conversation neither of us wanted to have."

"I understand," Gregor said. Even he did not know how Aral and Cordelia should have told him about his father. It would have been better if he had known earlier, or at least found out in a different way, but he completely sympathized with Aral and Cordelia avoiding that conversation - especially since he knew what his father had done to Aral. "Seeing those vids - that was the trigger. But it was not the reason why I jumped off the balcony."

Aral's eyelids twitched, as if he were not ready to learn of some new horror.

"I did not believe I was fit to be emperor," Gregor said. "Even if I had not learned about my father then, I was just one trigger away from - from doing something reckless. And I don't think learning about my father alone would have been enough to push me to - you know."

Aral put his elbows on the table, and then put his forehead in the palms of his hands. "We noticed that you had confidence issues," he said. "But I did not imagine - I did not know we had failed you that way."

"Whenever I make a mistake, why do you claim it as _your_ failure?" Gregor asked. "At what point do I bear the responsibility for my own actions?"

"I have no answer for that. It is - it is hard to let go."

"I hope that you can let go," Gregor said. "Not just let go of me. Let go of Miles too."

Aral looked up into Gregor's eyes.

"I feel that Miles was like me," Gregor continued. "His life on Barrayar had been hard. He may also have been just one trigger away from - something. If he had not seen you with Jole, something else might have been that trigger. We will never know. My intuition does tell me that seeing the two of you was the trigger, not the cause."

"You - you sound a little like Cordelia."

"Thank you," Gregor said. "I chose to come back. I still have - and probably will always have - problems, but I think I now have the confidence that I need to rule.

"Miles - Miles belongs with the Dendarii Mercenaries. They need him. I think he also needs them. Elena said that he took the death of his liege-man - the pilot - very hard, and that he feels like he owes him a debt which cannot be repaid. And Elli Quinn - I do not know her well, but I did spend some time with her. I am certain that Miles did not marry her so that she would become Lady Vorkosigan."

"In other words," Aral said, "you do not expect Miles to leave them."

"I saw Elena's face, and heard her voice. I even heard a little of it from Elli," Gregor said. "If he left them now, he would lose his honor."

"Will the Dendarii Mercenaries continue to be Imperial forces?" Aral asked.

Gregor saw the glint of hope in his eyes, that Miles may maintain even this tenuous connection to Barrayar. "No," Gregor said plainly. "After the Marilac mission is complete, they will be set free. The Imperium may hire them again, if there is need for a covert military force in areas inaccessible to regular forces. Or the Imperium may hire a different mercenary outfit. The latter may be better, since the connection to Barrayar would be less obvious. It is a decision which will be made on a case-by-case basis. I do assure you that ImpSec will make no attempt to capture Miles outside of Imperial territory. As long as he stays out of the Imperium, he need not fear arrest."

There was a pause while Gregor tried to figure out how to phrase what he was going to say. "As times change, Miles may change his choices. There are indirect ways he can signal what he wants which would not make anyone guilty of direct contact with a traitor. If he expresses a wish to return to Barrayar, and if there is evidence that _he_ has changed, and that he will submit properly rather than pick and choose which orders he obeys and disobeys, I _may_ consider letting him return. Convicting him now will grant him a good cover to continue with the Dendarii Mercenaries, and it could also, years later, be explained away as a good cover for 'covert' activities if it is decided that his name is to be cleared. But he _must_ take the initiative, and he _must change_. And if he were to try to come back now, and let the Dendarii Mercenaries fall apart - I would not accept that."

"I cannot ask anything more from you," Aral said. There were tears in his eyes.

Gregor looked at his chrono. "Lieutenant Jole's shift ended about ten minutes ago," he said. "He is free to accompany you back to Vorkosigan House."

Aral took the hint. They both rose from their chairs. Before Gregor could walk out, Aral stood before him, and then went down on his knees. Neither of them said a word.

***

Lord Miles Vorkosigan was tried _in absentia_ for violating Vorloupulous's law in an open session of the Council of Counts. It was the treason charge which was on the public's mind, and one which could be tried without using any highly classified evidence. Because the defendant was not present, Count Vorkosigan had the right to file an injunction which would delay the trial until the end of six months or Lord Vorkosigan's return, whichever came first. Aral Vorkosigan waived this right. Everyone understood that he did this because he wanted his son to live in exile rather than be exposed and starved to death.

Not a single count voted 'not guilty'. There were a few counts who abstained, including Count Vorkosigan and, surprisingly, Count Vorhalas. Count Vorbarra followed tradition and abstained as well.

***

Gregor had granted Lieutenant Jole a few days of leave, and implied that he could request additional leave if he wished. He was a drawing room in Vorkosigan House, and watching Aral and Cordelia sitting on a couch, holding each other silently.

Never had Jole felt more like an outsider. He did not dare leave - what if they took that to mean that he did not care? But he still felt partially responsible for what had happened on the _Prince Serg_. And even if he had had nothing to do with Miles' desertion, he did not think he would be able to share this grief with them. Miles was not his son.

After an eternity, Cordelia rose. "Jole," she said. "I'd like to say something in private with you." She looked back at Aral. Whatever message passed between their eyes, Jole could not decipher it. Cordelia went into an adjacent room, and, after a pause, Jole followed.


	38. I am happy. HAPPY!

_Here it comes_ , Jole thought. He had noticed that Cordelia had been acting strangely ever since they came back to Barrayar. Hell, why _would_ she act normally under the circumstances? She had been much more reserved that before. Jole was afraid that she blamed him in some way - she was Miles' mother, of course she would be angry with him.

 _There you are, making assumptions without asking_ , Cordelia's voice said in his head.

It was weird that _Cordelia's voice in his head_ was now giving him advice about how to deal with _Cordelia_ , especially at a time like this. That voice in his head had up until now only given him advice on how to deal with _Aral_ ... maybe Jole had been infected by Cordelia's Betanness.

Jole would actually _welcome_ Cordelia's anger. Perhaps it would help him deal with his sense of guilt. He braced himself for the onslaught of Cordelia's rage and sorrow.

"Oliver," she said. "I am happy. HAPPY! I'm FUCKING HAPPY!"

Jole had _not_ braced himself for _manic glee_. That said, he also suspected that Cordelia was no more happy than a character from an Anton Chekhov play - that is to say, her protestations of happiness actually came from a place of great _unhappiness_.

"I always wanted Miles to leave Bararyar, forever. And now he's done it! He's escaped! It's _fantastic_!" Cordelia laughed wildly. "And to think I never used swear words before I came to this _Barrayaran_ planet!"

Was this some strange expression of grief? "I don't know how to help you," he said, thinking back on the advice Cordelia had given him on handling _Aral_ in his darker moods. Hopefully the same advice also worked with Cordelia herself. "If you want some help, please tell me how."

"I'm serious, I really don't want Miles to stay on Barrayar," Cordelia said. "You don't believe me, do you? You're too Barrayaran to see just how _Barrayaran_ this planet is."

Jole got the sense that, to Cordelia, 'Barrayaran' was a much stronger swear-word than 'fuck'. "Milady - I mean, Cordelia."

"You still have _Barrayaran_ feelings about what happened on that ship, don't you? You still think you did something horrible, letting Miles walk in on that. No, Jole, you have given me a most _wonderful gift_. I want to thank you, for accomplishing what in twenty years I never succeeded in doing - getting Miles out of Barrayar's grip!"

"I - I don't think - I _know_ that Aral does not feel that it is a wonderful gift." Jole had been around Aral ever since that incident, and never once had Aral expressed the slightest bit of joy about the nasty turn his relationship with his son had taken.

"No, Aral wanted Miles to stay on Barrayar, he wanted to feed Miles into Barrayar's hungry jaws himself. We never could agree on this, all we could agree on was to let Miles choose his own future. And now I _won_. Lucky me."

Jole was reasonably certain that Aral never, ever acted like this. Cordelia certainly had never given him advice on what to do in _this_ situation.

"But no, that would be too _nice_. Barrayar won't let us go that easily. Of course not! This is totally crushing my _Barrayaran_ husband, which means _I_ am not allowed to experience any joy about this. I can't even talk to _Alys_ about this - she's just as trapped by the Vor way of thinking as Aral. But you. You're not Vor, and I can share this gift with you. My son is rescued from this _Barrayaran_ planet, and I can relieve you of your _Barrayaran_ guilt."

"Cordelia," Jole said. "I - I don't feel good about this at all. I'm sorry."

Cordelia laughed wildly again. She then pulled on the front of Jole's shirt, and smoothered her face in his breast.

Oh no, if Aral saw this - or if anyone else saw this ... Jole knew that Aral's first wife had been unfaithful. Being like this with the Countess would look really bad. Even considering the nature of Jole's relationship with Aral, he still felt like this was some kind of infringement on their marriage.

It was only when he felt the dampness on his skin that he realized that Cordelia was not laughing any more. She was crying.

"They mean so much to each other," she said in a small voice. "Miles always looked up to Aral as his own, wonderful Da. And Aral desperately wanted to be that wonderful Da in Miles' eyes. They - they have both lost that forever. Why did this have to be the price for Miles' escape. Why did this have to be the price? Why?"

 _I'm not even here_ Jole realized. _Cordelia is just holding onto a warm body while she talks to herself, saying things she cannot say out loud to Aral_.

That there _were_ things that Cordelia could never say to Aral ... Jole almost did not believe it. Jole always had Cordelia fixed in his mind as the Betan who could and would say anything to anyone. That image of her was now cracking under the weight of brutal reality.

"I'm worried about Miles," Cordelia said. "He married Elli Quinn. I hardly know anything about her. Miles - Miles is not _mature_ enough to suddenly jump into marriage like that. I'm afraid that he married her because he entered one of his - one of his _manic_ phases. Is he so desperate for family that he felt he had to do _that_? And I'm afraid that it's some kind of response to what he saw Aral do - to marry someone within his own chain of command. Will this marriage strike back and hurt him? The first time Miles tried dealing with sexual relationships - Jole - he ended up _trying to kill himself_! If something goes wrong between him and Elli, will he try again?

"This is all so unnecessary. I was in favor of telling him about Aral and you from the beginning! The things he now believes about Aral - they aren't even true! And I can't try to contact him or explain it to him without Barrayar saying I'm an accessory to treason! I do not give a damn about being convicted - I would be happy to leave Barrayar forever myself - but that would mean cutting off all contact with Aral. Who would not be willing to become an accessory to treason, or to run away. _Damn_ him!"

Cordelia finally let go of Jole's shirt, and stepped back. She looked at him in the eye.

"Aral's father tried to kill Miles, you know."

Jole had not known that, and he had never met General Piotr Pierre Vorkosigan, but given what he knew of the man, and about Barrayar in general, it was not a surprise.

Cordelia was no longer looking at Jole. She was staring off into space, at something only visible to her mind's eye. "After I had to fight so hard to keep Miles alive, I never expected him to become so attached to the old man," Cordelia said. "It's more than that. He is sometimes so much like his grandfather, it scares me." Tears began flowing from her eyes anew. "What if his ghost haunts Miles, influences him, controls him? What if the memory of his grandfather compels him to come back to Barrayar, to do the 'honorable' thing and suicidally submit to this - to this foul slaughter. It would be just like the old bastard, when Miles finally is almost safe from Barrayar, to finally kill him."

"Would the emperor allow that?" Jole asked.

"I don't know!" Cordelia screamed. "I saw Emperor Ezar once. When Gregor was that trial - I swear - _I saw Ezar in him!_ Aral has also said that Gregor has become a lot like his grandfather after Vervain. Emperor Ezar would show Miles no mercy, of that I am sure!"

Cordelia wailed.

Shortly afterwards, Aral came in.

"Dear captain, are you alright?"

"No," Cordelia replied.

Aral looked at Jole. "I love you. And I know you want to help. Perhaps - perhaps it is time for you to leave us two alone for a while."

***

The Vorkosigans had insisted on Jole staying in the room they had given him in Vorkosigan House. He stumbled into it, dazed.

To him, Aral and Cordelia were the perfect husband and wife for each other. They understood each other so well, they loved each other so much. Cordelia loved her husband so much that she was happy when he was happy with his lover.

And to find that, beneath their seemingly perfect marriage, there had been such a great rift. It finally, finally sank into Jole that Cordelia did not want her son to be Lord Vorkosigan, had not wanted it for a long time. She hoped that Miles would become a Betan citizen, in practice as well as legally. Aral, on the other hand, had fought hard to make his seemingly 'mutie' son Lord Vorkosigan. How could they have lived together harmoniously so long when they disagreed so strongly about something which was so important to both of them?

***

Gregor was busy reviewing reports when he received an urgent vid call from Simon Illyan.

"Yes," Gregor said.

"Countess Vorkosigan is at the shuttleport now," Illyan said. "She has just booked passage to Escobar. Her shuttle departs in thirty minutes."

It made no sense to Gregor. Why, at a time like this, would Cordelia suddenly go to _Escobar_?

"What is her purpose?" Gregor asked.

"I do not know, sire," Illyan responded. "But I predict that, if she reaches Escobar, she will book passage from there to Marilac. Sire, should we detain her?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been one of the hardest chapters to write so far.


	39. Make Sure that He Is Not Alone

For an entire moment, Gregor's mind went blank.

He knew, as an emperor, he would have to make difficult decisions. He knew that some of those decisions would personally affect him. He had just made such a decision when he let Miles be convicted of treason. That did not make it one bit easier when he was forced, once again, and so soon, to make another such decision.

It was inconceivable that Aral and Cordelia would ever break up. He knew that he had just broken both of their hearts, but he had assumed that they would still stay together, just as he assumed that the sun would rise every day.

_If she makes direct contact with Miles, she will be guilty of accessory to treason. She knows that. She does not plan to return._

How was Gregor supposed to go on without Cordelia?

A cold voice of reason said _chances were, you were going to lose her eventually anyway, and then continue without her. Just as you have continued without Mama_.

 _Mama_. When Gregor lost his own mother, he had had no choice in the matter. This time, he _did_ have a choice.

No, he was letting his personal feelings interfere with his duty, _again_. To force Cordelia to stay on Barrayar would be to use his power as an emperor. That kind of power should only be used for the sake of the Imperium, not for Gregor's own sake.

What does the emperor think of Countess Vorkosigan going to Escobar?

It was possible - even likely - that she intended to violate Barrayaran law, but there was no solid evidence of that intent.

If she did make contact with Miles Vorkosigan, what impact would that have on the Imperium?

It was highly improbable that the two of them would form any kind of conspiracy which would pose any serious threat. In fact, the only probable negative impact on the Imperium would be through the effect her departure would have on Prime Minister Count Vorkosigan.

Should the emperor detain Countess Vorkosigan for the sake of preserving the _utility_ of the prime minister and count?

Of course, even _knowing_ that his wife wanted to leave, and that she was being kept against her will, may be just as bad for his well-being.

Should the emperor detain Countess Vorkosigan for maintaining the emperor's own mental well-being? No, the emperor can find a way to maintain himself without her. It is his duty.

And it was also the prime minister's duty.

If this blow hit the prime minister so hard that he could no longer perform his duties ... then it was time to replace him. 

The realization shook Gregor, but only briefly. Of course it was literally impossible for Aral Vorkosigan to be prime minister forever. And there were other men who were qualified for the position. Even Count Vorkosigan could be replaced, and _would_ be replaced one day. None of the candidates were perfect, but Aral Vorkosigan himself was not perfect; imperfect people could take his place.

If Cordelia had chosen Miles over Aral, it was not Gregor's place to say that she had made the wrong decision. He was not a parent yet - perhaps Cordelia's decision was the right one.

And while he could restrain her body, he had no way of restraining her heart.

"So far, Countess Vorkosigan has done nothing illegal," the emperor said to Captain Illyan. "We will not detain her. She is free to go to Escobar."

Simon Illyan's wrinkles popped out as he said "Yes, sire."

Gregor still blamed himself for not considering this potential consequence when he had chosen to convict Miles.

***

Aral Vorkosigan was drunk.

Jole had also been drinking - he did not want to stay sober either - but he could not let himself drink as much as Aral. He had to stay functional enough to take care of him. Of course, drinking impaired his ability to judge how much was too much.

While Cordelia was around, neither of them touched a drop. However, after she left to go on some errand - Jole did not know what - it did not take long for the bottle of brandy to come out.

Neither of them were keeping track of the time. Nor did they have much of a reaction when Gregor Vorbarra requested permission to enter Vorkosigan House. Permission was granted.

Gregor came into the room, flanked by Vorbarra armsmen. Armsman Pym followed behind him. Gregor's eyebrows rose when he saw what state the two of them were in.

 _He's here on personal, not official business_ , Jole thought. _The emperor would not raise his eyebrows at this_. He had worked with Gregor long enough by now to tell the difference between Emperor-Gregor and Gregor-Gregor, even while under the influence.

"Do you know where Cordelia is?" Gregor asked.

"No," Jole said. Aral said nothing.

"Aral," Gregor said. "Do you hear me now?"

Aral did not respond. His eyes were still open, but they seemed to be distracted by invisible demons.

Gregor's lips became very tight.

"No - no - don't say it," Jole said. He did not know what Gregor was going to say, but he could see that it was going to be bad news. Jole did not want any bad news right now.

"Jole," Gregor said. "Cordelia has already left orbit. Right now, she is probably just boarded a ship bound for Sergyar. There, she is scheduled to transfer to a vessel going to Escobar."

"Yeah, well, she deserves a nice vocation," Jole said. He did not notice that he had said 'vocation' instead of 'vacation' - but Gregor did.

"Simon Illyan and I think that she is going to Miles," Gregor said.

Aral had no visible reaction to this. Jole did. His face started to twitch.

"It's over then, isn't it. It's all over." Jole started putting the middle knuckles of his fingers into his mouth and biting them. It seemed like he wanted to rip his fingers off, but the grip of his jaw was far too loose.

"Someone is going to have to tell Aral when he is in a state to understand it," Gregor said. "Should it be you? Or should it be me?"

"Let's do it together!" Jole said with a cheer that was not the least bit cheerful.

Gregor nodded his head. "Is there anything I can do for you now?"

"Save the world," Jole replied.

"Armsman Pym," Gregor said as he picked up the bottles of brandy. "I think you should watch over these two. Please inform me when they are sober enough for communication."

Gregor left the room. Jole wanted to get as plastered as Aral, but Gregor had taken away all of the brandy. He was going to have to make do with the alcohol which was already in his body.

As time went by, his blood alcohol level went down, and he was left alone with Pym, a still-drunk Aral, and the horrible truth.

"How can she do this to us?" Jole asked.

Pym had no answer.

Cordelia, the perfect wife for Aral, had abandoned him in this hour of his need.

Jole did not want to believe it. Reality refused to bend to his beliefs.

He had subconsciously taken Cordelia as his model for how to be a lover who might be halfway worthy of Aral. He had no idea that following Cordelia would lead him _here_.

"During the pretendership," Aral said with a slur in his speech, "I told her not to rescue Miles. That she was not expendable. That I could not risk losing her and Miles. She said, by forbidding her to leave, I _was_ taking that risk. Whenever she has had to choose between me and Miles, she has always chosen Miles. The wonder is that she did not take Miles and flee Barrayar long ago."

"You heard - you heard what Gregor told us," Jole said.

"Milord, I should contact Gregor -" Pym said.

"Do not," said Aral. "He did not order you to inform him. You don't have to tell him. I don't want the boy dragged back here now."

"Aral, I can't believe that she is _glad_ that Miles won't come back to Barrayar," Jole said. "How can she feel glad about him being convicted of treason? How can she be glad about something which hurts you so much."

"I brought her grief first," Aral said. "I'm the one who let Barrayar do so much to hurt both of them. Perhaps - perhaps it would have been better if Cordelia had taken Miles as a child to Beta Colony and raised him there."

***

Gregor sent a vid message to Alys Vorpatril, describing what had happened. He also asked her to tell Ivan. He was too emotionally drained to tell anybody else in person right now.

About an hour later, Alys sent a reply, saying that Ivan also knew now.

Gregor made a vid call to Ivan. He looked like hell. Gregor probably did not look any better himself.

"I don't want to leave Aral alone," Gregor said. "When he is not in public, acting as prime minister or Count Vorkosigan, I want myself, Lieutenant Jole, Commodore Koudelka, or you to be with him at all times. Captain Illyan might come sometimes as well, but he could be called away at any time."

"At all times? Even when he is sleeping?"

"Jole will be there when he's sleeping."

"Don't remind me!"

"I will soon have a schedule for you. It will not conflict with your regular duties."

"What about my free time? Will I still have time to see Donna?"

"Ivan, at a time like this, _you are concerned about seeing Lady Donna?_ "

"But - Uncle Aral - what can I do for him?"

"Just make sure that he is not alone."


	40. Someone Else Who Was Dear

"Aral," Gregor said. "At Vervain, I swore on my word as a Vorbarra that I would not hurt myself on account of anything we said there. Can you swear, on your word as a Vorkosigan, that you will not do serious physical harm to yourself because of losing Miles or Cordelia?"

"Are you going to request and require it?" Aral asked.

"No, just as you could not command me to not hurt myself. I am asking you."

Aral was silent.

"You are not the only one who misses Cordelia," Gregor said. He did not dare add Miles' name to that sentence. "We do not want to lose you too."

Jole was also sitting there, his face tense and white. Aral looked between him and Gregor.

"I swear, by my word as a Vorkosigan, that I will not try to do any serious physical harm to myself," Aral said.

"Thank you," Gregor said. He trusted Aral to keep his word.

"Drinking does not count," Aral added.

Gregor calculated that it might not be a good idea to keep Aral completely away from alcohol. "As long as it does not lead to a need for emergency medical treatment, drinking does not count," Gregor agreed.

Unfortunately, he knew that physical injury and death were not the worst things which could happen to Aral.

***

"Jole," Gregor said. "What should we do?"

Ivan's shift with Aral had just begun. Gregor and Jole were both still at Vorkosigan House.

"It's good that he gave you his word that he's not going to physically harm himself, and it's good that he's not going to be alone," Jole said. "I - I don't know what else, sire."

 _When Aral is upset and depressed, it is good to keep him busy with useful work_ , Cordelia's voice came unbidden to Jole's mind.

Hearing Cordelia's voice in his head hurt.

"He - he still is working as prime minister, right?" Jole said.

"Yes," Gregor replied. "He is still performing his duties to Our satisfaction."

"Is there some big project - some difficult task - something you can do to make him busier?" Jole asked.

Gregor looked at him thoughtfully. "Why do you ask that?"

"Sire, I know you've been looking at Aral's ImpSec files, trying to learn more about his past."

"Yes."

"At other difficult times in his life - other times when he's had a terrible loss - how has he recovered? Has he recovered by throwing himself into work?"

Gregor pondered this. "It is true that, during his times of recovery, he had always made himself very busy, even if he just made himself busy managing a ship full of Barrayar's more troubled soldiers. Yet correlation is not causation. Recovery might have been what allowed him to work so hard."

"I - I was with him at Pol, after you - after you, er..."

"After I had foolishly run away, damning the consequences," Gregor finished. "Feel free to talk plainly about _that_."

"I think - I think spending all that time, negotiating with the Polians, preparing the fleet for a possible war - I think that helped him cope with - with not knowing where you are, whether you were alive. And with - and with Miles ..."

"Do you think, when I put him on leave after the battle of Vervain, that that was not best for him?" Gregor asked.

"No," Jole said. "He has his limits too, and sometimes he needs other people to remind him of them. But now - now I think he needs work more than rest."

"And that he should have some work above and beyond his regular duties as prime minister and count?" Gregor asked.

"He hardly ever bothers with Vorkosigan District business, he delegates it all. I don't think that's going to change, unless there is a major crisis.

"As far as prime minister ... as you know, sire, much government work has been neglected in the past couple of months. I have noticed that you have avoided burdening the prime minister with non-essential tasks. However there is _plenty_ of work he could do..."

"Indeed," Gregor said. "Hmmmm."

***

"Are you familiar with Imperial Auditor Admiral Valentine's report?" Gregor asked.

"I've read the executive summary, sire," Aral said. "It is amazing that those bastards were able to embezzle so much from the military."

Aral was showing some kind of emotion about a matter other than Cordelia or Miles. This was an encouraging sign.

"Imperial Auditor Admiral Valentine's investigation was very thorough, but with his recent health problems, We are afraid he will not be able to properly handle the perpetrators," Gregor said. "We wish to make them feel Our full wrath. Can you do that for Us?"

Part of Gregor wanted to curl up and scream. How could he _use_ Aral this way, so shortly after he had taken Miles from him and, by extension, Cordelia? However, Jole's advice was to give Aral a project to work on, and the emperor really did need someone who could scare the living daylights out of those embezzlers.

"Yes, sire."

"Then We request and require it."

***

Gregor felt even bleaker than he had on that balcony on Komarr.

Then, he had been worried that he could never be a real emperor, and that he would hurt people in the _future_.

Now, he knew damn well that he was a real emperor, that he had already hurt lots of people, and that _it was not going to stop_. No, he was not even going to stop himself. There was going to be no escape.

And now Cordelia was gone, because of actions Gregor had taken. Had it been a mistake? No matter how many times he reviewed it in his mind, he still could not see the emperor showing any greater mercy to Miles than he already had, and he knew that forcing Cordelia to stay on Barrayar would have been no better than letting her go. Yet it still felt so _wrong_.

Miles, Miles, Miles. Maybe, if Gregor had put more of an effort into maintaining a closer friendship with Miles, maybe he could have influenced Miles, helped him deal with his problems. Instead, ever since Miles had spent that year on Beta Colony, they had grown distant with other so gradually Gregor had not even noticed.

How many more things like this was he going to have to do as emperor?

He yearned for help, but where could he turn? Cordelia was gone. Aral? Gregor felt it would be wrong to ask Aral to help him wrangle with this angst.

He walked into a child's bedroom. It had been his bedroom once, and no one else had occupied it since. Many of his old toys were still kept here. It was the kind of thing which might eventually turn into a museum exhibit - _come, everyone, see how our emperor, the hero of Vervain, lived as a little boy_...

It had been a long time since he had come back here - as an adolescent, he had wanted to get away from these reminders of his childhood. The maids evidently still came in here, since there was little dust. What did they think of this room?

Gregor spotted a cat-sized toy stegosaurus. He picked it up.

"Hello, Steggie" he said.

"Hello, Greggie!" the robot toy replied cheerfully. "It's been a long time. I've missed you!"

Gregor was so startled that he dropped the stegosaurus. Goodness, did the maids still recharge the battery? It seemed that Gregor's face was still similar enough to what it had looked like when he was child that the robot's facial recognition software identified him - or maybe the software could compensate for aging. Apparently, Miles was not the only old buddy Gregor had let grow distant. He could not help but laugh.

Then he remembered that there was someone else who was dear to him who he had let become distant.

***

"Is it okay if I call you Droushie?" Gregor asked.

"Of course," Drou said. "I suppose you don't want me to call you 'sire' now."

"Call me Greggie."

Drou giggled. "Dear goodness, it's been a long time since I used _that_ name."

Gregor of course still saw Drou from time to time, but he could not think of any time in the last ten years that they had been alone together, just the two of them.

First, she had been taken away to serve - Cordelia. After his mother's death, Drou had been returned to him. As he had grown older, he became more interested in playing with Miles, Elena, and Ivan than Drou, and he turned to Cordelia, rather than Drou, for care. Drou then starting having children of her own, which spelled the end for her babysitting of Gregor.

She looked much older than when Gregor had been a child. _Why did I never notice before?_ Gregor thought.

"Tell me about your daughters," Gregor said.

"You want to know about them?" Drou asked.

"I want to hear you talking," Gregor said. "If you prefer to talk about something else, you may do so."

Drou spent some time describing each of her daughters. It was pleasant to hear about a family which was not undergoing intense drama. It got Gregor's mind off the Vorkosigans for a short time.

"I can't believe that Cordelia is gone," Drou said. Yes, Drou had figured out why Gregor wanted this private meeting.

"You were with me before Cordelia," Gregor said. "You are my last living connection with Mama."

"Oh Greggie."

As a child, Gregor had seen Drou as a really big sister rather than as a mother-figure. It was strange to see Drou become _maternal_ right now. Then again, by now she had plenty of experience with real mothering.

"Droushie, may I have a hug?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

They embraced.

What had Drou's family been like? In those days, it must have been tough to be a female bodyguard - how had Drou become one? How had her relationship with Kou started? _Drou saw Mama die. How had she felt? Sad, scared, angry, guilty?_ It dawned on Gregor that, even when he was a child, Droushie had always been a full Droushnakovi, a person full of talents, hopes, worries, and shortcomings.

"I've changed," Gregor said. "You've changed. We'll never be Droushie and Greggie again. But I'm still here, and you're still here. We can - we can connect to each other, the way we are now. As emperor - even just as a mere person - I have to take care of myself. And to take care of myself, I have to learn how to make new connections to people, and keep the connections I have. Going on alone would be too painful."

"You've grown into a fine young man," Drou said. "If there is ever anything I can do for you, you can always ask me."

Tears fell from both of their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the hardest story arc to write yet.
> 
> That said, one of my favorite parts of writing this fic is seeing how the characters relationships - especially relationships which do not exist or are only barely depicted in canon - work out. When I am reviewing the plot, Gregor and Jole's relationship does not seem noteworthy at all, but as I actually write this, I find myself growing fond of Gregor and Jole's budding camaraderie. It helps me get through the really difficult parts of these chapters.


	41. You Have Her Face

"Sire, doing that goes against security protocol," Simon Illyan said. "And when dealing with a Naismith, this is exactly the kind of thing which can backfire."

"We never said you had a choice," Gregor replied. "Can it be done?"

"Technically, yes," Illyan said grudgingly. "But ImpSec has never done anything like that before."

"Nonsense. ImpSec does it all the time."

"Not in this context, sire."

"Nonetheless, we request and require that you proceed."

Illyan sighed. "I hope that this works. But I must warn you, sire, it might not."

"I know Simon," Gregor said, dropping the imperial pronoun. "But I must try."

***

After a week of having to keep Uncle Aral company, Ivan finally got a free evening. It had been a great pleasure to spend the night with Donna. And since he had the day off, he could linger with her this morning.

"Ivan," Donna said. "I know this must be a very difficult time for you."

Ivan was suspicious. Donna had never said anything like this before, except as the build-up to some form of ridicule. He measured the tone of her voice carefully, sensistive to the slightest trace of sarcasm.

"Your cousin's conviction has clearly affected you a great deal."

Ivan still did not feel the tips of any hidden barbs, but Donna could be very subtle.

"Forget about it," he said. "I know I'd like to forget about it." Yes, he was going to throw himself into his _normal life_ in Vorbarr Sultana, and pretend that there was _not_ a Miles-and-Aunt-Cordelia sized hole in his life. He _was_ still in Vorbarr Sultana after all, and he still had his _regular job_ and nobody was talking about putting him on the camp stool. Ivan wanted to put off the question of who would be Aral's new heir as long as possible, unless the answer was someone who was not Ivan.

"You didn't contact me for a week," Donna said. "I was getting a little worried about you, Ivan."

"It's just that I've been spending a lot of time with Uncle Aral," Ivan said.

"Oh," Donna said. "Why yes, of course. This must be terrible for him. I ... did not realize you were a considerate person like that, Ivan."

Ivan winced a bit when she said the word 'considerate' - _was_ there some sarcasm laced into that word - but the look on her face seemed entirely sincere.

"Gregor asked me to do it."

"Are you going back today?"

Ivan sighed. "Yes."

They continued lying on the bed in silence for a few moments.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Donna asked.

"WHAT?!" Ivan exclaimed, as sat upright.

"It must be very tiring. And perhaps Countess Vorkosigan would appreciate some company as well."

"Aunt Cordelia is gone," Ivan said.

"Oh my," Donna said. "Do you mean that she -"

"She left. To go to Miles."

Donna was shocked into silence.

Ivan then realized that _the word was not supposed to get out_ about Countess Vorkosigan's disappearance. "Don't tell anyone that!" he said. Given that this was Donna Vorrutyer, it was probably too late, but he had to say it anyway.

***

About an hour later, they were partially dressed and eating breakfast.

"The offer still stands," Donna said.

"What offer?" Ivan asked.

"To go with you to Vorkosigan House," Donna said.

"Why?"

"To support you."

Did Donna feel _genuine sympathy_ for his plight? If so, that was actually scarier than her sarcasm.

"Donna," Ivan said. "It's going to be depressing. And we can't fool around while Uncle Aral is watching us."

"Some men like watching that kind of thing."

"You - you just _had_ to put that image in my head, didn't you?"

"You're the one who came up with the idea, not me."

"Arrrghh, Donna, it's -"

"Why don't you ask the emperor?" Donna suggested. "If he does not want me to visit Count Vorkosigan, then I will never mention it again."

"Yes, let's do that!" Ivan said. Even Lady Donna would not dare cross the emperor.

He made a vid call to Gregor immediately. Within minutes, Gregor's face appeared on the screen.

"Yes," Gregor said.

"Good morning, sire," Donna said.

"This is a surprise," Gregor said dryly. 

At this moment, Ivan realized that Donna was within the frame of the vid camera, _and that she was wearing nothing but lingerie_. He immediately moved the vid camera so that she would be out of the frame.

"Lady Donna offered to go to Vorkosigan House with me," Ivan said. Hopefully, seeing Donna's state of semi-nudity would convince Gregor that Donna should not go anywhere near Uncle Aral.

"With you, I presume," Gregor said.

"Of course not on her own!" Ivan said.

"Well, why not?" Gregor replied. "Let's see what happens."

That was the end of the vid call.

"Gaaaahhh!" Ivan said.

"Well, I better get fully dressed," Donna said. "I do not, in fact, want to put on _that_ kind of show for Count Vorkosigan."

***

Ivan brought with him a bottle of whiskey from Vorkosigan House's supply. He preferred being with drunk Uncle Aral than sober Uncle Aral, and on the rare occasion that he encountered a sober Uncle Aral, he had always been able to remedy that situation by offering him a drink.

And with both Donna and Uncle Aral being with him at the same time, he was going to need a few drinks himself.

As it turned out, Uncle Aral already had a head start when they arrived in the parlour. Ivan reckoned he had had about three drinks so far. Commodore Koudelka was there too. His eyebrows rose when he saw Donna, then he nodded, and left the room. 

"You," Aral said, looking at Donna. "And you!" he said as his eyes drifted towards Ivan. "Are - are - are you - _together_?"

"Yes, we're lovers," Donna said.

Aral's eyes drilled into Ivan. _Something is really wrong here ... I should not have let Donna come!_

"Padma," he said. "How could you do this to me?"

Oh, hell. Uncle Aral sometimes did call Ivan 'Padma' when he was really drunk. Ivan had always ignored it up until now. Uncle Aral had never looked this - this _wounded_ before when he had called Ivan 'Padma' before.

Aral looked back at Donna. "Irina, you - you -"

"I am not your Irina," Donna said flatly. "I'm her niece, Donna Vorrutyer."

Aral's eyes went wide as he took in her body - _no, Uncle Aral can't look at her that way_! Eventually, his eyes relaxed. "No, you are not Irina." He then looked at Ivan again. "You're that idiot, aren't you?"

Ivan decided not to respond to that one.

"You have her face," Aral said. "It - it has been a long time since I've seen that face."

"Surely you've seen me before," Donna said.

"I never noticed that you have her face before."

Did Ivan want to ask _whose_ face? No, no he did not.

"Besides, your cousin Padma was about ten years younger than Aunt Irina, wasn't he? Come to think of it, Ivan is ten years younger than me too. Still, even though I never met her, I have a hard time imagining that your first wife would have carried on an affair with a ten-year-old boy."

That is when it hit Ivan. _Uncle Aral thought that I was my father, and that Donna was his wife Irina Vorrutyer Vorkosigan, and that we - we were having an affair!!!!!_

"Please stay," Aral said. "I - I like looking at your face."

Now was _Uncle Aral_ going to try to have a fling with Donna? It was already established that neither their age difference nor his marriage was going to stop him - _I really should scrub THAT information from my mind_. And he had trouble telling the difference between Donna and his first wife. And Donna - Donna had already gone to bed with a number of other counts...

"Hey Ivan," Donna said. "Are you feeling jealous?"

"What?" Ivan said.

"Yes, you are _jealous_ ," Donna said. "I didn't know you _cared_ so much, Ivan. It's sweet."

Ivan's cheeks became incredibly red.

"Don't worry, Ivan," Donna said. "Though I am flexible about differences in age - as you well know - I don't think I would enjoy going to bed with a man who I knew had been in bed with my Uncle Ges."

It took a moment for Ivan to connect that to the old rumors about Uncle Aral and Ges Vorrutyer. Goodness, were those rumors actually _true_? Considering Uncle Aral's relationship with - _no, do NOT think about Lieutenant Jole_ \- the rumors probably _were_ ... no, that line of thought was to be avoided. 

Yes, there was whiskey, and shot glasses! Ivan was overdue for a drink. He poured one, and imbibed it.

"Do - do you remember your uncle?" Aral asked.

"Yes. Unfortunately," Donna said. "He never hurt me directly, you understand, but - let's just say that I always avoided him when I could."

Ivan hoped that this would not turn into a conversation about Donna's creepy Uncle Ges. Who he now knew had _also_ been Uncle Aral's lover.

Fortunately, everyone was quiet for a while. Not talking was a good thing. Both Donna and Aral drank a shot of whiskey.

"It was an arranged marriage," Aral said.

"I know," Donna said. "I entered an arranged marriage at the same age Aunt Irina did. And to a count's heir."

"She was unfaithful," Aral said.

"I wasn't faithful to my first husband either," Donna said.

"Can you - can you tell me why she did it?" Aral asked.

"No," Donna said. "There are many reasons why women cheat on their husbands. I don't know that Aunt Irina's reasons were the same as my reasons."

Aral looked at Ivan. "Are you two going to get married?" he asked.

"Nope!" Donna said. "I am _done_ with marriage."

"So the two of you are just ... having fun?"

"We _do_ have fun, don't we, Ivan?"

Ivan took this as a cue to start working on his second shot of whiskey.

"It's - it's good that you have joy, however you found it," Aral said. 

The two of them went on to discuss various topics, mostly sexual. Thankfully, Aral said little about his own sex life, and - miraculously - Donna hardly said anything about Ivan's sexuality. Generally, Ivan enjoyed hearing about Donna's Amusing Adventures - some of her stories were really hot - but _not with Uncle Aral_.

Seeing Ivan squirm, Donna said "Would this be better if we were talking about all this with your _mother_ , Ivan?"

Ivan did not know if he would have survived this while sober.

After a few hours of this, it got close to the end of Ivan's shift.

"I'm - I'm glad that you're alive, Lady Donna," Aral said. "I hope you'll come back."

"Of course I can come back," Donna said. "That is, unless Ivan wants to have you all to himself."

Ivan could not decide what was worse - being alone with Uncle Aral, or being alone with Uncle Aral _and Donna_.

As they were leaving Vorkosigan House, Donna commented "That man who went in with Aral after us was spectacularly handsome, wouldn't you say, Ivan? I wonder if Count Vorkosigan appreciates his physical charms as much as I do."

He was so tipsy that he had forgotten that it was Lieutenant Jole's shift next, and that he wanted to keep Donna away from him. Fortunately, when Ivan choked, Donna assumed it was his typical discomfort around male-male sexuality, and did not read anything more into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Irina' (which is from "[The Practice of Barrayaran Sex](http://archiveofourown.org/works/191582)") is my favorite fanon name for Aral Vorkosigan's first wife, so I used it. She _definitely_ does not need any additional fanon names.
> 
> Also, I like [this sonnet Donna wrote for Aral](http://archiveofourown.org/works/330405).


	42. Secondary

"How are you feeling?" Gregor asked.

"He's not getting worse," Jole said.

"I'm not asking about Aral," Gregor said. "I'm asking about you."

"Overwhelmed," Jole said.

Gregor nodded. "Do you have any friends?"

"Sure, but I don't want to see them now. How can I say this - none of them know about me and Aral."

"Family?"

"The same. They are all in Vorville District anyway."

"So it really is just you and Aral?"

"I suppose." Jole had learned by now that this was not a situation where he should add the word 'sire'. "Ummm - is there anybody you are, er, talking to?"

"Yes. Drou and Alys," Gregor replied. "I am willing to listen to you. You may say whatever you need to say."

"But you are already doing so much -"

"If you getted burned out, that is not going to be good for you _or_ for Aral," Gregor remarked. "And if you talk to me, I will also have a better idea of how much you can do - both in terms of your official duties, and our shared family obligation."

"Are you saying that I am _family_?" Jole asked.

"Are you?"

"I ... never really thought of myself as being part of the Vorkosigan family."

"I'm not part of the _Vorkosigan_ family either."

"But it's clear that you and Aral have a - how should I put it? Familial bond?"

Gregor stared back at him, as if Jole had just answered his own question.

"I - I," Jole stammered. "I don't feel I have the _right_ to call Aral - family. I've known him for, what, a year?"

Gregor kept on looking at him.

"I'm not Cordelia!"

"And I'm not Miles," Gregor said dryly. "It seems that all the remains of Aral's family now are the leftovers - like us."

At this point, Jole could not avoid understanding Gregor's meaning.

"You are saying that you think that I am some kind of - secondary family?"

"Ah, that word, 'secondary'," Gregor said. "Miles is Aral's real son, his flesh and blood, his true heir. The son Aral _chose_ to have. Whereas I am the flesh and blood of the man who -" Gregor abruptly cut himself off. "If my grandfather had not forced Aral to take that vow, he never would have cared for me," he finally said. "Aral is the closest thing I've known to a father-figure, but to him, I am a son only in a _secondary_ sense."

Jole thought there was a little too much feeling to what Gregor just said for it to be purely rhetorical.

"Yes, but at least your relationship was _legitimate_. Aral _legally_ was your guardian for most of your minority.

"Legitimacy," Gregor said. "Is that what defines family to you? There are planets where you and Aral could marry, you know. Vervain, for example. Or Beta Colony."

"But first he would have to divorce -"

"No he would not. Polygamy and same-sex marriage are recognized in both of those societies."

Jole was left at a loss for words. The mere idea of _marrying Aral_ had never, ever -

"I am not encouraging it," Gregor said. "Nor am I discouraging it. It is a mere observation, and is not intended as a suggestion that your relationship with Aral should go in any particular direction."

"May I ask - what do _you_ feel about my relationship with Aral?"

Gregor's lips became very tight. "When I first learned about it, I did not like it one bit," he admitted. "However, I decided that, as long as there was no coercion, no legal problems, and no problem of ethics within the prime minister's office, that it was best to tolerate it. It is only now, during this crisis, that I come to appreciate the gift that it is. It is hard enough to find love in this world, and it is even harder to keep. And this would all be much harder if you were not around to be at Aral's side."

"Aral and I - we don't do much these days -"

"You spend a lot of time together. I suspect that is more important than what you do - or not do - together. And I am _grateful_ for all the care you offer Aral."

"Do you see me as - as some kind of substitute for Cordelia?" Jole asked.

"You are not Cordelia," Gregor said deliberately. "And I don't think our relationship will ever look anything remotely like my relationship with Cordelia. I am your boss, for starters."

"That's not what I meant!" Jole said. "I mean - with Aral?"

"You would have to ask him."

" _You_ sound like Cordelia," Jole said.

Gregor went very quiet.

 _Shit_ , Jole thought. _I should remember just how much Cordelia means to Gregor_. Sometimes, one could mention Cordelia around Gregor, and nothing much would happen, just like when her name came up just a minute before, and sometimes he...

Sometimes, when _Jole_ thought about Cordelia, he...

"She - she - she -" Jole stopped himself before he lost control.

"Go on," Gregor said. "Say what you feel. I promise not to be offended."

"Offended! Ha! Are you sure!" Jole stood up. "That sounds just like her, the Betan, always probing for your feelings, always asking you for what you want, always telling you to _talk about it_! Acting all holier than thou, as if she always knows what's right and is just waiting for you to agree with her! She is so _understanding_ , she will never _judge_ you, oh no, she is too much of a saint to sully herself with _that_. But who is here with Aral now? Not her! NOT HER!!!"

"There are moments when I feel like that too," Gregor said.

"No - no - you do not get to be like Cordelia right now, the infinitely sympathetic!" Jole said in anger.

"SIT THE HELL DOWN!" Gregor yelled.

This caught Jole so off guard that it broke off his angry tirade. Besides, Gregor legally still was the emperor.

"Was that like Cordelia?" Gregor asked curiously.

"No," said Jole.

"And I was trying to capture the tone of voice she used when Miles was at his most ... frustrating," Gregor said.

"She - she really talked to Miles like that?" Jole asked.

"Oh yes," Gregor replied. "Miles could try even the patience of a 'saint' as you called her."

"The last time I saw Cordelia, she - she was not a saint then either," Jole said glumly. "She seemed so unlike - Cordelia."

"And what _is_ Cordelia to you?" Gregor asked.

"She - she - she - how can I describe _Cordelia_?" Jole said. "First, she scared the shit out of me - what if she tried to cut off my head for banging her husband? And then, when I realized that she was actually going to let me - I - I saw her as this goddess who bestowed on me this gift I did not deserve. And she _tutored_ me on how to be Aral's lover. I - I was not comfortable with a lot of it, it was very Betan, but I felt I had no right to object to it, that I had to submit, because, well, Aral is _hers_. I know that any mother would be upset to lose a son, but to see _her_ after the treason trial, it was - it was inconceivable. And her leaving Aral was - was something which should not have happened in this _universe_."

"Do you blame me for Miles' conviction?" Gregor asked.

"Of course not, sire," Jole said, letting the 'sire' slip back in to underscore that he understood that it had been the emperor's, not Gregor's personal, action. Gregor picked up on the nuance.

"Yet you blame her?"

"I blame her for leaving Aral - but - but she lost her son - and why she lost him - and why she lost him still comes back to _me_. So in that sense - _I_ am to blame for her leaving Aral."

"I have found," Gregor said, "That there is something appealing about self-blame. It strangely feels more comfortable than feeling like one lives by the whim of a Lady Fortune who simply does not care."

"Do _you_ blame Cordelia?" Jole asked.

"As I said," Gregor replied, "there is something very appealing about blaming _myself_." He sighed. "But I do not wish to dwell on that. It seems that you saw Cordelia as some kind of, shall we say, ideal person."

"She was _Cordelia_."

"You yourself just referred to her as a 'goddess'."

"I did, didn't I?"

"Did you feel cheated, when you found that your goddess was an ordinary woman?"

"Cordelia is not ordinary!" Jole said.

"For a mother to be attached to her son is - very ordinary," Gregor said. His eyes then seemed to move to some melancholy thought. Jole wondered if he was thinking of his own mother, Princess Kareen. "And for a woman to leave her husband is also - ordinary. I struggle too, with seeing Cordelia as a person, a mere person. You know, I recently learned that she had also reached a breaking point right before she left Beta Colony to marry Aral. Remembering that she, like everyone else, has her breaking points, helps _me_ cope with losing her. And remembering that _I_ am a person who cannot achieve everything, or prevent every disaster."

"It's - it's -" Jole said. "Arrrgghhh. I hear her voice in my head, you know. Whenever - whenever I have a problem with Aral - I hear her, telling me what to do. And it _works_. I don't know how I would have made it back to Barrayar, with Aral, without her."

"She wasn't there on the _Prince Serg_ ," Gregor said.

"Like I said, I hear her voice -"

"That is not her voice," Gregor said. "That is _your_ voice. It was _you_ , not her, who was there for Aral during my reckless, foolish escapade. _You_ are the one who told me that I should give Aral more, not less, work in his time of grief. By the way, you were right about that - crashing down on embezzlers seems to be therapeutic for him. _You_ deserve full credit for the voices in your head."

"But Cordelia taught me -"

"Someone taught you Russian, and English, and even French. That does not change the fact that you _can_ speak all of those languages. What I am trying to say, is that Cordelia does not have any kind of special ability, which other people cannot acquire. I use tricks I picked up from her all the time. However you learned to be Aral's lover, _you have learned it_ , and that skill is yours to claim."

"I ... I." What was Jole supposed to say to _that_. "This conversation - it is a bit much for me."

Gregor nodded. "Thank you for letting me know. We can end this discussion of personal issues. Now, as far as your official duties, there is a need to do research on this pesky problem with the new inter-district roads..."


	43. Snow in Summer

Jole spent a lot of time digesting what Gregor had told him. Yes, from a logical point of view, it was obvious that what he thought of as 'Cordelia's voice' was really just a part of his own mind.

Yet having thought of it as 'Cordelia's voice' had let him feel that Cordelia was alongside him during all of his difficult moments with Aral, guiding his hand. It made him feel like that someone was looking out for the two of them, and that he would not have to take full responsibility, just as a young child can pass responsibility on to a parent.

And now, after Cordelia left, hearing 'Cordelia's voice' was so painful. He felt he could no longer trust that voice - and if that voice was just an extension of himself, that meant - that meant he did not trust himself. But if that voice had been himself all along, and _he_ had not abandoned Aral, then ... then ...

He also felt some guilt for stealing Aral and driving Cordelia away. After all, he had started this entire chain of events...

Even when Gregor was with Aral, Jole was always nearby. He practically lived in Vorkosigan House these days, and now that he was the emperor's aide, he was geographically tied to Gregor to some degree. Though, he most definitely was _not_ sexually or romantically tied to Gregor. He was not doing _that_ again, and Gregor was not his type anyway.

Gregor came out, and nodded at Jole. That was his cue to go into the parlor with Aral. This time, Aral was sober. He was always sober when Gregor was coming, and he knew the schedule of his companions.

"Ummm, do - do you want to drink?" Jole asked. 

"You don't want to?" Aral replied.

Aral and Jole generally did drink at least some alcohol when they were together these days - it was a habit, a means of escape - but for some reason he could not put his finger on, Jole did not want to drink now. Jole shook his head.

Aral sighed.

What was between himself and Aral anyway? Jole still did not feel he was Aral's _family_ , but what was it? There was sex - very little of it these days, but it was far beyond doubt that their relationship was sexual. There were enough romantic gestures, and, yes, their passions burned fiercely enough for Jole to dare call it a romance as well, but - what was _romance_ anyway? Jole, of course, had started as Aral's aide, but their intense _professional_ relationship was definitely over. 

Was - was he _friends_ with Aral? For some reason, he could not wrap his mind around that idea. At this point, _Gregor_ was more of a friend to him than Aral was. Him and Aral were like the reverse of the phrase 'just friends' - _we're not friends, just lovers_.

Aside from what was in the official record, Aral knew little about Jole's life before he became his aide. Jole never felt a need to tell him anything about it. For that matter, nearly everything he knew about Aral's life before they met was either public knowledge, or things _Cordelia_ had confided in him. And there was her hand, managing her husband's dalliance. Aside from drinking, how were they supposed to continue 'dallying' without her?

 _Well, we actually managed to_ start _the 'dalliance' without her_.

Was there any point in Jole talking to Aral about his life? His life, aside from his career, and his passion for Aral, was fairly boring. Nonetheless, he could ask.

"Would you like to hear about Oulie?" Jole asked.

"Who is Oulie?" Aral asked.

"Oulie is the town where I grew up," Jole replied.

"Oh," Aral said. "I know you are from Vorville District, but I never remember where. I've only been to the capital of Vorville District. And I never really saw the city." Was he slightly embarrassed by the fact that he did not recognize the name of Jole's hometown?

"It's fine that you don't know about Oulie, it's an utterly unremarkable place," Jole said.

"It's where you are from. That alone makes it remarkable," Aral said. "Yes. Tell me about Oulie."

Jole began describing Oulie. It was a town of about seven thousand people in the middle of a long rift valley which was flanked by two mountain ranges. The valley was narrow - less than ten kilometers wide - and it had some of Barrayar's most productive farm land, especially since the mild winters meant that crops could be grown all year long.

"The summers are hot as hell, though," Jole commented. "It's not so bad when my body gets used to it, but the two weeks it takes for my body to get there are awful. And now I don't dare go back in summer. Living in cold, cold Vorbarr Sultana means my body is never getting conditioned for heat."

"What about air-conditioning?" Aral asked.

"My sister and her husband got air-conditioning a few years ago," Jole said. "My parents don't bother. They've lived their whole lives without it, they don't see why they should start now."

"You have a sister?" Aral asked.

Yeah, Jole had never mentioned his sister to Aral before, had he? "Her name is Genvieve. She married a railway engineer."

"Ah yes, I remember when they were constructing first rail lines in Vorville District," Aral said.

"The rift valley line only began service - goodness, it has been operating for over seven years by now. If I hadn't gotten into the Academy, I may very well have gotten work building the railroad. A lot of the boys I knew growing up did. It was a great employment project for young men."

"I think laboring on a railroad would have been a waste of your considerable talents."

"Evidently, the people who work on Academy admissions agreed with you."

"How did you get around before the railway? Horses?"

"Not many horses. Mules, certainly, for moving supplies, and pulling agricultural equipment. The richest folk had lightflyers. There were some groundcars, but considering the road conditions, they weren't always useful." 

"Buses?"

"Ha ha, no. The roads were too unreliable for buses. Most people got around on bicycles. A full two days on a bike was just about enough to reach the district capital. I did it many times - as a teenager, I attended a school in the capital, slept in a dorm, that's how I got an education good enough to even consider applying for the academy. Oulie is a natural stopping point for bike travellers who are trying to get from the district capital to the city at the other end of the valley. My cousins run a biker inn. Of course, with the rail line, a lot fewer bikers go through the valley, so they are trying to appeal to tourists instead."

"I hope they're not suffering too much economically."

"One of their boys has a job with the railway too now - my brother-in-law set that up - so they'll get by."

"I've heard of a festival somewhere in Vorville District ... something about snow..."

"Oh yes, the Snow-in-Summer festival. That's us. Or rather, the whole valley. Nearly all of the plants in the valley itself are Earth plants, but the mountains are all native vegetation. Quite a contrast, the green valley, and the red-and-brown native vegetation which covered the mountains."

"It's still all native vegetation in the mountains?"

"I think so - I'm no botanist."

"It was never terraformed? Settled?"

"Our district was settled relatively late, at least for this continent, being so far west. Our ancestors had already figured out that trying to terraform the mountains was a bad idea. And there are hardly any hills in between the valley and the mountains. In fact, it's inconceivable to us that anyone would go there - there was this group of scientists who wanted to go up there, and the old folks were telling them about the bad spirits that would attack them. Besides, the land in the valley was obviously better. Anyway, the mountains boxing in the valley have the largest population of Barrayaran day lilies anywhere. They only bloom in the hottest week of summer, and each flower only lasts a day. They are bright white. When they are in bloom, it looks like the mountains are covered in snow."

"And so you have the festival."

"Yeah. The old folks believed the flowers were a bad omen, and the festival is supposed to ward off the bad luck. We kids just thought it was fun. It was so hot that nobody wanted to do any work that week anyway. When I biked to and from town in summer, I'd ride at night and sleep through the day. The last time I went, a couple years back, the festival's changed. Maybe it's all those tourists coming on the train. It's more of a show, and less of a thing for the people who live there. It's good business for my cousins' inn, though."

"It sounds like something special - red 'snow-capped' mountains in the heat of summer."

"Yet I always found it more special when there was real snow in the mountains. As a boy, the mountain tops were supposed to look white in _summer_ , not _winter_. In my lifetime, there has only been real snow in the mountains visible from the valley twice. I never got to touch real snow before I went to the academy. At first, I found snowflakes _fascinating_ , and my classmates teased me about it. Many of them were from places where snow was as common as rain."

"Mmmm. So to most Barrayarans, these summer flowers are unusual and special, yet to you, it is real snow which is a wonder," Aral said.

"Not anymore - I've had enough winters in Vorbarr Sultana for the charm of snow to wear off," Jole said. "Oh, and there was that one time I went down to the district capital by raft."

"Raft?" Aral asked.

"There's a river which flows down to the capital. It's generally not good for transport - too many rapids - but Papa taught me when I was young how to get through on a raft. It was summer, and it was hot, and I was able to keep myself cool by splashing myself with river water. Slower than a bike, but a lot more fun. The river was so clean when I was a boy, but now, well, all of the development is changing it somehow."

"Do you know how to sail a sailboat?"

"Not at all. There's no still body of water around there big enough for a sailboat, and since I got into the academy I've been too busy."

"Some time, I should take you back to Vorkosigan Surleau, and give you lessons," Aral said. "And I think I would like to visit Oulie too."

"To see my folks?" Jole asked incredulously. How - how could that even _work_? He could not possibly go up to his parents and say "Bonjour, here is my lover, who is not only male and older than both of you, he is also Count Vorkosigan."

"That would be your choice," Aral said. "But I really want to see the valley. It sounds beautiful."

Jole had never really thought of the valley being beautiful. It just _was_. If anything, the red-brown mountains were hostile walls which kept them all trapped in the narrow green valley where humans could survive. But he had been looking in Aral's eyes, and he saw that the image that Jole's words were painting in his mind were very beautiful.

"You may be disappointed if you go there," Jole warned him.

"If the valley is not beautiful enough for me, I can look at you," Aral said. He patted the seat next to him on the sofa. Jole moved over there, and they started necking each other. Aral was in a better mood now than Jole had ever seen him in since - Aral was in a better mood now, just stop there. Maybe they would even have sex now.

 _I did this myself_ , Jole thought. It was Cordelia's voice, except it no longer sounded like Cordelia. It sounded like his own voice.

Perhaps his relationship to Aral was like snow in summer. It seemed to be one thing, when in fact it was another. To almost all outsiders, it seemed wrong, out of place and out of time. It marked a forbidden land where no person dared tread. And yet, for its time, and for its place, and to the people who lived there, it was right after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The town of Oulie is inspired by the real life town of Yuli, which is in the middle of the [Huatung Valley](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huatung_Valley). Among other things, there is a mountain near Yuli (and another mountain near the town just south of Yuli) which has large day lily fields, which bloom over a week, and each flower lasts only a day. Those day lilies are orange, not white (you can find [some photos here](https://www.flickr.com/search/?text=liushidanshan)).


	44. Resignation

Now, when Jole and Aral were alone together, and they were not sleeping or having sex, Jole mostly told Aral about his life. Even when it was things Aral already knew about from reading Jole's official record, he still lapped it up when _Jole_ told him. Jole was shocked by how much interest Aral displayed. Yes, he did rise through the ranks faster than usual, and his career was more interesting than that of the average officer, but this was _Aral Vorkosigan_. Aral had met hundreds of men who have had more interesting lives than himself, let alone Aral's own life.

Jole did understand, on some level, that the things which had happened in his life were interesting to Aral _because_ they had happened in his lover's life. Take Jole out of the picture, and Aral would have at most some mild professional interest. Or at least, that was what Jole assumed.

Did he want Aral to return the favor and talk about his life? Jole was not sure. When Gregor was discussing with him how to help Aral, he sometimes hinted at things in Aral's life which were not in the public record. On the one hand, Jole was really curious what Gregor was talking about, on the other hand ... it seemed like some of the things Gregor was thinking about were really horrifying. 

Heck, even a lot of the things that everyone knew about Aral Vorkosigan - Mad Yuri's Massacre for example - were plenty horrifying already. For most of his life, that had been a simple historical fact to Jole, but after they became lovers, it hit him that the man lying next to him _had actually experienced that_. Could Jole possibly talk to Aral about seeing his mother, sister, and brother being murdered before his eyes? If Aral brought it up, Jole supposed he would do his best to deal with it, but he felt it would be wrong to initiate that conversation.

Life in the valley could be harsh, but at least there had been no wars there in Jole's lifetime - even Vordarian's Pretendership had been a conflict which was happening Somewhere Else, and had hardly affected everyday life. Maybe that was why Aral enjoyed hearing so much about the life of a relatively boring young man.

***

The Council of Ministers and the emperor were meeting to discuss the growing problem with the proposed new inter-district roads. Originally, each district was to make a financial contribution to the project in proportion to the kilometers of road which were to be built in their district. However, it was much cheaper to construct a kilometer of road in a flat plain than in a mountain pass, which led some counts from lowland districts to complain that the formula was unfair. Yet the mountainous districts generally were poorer and would need some kind of subsidy from outside the district in order to build the expensive roads. To make things even trickier, some counts insisted on cutting the kilometers of roads in their own districts to save money. However, cutting the inter-district roads within their own districts would also block access to neighboring districts. And it seemed that every day the emperor was hearing from some count a new grievance about the inter-district roads. If enough counts were dissatisfied, they could kill the entire inter-district road project.

Gregor had been able to put off this headache for about three weeks after his 'heroic' return, but this project was too important for economic development to let the situation grow out of control. The various ministers had their own disagreements about the new inter-district roads, but at least they agreed that the project should go forward, even if it meant making compromises.

As soon as Prime Minister Aral Vorkosigan walked in, Gregor saw that something was wrong. Then again, that was not much of a surprise, given the situation with his family. Aral had seemed to have been getting better in the past week, but it made sense that his recovery would not take an entirely linear path. Ivan had been out of Vorbarr Sultana for a few days on account of his official duties, perhaps that had bothered Aral in some way.

"If you are not feeling well," Gregor said to Aral, "you have permission to excuse yourself."

"Not at all!" Aral said. "Then I would miss the fun."

 _That_ response alarmed Gregor, but it was not grounds to dismiss Aral. The meeting went on.

While the Minister of the West was busy explaining his ideas about how to ensure the counts from the western districts cooperated, Aral blurted out "Or we could make everyone Vor." Nobody else present understood what Aral was trying to say, so after an awkward pause, Gregor motioned for the Minister of the West to continue.

Later in the meeting, when it was the prime minister's time to speak, Aral said "They have a fascinating solution to this problem on Pol."

"Really," said Gregor. "Pol has no continents, only islands, and relies primarily on the sea for long-distance cargo transport. I did not think they had an extensive road system."

"No, I mean the problem of the counts," Aral said. "On Pol, they choose all of their ministers, and their president, from their patrician class by _lottery_. Why not get rid of all of the counts, and use a lottery to pick new ones?"

Everyone was aware that something was seriously off about the prime minister right now, but they were all too hesitant to comment on it.

"And then we can declare everyone - everyone - a Vor, so then any district resident would be eligible to be count!"

"I don't really believe that any government could select its officials by _lottery_ and survive," the Minister of the Interior said.

"Ah, but the government of Pol has lasted about two hundred years," Aral said. "Their current president is very sharp - I would know, I talked a lot with her. And we are also a government by lottery - except unlike Pol, we don't limit terms to six years, and we don't have minimum ages." Aral pointed at Gregor. "A five-year-old boy would not even be entered into a government official lottery on Pol, let alone has his name drawn. Really, with all of the restrictions the Polians put on their lotteries, they get much better results than the genetic lotteries we use to pick our counts."

"You're drunk," Gregor said. Never, ever, in Aral Vorkosigan's career as regent or prime minister, had he ever shown up to an official meeting of the ministers or the counts drunk. It was so unthinkable that Gregor had not realized what it was until now.

"Why not?" Aral said. He then turned to the Minister of the Interior. "By the way, while you were making that boring speech, I drew this sketch of you with no clothes. I would find watching you a lot more pleasant if you actually showed us all that wonderful chest which I suspect you have under all of those layers of cloth."

The face of the Minister of the Interior went red.

"That is unacceptable behavior," the emperor said. "Prime Minister Vorkosigan, you are dismissed immediately." The emperor summoned a Vorbarra armsman with a hand signal. "We request that you escort the prime minister to the east lounge, and keep him there until We say he may leave."

All of the other ministers sat in their seats, frozen with shock. But the one who was most shocked of all was Lieutenant Oliver Perrin Jole who, as the emperor's aide, was observing the meeting.

After Aral Vorkosigan left, Emperor Gregor said. "This is a very difficult time for the prime minister. After the sacrifices he made to secure our victory at Vervain, he has had great difficulties with his family, as you all are aware. In light of the many services he has performed for Us, We request that you put this out of your minds. Now, going back to the issue of who might pay for road subsidies..."

***

Gregor had sent Jole ahead to the east lounge. He saw Aral lying there, with his eyes closed. Jole sat down, not knowing what to do.

Aral had seemed to be getting better. He had not even drunk any alcohol since Ivan departed for his short visit to Tanery Base. Why would he get drunk now, right before a meeting of the Council of Ministers?

"Ah, my nannies are always with me," Aral finally said.

"Nannies?" Jole asked timidly.

"That's what you are," Aral said. "The emperor does not trust me not to destroy myself. The emperor did not trust me before either. Typical, to use my most intimate companions to preserve my - my _utility_. Cordelia should have been arrested as soon as she first arrived in Komarran territory, but I know the emperor smoothed her way to Barrayar so that he could use me as his pawn once again."

This made no sense to Jole. If the emperor wanted to arrest Cordelia, he would have done in right on Barrayar, why would he have waited until she was in Komarran space? And Cordelia had _left_ Barrayar, how could the emperor have smoothed her way _to_ Barrayar? And how was the emperor making Aral his pawn through _Cordelia_?

"Ezar had Cordelia. Gregor has you," Aral said.

It took a moment, but since Aral went quiet, Jole figured it out. Aral was claiming that Ezar had somehow used Cordelia to control him, and that now Gregor was ...

"Gregor's not controlling me," Jole said.

"Of course he is, he's the emperor _and_ your direct superior."

"But he is not using me to - to - to emotionally manipulate you."

"Didn't he put you up to getting me to stop drinking?"

"No!"

"Then why did you stop drinking with me?"

"I - I - I did not feel like it any more."

Aral chuckled. "I can't drink alone because I never _am_ alone, and that-idiot-Ivan and Lady Donna were the only ones left who drank with me. But Donna does not come without Ivan, Ivan hasn't seen me for days, and it was only a matter of time before Gregor made that idiot stop drinking with me too. I had no choice but to drink before a meeting like this."

Jole was appalled. Aral had never been like this before, never scrambled his public and personal life this way. _Oh, so fucking his aide wasn't scrambling his public and personal life together?_ "You got drunk before a meeting because you didn't even dare _ask_ me if I was willing to drink with you again? That - that's _juvenile_!"

"Well, even at this age, I am a very _juvenile_ person," Aral said. "It's about time you figured it out."

"Ahem," a voice said. Aral sat up, and Jole turned his head. Gregor had entered the room.

"Sire," Aral said. "I resign as Prime Minister."


	45. Survivor's Guilt

"We do not accept resignations from drunk men," Gregor said.

"I chose to get drunk because I wanted to do something stupid," Aral said.

"So you admit that trying to resign now might be 'stupid'?"

Aral did not respond to that one.

"I still can't believe you did that!" Jole said.

"This is who I am," Aral said. "Didn't Cordelia tell you about my youth? I was much wilder back then. Must be old age." Aral slumped. "I don't want to go back to my old ways - I _wanted_ to drink less, dammit, that's why I didn't ask you to drink with me. But without her, these old habits just keep coming back." 

Aral looked out into the empty air. "I had a reputation once, you know. For liking men. Before the conquest of Komarr, soldiers would sometimes come up to me, offer themselves. I was trying to clean myself up, stay away from drinking, but with all the things that were happening, seeing so many lives wasted, I needed an escape. I never initiated it, but I rarely refused. Sometimes they weren't in my chain of command, sometimes they were. I'd take them anyway. It was usually just fucking, but sometimes I felt something more. Not that these relationships ever lasted more than six months or so.

"After Komarr and Kyril Island, I tried to stop it, being the captain a small spaceship with the same crew for long periods of time. I thought I had put a stop to it for good after I married Cordelia. Then I had a crush on you, and Cordelia went off to Beta Colony, and then - and then I found out that, after all this time, that bad habit is still there."

"Aral, I am not your bloody vice," Jole said. "I know I mean more to you than that, and if you try to deny it, I'll - I'll smack you!"

"Would - would we have lasted more than six months without Cordelia's help?" Aral asked.

"I don't know," Jole said. "And it doesn't matter," he added.

"You'll be finding out how awful I can be, especially without Cordelia," Aral said darkly.

"Aral, drinking alcohol and having sex does not make you a bad person," Jole said flatly.

"I can be a lot worse than that," Aral said. "You may not want to stay with me. You already saw a bit of my real self this morning. I've only stayed clean these past twenty years because of her."

"I don't think that's true," Gregor said. "I have spent a great deal of time pondering your record, and I don't think you stayed 'clean' because of her."

Both Aral and Jole looked at Gregor.

"When you were regent, and during your first few years as prime minister, you knew that, if you broke down like you have right now, you risked causing the entire government to fail," Gregor said. "You could not let that happen. Therefore, it did not happen. But now you know you can destroy yourself and the government would go on without you. You trust me."

"I knew you were considering replacing me at least since you let Miles be convicted, maybe even earlier," Aral said. "You knew that I might not be able to cope."

"Indeed," Gregor says. "If you hand in a resignation _while sober_ , it might be accepted."

"And I don't think I would have survived the regency without Cordelia."

"You managed to get out of that difficult period in your youth without Cordelia," Gregor said.

"That was - it was Padma," Aral said. "He was growing into a young man, our grandfather died, he didn't have a father, he didn't have a brother, and - I couldn't let myself go on being a bad example." 

Aral shook his head and looked at Jole. "Miles deserved to have a father like you."

That comment came out of the blue, as far as Jole was concerned.

"Me?" Jole said. "I couldn't be Miles' father, I'm too young -"

"No, I'm saying that I wish I were you! You never do anything worse than sing off-key when you're drunk, and you control your drinking better than I do. You've avoided all of the terrible relationship mistakes I've made. You're smarter than I am -"

"But you're Aral Vorkosigan, I can't possibly be smarter than-"

"Yes, you are, and you've advanced to senior lieutenant even faster than I did, in spite of not being Vor. And your honor - it's impeccable. I know about what happened in that accident, and I know that most officers would not have saved as many lives as you did. And it wasn't just because you are smart. You risked yourself for your comrades."

"It's what any good officer would have done-"

"Should do, but often does not do. And most of those who would have, would not have made it work. You did. I suspect that, if you had been there, you would have gone for the carving knife."

"The what? What carving knife?"

"I could have picked up the carving knife," Aral said. "Then my mother would have survived."

Jole and Gregor figured out that Aral was talking about Mad Yuri's massacre. And then they were silent.

"You remind me of my brother," Aral said. "The son my father wanted. The one who should have survived."

Aral had never mentioned his brother in Jole's presence before.

There was a long, long silence.

"I want to support you," Gregor said. "And I am now out of my depth. I would ask for Simon, Koudelka, or even Ivan, but they are not available now. And Jole and I must go back to our duties soon. Is there anyone you would like to see now who could actually come? Or would you prefer to be alone."

Aral's mouth twitched for a moment before he finally replied. "Vorhalas. I would like to see Count Vorhalas."

Once it was confirmed that Count Vorhalas was willing to come and on his way, Gregor and Jole left.

***

That evening, Gregor and Jole met privately.

"Your impressions," Gregor asked.

"Why would he admire _me_ so much? I have not accomplished even a fraction of what he has."

"You have accomplished as much as he had when he was your age," Gregor observed.

"But I haven't had to overcome the kinds of hardships he has," Jole retorted. 

"Perhaps because his life has been so hard, he wants to believe in someone better than himself," Gregor remarked. "Perhaps he wants to be with someone who does not carry those kinds of scars."

"I still can't wrap my head around _Aral Vorkosigan_ looking up to _me_ ," Jole said.

"Is it so different from the way you looked up to Cordelia?" Gregor asked.

"What?"

"It is natural to look up to people, as inspiration, as guardians, to guide us through our dark times. Walking through the dark alone is much scarier. Aral has gone through many dark times. And it was very challenging when your relationship with Aral started, was it not? Cordelia was the light that guided you then."

"What about you? Does the emperor look up to anyone?"

"Oh, I looked up to Aral and Cordelia too, for most of my life. And the legend of my father, and the legend of my grandfather." Jole could not read the expression that Gregor had on his face at that moment. "But after the battle of Vervain, I feel I can't do it any more, at least not the same way. The more I look, the more I see other people being plagued by doubts, guilt, and regrets. Yet some of them manage, and I am learning how to manage myself too."

"But you - you have done far more than I have - and you're younger!" Jole said. "You've saved an entire planet!"

"Surely you remember me jumping off a balcony and _leaving the Imperium in chaos just to run away from my emotional problems_ ," Gregor replied. "Please don't turn me into your new hero. It's bad enough that I have to keep up this emperor act with most of the people on the planet. It would be tiresome if you fell for it too."

Jole was quiet for a moment. "Is that - is that how Aral feels about it too? When people call him a hero?"

"You would have to ask him," Gregor replied. "I also don't know how Cordelia feels about people worshipping her."

Jole chewed on that with his mind. "It's not like I am ever going to see her again," he said.

"You might," Gregor said. "I don't want to tell Aral this, because I do not want to get his hopes up. I ordered Simon Illyan to try a certain thing, and Cordelia may return."

"Really?"

"Or she may _not_. I don't want you to get your hopes up either." Gregor sighed. "I've looked at Cordelia's ImpSec records as well. I would say that, when she was your age, she was not as admirable a person as you are right now. If it is your ambition, I believe that, by her age, you could surpass her in whatever quality you most respect in her. It is difficult, to realize that one's angels are mere mortals. But I have found that, after learning that, I can aspire to do an angel's work."


	46. When Have I Ever Made a Sacrifice?

"So how did your meeting with Count Vorhalas go?" Jole asked.

"He cut me down to size for acting so unprofessionally with the ministers, then he went on tirade about how wrong it was for me to have an affair with my own subordinate," Aral said. "It was nice to be with someone who is not trying to coddle my feelings for a change."

"I'm not trying to coddle your feelings," Jole said.

"Aren't you?" Aral asked bitterly.

Jole chose not to dignify that question with a reply.

***

"Sire, I am handing in my resignation," Aral said. "And I am now entirely sober."

"You don't have to do this," Gregor said. "We are going to reprimand you, but if you say that that incident will not be repeated, We will let you remain prime minister."

Aral shook his head. "It's no use. Even if - if none of this had happened - I would probably retire in a few years anyway. Cordelia had been talking to me about it." His voice trembled a little when he said 'Cordelia'.

"Very well. We shall appoint Quintillan, who had served well for over fifteen years as Minister of the Interior, and since then has been an excellent Minister of Finance, as Prime Minister. Racozy will be appointed to replace Quintillan as Minister of Finance."

"Those are fine choices, sire."

"So what now?" Gregor asked. "You may yet be appointed to other offices. I suspect you might do better an Imperial Auditor now than as a Prime Minister."

Aral sighed. "I don't know."

***

A few days later, Ivan returned from Tanery Base, and started visiting Aral again.

Jole and Aral were leaning against each other on the couch, holding hands. That is most of what they did when they were together these days - touching, but not talking.

"You know that I only leave the house these days when Ivan and Donna drag me out," Aral finally said.

Jole nodded his head slightly to show that he was listening.

"They aren't serious about each other," Aral said. "Ivan does not seem to take anything too seriously. And that is strangely relaxing."

They sat quietly for a few more moments.

"I am thinking a lot," Aral said "about Cordelia. I just - how do I say it?"

Whatever Aral wanted to say, he did not, in fact, say it.

"I think you need to do some work," Jole said. "It's not good for you, sitting idle. You need work. You're made for it."

"That is almost the exactly what Cordelia said when she urged me to become regent. And it ended up costing her so much."

"It cost you a lot too."

"I was much better compensated." Aral shook his head. "She made so many sacrifices for me. Do you know how hard it is to become a Betan Survey Captain, how much dedication it takes? Yet she gave that up for me. I promised her an idyllic world, and instead brought her into a world of cutthroat politics. I promised her many children, and instead ... when have I ever made a sacrifice for _her_ benefit?"

"You sacrificed your relationship with your father," Jole hesitantly pointed out. He never knew Piotr Vorkosigan, but he had gathered that Aral had fallen out with him because of Cordelia and Miles.

"Bah, my relationship with my father had been difficult long before Cordelia was in the picture. I have taken and taken from her. When have I ever given back to her?"

"Surely you gave her your love."

"Love," Aral said disdainfully. "I told her, when I asked her to marry me, that I needed her. She refused. Then, I came damn close to killing myself, and she found me in that horrid state. That has always been the undercurrent between us, whenever things between us got strained. If she left me, I would destroy myself. She finally decided to call it in."

"See, that is evidence of her love," Jole flailed. "She wanted to help you keep on going."

"Jole, if I told you that I would kill myself if you left me, what kind of burden would that put on _you_. What would it do to you if you lived with that burden for _decades_?"

"Aral, if it had been too much for her, I think - I think..." Jole did not know how to finish that sentence. He was scared that anything he said could be the equivalent of detonating a bomb.

"You know, she did not agree to marry me until she was practically exiled from Beta Colony," Aral said. "And she told me, herself, during the Pretendership, that if it were not for _Miles_ , she would not stay on Barrayar. When Miles was being held captive by Vordarian, I told her she shouldn't go rescue him because I would not be able to bear knowing that she was out there, in danger. She told me that she could not bear knowing that Miles was out there, in danger, and I told her that she should put up with it because she could handle Miles being in peril, but I couldn't handle her being in peril. Always, always, I shifted these burdens onto her, never onto myself."

"You were the regent, and waging a _civil war_. I think it was fair that you had her do that for you."

"Yes, and how did I pay her back?"

Jole was reaching his limit. "Look, are you trying to get me to tell you that it was all right? Or are you trying to get me to tell you that you did it all wrong."

Then he remembered something Cordelia had said about Aral having a nasty masochistic streak. Ironically, the next thing she had said was _if he ever indulges in it around you, don't hesitate to ask for my help_.

Jole was beginning to understand why Aral had wanted that meeting with Count Vorhalas.

"I don't want you to comfort me," Aral said.

"Fine!" Jole exclaimed. "I'll stop trying to comfort you! You feel like you haven't sacrificed enough for Cordelia. You feel like it was unfair that she gave up her home planet for you! Then why don't you give up your home planet for her! Leave Barrayar! Go to her! You'll even be able to see Miles again too!"

Aral stared at Jole in shock. "Gregor would never allow it," he whispered.

"I think he might."

"It would be treason."

"Did she commit treason when she left Beta Colony to marry you?"

Aral had no response to that.

"You know who you sound like now?" Jole said. "You sound just like Miles. He put on patronizing airs, talking about how I could not consent to be your lover, all without asking me how _I_ felt about it and what _I_ wanted. Now you are patronizing Cordelia, talking about how you were such a burden on her, when she's not here to tell you how she really felt about it."

"I knew that once you got to know who I really am, you would stop liking me," Aral said. "Without Cordelia to keep my worst traits in check, you don't want to deal with me."

"Aral, I can't believe that you're acting like this! Seriously, you do need to get another posting."

"I think that we should break up."

The color went out of Jole's face. "What?"

"I wrecked Cordelia's career, and tied her down to this planet which she can barely stand. You're young. You're talented. You should have a good career, and not let an old man's problem's wreck your life."

"Maybe I don't want to abandon the old man."

"Don't throw everything a way for a foolish mistake, Jole."

"So you want me to throw you away? I think that would be the foolish mistake."

"It was a mistake to start this relationship in the first place."

That hit Jole hard. He had never been secure in his relationship with Aral, and ever since Miles' departure, he had been dreading the moment that Aral would realize that yes, their entire relationship was a mistake.

Yet there was a voice in his head which said he should not give up so easily...

"Let's not make any hasty decisions," Jole said. "We should get someone to mediate."

"Who? Gregor?" Aral snorted. "He never approved of our relationship. And who would? Simon doesn't approve. Alys doesn't approve. The Koudelkas don't approve, even though they won't say it to my face. Maybe they all have a point. You yourself just said that I should run off and join Cordelia."

"Let's have a cooling off period," Jole said. "We will stop seeing each other for a week. Then we'll get together again and talk about it. How's that?"

Aral grunted. "If that's what it takes."

"However, I want you to keep on seeing the others during this week - Ivan, Donna, Simon, Gregor, and Kou. Or at the very least, have your armsmen keep you company."

"Nanny," Aral said bitterly. "Who is being patronizing now?"

"If you sincerely regret holding Cordelia's feelings hostage by threatening to destroy yourself, then you better prove that you are sincere by not holding _my_ feelings hostage. Take good care of yourself this week."

"Very well," Aral said. "As Gregor likes to say, let's see what happens."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not satisfied with this story arc when I first posted _Gregor's Game_. I tried to fix it by writing a follow-up short story, but that did not work either (which is why said short story is unfinished). I finally decided that, if I'm going to try to make this story arc work better, I'm going to have to dive back in and re-write this. So that's what I did. I'll see if this version works better than the original version.


	47. The Self-Destructive and the Self-Possessed

Gregor was alarmed when he first heard that Jole and Aral were going to stay apart for a week.

"You're going to Hassadar?"

"Yes," Aral replied. "And I will have at least one armsman with me at all times. I will not be alone."

"Why Hassadar?"

"It's not in Vorbarr Sultana, and I already have a place to stay there."

"What of Vorkosigan Surleau?"

"Too many memories of Cordelia. And Miles."

"What will you do in Hassadar?"

"I am their district count. I am sure I can find some way to make myself useful there."

***

 _It's just a week_ , Jole told himself. _You were scared before of losing Aral forever, surely you can handle this_. 

The problem was that it might not _just_ be a week - it might, in fact, be the end of their relationship.

Why was Aral so fixated on the idea that he might ruin Jole's life. Yes, the circumstances under which Cordelia left Beta Colony were certainly not good, but it did not seem at all like Aral had ruined her life. She was one of the most vibrant people Jole ever met.

And what was _he_ going to do now? Doing his job and being with Aral had taken more than all of his time and energy. Now, when he was not doing his duties as secretary to the emperor, his life was ... empty.

What if this had all happened while he was still working for Aral, and Aral had not resigned as Prime Minister? Cordelia had mentioned the possibility that he and Aral might break up at some point, and that she would do all she could to smooth things over if that happened, but _she was not here_.

Perhaps the true purpose of anti-fraternization rules was not to prevent colleagues from dallying with each other, but to prevent them from having explosive breakups.

No, he had _not broken up with Aral_. This was just a cooling-off period.

Gregor made a point of filling his own life with his relationships with people like Drou, and his strategy for helping Aral was to see to it that Aral kept up with the personal relationships he still had. Perhaps Jole should imitate Gregor, and fill the void Aral and Cordelia had left in his life with someone else.

***

"Oliver?" the woman on the screen said. "It's been so long since you've vidcalled me."

"I know, Genevieve," Jole said. He was _not_ going to tell his sister that he had a sexual and romantic relationship with Aral Vorkosigan. However, he might be able to discuss it ... indirectly.

"Little Jean has just started to talk. He called me _maman_ for the first time just a few days ago. I'll bring him here so you can see him -"

"No, Genevieve. I mean, of course I would like to see little Jean, but I actually want to talk about something else now."

"Did something happen, Oliver?"

"There is this ... man I know. He's in a great deal of distress."

"I am sorry to hear that. Is it because of money?" 

"No, he has all the money he needs. It is, rather, a matter of the heart. I want to help him, but I don't know how."

"You are a man, Oliver. A woman should help him."

That comment struck Jole like a barb.

"He does not have any women in his life now," Jole said.

"Then the best thing you can do right now is help him find a good woman."

"I would like to help him myself..."

"Oliver, men are not suited for tending to problems of the heart. If you try to help him yourself, you will burn yourself." Genevieve leaned her head forward. "I know from personal experience"

"What do you mean?" Jole asked.

"I..." Genevieve paused. "I love reading romance novels, you know."

"Yes." Jole was in fact aware that Genevieve read a lot of romance novels, though he had never paid any attention to them.

"I used to love stories about the heroes who had completely given themselves to despair, and would have destroyed themselves if the heroines had not restored their hearts. I fantasized about being so important to a man that he would be completely dependent on me to preserve himself. Then ... I got my wish."

Jole had no idea what Genevieve was talking about. Then again, ever since he started attending an out-of-town school, followed by the academy and then entering the imperial service, he had not been in a position to know much about his sister's personal life.

"There was a young woman and a young man," Genevieve said. "The woman loved the man. Then the man fell into despair. He kept on talking about killing himself. He told her that, if she ever left him, he would not be able to go on living. He showed her the scars on his wrists. He made her give her word that she would never tell anyone else that he had suicidal impulses.

"Being with him had started out as a matter of joy for her, but the deeper he fell into despair, the less joy she felt. She tried to show her love in all the ways she could imagine, yet no matter what she did, he insisted that she did not really love him since nobody could possibly love him. Her affection seemed to count for nothing.

"Since she had given her word not to tell anyone, she never asked for help. Yet she dared not leave him, for if she did, might that not kill him?

"It was as if she were a well, and he was drawing water from her. Just as the purpose of a well is to supply water, her purpose as a woman was to nurture, and she understood this well. Alas, she was a shallow well, and after he had taken her water, she went ... dry."

"What do you mean by that? What happened next?"

"It is very difficult for me to talk about this, and I will tell you no more about him - them," Genevieve said. "Now, I like romance novels which have a self-possessed hero who chooses the heroine, not because he needs her, but because he loves her."

"In other words, you no longer like love stories where the hero needs the heroine to avoid destroying himself."

"Everyone tells me that I am a good woman because I am beautiful and hard-working. Yet I know I am not an entirely good woman. I am not very good at taking care of matters of the heart."

"I don't think you should be so hard on yourself for - this man you're talking about seems like he was quite a piece of work," Jole said. It was obvious that Genevieve had thinly disguised a true story from her own life. "Just because that woman was not able to help that man, does not mean that she was bad at .... tending to people's hearts."

"Oliver, it is a woman's duty to care for the heart. At least I know that I am not much good at it. That is why I chose a husband who does not need me to serve him in that way."

Jole _had_ wondered why his sister had married the man who she had. As one of the best-looking women in Oulie, she easily could have gotten a smarter and more physically attractive husband. Yet his brother-in-law was one of the most level-headed people Jole had ever met. If that was what she had been looking for, she had chosen well.

"It is the natural order of things that women do this," Genevieve said. "That is why, when a man is in distress, and his wife fails to comfort him, we chastise her, but when a man fails to comfort his wife in distress, we blame her for failing to manage her own feelings. Men are good at what men do, and women are good at what women do. We don't have women serve as soldiers, generals, or counts because women are not meant to be fighters or leaders. Imagine what a disaster it would be if a woman became emperor!

"That is why I say you should get a good woman to help your friend. If you try to deal with his feelings yourself, you will fail, and then you will need a woman yourself to take care of you. By the way, do you have a woman..."

"No, I am not seeing any women now." Jole sighed. "Thank you. Now, I think I do want to see my nephew Jean."

"I'll get him here right away," Genevieve said.

***

Jole was thinking a lot about the conversation he had with his sister.

It made sense that she went on and followed her own course while he was getting his education and serving the Imperium, but that story really made it hit home just how little he knew about his sister's life.

And she was right - women were the ones who were good at nurturing. Or at least, in his life, it had always been women who had been nurturers. Aral and Cordelia themselves had been perfect examples. He had been a legendary leader. And she had excelled at tending to his heart. It was only now, when she was no longer here to care for Aral, that Jole was beginning to appreciate what a monumental achievement that had been.

Jole tried to imagine it being the other way around - Cordelia being an amazing admiral and politician, and Aral being the spouse who tended to their hearts. Knowing that Cordelia had had a brief military career, and having met Pol's female head-of-state, he could _almost_ imagine that part, but imagining Aral in the wife's role simply boggled his mind.

To the extent that he had ever tended to Aral's heart himself, it had been as Cordelia's agent, under her guidance. Though she had trained him, now that she was no longer here, he was failing. She had been served as the nurturing woman for both of them. And it seemed that he could not do it on his own. Perhaps his sister was right, and, being a man, he could never do this well.

Jole knew that there were male-male couples on other planets. How did they manage? Maybe only men who were as unflappable as his brother-in-law could handle intimate relationships which did not involve women. Or perhaps, on Beta Colony, the male-male couples went to female Cordelia-like therapists, just as men who were not satisfied with bedding their own wives went to prostitutes.

Perhaps it would be for the best if Aral left Barrayar and reunited with Cordelia. She seemed to be the only one who could save him.

But that would mean that Jole would lose Aral.


	48. I Do Not Trust Myself to Know My Own Heart

Shortly after his arrival in Hassadar, Aral managed to bury himself in paperwork. He knew he had been neglecting the district for a long time, but he had been too occupied by his duties as Prime Minister to realize by just how much. It was clear that the administration of the district had remained in disarray ever since his father, Piotr, had passed away.

Aral ate his meals with Armsman Levin and his four children. After his wife had died a couple years earlier, Levin had been posted at the Hassadar residence so he could be near his late wife's family. Since hardly anyone ever came to the Hassadar Residence, he had plenty of time to dedicate to his young children.

"Have you ever thought about remarriage?" Aral asked him over dinner while the children, who had finished eating, were busy playing a board game.

"Of course," Levin replied. He looked at his four children. "But my dear little devils don't leave me with any time to go courting women. And women these days would sooner run off to Vorbarr Sultana than marry a widower who already has four little ones."

"I am impressed that you are raising them all by yourself," Aral commented.

"Their aunts, my sisters-in-law, help. I don't know what I'd do without them. They have got little devils of their own though, so I can't ask too much of them."

"Being a father to just one child was very demanding, and I did have my wife," Aral said. "I cannot imagine raising four children on my own."

"I can't imagine it either, so I just do what I can," Levin said. "I think the little devils saved me. They dragged me, kicking and screaming, beyond my grief over Kitty's death. They turned me into the Da that they need."

***

The weather had unexpectedly turned cold in Hassadar. The heating system had been broken since the end of the last winter, and since the cold weather had not been expected so soon, nobody had gotten around to fixing it yet.

The Hassadar Residence did not have any full-time servants, unless one counted Armsman Levin, so Aral went with Pym to find a spare coat. They were mostly old coats which had belonged to his father. Aral did not want any of them.

Pym pulled out another coat. "How about this?"

Aral stared at it. He knew that it had not been his father's coat, yet it looked eerily familiar. Then it struck him - this coat had once belonged to his brother.

While his mother had been raising him and his sister at Vorkosigan Surleau, his brother had been in Hassadar, learning about the district. And nobody had ever thrown out his clothes.

"Milord?" Armsman Pym asked.

"There's nothing wrong," Aral said. After a moment of silence, he added "I want a drink."

"What kind of drink, milord?"

"Wine, brandy, whatever is available." 

At that point, Levin's four-year-old daughter ran into the room, and buried herself in the old coats, as if she were playing a game of hide-and-seek.

"I'll go out and see what kind of drink I can find, milord."

When Pym reached the door, Aral called out "No, no wine or brandy. I'll take hot cocoa instead. And a blanket. I don't like any of these coats, and it's cold."

They heard two of Levin's children running and shrieking through the hallway.

***

A few hours after Aral returned to Vorbarr Sultana, he had a private conversation with Gregor.

"How are you doing these days?" Aral asked.

"Excuse me?" Gregor asked.

"A lot has happened in the past few months, and I want to know how, how you are dealing with it."

With all of the pain Aral had endured recently, part of which had been inflicted by Gregor, that he had it within him to concern himself with _Gregor's_ feelings was astounding. Gregor was at a loss for words.

"We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want," Aral said.

"The empire needs its emperor," Gregor said, "so I go on."

"You know about ... your father's end. Do you not hate me for it?"

"No," Gregor said. "If I were to hate anybody for that, I would hate my grandfather. Please stop blaming yourself for more than you've earned the blame for - it's exhausting to try to tell you that you are not as bad as you think you are."

There was a pause.

"I did not want to raise you," Aral said. "I told your grandfather that it would be obscene for me to take your father's place."

"Yet you did raise me."

"Do you understand why I never wanted to tell you about your father?"

"I do not know for sure, but I can guess."

"I felt it would be wrong to tell you the truth about him because I felt the truth would reflect poorly on him, and that it would be wrong for I of all people to diminish him in your eyes."

"I can accept that," Gregor said. "But to be honest, I wish somebody had told me what he had really be like _earlier_."

"How - how _did_ you find out?"

"By looking at some ImpSec files on Komarr. Just before my foolish adventure."

Aral sucked in his breath. "Oh, my dear boy. That was a horrible way to find out."

"I hardly think there was any _pleasant_ way I could have found out. Nonetheless, I think it would have been better if someone had talked to me about it, rather than leaving me to stumble upon it on my own."

Aral shook his head. "Just as I did not want to be the one who caused you to lose your esteem of your father, I never wanted Miles to lose his esteem of _me_. So I never told him those parts of myself that I am most ashamed of. And when he found out..."

"I think Jole might be offended if he heard you say that you considered him one of the most shameful parts of his life," Gregor said.

"That was one of the arguments Cordelia made in favor of telling Miles about Jole," Aral said. "She told me that, in poly relationships, someone who is treated like a 'dirty secret' may eventually become resentful. I told her that Barrayarans are not like Betans."

There was a pause.

"In any case," Aral continued, "you know about what truly was the most dishonorable moment in my life, yet you have not abadoned me. Sometimes, I can hardly believe it. For that matter, I sometimes can't believe that Cordelia did not reject me because of that."

"Perhaps I should not say this," Gregor said, "but in a strange way, your confession was ... helpful."

Aral raised his eyebrows.

"I had felt that I could never even hope to live up to your example," Gregor said. "It was learning about _your_ shortcomings which gave me another ... perspective. You are not and never were superhuman, so I don't have to be superhuman either."

"I see," Aral said. "I also know what it is like to try to live up to an example you have no hope of being able to match."

"Oh."

"My brother. Who, being dead, could never do any wrong."

"I see."

"Cordelia ... Cordelia once speculated that I continued to feel so unworthy, in spite of all of my accomplishments, because of my lingering feelings about being the second - and lesser - son."

"Is that true?"

Aral sighed. "I've relied on Cordelia's judgement when it comes to such matters for so long, and the few times I overruled her ... she was always right, and I was always wrong. I do not trust myself to know my own heart."

***

"I cannot recall you ever drinking hot cocoa before," Kou commented.

"I guess my tastes have changed over time," Aral replied. He then took another sip.

"How was it in Hassadar?"

"It was cold. What about you? How are your girls doing?"

Kou seemed surprised by this turn of conversation. "My girls are doing just fine. They sure seem to be running up the walls all the time."

Aral drank some more hot cocoa. "I suppose if Cordelia knew, she would be glad that I was drinking hot cocoa instead of wine."

"Oh, I don't think she ever minded you drinking wine. She sometimes drank it herself after all," Kou said. "What bothered her was when you let the ethanol hurt you."

"Yes, that. She definitely would not want me to hurt myself." Aral finished what was left of the hot cocoa. "Kou, what do you think Cordelia would want me to do?"

"I can't say. That she _left you_ was so utterly inconceivable that I feel like I don't even know her any more."

"She did not _leave_ me, she went to Miles. That is an important distinction." Aral looked into his empty cup. "I think, if she could choose, she would want me to join her."


	49. Relief, or Loss?

The day before Jole and Aral's 'cooling-off' period was due to end, Jole had a meeting with Ivan. He had tried to arrange a meeting with both Ivan and Donna, but Ivan told him that Donna was not coming.

"I'm sorry that Donna could not make it," Jole said.

"Really," Ivan said warily. "And why would you be sorry?"

"You both seem to handle Aral so well, I thought -"

"Let me spell it out," Ivan said. "I do not like the idea of you getting in bed with Donna."

"I - it never occurred to me, that's not -"

"It had damn well better not be!"

"I - I did not realize you were that attached to her."

"I'm not attached to her, I just I don't know how to deal with a guy who is better-looking than me!" Ivan seemed startled by the admission he had just blurted out.

"Can we talk about Aral?" Jole implored.

"It's your fault. And his fault too, for being perverted. That's all there is to say."

Jole had hoped that, since Ivan and Donna were the only ones who were able to get Aral to go outside of Vorkosigan House while he was staying in Vorbarr Sultana these days, that he could ask for their help. However, it was clear that Ivan was too hostile to Jole for this to work. And Jole suspected that trying to contact Donna separately would be a bad idea.

***

Jole walked into Vorkosigan House with trepidation. Deep in his gut, he feared this would be the last time he would enter this building.

Thinking about what Genevieve said, he came to the conclusion that he was not a good match for Aral Vorkosigan after all. He had been trying to do all he could for Aral, and what was the result? He had not only continued to be in despair, he had also resigned as Prime Minister. Whereas after the Escobar war, all Cordelia had to do to lift Aral's spirits was show up, and she had even talked him into become regent.

Genevieve had recognized that she did not have the capacity within herself to care for a man given to despair, so she chose a husband who would not need her to sustain his own self-esteem. And she was a _woman_. As a man, Jole was at a greater disadvantage.

Maybe Cordelia, as not just a woman, but an _extraordinary_ woman, was simply better at this kind of thing, or may Aral really did love Cordelia more than he ever would love Jole. Whatever the reason was, it was clear that Cordelia was the one with whom Aral belonged.

And Ivan had made it clear that Jole was not family.

An armsman led Jole to the parlor where Aral was waiting. Aral gestured for Jole to sit next to him on the couch. Jole did so, and they started cuddling.

It might be the last time. Did that make this moment more precious, or did it spoil the moment with bitterness?

"Jole," Aral asked. "How was your week?"

"Lots of roads," Joel replied. "Political wrangling is tedious."

"Very true. I feel I've done enough political wrangling for several lifetimes, yet I can't seem to help myself from wading in again."

"I also talked to my sister. It was pretty personal."

"Did you tell her about us?"

"No! She doesn't know. We mostly talked about her life."

"I see. It's good to keep in touch with your family - when you can."

Was Aral referring to the fact that he was currently cut off from contact with Cordelia and Miles, or was he referring to his own long gone brother and sister? Jole did not know, but either way, he felt a little ashamed of himself. From Aral's perspective, the way Jole was letting himself get distant from his own family might seem ... misguided. If some disaster killed all of his family in the valley, would Jole regret not staying closer to them?

Jole wanted to keep on cuddling with Aral, but the words he planned to say were weighing down on him, and he needed to release them.

"Aral, I really do think you should go to Cordelia."

Aral's body went stiff.

"Why do you say that, Jole?"

"We've tried to do all we can for you, and it hasn't been enough. It seems that she is the only one..."

"And if I went to her ... what then?"

"Then ... I don't know."

"What would I do, if I were no longer in the Imperium?"

"Retire?"

"It seems that, whenever I've told myself that I am due for retirement, I always end up postponing it by a decade or two. And I am in no shape to start a career as a judo instructor now."

Yes, Jole was the one who had urged Gregor to keep Aral busy. Now that he was thinking about it, he had a hard time imagining Aral being happy for long as an idle hanger-on to anybody, even to Cordelia.

"If I left, what would become of the Vorkosigan Countship?"

"Wouldn't your heir, Ivan Vorpatril, be the next count? He would probably do better than a number of counts currently in-"

"No, Ivan would abdicate in favor of _his_ heir. He's told me so himself."

"Who is Ivan's heir?"

"Lord Vortaine."

Jole sucked in his breath. "Would Ivan actually let Lord Vortaine become Count Vorkosigan?"

"To avoid becoming a count? Yes, yes he would."

"Couldn't Ivan at least choose a different heir first..."

"Ivan wants to expend as little effort as possible. But even if Ivan were willing to serve as count, it would be the end of direct descent in the Vorkosigan line. And I have neglected the district. While I was Prime Minister, I had little choice, but now ..."

"You want to stay. Because of Vorkosigan District."

"Not just because of the district ... Jole, if I left, what would become of you?"

"Me? I..."

"If I went away, would it be a relief, or a loss? For you, is the sacrifice staying with me, or letting me go?"

For an entire moment, Jole was dumbstruck. Finally, he said "Letting you go ... would be the harder sacrifice."

"Then I stay."

"But I don't seem to be able to handle - well, I can't seem to make you ... stable."

"Then I will stabilize myself. I do not wish to place that burden on you."

"What?"

"During those long years as regent, I had to lean on Cordelia to sustain myself. I always asked myself, would it ever become too much for her? Would she finally leave me? I think, at a couple points, she almost _did_ leave. She herself said that - well, if she had not been worried about my downfall, she would not have left Beta Colony. Fear, not joy, brought her here. Do you know what it is like to know that you are doing that to someone you love for years?"

"Aral, you aren't giving yourself _or_ Cordelia enough credit. She really was happily married to you, as far as I could tell."

Aral continued. "Losing her is painful beyond belief, and yet ... she is lost. The sword has fallen. At the very least, I am no longer holding her back."

"So what now?" Jole asked.

"I ruled the Imperium for over a decade. Perhaps I can also get my own inner demons under control, without Cordelia. I do not want to tie you down, Jole, like I tied her down. If you stay with me, I want it to be for joy, not for fear."

Jole recalled his sister's story, about the man so deep in despair that, no matter what affections were shown to him, it seemed to be for naught. Aral was not like this. Aral _was_ responding to Jole's love, and the love of the rest of his friends and family on Barrayar.

"But you should know," Aral said, "that I intend to spend most of my time in Hassadar from now on. I think that is where I can best serve as Count and..."

"I can move to Hassadar too!" Jole declared.

"Jole, please do not give up on your career for me."

"There are imperial service posts in Hassadar too."

"They are dead-end postings which will not let you achieve your full potential."

"I am currently posted in Vorbarr Sultana. I could easily spend all of my weekends in Hassadar."

"Mmmm. A Count also can do plenty of business in Vorbarr Sultana. I suppose, if you spend the weekends in Hassadar, and I stay in Vorbarr Sultana a few days a week on district business ... we can be together for most days."

"I know the way forward will be difficult," Jole said. "But as long as you are willing to try, I want to stay here at your side. Or there, in Hassadar, at your side."

"Mmmmm," Aral said as he nuzzled Jole.

"And Aral, if you are serious about not imposing a burden on other people's feelings, I have some advice."

"Yes."

"Stop making yourself out to be more horrible then you are. It's draining to keep on reassuring you that you aren't some awful monster."

"Gregor said something like that too. Very well. Thanks for the advice. I will work on that."


	50. The Message

Illyrica was definitely the most alien planet Miles had ever visited.

His year on Beta Colony had been full of culture shock, but at least he _had_ been raised by a Betan parent before he went there, and he had known his grandmother and uncle from their memorable visit to Barrayar. Even when Beta Colony had seemed most alien to him, it still retained that lingering sense of familial familiarity which softened just how _different_ it was.

Miles had no such preparation for Illyrica.

Illyricans considered the human body to be in need of great improvement. However, unlike the Cetagandans, who favored biological improvements to the human body, Illyricans preferred mechanical improvements. The highest-status people on Illyrica were all, essentially, cyborgs, and lower-status people did their best to emulate them, often by putting in fake implants which looked like real ones.

For the first time in his life, Miles' leg braces improved strangers' opinions of him. Once he figured that out, he started flaunting them, even exaggerating how much use he made of them. Some Illyricans pointed out that bionic legs worked much better, but the mere fact that Miles was visibly using mechanical technology to improve his bodily functions was already very much approved.

And Illyrica was the very first planet where Miles could feel that people really did not think any less of him for the body he was born with. To be sure, Betans were much more subtle about their judgements of people with unusual bodies than Barrayarans, but as Miles had found out the hard way, the judgements they did make could be just as painful. Yet to the Illyricans, it seemed, the unenhanced human body was already so shameful that it did not much matter if someone was born with a body like Miles' or a body like, for example, Ivan's. What mattered to them was making an effort to improve the functionality of the body one had, either through direct implants or accessories, such as float chairs (Miles was shocked to learn that many Illyricans used float chairs even though they could walk because they believed that riding float chairs was _better_ than walking). The Illyrican perspective really made Miles' head spin.

And top-quality Illyrican bionic legs could do amazing things. Miles could get some if he ever had a small fortune to spend.

Of course, Illyrican bionic legs were not discreet at all - Illyricans _wanted_ to show off that their bionic legs could not possibly be ordinary, natural legs - which meant that they would be impractical for anyone who hoped to function in Barrayaran society. 

But Miles was not going back to Barrayar. He kept on forgetting that.

Miles could not help but remember that this was where Simon Illyan got his memory chip. Though Illyrican efforts to improve the human brain were not nearly as advanced as their efforts to improve, for example, human limbs, Miles always wondered, when he dealed with high-ranking Illyricans, what Illyan-like brain enhancements they might have. All his life, on Barrayar, and even on Beta Colony, he had dealt with people (with the exception of Simon Illyan) whose brains worked the same way that human brains had worked for millennia. When dealing with high-ranking Illyricans, Miles had to consider the possibility that their brains had been altered in such a way that they fell out of those familiar parameters. That, more than anything else, made Illyrica seem alien to Miles.

What had it been like for Simon Illyan when he had arrived on this planet? Miles could not even imagine Simon without his memory chip, let alone as a young Barrayaran man who had never been past Komarr before in this most un-Barrayaran society.

Miles had left Tung in charge of the main Dendarii fleet at Marilac since, quite frankly, dealing with a potential military attack was Tung's forte, not Miles'. Persuading people to do things they had never done before, like form a military alliance with Marilac, played more to Miles' talents. Though the government officials on Zoave Twilight were waking up to the reality that, if Cetaganda actually did manage to annex Marilac, it would practically be a sword at their throats, it was clear they were not going to help Marilac without pressure from their powerful neighbors, namely Illyrica and Tau Ceti. So the plan was to get Illyrica and Tau Ceti, who fortunately had no history of enmity against Marilac, on board with a potential alliance. Elena was talking to the Tau Ceteans; Miles and Elli were talking to the Illyricans.

Ah yes, he was now married Elli Quinn-Naismith. For the first time in his life, he was getting laid on a regular basis, and with an incredibly sexy woman at that. It was wonderful. He could temporarily lose himself and his worries whenever he dove into that lithe body.

However, he had also hoped that, when he married, he would have what his parents had together. It had not worked like that. For all that Elli said Miles' vulnerability made him more approachable, he could tell that it was the Betan Admiral Naismith who attracted her. Now that they were married, he felt even more pressure than ever before to keep up the Admiral Naismith act, even in his more private moments.

But maybe what he had seen in his parents' marriage had been an illusion all along. An illusion, perhaps, much like the illusion of Admiral Naismith...

More and more stories came through about the Battle of Vervain, and though Miles could tell a lot of it was media hype and propaganda, it still rankled him that he had completely missed the glory. 

Though he had never before wanted to be an ImpSec officer (it would have meant working under Simon Illyan!), now Miles had fantasies of, instead of transferring to the _Prince Serg_ , going from his post on Kyril Island to becoming one of ImpSec's galactic covert ops agents. Then he would have rescued Gregor from Randall's Rangers, or even better, found Gregor before he had made contact with Elena on Aslund. And _he_ would have been the one who figured out the Cetagandans' plans for Vervain, and he would have valiantly brought the Dendarii into Vervani space to hold off the Cetagandans, allowing the entire Vervani space fleet to defend the planet and thus prevent the Cetagandan bombardment. And in the end, he would have met his father at the end of the battle, as Admiral Naismith, and his father would have been so stuffed with pride that there would have been no room left for his precious guilt over what Miles had grown up with, and he would not have known about what his father was doing with that lieutenant... 

Miles almost _wanted_ the Cetagandans to strike Marilac, so that he could get his chance at glory, and be a valiant defender of a planet.

No. Miles also knew how many people had died in the Battle of Vervain. If the Dendarii had been at that battle, many of those deaths would have been Dendarii deaths. And if the Cetagandans dared to attack Marilac, there would also be many Dendarii deaths. Arde Mayhew had already died. How could Miles wish for more deaths? If the Cetagandans did not attack, either because of their losses at Vervain, or because they knew the Dendarii were at Marilac, or because they knew of a potential Marilac-Illyrica-Tau Ceti-Zoave Twilight alliance, then the Dendarii would make a big profit from both the Marilac contract _and_ Emperor Gregor's promise, all without any loss of life.

There was much less glory in forging alliances than in battle. Or perhaps that was just Miles' Barrayaran conditioning. It did not make sense that causing death would be better than preventing death. Maybe he should adopt his mother's perspective on war and killing.

Mother. He probably would never see his mother again. He also kept on forgetting that. He did not dare try to make contact with her, lest she become a traitor under Barrayaran law ... unlike himself, she was still on Barrayar.

Father. All his life, his father had assured Miles of his unconditional love for his son, and even now, Miles could not question it. He knew that his father would be crushed once he realized that Miles was not going back. His father would do nearly anything, even twist the law, to get Miles cleared of treason. Miles knew that, because his father had done it before. Would he try the same trick as he did last time, and get Miles charged with a higher form of treason for which his innocence could be proven? Or would he father find some entirely new means for getting Miles off the hook...

At some point, Miles was going to have to learn about his father's scheme. Maybe a message would come through that Miles had been cleared, and that his father eagerly awaits his return. He might also get a summons to appear at a trial. In that case, he might be able to spot his father's gambit right away, or maybe he would not be able to see it until he already got back to Barrayar.

Except he would not go back to Barrayar. He kept on forgetting that.

It also occurred to Miles that _Gregor_ would be involved in this. This time, there was no Vordrozda urging Gregor to work against the Vorkosigans. Did Gregor know about his father and the lieutenant? Gregor did command ImpSec, but Simon Illyan might decide not to tell Gregor about that. Miles was determined to reject his father's scheme to get Miles out of a treason conviction, but what if Gregor had his own scheme? Could Miles refuse Gregor?

A communications officer notified Miles that there was a tightbeam message for him. Miles looked at it.

Miles had been convicted of violating Vorloupulous's Law.

Wait, that was not possible! Miles had not even received a _summons_ to appear at a trial, how could it already have happened? They could not try Miles _in absentia_ without a six-month delay.

Then he read the part which said that Count Vorkosigan had waived his right to file an injunction to postpone the trial.

Miles read the message again and again, trying to figure out where the trick was. Not only could he not see how this would help him get out of a conviction of treason, it seemed that his father had done things which made the conviction even more likely.

Oh.

His father _wanted_ him to be convicted of treason.

The man who held himself above the law he himself had established was now applying the severity of the law upon his own son.

Perhaps that was another illusion. Perhaps his love for Miles was not unconditional.

He could not talk to Elli about this. She would not understand what difference this made, since he had already made up his mind not to go back to Barrayar anyway. Elena was on Tau Ceti.

Miles had never before felt so utterly alone.


	51. Three Days' Travel

Miles did not understand Illyrica's form of government. Their military, on the other hand, was comprehensible. The Defense Forces of Illyrica generally only dealt with mercenaries in order to sell them ships and ordnance, but thanks to recent events in the Hegen Hub and all of the intelligence on the Cetagandans which the Dendarii passed on, Admiral Naismith had gotten the attention of the highest ranked generals and admirals. Even though both Barrayar and Beta Colony had cultures very different from Illyrica's, military strategy was still military strategy, and Admiral Naismith felt like he had a common language with these Illyrican officers. Hopefully, now that the military command was coming to the point of view that preventing a Cetagandan invasion of Marilac was a strategic priority, they could go persuade their government to form an alliance.

The Illyrican officers also suspected that Admiral Naismith was in fact working on Barrayar's behalf - first, because, like everyone else in the Nexus at this point, they knew that he was Aral Vorkosigan's son, and second, they figured that the intelligence on the Cetagandans may very well have come from Barrayaran ImpSec in one way or another.

Admiral Naismith's Barrayaran connections did not bother the Illyricans much. The Illyricans had supplied a signficant amount of weaponry to the Barrayarans during the Cetagandan occupation. Later, Emperor Ezar had essentially contracted Illyrica to build Barrayar's first serious space fleet, and had paid the Illyricans well for training a set of Barrayaran engineers on how to develop ship-building infrastructure. Though the cultural gap between Barrayar and Illyrica was a yawning chasm, relations between their respective governments and militaries had always been friendly.

Miles was trying to figure out why the Illyricans had been so willing to help Barrayar during the first Cetagandan War, yet until now had been so indifferent to Marilac's fate. He had not quite found the answer yet. Maybe they were simply too afraid that any technology they passed on to Marilac would end up in Cetagandan hands. It also seemed that Illyrica had a policy of arming mercenary fleets and distant, weaker planets - in the Hegen Hub, the Illyricans only sold weaponry to Aslund - but never arming their neighbors.

Yet the Illyricans were an exception. Most powers in the Nexus would be bothered by Admiral Naismith's Barrayaran connections - including, unfortunately, Zoave Twilight and Tau Ceti. And it would be a problem for finding clients for the Dendarii in the future. A big problem.

Except, now that Lord Vorkosigan had been convicted of treason, Admiral Naismith could convincingly present himself as acting independently of Barrayar.

He was officially a traitor now. He wished he could forget that, but he could not.

"Are these Illyricans getting to you?" Elli asked.

"Of course, I'm not used to dealing with cyborgs," Miles replied.

"Well, you are dealing with them a lot better than I would have," Elli said fondly. "We've only been here a week, and already, you have them practically eating out of your hand."

"Not really," Miles replied. "They are convincing themselves that defending Marilac is a core interest, I'm just nudging them in the right directions."

"That's the trick, isn't it?" Elli said. "Making them doing the work of convincing themselves."

They both grinned, and then kissed.

How come Elli was so bad at reading Miles? She had glimpsed a bit of Miles' inner turmoil - which is what prompted her question - but she had assumed that it was the Illyricans, not Miles' Barrayaran troubles. And she completely underestimated just how terrible Miles was feeling.

_When I pretend to be okay, she thinks I actually am okay. When I tell her about being convicted of treason in a flippant manner, she thinks it is not actually a big deal. Apparently, my wife cannot read my mind._

Miles really did not know how to talk about Elli about being convicted of treason. She hardly knew anything about Barrayar, or his family. And the prospect of explaining enough that she might have some understanding - Miles felt that would be too much for him.

He tried to throw as much of his brain as possible into dealing with the Illyricans, the Marilac situation, and getting into Elli's pants (that last part did not require much brainpower at all, since Elli was very willing). That was because every spare brain cell he had which was not working on those projects was obsessing over his conviction.

It was so unfair! How come his father let himself bed a young man under his command, but he would let his son get convicted of treason when his son had no intention of betraying the Imperium?

But had he not been telling himself that he would not go back to Barrayar anyway _because_ he had already concluded that it _would_ be unfair if his father weaseled him out of a conviction? He had told himself that it would be unfair if his father _did_ get him out of the conviction, and now he was telling himself that it was unfair that his father did _not_ get him out of the conviction.

He still felt ... cheated. If he could have rejected his father's attempts to bring him back to Barrayar, he still would have felt some measure of control over his life. But to not even have the choice, to have it all decided for him, and for him not to be able to do a thing about it...

Gregor.

The Dendarii were now doing Gregor's work. How could _Gregor_ let this happen?

Had his father pushed Gregor into letting Miles be convicted of treason? Why?

Or was it the other way around. Had Emperor Gregor forced Count Vorkosigan to cooperate with convicting Miles of treason?

Why would Gregor do that?

It was then that Miles realized that he really had not seen much of Gregor in the past few years. In fact, he had drifted further and further away from Gregor ever since his year on Beta Colony. He had just assumed that Gregor was ... not changing. However, looking back at how much he had changed since he was fourteen, it seemed ridiculous that Gregor would not have changed just as much. If not more, since in that time, Gregor had reached his majority, and had full power as emperor for - had it been five years already? There had been that nearly catastrophic incident with Count Vordrozda, but Miles had figured that, after that, Gregor had just gone back to being his old self.

It dawned on Miles that, though Gregor had been his foster brother, he might not actually know Emperor Gregor.

***

Admiral Naismith could not stay away from the main fleet for too long. The seeds of an alliance had been sowed on Illyrica, it was time to step back and let them sprout.

Travelling from Illyrica to Zoave Twilight on this vessel only took about three days.

There were no more Illyricans to distract Miles, and his wife and her marvelous body could only offer Miles so much escape.

_It should have been Elena_ , Miles thought morosely. Elena understood Miles much better than Elli did. With Elena, Miles would have had a chance at the kind of connection his parents had. _Or that I thought my parents had_.

He knew that this marriage was motivated by lust rather than love. Elli was a fantastic sexual partner, but there was no way that Miles would have married her so soon if it were not for the new Dendarii fleet regulations - _and if it were not necessary to avoid turning into his father_.

If Miles had taken Elli as a lover, without marriage, then he would either feel guilty for ignoring common ethics about relationships within the same chain of command, or if he rationalized it, he would feel guilty for breaking off his relationship for his father when he was doing the exact same thing.

_No, it's not the exact same thing. The difference in power between me and Elli was always much narrower. If Elli wants to avoid or stop having this kind of relationship with me, she has much better options that that lieutenant does._ That is, before they married. But marriage was different. Or maybe it was not. Miles did not know much about Marilac marriage law, but he guessed that it would be much easier for a woman to get a unilateral divorce there than on Barrayar. And elsewhere in the Nexus...

Would Elli leave him, when her honeymoon phase with Miles was over?

And then, who would be there for Miles? Elena showed no signs of interest in leaving Baz.

And there was the conviction of treason.

If it had been Gregor, and not his father, who had exercised his will ... what excuse did Miles have? Gregor had just risked his own life to save a planet from the Cetagandans, resisting him simply did not feel as right as resisting his father's will. And that was even before getting to the fact that _Gregor was the emperor_.

The Dendarii were out here around Marilac and Zoave Twilight in the first place was because of Gregor's orders, and Gregor knew what they were doing because Elena was sending him reports...

Oh.

Did Elena include in her report that Miles had almost wilfully obstructed Elena from obeying an Imperial Order, and that only the threat of force had made him back off? Yes, yes she would have. Yes, she did.

Surely Miles could be forgiven for resisting an apparently nonsensical order ... after all, if Miles had successfully obstructed Elena, it would have meant that...

... the Cetagandans might have taken Vervain, gotten a foothold in the Hegen Hub, and Gregor might have been captured or killed.

_Oh shit!_

Miles really _was_ a traitor, and not just in a legal sense.

He had to complete this mission in Marilac, but after that? Would ImpSec try to capture him and take him back to Barrayar once the Dendarii were no longer needed at Marilac? Maybe the honorable thing to do, after his work in Marilac was done, was to go back to Barrayar of his own free will, to restore his honor. Elli might be tired of him by then anyway...

For three days, Miles marinated in these thoughts.

They finally jumped into Zoave Twilight. They originally planned to bypass the station on the Zoave Twilight side of the wormhole - they already had clearance - but they received a message that someone in the station was waiting for Admiral Naismith. Furthermore, the Dendarii agent who was staying at the station to facilitate communication and intelligence gathering refused to say who it was, insisting that it was a 'surprise'.

That sounded ominous to Miles, but he had to trust his people to not lead him into a trap. Not to mention that the station itself had decent security, and he did have his wife to serve as his bodyguard.

They took a shuttle to the station. When Miles got out, and entered the waiting area, he saw a familiar face. A very, very familiar face.

"Hey kiddo," Cordelia said. "It's good to see you."


	52. Up Was Down, Left Was Right

"You ARE eating the bloody Twilighter food!" Miles said in horror.

"Miles, it's a cultural experience," Cordelia said as she licked the blood off her lips.

"But - but it's _human blood_ ," Miles said.

"It all comes from vats, Miles. No humans were harmed to produce it."

Human blood, as well as human milk, were staples of Zoave Twilight cuisine. At least one of those two ingredients appeared in most of the local foods. Even though Miles knew he had drunk vat-produced human milk as a baby, and he could not say that it was unethical to drink vat-produced human blood, it still creeped him out. And watching his _mother_ eat blood-flavored foods, and drink pure human blood ... it felt wrong to him.

"Ummm, didn't you already try this at the station?" Miles asked.

"I only arrived at the station about a couple hours before you did," Cordelia said. "I bought all this while I was waiting, but I was in too much of a hurry to sample it before now."

Reluctantly, he accepted a slice of Zoave Twilight cream-cake. Hopefully, cream made from human milk did not taste any different from other kinds of cream...

Eating a cake made of 'mother's milk' in front of his mother ... and his wife, who had, in fact, taken a sip of the blood drink. Miles knew that many babies on Barrayar still drank milk directly from their mothers' breasts, and Ivan had told him that some husbands would drink from their wives' tits ... maybe Elli had some kind of fetish where she would want to drink _Miles'_ blood next...

"And I think I have space in my stomach for some of that steak I got at the station," Cordelia said.

"Surely it's not a Twilighter steak..."

"Of course it is."

"But you know that it's made from, you know..."

"I had my own DNA put in a vat once a long time ago," Cordelia said. "I thought the flesh cloned from myself was quite delicious."

Knowing that his own mother had been a cannibal - albeit a cannibal who only fed on vat meat - it was ... a really good way to delay processing the disturbing implications of why his mother was here at all.

Given a choice between never seeing his mother again and, in fact, seeing his mother again, the latter was obviously better. But he knew that, if she were here, something was seriously wrong...

By making direct contact with him, she was automatically a traitor, and thus could not go back to the Barrayaran Imperium. That meant she had permanently split from his father. That is, unless his father followed her, but ... Miles would not have thought that his father would do that, but then he never would have thought that he would have seen what he saw in that cabin, so he really did not know. Though, if he father had also decided to leave, surely they would have gone together?

 _Or maybe my father would rather be with that lieutenant than my mother_.

 _And maybe that is why my mother decided to leave him_.

He was going to find out very soon just how wrong the situation was, and he had no desire to speed up that process.

As his mother ate the steak, she offered samples. Miles declined. Elli ... accepted.

What did Elli make of his mother? What did his mother make of Elli? No doubt, during this trip, they were going to meet in private, and talk about him ... and maybe drink some human blood while they were at it.

Would Elli think that Miles was _too_ squeamish if he kept on refusing the steak? He was a mercenary admiral! Surely a tough mercenary admiral could handle becoming a bit of a cannibal...

Mustering his courage, Miles accepted a bit of the 'steak'. He ate it as quickly as possible.

Yes, he should keep on being grossed out by his mother actually eating the Twilighter food. It was probably better than what he would be feeling when the inevitable conversation happened...

***

Miles and Cordelia were alone together in a cabin, on the ship heading to Marilac.

"So how are you and Elli getting along?" Cordelia asked.

"It's okay," Miles said.

Cordelia raised her right eyebrow.

"We get along fine," Miles said quickly. "We have never had any fights or anything." He knew that, being a Betan, his mother was going to ask about a certain topic, so he pre-emptively declared "We have great sex together, and no, I do not want to talk any more about our sex lives."

"All right," Cordelia said. "What feelings do you have for her?"

Yeah, this was going to be hard to talk about...

"I love her," Miles said. "I care about her. I want her to be happy. I also want her to be happy with me."

"Would you say that you are _in_ love with her?" Cordelia asked.

Was Miles in love with Elli? _No, I'm not. I'm still in love with Elena. I don't feel that way about Elli._

"I don't really know what being 'in love' means," Miles finally said.

Cordelia smiled. "And why did you decide to marry her?"

Oh boy, this was not going to be easy to discuss. "Well, it's the regulations. Ummm, based on the advice of Commodore Tung, who has way more experience than I do, sexual relationships within the same chain of command should be restricted. But there's an exception for married couples."

"Are you saying you married her so that you could have sex without violating the regulations?" Cordelia asked.

"Our relationship is about more than sex!" Miles said. It was true. Elli had meant a lot to him ever since she lost her original face, which was long before he developed any sexual feelings for her. "Grandma Naismith can tell you about that!"

"Yes, my mother did discuss Elli when I visited her during your time in the academy," Cordelia said.

Crap, Miles had not figured that his grandma might have already told his mother quite a bit about Elli. _Of course. Her grandson brought a woman with a burned off face and insisted that she get the best treatment - yeah, grandma would talk to my mother about that_.

"However, if your mercenaries did not have such regulations, would you have married her?" Cordelia asked.

"I - I don't know," Miles responded. "There are regulations because, uh, that kind of relationship in the same chain of command can cause lots of problems."

"Let's say that you and Elli were not in the same chain of command. Would you have married her?" Cordelia inquired.

"Not so soon," Miles replied honestly. "I might have eventually ended up marrying her anyway."

Cordelia's face tensed up. _Shit, did I say something wrong?_ Miles wondered.

She took a deep breath. "What did you think, when you saw your father with Oliver Jole?"

So she did know about that. She must have found out no later than when somebody had to explain to her why Miles was not coming back. Who had been the one to break the news to her? Simon Illyan, most likely.

"It's - it's - it's - how can I even talk about it! The Imperial military had those regulations too - _father_ put them in! And it's not like me and Elli at all. I was not married already! Elli's older than me! She started it by asking to be my girlfriend, I did not suggest anything to her before that. And besides that, mercenaries can leave the Dendarii whenever they want, Elli is not stuck here. The difference in power between Admiral Naismith and any of the Dendarii is nothing like the difference between a young prole lieutenant and the Prime Minister! And why would he even want that with father unless - unless father made him..."

"I had some of those concerns as well when I first found out about the two of them," Cordelia said.

"Ummm ... when did you find out?"

"As soon as I returned to Barrayar, after my last visit to Beta Colony."

"It had been going on _that long_!" Miles had until this point assumed that it had only started after his father came aboard the _Prince Serg_. "And - and - you just _let it happen_?"

"I did not just 'let it happen'," Cordelia replied. "First, I made sure it was a reasonably healthy relationship, for both of them. And then I took steps to help their connection thrive. By the way, like Elli, Oliver made the first move."

That squashed Miles' mind flat.

It was the lieutenant who had, for whatever twisted reason, pursued his father. And his mother had known about it. And then encouraged it.

"You got me some Betan education," Miles said dejectedly. "They taught me on Beta Colony that this is wrong. The fact that he is is boss and commanding officer, their _ages_..."

"Oh yes, I remember sex ed too," Cordelia said. "Do they still teach everybody the formula about cutting the age in half and adding seven years?"

"But don't you think that Betan sexual ethics are _right_?" Miles said. "Isn't that what you taught me?"

"I find Betan sexual ethics much preferable to traditional Barrayaran sexual ethics," Cordelia said. "But that does not mean I always agree with the mainstream Betan opinion. In fact, when I first learned about the Barrayaran custom of arranged marriage, I thought it was a good idea."

"WHAT?!"

"I still like the Barrayaran concept of having babas, even though I often do not agree with how traditional babas do their jobs," Cordelia said. "As a young person, I also believed everything they taught me in sex ed. And even when that guidance led me to some very unhappy and painful places, I assumed that I was simply doing it wrong because..." Codelia paused. "Because there was something wrong with me, that I was incapable of handling sexual relationships. It was only long afterwards that I realized that the guidance itself was - flawed. There was a time in my life when I really could have used a good baba."

Up was down, left was right, and his mother was claiming that Barrayaran courtship customs worked better than Betan ones.

And Miles had never really thought much about his mother's life before she had met his father. He never even considered that she might have had sexual relationships before that, though it was implausible that a Betan over the age of thirty would be a virgin...

Throughout his life, his mother had always been the expert at managing personal relationships. That, at a younger age, it would have been too much for her to cope with ... Miles had a lot of trouble imagining that.

"That guidance about age differences and work relationships is there because those situations often are abusive," Cordelia said. "Yet I looked, and I did not find abuse. I did not want to deprive either of them of a source of joy just because of the social mores of a planet where they do not even live."

This was why Miles had deserted. And, now, his mother had followed him.

It was beginning to dawn on Miles just how much he had screwed this up.


	53. Mistakes

"But - but he still broke his own rules!" Miles said.

"Your father is full of contradictions," Cordelia replied. "I only try to sort them out when I think something good will come of it. By the way, Oliver is no longer under Aral's command. Gregor transferred him as soon as he found out, after Vervain."

This was slightly reassuring to Miles. _I'm not the only one who had a problem with this! Gregor had a problem with it too!_

"Why - why didn't the lieutenant transfer if he wanted to..." Miles still had trouble thinking of that lieutenant as wanting his father in a sexual way.

"Aral was concerned about Jole's career."

"Wouldn't being caught breaking regulations and having an affair with his commanding officer _ruin_ his career?"

"It's not that simple. If, after having served the Prime Minister for a brief period, Jole had tried to transfer, he almost certainly been transferred to an inferior position, one which would have set his career back."

Miles knew that was likely, unless ... "But surely Da could have used some favors to see to it that Jole got transferred to a good position."

"And if the Prime Minister started using favors to get his secretary, who had only served him a short time, and is also very handsome, transferred into a _good_ position, certain people would have noticed. Jole staying in his position was actually more discreet, at least that's what Aral said, I still don't really understand the system myself."

"So Da was more concerned about his reputation than his honor."

"I don't think it was really about reputation for him. He did not want another person to sacrifice their promising career because they had fallen in love with him."

Miles was quiet. He, of course, knew that his mother had given up on her career as a Betan survey captain before marrying his father. He had never thought much of what it meant to his mother, and he had never thought at all about what that meant to his father.

"You two. You - you didn't have a _Betan_ marriage all along, did you..."

"The only thing which makes a marriage 'Betan' is creating one under Betan law, and no, Aral and I were married under Barrayaran law," Cordelia replied. "If what you really meant to say is _non-monagamous_ marriage, the answer is also no. We were almost entirely monogamous until Aral started his romance with Oliver."

Miles cringed at the 'almost' part.

"By the way, what kind of agreement do you and Elli have?"

"We haven't talked about that!" Miles replied. "I just - I don't know. We didn't pull out that chart!"

"I don't think Aral and I ever pulled out that chart either. Most Betans don't, by the way, when it's real relationships and not a classroom exercise. It's intended as an educational tool, not a prescription for how people should decide what shape and boundaries they want for their relationships. The point is that it is best to clearly communicate expectations rather than just make assumptions."

"That's hard!"

"Relationships are hard."

"But - but did you have an agreement to be monogamous? Does that mean that he broke his word to you?"

"Since I was going to be away for a few months, Aral and I made a temporary modification to our usual agreement on sexual exclusivity," Cordelia said. "I told him that I planned to go to the Orb, and that I might pick up a companion while I was there."

Miles thought that he was shocked as he possibly could be, but no, that would be too nice, of course there was always something lurking, waiting to ambush him from the blue...

"In fact, I did meet a charming man - we were matched up because our profiles indicated we were sexually compatible," Cordelia continued. "We agreed to tell each other nothing about our lives outside the Orb, not even our names. After so many years of only having sex with someone I know very, very well, it was exciting to do it with someone who was such a mystery to me."

"Da _agreed_ to this!"

"He asked that I not form any intimate relationships which would last longer than my stay on Beta Colony, and that there be no romance, however brief. In turn, I said that it would be fine if he found his own temporary mate. I was just expecting him to hire a male sex worker - even Barrayar has some, you know. When it turned out that he got into something much more emotionally involved than any of us anticipated, well, we adapted."

"You - you are _okay_ with him and - _him_."

"I am."

"Then - why are you here?"

"Because I don't trust you not to break yourself."

Miles saw the worry in his mother's eyes.

"How is father?" he asked with great fear.

Cordelia's muscles relaxed in the manner of someone who had been forced to surrender. "He was miserable. He became doubly miserable after you were convicted."

"And now..." Miles did not want to continue in this line of thought, but he could no longer stop himself.

Cordelia looked like she had been stabbed. She said so quietly that it was barely audible "I did not want to choose." Tears started coming out of her eyes.

"Nothing," Miles said. "I betrayed the Imperium for nothing. And I did more than betray the Imperium. I broke -" he said, looking at the tears on his mother's cheesk "- you two apart." _Because of me, my parents will never see each other again_.

"Please don't blame yourself for that," Cordelia said. "I chose to leave your father. I alone bear the burden. And please - please don't let any foolish notions of Barrayaran honor make you go back. That's what scares me most, that you might force Gregor to kill you that way. I had hoped, for a long time, that you would leave Barrayar. I never wanted it to happen this way, but it has happened. You still have most of the Nexus open to you."

"I - I - I - how could you do this for me!" Miles exclaimed. "It _is_ all my fault! I'm the one who was wrong!"

"Miles, what if your father had coerced that lieutenant? What then?" Cordelia said.

That stopped Miles' breath. "What do you mean?"

"If your original assumptions had been correct, would it have been wrong for you to desert?" Cordelia asked.

"I don't know," Miles responded. "I don't know anything any more."

"Those assumptions were not entirely unreasonable," Cordelia replied. "Deserting would not have been the best response, even in that situation, but it would still have been better than doing nothing. On Barrayar, and even on Beta Colony, there are too many people who would see something like that and refuse to notice. It is good that you are not one of them."

"You think Dad actually might -"

"Miles, I could do something like that," Cordelia said sharply.

"No, I can't possibly believe that you-"

"Miles, _I have physically tortured somebody_. While I was betraying Beta Colony, in fact. You are not the first in the family who has been exiled from a native planet for treason."

"You were _exiled_? I always thought, you left Beta Colony because of Da..."

"No, Miles. I refused to marry him after the war. I only went to him when it was clear that I could not stay on Beta Colony."

"So, it was not for love..."

"Miles, I loved your father, even during the war, and I love him still. I could have made a different choice after I left Beta Colony. Jackson's Whole was the most obvious option, but there were others - Illyrica, Cetaganda, maybe Earth if one of their governments had been willing to protect me from extradition. I chose to go into your father's arms."

Miles was silent. This was overwhelming. It was bad enough - beyond bad enough - when his image of his father had been shattered. To now know this about his parents' relationships - and about his mother...

Miles could feel that, even through her tears, his mother could read his thoughts.

"My own father had been my hero," Cordelia finally said. "I know what it feels like, for a parent to mean the world. I lost him before I could learn that he was an ordinary man.

"One of the reasons I decided to come with you is that, that, that I could not stand the idea of you believing that your father had done such a thing when, in truth, he had not. It is so much pain, for both of you, that is utterly unnecessary. I wanted you to know the truth, and I knew I was the only one who could really tell you.

"It is also time that you understand that - that your father is not perfect. I saw how much it helped you, during your childhood, that you could look up to him, rely on him for strength, but you are now an adult. I was in favor of telling you about Oliver from the start. Your father - your father cares just as much about how you see him, as you care about how he see you. It crushed him, to know that you thought him so devoid of honor."

This was all _too damn much_. His heart was already exhausted. Yet, instead of shutting down, it just kept hurting more and more...

"Miles, we all make mistakes. You made mistakes. Your father made mistakes. I made mistakes. None of us are perfect, but none of us are bad people either. We - we just are who we are."

***

Miles was alone in the cabin. His mother and wife were no doubt together, most likely talking about him.

Years back, he had been distressed when he first learned that his grandfather had wanted to kill him. Yet he had gotten over it, and managed to continue to have a good relationship with his grandfather. What his father had done was not nearly as awful, and yet Miles had a much harder time coming to terms with it.

He understood his grandfather's cultural reasons for wanting to commit infanticide far better than he understood why his father had ... no, now that he had married Elli, he could understand his father's reasons a little. Not completely, but a little.

As a child, he had always been aware of how wary his parents and Bothari were around his grandfather, long before he knew _why_. It was plain that his grandfather and mother did not care for each other, and he always knew that his father had strong disagreements with his grandfather. He had known all along that his grandfather was a great, yet deeply flawed man. Hard as it was to learn that his grandfather had once wanted him dead, it fit so well with what he already understood about his grandfather that he had managed to deal with it.

Why was it still so hard to deal with what he had seen his father do? If it has been anybody else, as soon as he had learned that it had been a consensual encounter, well, he still would not have _approved_ , but he would not be feeling anywhere close to this level of outrage.

Was the problem that he had failed to see his own father as a faillible man? Were the hard feelings that he still felt not because of what his father had done, but because Miles could never again look up to his father as a man greater than himself, the way he had all his life?

Was the problem that he had placed and then kept his father on a pedestal, setting his father up for a great fall in his son's esteem?

***

Miles and Cordelia were together again.

"What will happen to Da now?" Miles asked.

"I don't know." Cordelia was clearly scared. "I must go on. And I desperately hope that you will go on too."

Miles leaned back in his chair, and covered his face with his hands.

"It goes in both directions," Cordelia said. "I raised Gregor myself. I thought I knew him. But ever since he came back from Vervain, he has become so much like his grandfather. I could scarcely believe it, seeing him being so cold during the trial. Even when he was under Vordrozda's influence, he had never been like that. After all I did for the boy, Ezar's ghost still took him. Then, when I got that message - I want so much to believe that it means that he is still my Gregor, but it is also so much like something Ezar would have done that I..."

"What message?" Miles asked.

"When I transferred ships at Sergyar, I received a tightbeam message from Simon Illyan. And the emperor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers who want to speculate about the messages Cordelia got from Simon Illyan and Gregor may find reviewing the first scene of Chapter 41 and the ending of Chapter 45 useful.


	54. Agent

"It was an Imperial Order - to make contact with you."

Miles took a moment to digest the implications of this. "So, by coming here, and seeing me, you are obeying an Imperial Order. You are not a traitor. You can go back."

"I am not going back if I think you need me. And I am going to stay with you all the way Marilac - I did not come all the way out here just to spend half a day with you, kiddo."

"But - Da -"

"It has happened, and cannot be taken back. Even if I were to turn around this minute, it would not change the fact that I did this to him."

"You said that you got the message at Sergyar. Does that mean - when you left - you thought you were never going to see Da again."

Cordelia nodded.

"And you did that. For me."

Cordelia nodded again.

So Miles had not completely screwed up everything after all. He certainly had messed up his own life, and knowing that he would never be able to directly contact his father again was like a knife lodged in his belly, but knowing that his mother could still stay in touch with him, and still be with his father - that _should_ have made this situation feel less abysmally dark.

Yet Miles would have thought that his mother would have been overjoyed at the prospect that she could see his father again. Clearly, that was not the case.

"What are you not telling me?"

"Is it that obvious?" Cordelia asked weakly.

Always, it had been his mother who read Miles like an open book. To see her in this vulnerable state - Miles was not used to seeing her in this position, to be the one who could see that there was something she wanted to hide.

"You know how I am when I want to solve a mystery," Miles said. "You might as well just tell me and save us both the effort." How odd. That was a variation of one of his mother's tactics for getting _him_ to spill the beans - using it in the reverse direction was surreal. However, Miles could not recall any instance in his life when his mother had tried to hide anything of importance from him - that even his famously open Betan mother would hold something like this back was ... unsettling.

"I was not just ordered to make contact with you, Miles. I was also ordered to go back to Barrayar, and then - then find some way to stay in constant contact with you, and to do it in a way that only you and as few people as possible knew that I was still associating with you."

His mother was still not telling the whole story - something obviously was bothering her, something which she had not revealed.

"And..." Miles said suggestively.

"I - I am not going to do it," Cordelia said. "I am not going back."

This was yet another blow to Miles. _Why is this not stopping? Am I not beat already? Can I not be numb already?_

"Why not?"

"I would have to lie to you. Hurt you, maybe. I refuse to be a spy, to control you on the behalf of the Imperium."

Finally, Miles realized why it had been a message from the emperor _and_ Simon Illyan.

"ImpSec," Miles said solemnly. "You were ordered to become an ImpSec agent."

"Not just any ImpSec agent," Cordelia replied. "The mission which they assigned me is - you. To watch you, to make sure you never did anything which threatened the Imperium."

"But now that you've told me, you can't spy as effectively on me," Miles said. "And that means that you are still a traitor."

"Damn Aral!" Cordelia said. "If only he would leave Barrayar - he could leave now - but he's not. I know he is not going to leave."

 _Do you want to leave Barrayar that much, mother?_ Miles, of course, had grown up with his mother's commentary on _Barrayarans_ , but he had always assumed that it was playful, that in her own way his mother loved Barrayar and not just her own family and friends. Only now was he beginning to see that, without his father - _and without himself_ \- his mother would not want to remain on Barrayar at all.

Miles tried to imagine his father leaving Barrayar forever and moving with his mother to Beta Colony - and he could not do it. His mother was right. His father was not going to leave Barrayar.

"You should do it," Miles finally said. "Work for ImpSec."

"But I already told you about the mission."

"You don't have to tell them that you told me."

Cordelia stared at him.

"I can get you a job with the Dendarii - or not, if you would rather not be employed by mercenaries - arrange a false identity for you - everything," Miles babbled. "Heck, even if you weren't my mother, I'd want to hire you. I'd hire you just because you're a former Betan Survey captain."

"I can stay with you, without - without working for ImpSec."

"But then you won't see Da again."

They were quiet.

"What if ImpSec ever decides to kill you?" Cordelia asked.

Miles swallowed. Much as he did not want to think that Gregor would ever authorize that ... there was always the slight chance...

"They don't want to kill me now. And - and if that happens - you can refuse them then."

"They won't tell me. They'll use me, but they won't tell me what they are using me for until it's too late."

"I don't intend to do anything to hurt the Imperium," Miles said. "And if I try to do something unintentionally, you can pass on the warning to me. So that they won't have a reason to ... eliminate me. For all that you say that you will take responsibility for leaving Da, _I_ don't know how I would live with myself if this meant that you would be permanently separated. I can't just throw that off. Please. Do this. Do what you need to do so that you can be with Da again, even if it's just short visits and vid messages."

"I - I -" Cordelia said as her voice trembled. "I will work for ImpSec."

She had stopped weeping, but she looked off into space. "Ezar. Gregor may have done this as a mercy to me and Aral, but like Ezar, he insists on doing this in a way which will sacrifice us all for the Imperium."

***

_Weeks later_

"Sire, we have received word that Cordelia has made contact with Miles, and that she is proceeding with her mission," Simon Illyan said. "I must caution you that, even though she has not stated that she revealed the mission we assigned her to Miles, she may very well have. I am convinced that she is far more loyal to her kin than to the Imperium."

"I agree," Gregor said. "In fact, I think it is probable that she has told Miles."

"You do realize that will impair her as an informer."

"Even if she did not tell Miles, she would be too biased to be a reliable informant," Gregor replied. "Her true purpose is to manage Miles. Admiral Naismith may not bear ill will towards Us now, but he is still dangerous. She will limit that danger, and as long as Count Vorkosigan lives, she will have reason to serve Us.

"In fact, it is better if she did tell him. He would figure it out sooner or later on his own. If she told him, he at least knows that his mother has not betrayed him."

It was like a twist in Gregor's stomach, that he was using his most precious people - people to whom his owed infinite gratitude - in such a manner. He was using Cordelia as a lever for containing Miles, and he was using Aral as a hostage to ensure Cordelia's compliance.

Yet emperors must do such things if they wish to keep their power and use it to preserve the Imperium. That was a lesson he had learned at Vervain.

What of his own future wife and children? Would he have to do such things with them as well? Considering the history of the Vorbarras ... the chilling answer was _probably yes_.

However, he could still strive to do better than his ancestors. He was confident that he would not become another Mad Yuri. If he was careful to nip problems in the bud, and with enough luck, he would not even need to take the extreme steps that his own grandfather had at the end of his reign.

He had been sorely tempted to simply order Cordelia to contact Miles so she could do without becoming a traitor, and thus remaining free to reunite with Aral on Barrayar. But that would have been using imperial power for a personal purpose. In order to justify it, to himself, he had to do it towards an imperial purpose. And the emperor really did need to prevent Admiral Naismith from turning into a threat. Nipping problems in the bud, hopefully, would prevent heartbreaking choices later.

His hope was that, somehow, Cordelia could shape Miles into the kind of person who, when he parted ways with the Dendarii Mercenaries, could be exonerated and allowed to return to Barrayar. However, Gregor knew that that outcome was unlikely. Miles could be killed, or even if he lived, he might not change, and even if he lived and changed, he may not want to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original plot outline, Cordelia did not leave Barrayar. She certainly threatened to leave and become a traitor so she could be with Miles - and that alone created plenty of pain and drama. That also meant that Miles was left to stew indefinitely in his angst about his father, never knowing the truth about his father's relationship with Jole and how his mother felt about it.
> 
> What broke that plot thread was that, as I was imagining the conversation where Gregor was trying to convince Cordelia to stay, Cordelia pointed out that Gregor could just turn her into an ImpSec agent, order her to contact Miles, and then she could do it without becoming a traitor. That was such a good idea that Gregor could not refuse, which basically choked off the drama. So I changed it so that Cordelia left Barrayar *without* consulting Gregor, and Gregor had to come up with the idea by himself after Cordelia was gone.
> 
> This plot change, among other things, is one reason this fic is way, way, way longer than originally planned. The version where Cordelia never actually left Barrayar would have been a lot shorter. Perhaps I should have split this off as a separate story after all, even though I don't think the first part of this story would ever feel complete to me without this second part.


	55. It Was a Great Test

"It does not look like much," Aral said, as he looked at the mud bubbling out of the ground.

"Of course it's not, otherwise ImpSec would-" Jole stopped. Since Aral was no longer prime minister, he was not nearly intensely chaperoned by ImpSec people as he had before. The two men accompanying them were Vorkosigan armsmen, not ImpSec. "Anyway, if you want, I'll help you undress."

"Undress?"

"Well, when I was a teenager, boys were always coming here to bathe themselves in mud. Though we sometimes did not undress. It made quite a mess of our clothes."

Aral grinned. "Sure. I'll play with you in the mud."

"Who said I was getting in the mud," Jole replied. "You got to watch me raft naked through those rapids over and over again with your binoculars. I think it's my turn to watch _you_ while I lean on this tree here."

"You drive a hard bargain," Aral said, and he let Jole start stripping off his clothing. The Vorkosigan armsmen politely watched the path and the lightflyer and not them.

Jole decided he could not bring Aral to Oulie itself. Too many people there would recognize Jole, and everyone would recognize Aral. Jole did not want his folks to know about his real relationship with Aral, and trying to present a fake relationship, such as just being Aral's local tour guide, also felt distasteful to him. That also ruled out going into the valley by train - there was too high a chance that someone on board, whether it was his cousin who worked as a conductor, or the passengers, would also recognize the two of them. 

That meant travelling around the valley by lightflyer. Even though Jole had grown up in the rift valley, he had never seen it from the air. It was both novel and familiar. The valley really did look like a deep green gash slashed through the red-brown mountains. From the air, he could also see all the way to the distant, towering mountain range which cut off the western region from the rest of the continent.

Jole first showed Aral around Teauneau, a town about sixty kilometers up the valley from Oulie where almost nobody knew Jole, but was otherwise similar. It was also a little less developed than Oulie, which suited Jole just fine. He felt that Teauneau was keeping its character better, was more like the town Jole remembered from his childhood than Oulie itself these days. Yet Teauneau was changing too. At this rate, Jole did not know if he would even recognize the valley in twenty years' time. The people in Teauneau also recognized Aral, of course, and they could tell that Jole was valley-born, but since they did not know him personally, they did not ask him all of the questions which people in Oulie would have.

After staying overnight in Teauneau, Jole took Aral out for a personal rafting demonstration, and then to Lousance Village, which was right at the very edge of the mountains. And that was the location of the mud volcano where Aral, naked, was now happily splashing himself with mud.

Aral could not resist throwing some mud at Jole, which was not surprising. Jole, of course, had to retaliate by throwing mud back at Aral, which eventually led to him getting covered with mud too, and then rolling around in it with Aral. At least he kept his clothes on.

"So, what now?" Aral asked.

"We get cleaned up," Jole replied. He then led Aral to a waterfall a few hundred meters away, and plunged into the pool.

"It's cold," Aral commented.

"Then I suppose you need some extra body heat, hmmm," Jole said as he brought his body up against Aral's. "At least it's not summer, when the boys swarm here. Then we would have no privacy whatsoever."

After the two of them had thoroughly cleaned up, Jole pulled out the bean cakes he had bought in the village, and offered some to Aral.

"This tastes surprisingly good," Aral commented.

"Of course it does, they put mud in it," Jole responded.

"You're joking."

"I am not. They do use liquid from the mud volcano to make this. That's why it does not taste like anything else." Jole cheerfully took another bite.

***

The next day, Jole had to return to Vorbarr Sultana to report to duty the following day. Aral also had to stay in Vorbarr Sultana a couple days because Donna Vorrutyer was dragging him to the theatre.

"The Zuktakar Revue," Jole said. "I think I've heard of them."

"They perform musicals," Aral said. "And all of the performers are female."

"Oh, so they are the women who play men."

"Yes. Though Zuktakar is a town in Vorrutyer district, but nowadays they also own a theatre in Vorbarr Sultana. Donna is a big fan - she sees all of their shows at least twice - and being a Vorrutyer, she can always get tickets, even to sold out shows."

"Have you seen them before?"

"A long time ago. I saw their version of _Romeo and Juliet_ when I was visiting Zuktakar with - Irina. She was not as enthusiastic about them as Donna is."

"The Zuktakar Revue is that old?"

"They have been around since near the end of the Time of Isolation, though for a long time they were only famous in Vorrutyer District."

"The show Donna is taking you to - what is it about?"

" _Napoleon - Au-delà de l'Amour et de la Gloire_. I am not expecting historical accuracy."

"So a woman will be playing Napoleon Bonaparte?"

"Yes. And there will be lots of singing and dancing, based on what I remember."

"Is Ivan going to be there too?"

"Ivan and Donna are no longer together."

"Oh? I'm sorry to hear that."

"I understand that the two of them were never entirely exclusive. Donna is willing to share Ivan, but Ivan's new girlfriend is not."

"Ouch."

"Donna never thought that her relationship with Ivan was going to last long anyway. I'm sure she'll have no trouble finding a new beau to please her. She would probably go for you, if you were willing."

Jole could not help blushing a little. "No thanks. I'm not interested in her."

***

The day after Aral's night at the Zuktakar Revue, Gregor and Simon Illyan summoned him for a private meeting. When Jole saw Aral come out, he was glowing.

"What happened?" Jole asked.

"I can't tell you the details, they are classified," Aral said. "But I can say this much - Cordelia is coming back!"

***

Jole originally thought he would not go all the way to the shuttleport, but Aral insisted. Aral wanted to share almost everything with Jole now.

Cordelia had sent a personal vid message from Escobar. Jole knew that Aral had watched it over and over again.

When Aral and Cordelia first made eye contact, she ran to him. They embraced for a long time.

They left the shuttleport by groundcar. Aral and Cordelia were in the back, leaning into each other. Jole sat in the front. Their happiness was infectious, and Jole wanted them to get as much of each other as they could. At Vorkosigan House, Aral and Cordelia were practically wrapped around each other as they put bits of cookies into each other's mouths.

For the longest time, there was no conversation. Finally, Aral spoke.

"I remember, when I asked you to marry you, at the POW camp, I -" Aral stopped himself. "You remember how you found me, when you first arrived on Barrayar. Were you afraid that, without you, I would be like that again - no, don't answer that." If she said 'yes', it would be tantamount to admitting that she had willingly left him to that when she departed. "What I am trying to say, Dear Captain, is that I love you. By that, I mean that I want you to be free to follow your heart. I would be very happy if you came with me to Hassadar, or if we both moved back into Vorbarr Sultana -"

"How could I do that?" Cordelia asked. "Surely you know about my assignment?"

Jole raised his eyebrows at the word 'assignment'.

"Simon said that you could work for him here as an analyst, and use tightbeam messages to -" Aral left something unsaid, realizing that Jole was there, listening. Jole certainly thought that the idea of Cordelia becoming an ImpSec analyst was very strange. "If there are adjustments you want made, I think Gregor and Simon would be willing to listen, as long as it did not go against Barrayar's interests."

"Barrayar's interests. Feh," Cordelia said. "Look at what serving the 'Barrayar's interests' has done to all of us. I want you, and I want to leave Barrayar."

"I -" Aral said. "There was a time, when I dreamed of running away to Beta Colony with you. I don't think I can do that now. I don't think I can leave Barrayar without also leaving myself behind."

"Is that why you are begging me to stay?"

"What I want to tell you is, I want you to be where you will be happy," Aral said. "If that means you never want to come back to Barrayar, then so be it. I don't want you to stay with me just because you fear for my well-being. Even if we are never together physically again, as long as you are where you want to be, I promise to take care of myself."

Cordelia's eyes became wet. "You've changed," she said.

"You helped me change these past two decades," Aral replied. "Recently, Jole has been helping me too."

Cordelia went over to Jole and kissed him on the cheek. "I liked you as soon as I met you," Cordelia said "but I never expected you to be such a wonderful metamour. Thank you. Thank you so much."

As Cordelia moved back towards Aral's arms, Aral said "Gregor has helped me a lot too."

Cordelia paused her motion.

"He's grown up so much," Aral said. "I never expected him to become such a wonderful - son." And there it was, without even a word like 'foster' to modify it.

"I feel like Barrayar has eaten him," Cordelia said.

"It has, but on his own terms." Aral took Cordelia's hands again. "I understand why you may not feel comfortable around him now, but I think you really should talk to him too. He is emperor, and that means he will never be entirely free to follow his own heart. But his heart is still there."

***

Cordelia, Aral, and Jole all visited the Imperial Residence.

When Cordelia saw Gregor's face light up, she realized that Aral was right. Gregor was still her boy. She hugged him.

"This - this was hard for you, wasn't it?" she said as they moved apart.

Gregor's reply was "It was a great test."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END! Well, almost. I intend to post an epilogue in about a week. It will be set two years after the end of this chapter, and answer questions like 'What is going on with Mark in this AU?'
> 
> It's a strange feeling, to finally reach the end.
> 
> This fic was inspired by re-reading _The Vor Game_ immediately after GJatRQ. I noticed that Gregor experienced more character growth than anyone else in VG, yet all of his character-building moments were off-screen. How did he get from being the boy who jumped off the balcony in Komarr to a man who could boss Aral Vorkosigan around? Thus, I was determined to write a version of _The Vor Game_ in which Gregor's character growth was more fully presented. Also, a lot of my thoughts and feelings about GJatRQ came through, especially my frustration with the fact that LMB has abandoned her principle of doing the worst thing to her characters.
> 
> I have noticed that Gregor is the single most popular character in AU Vorkosiverse fic in this archive. In canon, I care a lot more for Mark than Gregor, but Mark is so thoroughly explored as a character in canon that I feel less compelled to write fanfic about him. I think Gregor is so popular in fanfic *because* he is underdeveloped in canon. So, I have put together a list of five AU Gregor fanfic which I recommend (there are other good AU Gregor fanfics out there, of course, this is not intended to be an exhaustive list):
> 
> ["In Search of Common Ground"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5270684) \- I know I've mentioned it before, but it's so good I am mentioning it again.  
>  ["Legacy"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/430947) \- I am still crossing my fingers that the writer will get around to writing/posting a novel(la) about 'Lord Gregor'.  
>  ["Prying"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/136403) \- Gregor confronts Petya (Aral's AU son by his first wife) about the 'truth' about his father.  
>  ["The Boundaries of Our Dreams"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/303545) \- in which Ezar lived long enough to raise Gregor himself.  
>  ["Proof of Loyalty"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/595223) \- an AU of _The Warrior's Apprentice_ in which Miles and Ivan come back to Barrayar a day too late.
> 
> \---
> 
> Chapter-Specific notes:
> 
> The name 'Teauneau' comes from [Tōno](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T%C5%8Dno,_Iwate), another real place I considered using as a model for Jole's hometown. 'Lousance Village' is based on the real Luoshan village, which has a waterfall, a mud volcano, and yes, they use the mud volcano to make tofu - [here is a short video about that](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTYN9NPCwZc).
> 
> I found this [Vorkosiverse Fanvid](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1937709), and I immediately recognized the second song as being "The Shadows Grow Longer" from the musical _Elisabeth_. I knew the song because I had seen the musical performed by the Takarazuka Revue which, ah, [is like this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcE8cN4OXbo). That got me started on trying to imagine ways to mix the Vorkosiverse with _Elisabeth_ and/or Takarazuka. Then, after I got an inspirational comment from Magister_Tekton on Chapter 41, I could not resist having Donna take Aral to the theatre. The 'Zuktakar Revue' is the Barrayaran version of the Takarazuka Revue. And Donna would be a huge 'Zuktakar' (Takarazuka) fan. _[L'Homme sans sommeil: Napoléon ～Au-delà de l'Amour et de la Gloire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OW74UwRGeU)_ was one of the shows I saw live on stage in Takarazuka.


	56. Epilogue

"You know, if we were fictional characters, we would have to talk to each other," Donna Vorrutyer said.

"Oh?" Elena Bothari-Jesek said.

"There is this test from ancient Earth. A work of fiction would pass the test by having at least two female characters, who talk to each other, about something other than a man."

"So you are saying that, if we were fictional characters, we would pass the test by - instead of talking about a man - talking about the test itself?"

"Exactly!"

"You have an odd sense of humor, Lady Donna." Elena looked at Gregor. "And what relationship do you two have?"

"It's complicated," Gregor said.

"No it's not," Donna replied. She promptly stood behind Gregor's chair, put her chin on his head, and draped her arms over his shoulders. "I'm an imperial mistress."

Elena was having trouble figuring out whether or not Donna was joking. "This is not what I would have expected," she finally said.

"I've changed a lot since you last saw me two years ago at Aslund Station," he remarked.

They were all aboard the _Princess Kareen_ , a ship based on the same design as the _Prince Serg_ , orbiting Escobar.

"It is disappointing that I have so many advisers who do not understand why taking the _Prince Serg_ into Escobaran space for a diplomatic mission would be a problem," Gregor lamented. "Especially this mission."

"I am not going to speak at the ceremony, Gregor," Elena said. "I still have a lot to process, about my father, and my - my mother might hear anything I say. I'm not ready to talk in public. I'm sorry."

"No apology is necessary," Gregor replied. "I know what the emperor has to say, for the sake of improving relations with Escobar. But as a person, as the son of the prime aggressor, at a memorial for the victims of the invasion of Escobar, I don't know what is _right_ to say."

"With regards to my family, I also am not sure what is _right_ , but I believe a formal apology is better than saying nothing," Donna said.

"Your family?" Elena asked. "Ah - Admiral Vorrutyer was your..."

"Uncle. And yes, I am speaking at the ceremony. I did not come all the way to Escobar just for Gregor's company." Ordinarily, Donna would have said something like this with her characteristic humor, but now she was entirely serious.

"Is that why you two..."

"Partially," Gregor said. "As the niece of Ges Vorrutyer, it's a bit easier for her to understand when I talk about being the son of Serg Vorbarra."

"I'm surprised that you've left the Imperium," Elena said.

"It's my first time since the Hegen Hub crisis," Gregor replied.

"You don't have any heirs yet, do you? What if..."

"There are samples of my DNA in a number of secure locations," Gregor said. "If I were not able to continue being emperor, I would be cloned. The Imperial Auditors would appoint a regent, who would then be approved by the joint council.

"That is..."

"Horrible. I don't want it to ever come to that. It's inspiring me to find an empress. Speaking of clones, what is Miles' brother like?"

"Miles has a brother?" Donna asked in surprise.

"A clone brother," Gregor said. "Some months after the Hegen Hub crisis, he appeared at the Betan Embassy on Earth, claiming that he was a Betan citizen and requesting assistance."

"Was that timing a coincidence?"

"No, after it became known that Miles was not returning to the Imperium, he was no longer 'useful' to certain people. Once it was confirmed that he was Cordelia Naismith's child, the embassy arranged his passage to Beta Colony."

Elena said "When Cordelia heard about Mark Naismith - that's his name - she decided to move back to Beta Colony to take care of him. She had been working with the Dendarii for a few months, training new recruits, but it was clear that working for mercenaries was not a good fit for her. A research institute on Beta Colony hired her. Now, she and her mother, Elizabeth, are Mark's legal guardians."

Gregor also was aware of Cordelia's secret job as a civilian ImpSec agent, but was not going to mention that out loud.

"I've only met Mark a few times," Elena continued. "He's a strange kid, but, given the circumstances, I suppose he is doing okay."

"I was concerned when I heard that Mark refused to see Aral when he visited Beta Colony," Gregor commented. "It is difficult enough for Aral that..."

"... he cannot legally contact Miles, even on Beta Colony," Donna finished for him.

"I really don't know Mark well enough to say," Elena said. "But from what I've heard from Miles, Mark was not ready yet to meet Count Vorkosigan." 

"Aral's visit to Beta Colony..." Donna said. "He already knew he had another son before Lord Vorkosigan..."

"It was clear that Mark had no interest in going to Barrayar at that time, let alone being Aral's heir. He refused to add 'Pierre' or 'Vorkosigan' to his name," Gregor said.

"Who is Lord Vorkosigan now?" Elena asked. "Miles and Cordelia never talk to me about these things." A thought struck her. "Please don't tell me it's Ivan."

"No, Ivan escaped that fate," Gregor said. "Aral's heir is now Lord Everard Pierre Vorkosigan."

"Is he Count Vorkosigan's son? I'd be surprised if Cordelia agreed to have another child on Barrayar. Or is Everard a clone?"

"Neither," Donna said, satisfied that this was something she knew and Elena did not. "He is the son of Aral and Lieutenant Oliver Perrin Jole."

"Is this lieutenant the one who..." Elena said.

"Yes," Gregor and Donna said together.

"But, if Lord Vorkosigan has two fathers, what about the egg?"

"Aral got some enucleated ova from one of his Betan cousins," Gregor explained. "Little Everard and Aral have practically the same mitochondrial DNA."

"How are people taking this on Barrayar?" Elena asked.

"Aral has publicly claimed Everard Pierre as his son and heir, yet has avoided saying who the 'mother' is," Gregor said. "Almost everyone assumes that it is Cordelia."

"But she doesn't live on Barrayar any more..."

"What is known is that she has withdrawn entirely from public life," Gregor said. "Many think she is still on Barrayar. And given that same-sex IVF crosses remain unheard of, hardly anyone suspects that little Everard has a Da _and_ a Papa. Even Lieutenant Jole's family does not know."

"How are they going to explain it to Everard, as he grows up?"

"I don't know," Gregor answered honestly. "Everard is growing up in Hassadar, with his Da the Count as his primary parent, leaving his Papa free to pursue his career. Right now, that means being Our secretary - Lieutenant Jole is on this ship right now, you could meet him if you want - but I expect him to transfer at some point."

Elena giggled a little. "The legendary Count Aral Vorkosigan, stay-at-home parent..." Another thought came to her. "You said something about finding an empress?"

"Oh yes," Gregor said. "As far as my personal life, I would rather wait, but ..."

"Ah, does that mean that the two of you..."

"I am not going to be empress," Donna declared. "Imperial mistresses have _way_ more fun."

"But, if you're getting married, then..."

"Our relationship will change, yes," Gregor said. "However, I insist on keeping Donna as a friend."

"It seems that you have at least gotten over your aversion to High Vor ladies," Elena commented.

"Oh, I am not going to marry into the High Vor," Gregor said. "Historically, emperors and their heirs married High Vor to forge important alliances. However, We would not gain much by such an alliance now. And though gene-cleaning counters the worst effects of inbreeding, it does not create the vigor of true genetic diversity."

"So who are you going to marry?"

"I might marry a Komarran oligarch," Gregor said. "It is challenging, but done right, the political advantages could be considerable."

"Evy Ione," Donna said teasingly. "Ada Banenn. Donhuey Rhee. Vara Senjew. Laisa Toscane."

Elena asked "Are these names?"

"Oh yes, Lady Alys has already put together profiles of eligible Komarran heiresses. Which Donna has, apparently, memorized."

"Now _I_ want to go to Komarr and get my own oligarchical heiress," Donna said. "And I wonder if their male heirs are just as appealing..."

"We don't know if these young women are even _interested_ in marrying me," Gregor said. "We may not marry a Komarran at all."

"Good luck," Elena said.

"Thank you," Gregor replied. "How is ..." He turned to Donna. "There is something I would like to discuss with Elena in private."

"Of _course_ ," Donna said with a grin and a wink. "Have fun," she said as she departed.

Elena bristled. "How dare she insult my honor -"

"Relax, she knows that we are like siblings, not lovers. She just inserts innuendo everywhere. It's a coping mechanism," Gregor said. "How is Miles? His feet were burned off by plasma fire, weren't they?"

"He had just returned to the Dendarii when I left to come here. He had spent a month resting on Beta Colony."

"I'm surprised Miles _rested_ that long."

"His mother made him."

"I see. May I ask - why did he get treatment on _Beta Colony_?"

"Beta Colony offers the best medical care."

"But when he was injured, he was much closer to Illyrica. And the Illyricans were your employers for that mission, were they not? I read that they offered to treat Miles, at their expense."

"ImpSec must have some good sources among the Dendarii." 

"The Illyricans also told Us some things. When they first put the Dendarii on retainer, they assured Us that they would never use you in a way which directly harmed Our interests."

"Yes, the Illyricans did offer to give Miles bionic legs, at their expense. Miles turned them down."

"Why?"

"I am not sure. Maybe because Miles does not have family on Illyrica? Though he did talk about..."

"Yes?"

"He tends to lead combat missions, on the ground, at least until now. When I last saw him, he was talking about not doing that any more."

"Oh."

"He told himself before that he should lead combat missions himself because, if his people are putting their lives on the line, he should too. However, combat is not his talent. By putting himself there, he is actually endangering more Dendarii lives than if he stayed out."

"What does that have to do with his treatment?"

"Bionic legs would make it easier for him to justify continuing to put himself in combat. Maybe he chose to get regular feet so he would not have that temptation."

"If so, that sounds like Miles is changing."

"He does not seem to be changing to me. But I deal with him all the time. Compared to how he was when he started the Dendarii ... I know _I_ have changed tremendously since then. Helping prevent the invasion of Marilac and facilitating the Twilight-Marilac Defense Treaty is by far the greatest thing that I have ever done. I never thanked you properly for letting me do that."

"We thank _you_ ," Gregor said. "ImpSec says that, if the Dendarii had not arrived in Marilac space, the Cetagandans probably would have invaded, even with their battered fleet."

"And the Dendarii did it without firing a shot."

Gregor sighed. "I can understand why Miles wants to keep going into combat. There was a time when I wished I could have served as a minor field officer in the Battle of Vervain. Being confident that I was worthy of my minor post rather that lacking confidence as an emperor. Risking my life at my comrades' side, yet not bearing responsibility for the overall outcome of the battle."

"Oh, I understand too," Elena replied. "As a commander, it is also difficult for me to avoid the physical risks while bearing responsibility for hundreds of lives."

"If Miles really is learning caution and how to restrain himself - he could make great contributions to the Imperium," Gregor said.

"But he has been convicted - hasn't he?"

"How do you think you got on board this ship?" Gregor asked.

"I had contact with Miles to comply with an imperial order. That's why I am legally not a traitor, right?"

"And after the Twilight-Marilac Defense Treaty was signed?"

"Ahhhh ..."

"Officially, you still are an ImpSec agent. Though I know that ImpSec has never treated you as their own - in fact, the Illyricans are treating you much better than ImpSec ever has."

Elena tightened her lips at the memory of how ImpSec had abandoned the Dendarii.

"Even though We did not give you further orders, as soon as We reminded Service Security that you are officially in ImpSec, they permitted you on board. There are also some other legal loopholes which work in your favor, especially since you are not Vor - for example, women can be forgiven for obeying their treasonous husbands."

Elena scowled at that one.

"The fact that Miles is Vor, and his cover got blown so completely greatly constrained what We could do at the time."

"I don't think it is so bad that his cover got blown," Elena said. "It always was very flimsy - any competent intelligence agency, or even an incompetent one like the Vervani's, should have figured out in less than two years that 'Admiral Naismith' and 'Miles Vorkosigan' were the same person. Not maintaining a cover identity, and officially being an exile from Barrayar, puts Admiral Naismith in a much more secure position in the long run."

"Indeed. However, We could make up a story about Miles being a covert agent all along, and the conviction of treason being part of a cover. Whether or not any of that is true, if We say that, then his conviction can be overturned."

"But that would be the end of the Dendarii."

"No, it would be the end of Admiral Naismith. That is not necessarily the end of the Dendarii. If, by the time Admiral Naismith has a viable successor, Miles is no longer a man who would, without authorization, steal from the service, sabotage security, desert, take over Imperial forces, and try to obstruct the fulfillment of Imperial Orders, then yes, We would consider letting him return."

"I don't think Miles wants to return to Barrayar. Admiral Naismith is Betan, not Barrayaran. The Admiral is so perfectly _Miles_ , and I can't see him walking away from that. And even if he were willing, I don't think Elli would be."

"How is their marriage?"

"It seems fine, as far as I can tell," Elena said. "They are talking about having a child."

"As mercenaries?"

"Some the Dendarii do manage to parent. Still, it is not a good place for young children. Both Cordelia and Elli's family at Kline Station said that they are willing to take care of a young child."

"What about you and Baz?"

"We are not going to have any children until we retire from the Dendarii. However, I'm not sure Miles or Elli are going to retire, so perhaps now is the time for them to do it."

"Still, even if Miles does not want to move back to Barrayar - would he want to have contact with his father again?" Gregor did not say out loud _Would he want contact with me again?_

"I would have to ask him, but - my guess would be yes."

Gregor nodded thoughtfullly. "Overturning the conviction while Miles is still active as Admiral Naismith - I don't know if that is possible. But secretly authorizing Aral to contact Miles ... that is something to be considered."

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. First of all, a big thank you to all of the readers who have reached this point! Also, a big thank you to everyone who left comments. Feedback improves the quality of my writing, and some comments left on this fic made a difference. Also, it was great motivation to keep writing!
> 
> II. Wow. I wrote a novel-length fanfic in about two months. I did not know I had it in me (I only expected this to be novella-length when I started).
> 
> III. I don't know whether or not I will ever write a sequel, or other stories set in this AU.
> 
> IV. I do grant blanket permission to anyone who wants to write a sequel, or otherwise make transformative works based on this fic. In fact, I would probably be extremely flattered.
> 
> V. Be sure to read [this comment](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6344524/comments/61833964).
> 
> VI. Also, I pulled the bit about the _Princess Kareen _from the beginning of[this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/256024/chapters/399403).__
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> _VII. I want to pay tribute to a few other Vorkosiverse AU novel(las). First and foremost is["Tides of Stars"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/113252/chapters/157718). It is the very fic which convinced me to take a serious look at Vorkosiverse fanfic again. My favorite scene is the one which includes this paragraph:_  
>   
> 
> __  
> __  
> _"Every time I thought we had a lead in this case," Naismith said conversationally, "it turned out there was yet another layer of bullshit involved. I am impressed, but I am also sick of the bullshit. Your man was remarkably uncommunicative in general, but he got very quiet when I asked about her. Frightened, I'd say."_  
>   
>   
> 
> __  
> _["The Short Victorious Vor"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/111390/chapters/154500) is, in my opinion, even better than "Tides of Stars". One has to know the Honorverse to get some of the jokes, but knowing the Vorkosiverse is sufficient for enjoying this excellent fanfic novella._  
>   
> 
> __  
> _And then, of course, there is[ _Guerrilla_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/107750/chapters/149049). Like _Gregor's Game_ , _Guerrilla_ is an AU fanfic novel which is about throwing characters into horrible situations and making the protagonist (as well as supporting characters) really grow._  
>   
> 
> __  
> _VIII. And finally, I pay tribute to the greatest AU fanfic novel I have ever found in any fandom -[ _Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality_](http://hpmor.com/). I don't like every story arc, but when it's good, it's amazing. It also forced me to re-evaluate my opinions of fanfic, and it's safe to say that, if I had not read it, I would not be writing fanfic right now._  
>   
> 
> __  
> _Once again, thank you all for reading!_  
> 


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